Wednesday, November 17, 2004

*edited*

...a quick one, wait till i'm done wif my fotopages ;)...

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

*PromisE?*

...okeh cik y@tt, kite jgn sedih2 lagi eh?? takper, setiap ape yg berlaku tuh ade hikmahnya, sooner or later..tawakkal pada Allah, mintak Dia permudahkan semuanya..dberi kekuatan kepada kite n org2 lain yg memerlukan..dan dipelihara dari segala keburukan dan kejahatan...Allah sayang kite...

...dun worry, there're so many ppl out there who still care about us..either we realise it or not..appreciate their presence and be grateful..no matter how hopeless we feel rite now, remember that there's always somebody who are willing to share and show the way ;) dont dissapoint them and love them in return =)...

...rite now kite focus on the OSCE exam on the thursday, then ingat kite dah nak balik mesia isnin depan,heheh..nanti kat mesia mcm2 boleh buat..nak makan, nak dok ngan famili, nak hang out ngan kwn2, nak pegi kenduri kawen ..kite tinggalkan sume problem tuh kat sini ok?..pasal placement thn depan, kite jgn pk sgt..mmg out of our control..harapnye everything will be fine then :)

...jgn monyok2 dah..x mau mcm tuh lagi ok? nanti cane nak awet muda kalu asik masyam jeh..kena happy2 sokmo, senyum selalu..nanti baru org nak kawan..nih kalu tunjuk muka apam basi jeh, sape pun xnak tegur tau! say cheese =)

Sunday, November 14, 2004

*Syawal 1425*

...slept like a log and woke up 45 mins late...rushed to get ourselves done by 8 am for solat aidilfitri...managed to arrive early at the campus centre and together recited the praises to the Allah...battling with the overwhelming emotions...once in a while i lost in my own deep thoughts and couldnt hold the welled eyes...*sigh* be strong...

...headed to Bedd0e Av..refrained myself from eating too much of lontong so that i can feast myself at the halls later ;)..called home, talked to my sisters and mum..exchanging wishes and asked for forgiveness..hmm, i'm the difficult one among the siblings :p later on called abah..upon my request, abah bertakbir on the phone for me..ya Allah, sayunye suara abah and sebaknya aku rasa...he cut the conversation short but i noticed his voice changed :(( then came the other girls...some were joyfully happy but some were bitterly sorrow...the robbed house, the unexpected change of plan and the uncertainty of the future...

...majlis raya at the halls was splendid it its own way with yummy food..but i myself wasnt really up to it..again i lost in my own world and tried very hard to joined the crowd...appreciated the concern showed by some and hoped no one misunderstood my unusual quiteness...one or two commented that i was so blur and looked like i held back something..only smiled back without a word...

...went to Mort0n around 2pm...they prepared my all-time fav dish, laksa...but i only had a bowl... we were lepaking in front of the tv when a familiar car came to the house ....unannounced guests and we hastily crawled to cover ourselves =) after an hour or so, i longed for home..i just wanna be in my room, listened to some nice raya songs and put myself to sleep...that will do for my raya evening this year :( woke up with the same feeling but at least i had my rest...

...a visit from L!l!an Av ppl, watched Al! Setan for my uncountable times =) well, seemed like everyone else was enjoying the day to the max *SIGH* now i can only pray so that Allah will make me stronger to face the next day...

..due to the request, photo's been taken out...i thot that this's supposed to be my space, my domain :(...
*The NitE oF Eid*

...rite now aku tgh dengar takbir kat media player...aku sbenarnye x cukup tabah nak dgr takbir tapi ape lagi yg ade utk menghidupkan malam raya...sooo soothing yet often left me in tears...aku miss nak dengar suara abah bertakbir kat surau :(( still i refused to go to the halls to celebrate the nite of Eid with takbir n main bunga api...ntahla, bukan aku x nak sbenarnye tp aku rasa x cukup kuat nak jumpe org lain and bergembira...aku x nak spoilkan mood org dgn muka aku yg sarat dgn beban...i'd prefer to stay home and make myself comfortable...tapi at least bile dah dpt dgr takbir aku x rasa terkilan sgt..

...demi nak ceriakan sedikit suasana di rumah, mlm tadi ktrg masak rendang (instant :p) and kuah kacang..sambil2 karaoke kat dapur =) then try buat ketupat gune riben yg sememangnya aku x penah reti :p 3 4 kali try x jadik jugak aku dah give up..its ok, there's always next time ;)...
...sekarang nih mmg byk benda dlm kepala aku..aku rasa dah cukup penat...

