haunted

of seeing is believing. of betrayal and losing trust. of hatred and hurtful. of blood and sacrifices. of denial versus reality. of strength and grip. of cry and deep cut. of turn to versus burden.

on another note, thanks for all the birthday-wishes. may Allah bless u all too. this year, i wish and pray for my loved ones.Solace.Strength.Happiness.

ya Allah, janganlah Kau duga kami dengan dugaan yang tak tertanggung oleh kami..

sampai jumpa lagi.

now, window shopping or movies are no longer my ideas of hanging out with frens...cos for me these two so-called-girls-thingy can wait for some other time, with ppl that i meet everyday (read: i live with)..but for those that i meet eyes to eyes only once a year (twice if lucky), i'd rather get some decent meals and chat about anything and nothing over it....or weird enough just sit next to each other without saying a thing..sometimes ppl just need the company not words...

i'm so enjoying my comfort zone at home that i subconsciously errr turn back into the old-bossy-tantrum-laden-girl..i bet no one would wanna see what i turn into when there's only 'nasi berlauk' for breakfast or i simply didnt get what i wished for..few times i had my families laughing at me,hurm!! and for the past few days, both my sis are home so i've been bullied endlessly..yes, i still quarrel with the younger and rebel with the elder at this age...and when i couldnt bear with their alliance, i turned to mum...

dilemma. i've got a month of hols left and somehow, i still couldnt fit in all the plan/trips into the calendar to satisfy all... hmmm, i sure have to give up my attachment this time and postpone it to next summer break...the thing is i really wanna spend some time with families and close frens who are living in the other parts of m'sia but at the same time, i havent never have enough of my parents and home.i've promised my loved ones to spend some time together and if possible, i would wanna make them all..thats why i always wish to halve myself everytime holiday comes..to be home and somewhere else at the same time..haihh

hmmmmmmmm, should've known.a bit strange cos been quite some time...somehow i think i can figure now why..sigh..sigh..sigh..

one big lesson i learnt : do not blame others but myself..cos when the faults are mine, there's nothing to hold againts anyone.. knowing me, its easier to act that way...


i'm off.

TRALALALA...

Chinese series, Survivor's Law dah habis semalam..hari nih ade cerita baru plak..tengok iklan smalam (teng!teng!teng!) ada Ah Kin...wheeee, best2...last time saw him on tv was in f3 kot..tapi taknakla cerita mcm mana taksub and usahanya aku nak tgk/tahu pasal cerita yg dia berlakon tuh... sebab masa kat hostel so takleh tgk sgt...kang buat malu sendri jeh..lagipun bile once dah bukak cerita psl tgk tv time kat skola dulu, one story will lead to another..tengok2, habis terbongkar 'rahsia gelap' aku..tak ke bahaya??

ONE THING...

about meeting any of my girl frens, i laughed a lot..i mean you are not suppose to start giggling before anything, rite? be it on the phone or while hang out together, i can laugh till my head ache later..

yesss, i did meet up with hani b*suk (or is it k*pam, aku dah confuse which one is which:p)..called me up when i no longer think she would...i mean she only had 2 weeks to spend in msia rite?.. answered the phone..this and that..then

'yatt, apsal suara ko mcm pempuan?"
*&#~^$# (huarghhhhhhhh, aku tak paham!)

my explanation: i didnt recognise the number so i was only trying to be polite..ggrrrrrr, next time i'll make sure i sound like a king kong or gorilla then lets see what ppl say,hahahahhah..

waited for her in kinokun!ya.. was about to replied to her sms and put the book back when

'yatttttttttt'

ok, she's here..hugged her there and then..spent next 3 hours laughing, gossiping and laughing..couldnt imagine if there were others of the crony to join us there...sure kena halau dgn pak guard..huhuhu..nway it was so nice to meet her again, great company and we sure shared lotsa past and future stories....ngehngehngeh!!

HMMM...

Dear Student

On behalf of A/Prof T . Luff, Chair of Year 3 Board of Examiners, I write to inform you of the decisions arising from deliberations of the Yr 3 Board of Examiners held this week regarding your results.

Following review of your Semester 2 results, it has been determined that you have failed to meet satisfactory requirement for the Evidence Based Clinical Practice component of the course.
You are required to resubmit a response to the Therapy Critical Appraisal assessment task by 12.00 midday, Friday 13 January 2006.

Please submit your response by e-mail to kay.currie@med.monash.edu.au

Please include your name and Student ID number in the body of the email response and in the title of the message.
Late submissions will not be assessed.

If you have any difficulties, please contact Kay Currie by phone (Ph: +61 3 9594 7555) or email (see above).

Please acknowledge receipt of this message via return email ASAP.