...to all, selamat hari raya, maafkan segala salah silap sepanjang kite kenal/kawan..cherish everything around us...take care and may Allah bless us ;)

Saturday, November 13, 2004

*Please Remind Me...*

...to be GRATEFUL... though i may not have all my best ppl around, im still able to reach them in some way or another...they never fail to show their deepest concern and love... always be there for me..to shine the days and share the life

...to CHERISH everything that i have... hmm, its hard not to ponder over the past..days spent with the best buddies...savouring the togetherness and freedom...facing the hurdles hand-in-hand*sigh* well, again i never lose them...they still own the special spaces in my heart and will always be...

...that there's a BLESSING in disguise...for all the things that happened, insya Allah..pray hard that everything will be fine...in the midst of my not-so-happy-days, Allah granted back a friendship i almost lost not so long time ago...never thot that it'll turn out this way but i believe Allah knows the best...grow closer than before...put me at ease talking and listening to u mate ;)

...to ACCEPT ppl as what they are...maybe i shuld say it once and for all: my shrunken circle of frens doesnt imply any fighting and such :p its just that i prefer to be superficial for some reasons..the change is their choice and they have my utmost respect..but maybe i need some time to learn how to live with it...and pls dont associate my silence with hatred...

...to SMILE and put a SMILE on other' faces ;)

Thursday, November 11, 2004

*Can i skip the RaYa?*

...*SIGH* now its not about the placement for nx year anymore as Allah has shed us on this thing, Alhamdulillah..

...the feeling is getting worse from day to day. its 2 days b4 Eid but i couldnt find any single reason to be happy...i'll be missing Ramadhan so much :(( suasana bile bgn awal pagi n kejutkan org lain dlm rumah utk bgn sahur..well, more to temankan aku makan kat bawah actuallynye:p suasana masak ramai2 utk berbuka..eventho this time mknn x semeriah dulu2 and jarang sgt try buat kuih, aku puas hati sbb x membazir and aku enjoy riuh rendah time kat dapur..mane nak potong bawang..mane nak pegang mic utk nyanyi =) suasana masa terawikh..either kat beddoe mosque or kat rumah..syahdu rasanya...bertemukah aku dgn Ramadhan next year??...

...of course aku miss my family n suasana kat rumah di msia..riuh rendah time nak berbuka and balik dari terawikh..persiapan nak beraya maybe xdela sehebat mana...biasa2 jeh tapi aku seronok dok rumah...at least suasana nak beraya tuh tetap ada n aku x rasa sunyi :((

...tapi yg paling aku sedih bile tringat environment here..rasanya sedih aku mase 1st time raya kat sini x seteruk thn nih..time tuh still lagi beramai2 buat persiapan raya...memasing berpakat buat keje sesama.. tapi this year sume tuh dah xde...hmmmm, dunno what went wrong and i never thot that things will turn out this way ...i dont blame anyone as ppl have their own right to choose..i never know how to put it into words but this morning, a fren referred it as a peer pressure, is he right?? but after 2 years, my circle of frens is shrinking here and i dont feel belonged anymore...ppl cant accept my quietness but i dont have any other choice...maybe that's one of the reason why i'm fated to move away next year...to getaway maybe?

...aku x nak raya datang..aku nak biar Ramadhan jeh sampai bila2..aku x suke raya this yer!


*alkisah almakmur almasin*


...as requested by syu, i posted the end-result of our 1st biskut raya..dont be deceived by the look :p heh, pengsan terus aku after siap buat kuih nih..letih eh??


hmm... sorang kawan baik hati ajak aku main basketball..well, bukanla main sgt pun just pegi shoot2 bola jeh....dia kesian kot tgk aku bergloomy jeh beberapa hari..tried to distract my mind ;) well, we had heaps of fun...after some time, we started our games..challenged each other to score 10 free shoots..apparently aku x penah kalah lagi ngan dia since last year....tapi kali nih after winning 3 games, aku give up(iyelah tuh!) sbb nak balik!! if not..everytime dia kalah, dia akan mintak another game..sampai ke mlm la aku x balik kalu mcm nih :p nway, thanks for ur thot..much appreciated ;)

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Stay awaY*

...still about the placement..really need for istikharah..academic-wise, we are of advantages to go to fr@nkston ..we'll have better patient's contacts with only 7 of us as compared to 60++ in MMC..plus i heard some positive things about that teaching hosp..but we have to consider about our comfort zone...story would be diff if we haven't settled down here...only rumours heard about the accomodation there..battle about the transport back n forth..pls dont question about me getting a car coz i didnt get an approval from my loved ones, ok!

..then come the issues of social support..at most there'll be only one familiar person going there for each sem..the rest is all half-strangers...call it survival skills and new experiences..with the toppings of no halal butchers or dine-away's nearby..oh, did i mention about the high crime rates??

...as much as i need someone to talk to, i might sulk in the talk..wont be good at all coz i've been lashing ppl out for the past few days..mounting guilt but thats the price i have to pay for being the plain me..even the stranger got hit by me, wat can u say??
*Too mucH*

... for 2 days in a row..1st its my placement thingy the day b4 my VIA exam.. which is still pending coz we actually didnt any reply form the faculty yet*sigh*..forced myself to flip thru some of the notes though my mind actually wasnt there most of the time...

..then the exam..well, no comment i guess till i get the result...till then will only pray hard....with the unsettled thing, wasnt up to any celebration but received some sorry-to-hear-that's...my straight face spoke on its own...

..that nite, one of the girls' house was burgled *shock*..took practically all the valueables...some things that u would miss damn much coz of their sentimental values...grateful though that no souls was harmed...

..dumbfounded n drained...

Thursday, November 04, 2004

*DoomeD*

...there's no way for me to go to fr@ankston next year..to spend my 1st year clinical there..with only 7 of us and i know nothing about that place :(( lets not talk about survival here coz its more than that...its about the preferences that I put on the sheet to be placed in MMC as its just 5 mins away from my house...its about being pedestrian all this while and it will take more than 2 hours by public or 45 mins if lucky enough to car pool...its about the likelihood of being the ONLY 2 muslims (ladies!) in that unfamiliar place and 've experienced the weird things before...its about letting go our inverstment in the house (my bed!) and on a trivial thot, getting decent halal food/butcher *SIGH*

...my nap turned out tob be a nightmare...woke up in disbelief as i heard the noise from my housemates about this thing..took me a while to compute things and before anything, the water welled in my eyes (call me slacker if u wish!)...emailed the person in charge with a sheer hope to get it amended..stunned in front of the computer looking at the lists...called my mum and i couldnt speak for a few secs...really hate it as i know she couldnt stand listening to my sobs cluelessly...lil bit relieved and later called w@yne just to let him know and maybe we might needed him to back up...talked to a!na and yes, she calmed me down and dismissed any wild thought :p well, we just hafta wait for the reply n its not gonna be in untill tomorrow, when im gonna sit for my VIA exam that worths 20% and so way behind the revision ..what do u expect, both years to be covered and i sucked in anatomy...well well, i really cant read a line now and pray hard that i could at least go thru some of the stuffs early morning tomorrow before 930am..

...to those who managed to make STUPID jokes about it, i dont thank u and be sorry for urself..the rest, im sorry in advance if i screw u..

..pray for us for tomorrow ;)...
*ConfidantS*

...heheh, after so long, finally had 2 decent conversations wif my far-away-and-greatly-missed frens in eire, @rnee and r0se...the thing with these fellas that i appreciate and somtimes amuse me is how they showed their interest in my life and share the excitement and concern....yes, we were bonded in some way and i would not trade it for anything...i guess it rooted from our 'happy hours' in room F *** 2 years back..the heated discussion, endless rambling about life and stuffs...lil insignificant confessions made after hours of provocation and torture~lol~those were the days that i damn missed here*sigh*...ohh, enough of being melancholic y@tt :p

.. chatted at different time with both of them, asked about their life(great ones!) and share the sisterly remarks (??!), then subconsciously (erk!) made me open up the story..which i dont see any point of telling it in the 1st place coz of its insignificancy and lack of sugar-and-spices..i cant remember how i started with @rnee but with r0se, she managed to hit the right button i guess..or maybe its the webbie that make my expression so visible,hahaha!!tried to make it sound as casual as possible but their expressions tickled me...knowing me, they could have imagine how the story goes,hahaha!!

...anyway, i thanked them for that (almost 2 hours :D).. @rnee was always the sifu and told me things that i wouldnt know otherwise...i think i managed to make her eyes rolled in disbelief many times over the things that i've done...but she said they aint funny as i put :p and r0se as sweet as she is tried to stop me from being pessimist :D oh dear, hope they'll forget this things soon and not probing me with those killer q's again*run*

...btw, b4 anyone started to shoot a wild guess, hold it there!...

Monday, November 01, 2004

*Best wisheS*

...esok start final exams..3 hours paper of year 2 stuffs..at the Caulf!eld Racecourse..from 230-530pm..n rite now im pretty glad that we dont have a long study leave, or else it'll be a pain to wait for the day to be over...but heck, im not done with the revision..ngeheheh!...

...may Allah bless all our effort and show us the right path...pls pray for us too ;)...
*Pissed ofF*

...yes i am!! huh, dunno whether im allowed to feel this way but at this moment, i really2 despised both of u..well, not a nice word to say..but hell i dont care..*boiling*..

...cheated by those actions..talks and everything..heh, poor stupid y@tt for that..lets see, what do u call the ppl who said this but did that..i dont give a damn about wat u wanna do in ur life, but pls be coherent..shouldnt tell me this things but you end up doing that things...hohoh, big time!..maybe i shouldnt interfere with all these things..maybe i shuld just bluntly said wats in my mind rite now..or maybe i shuld just close my senses and ignore the world..

...huh, what an emotional freak i am!! shoot!!