Yours sincerely
Laura Salomone

First. Alhamdulillah, i did ok with my written exam and OSCE and need not to worry about going back early to sit for supp exam. Alhamdulillah.

Second. This. Served me right cos i took this assignment lightly. sigh. saki baki sikap melayu/M yg aku tak habis kikis lagi..suka ambil mudah kerja yang aku tak minat or tak reti,, malas pun boleh tahan..hmmm, lesson in hard way..

Basically for this asgn, i need to think of a clinical scenario and find an information gap..look up into the medical database for a relevant journal article and critically appraise it. so much so for my holiday..

WHEN ONE SAID..

"org kelantan mesti nak dgn org kelantan..org luar pun selalunya taknak org kelantan..ko cemana yatt?"

how should i feel about this?? anyone?

WHEN 9599 ATTENDS A WEDDING RECEPTION...
i should say that i made a right decision to turn up to this wedding..was really overwhelmed seeing my good mates, some were long lost since we left school 6 years ago..damn, i wish i could be more expressive over how i felt and thought about this whole Aliza's wedding-who-turn-out-to-be-our-mini-gath..before that, i met up with ina, liyana and huda as they picked me up at LRT station and we headed to OU. We ended up 'bullying' each other(ok, i was actually the infamous victim:p) and trying (really hard) to talk sense over Peranakan meals...whee, thanks Liyana for the treat..then we bumped into chendol & kak mega..the latter was our headprefect when we were in F4 and believe me, she aint changed a bit..remembered each of us and we talked and joked like some good ol buddies..a living proof of a very-down-to-earth person..
back to the wedding..what can i say, out of 3 hours we spent there, only 30 mins that we really gave our attention to the food(suprise!suprise)..the rest of time= giggled, catched up with ppl, giggled again, cranky jokes, giggled again, posed for camera, giggled again, enjoyed the tv, giggled again...in fact we (or shall i say i personally) thought it's a wise decision to put our tables where they were cos errr hehehe, cant imagine if they were not...so so glad to meet a few that i never come into contact face-to-face or virtually since school life ended..but none of us changed..the same ol giggling bunches of 20-urmm-sumthing's..hahahah, i'll never grow old with these crowd..

Top 15 best-quoted dialoques..err anonymous simply means i cant remembered who said it and not to de-identify...

1.
Yatt: wehhhh hanin, tak sangka gila aku bleh jumpe ko kat sini (gaya excited)
Hanin: hahahaha, memang. aku pun..(excited jugak:p)
Yatt: ko nak tau, mase aku tgk nama ko kat list tuh aku pk 'isk, iyelah sgt hanin nak ade kat sini..takkan punye..hampeh budak tu, kasi nama mcm ye ye jeh nak dtg'..hahahah
Hanin: hahahaha, eleh ko tuh lagi tak logik nak ade kat sini..apsal ko kat sini nih??? pelik aku..hah hah??
Yatt:aku cuti aaa..eleh ko tuh..isk serius aku tak sangka bleh jumpe ko kat sini..

2.
Ina: hmm, Aliza nampak lain bile tgk..
Hanin: haahla, nmpk mcm muka ko..
LOL...
Yatt: haa ape ape?? (again i misses the jokes and they unhappily-but-just-have-to repeat the conversation).

3.
Mase Khai and Rosma nyanyi
Anonymous 1:wahh....mesti byk spend..
Anonymous 2: tuhla...tp Raml! MS ade tuh, so maybe sedara dia..then dptla invite diorg tu..
Then M!sha Omar plak..
Anonymous: ok, kaya kaya..

4.
Melati: ok nx year mase 1st anniversary dinner, aku nak ckp ' i want this table and i want this place'.

5.
Ina: Seri, boleh tak nak request lepas mkn nanti ko sendawa kuat2..utk ktrg..hehehe
Seri: wahhh, terharunye aku..ade permintaan..boleh boleh

6.
Ina: korang ingat tak mase f5 dulu ade skali masa prep mlm..org2 yg naik awal kat 5J. then ade org dtg kat depan and ckp "haaa, ade sape sape sakit kat rumah"(tuh dialog fevret ustazah)..padahal ustazah ade kat blakang mase tuh..
Whole SSPians at the table: LOL (chen sampe berair2 mata)..
Melati: sape la tuh??? hahah, kalu aku dah keluar skolah dah..
Anonymous: kalu aku, mmg letak jawatan aa...

7.
Again, mase Khai and Rosma tgh nyanyi..
Melati: ok korang, lepas nih jgn lupa...vote sms..
Yatt: haa ape dia ko ckp melat? (excuse:aku selang 3 kerusi dari dia:p)

8.
Ezleen introduced her other half to me...
Ezleen: haa yatt, dia pun org klantan jugak..(turned to him and said the same thing)
Yatt: ohh ye ke..duk mane?
Him: kota bharu..
Yatt:(out of nowhere)..hmm apelah korang nih..asal jumpe org n tanye duduk mane jeh, mesti kota bharu..kota bharu..takde tempat lain dah ke???haiihhh..

9.
Yatt: bla bla bla..hehehe..
Ifi: ko nih yatt, takde beza macam dulu gak..
Yatt: ape dia?? alamak ye ke..nih yg nak segan nih..tak berubah tang mane? *muka konon malu2*
Ifi: huh!! menyesalnye aku..why did i say all those things??
Yatt: hahahahahaha, amik ko!

10.
Meja 56 (us)
Ina: wehhh, meja kita nih bisingnye..tgk meja tuh, senyap jehh..
Hanin: haahla....ala meja tuh asal librarian.meja kita nih dining hall..
Ina: eh Hanin..sorang jeh librarian kat situ..yg meja kita nih, ko n melati tuh prefect..
Hanin: eh Ina, ko lupe ke ko pun prefect???
LOL..
Ina: eh, haahla..lupa aku..hahahah..eh chen ko makan tak? pinjam fork and spoon:p

11.
Peon: haah, aku penah kena tinggal ngan ayah aku sebab lambat..ko penah melat?
Melati: takk, aku tak penah kena tinggal dgn ayah aku mahupun ayah ko...

12.
guy-yang-sesat-kat-meja-kitorang: wehh, korang nih bisingla..macam pasar! (gaya melawak selepas asik dibuli dah diperli:p)
semua org: elehhhhh!!! cakap org...macam ko takk..sama jehh

13.
that-guy-again: bla bla dia nyanyi..bla bla sedap
Huda: haah, ko penyanyi kolej 2 kan?
that-guy-again: eh,hahaha (muka kalut)..cemana ko tahu??
Huda: alaaaaa, aku pun kolej 2 jugak..

14.
That-guy-again: korang nih satu skolah dgn Aliza ke?
Anonymous1: haah..sekolah dot dot dot
Anonymous2:(whisper)eh apsal ko ckp skola tuh?
Anonymous1: alaa...aku taknak menjatuhkan nama skola kita(muka konspirasi)
then when he knew our actual school's name..
That-guy-again: ohh, Aliza penah eh skola situ??
Anonymous: haah, penah..sekejap
That-guy-again: ohh, korang nih kire kawan sekejap la eh?
All of us: heyyyyy, kurang asam la ko...

15.
Hanin: ko nak tau, aku mase before sampai sini dah risau sbb dah lama tak jumpe korang..taktau cemana nak bckp kalau2 dah berubah ke.
Ina: heheh, so cemana??
Hanin: hahaha, tak berubah langsung...sama jeh korang..

to my dearest College Friend, you looked lovely in ur wedding dress. May Allah bless both of u and lead a happy married life..

to the rest of 9599's, meet u guys again in our next wedding-gath...

INPUT

mase turun untuk breakfast...
ma: N nak ikut ma pegi dgr org ngajar?
me: boleh..pukul brape?
ma: tak lama nih...org tgh baca Quran..kejap lagi start la..
me: ohh N pegi mandi la eh...

mase nak turun dari keta kat masjid, nmpk a few kanak2 berjubah putih..baya sekolah rendah semua...tengah amik wudhuk..
me: alaahai comelnye budak2 tuh..
abah: anak2 murid dia la tuh...datang nak dengar
me: anak murid sape?
abah: ustaz nih la...bersih muka..
me: ooo...

tak rugi aku pergi..rasa puas hati..personally ceramah/kelas agama yg aku enjoy utk pergi:
1.TIADA UNSUR POLITIK.
2.tak lebih dari 1 jam cos after that aku dah takleh or susah nak concentrate.
3.similar to no 2, tak draggy..tak meleret2 sampe tak tahu mane hujung pangkal..last2 aku pun tak paham ape point nak disampaikan.
4.NON-JUDGEMENTAL to those who attend the class..semua org boleh pergi n insya Allah akan dpt ilmu sedikit sebanyak..so takdela tahap tinggi sangat sampaikan aku pun ternganga2 jeh tak paham..
5. kata2 yg revolve around Al-Quran and hadis..takde main ikut sedap mulut jeh..atau cakap boros kata org.
6. TIADA 'SICK/DIRTY JOKES'. urghhhh!!

alhamdulillah, ape yg aku dpt ingat/observe/faham:
- selawat itu mcm doa utk apa yang terlupa..sebab ustaz tuh evrytime nak recall ayat/nama yg dia tak ingat or terlupa akan selawat then dapat recite the ayat/nama.selalu kan kalu tgh cari2 barang hilang kita selawat sambil2.
- zaman Rasulullah, masjid sangat serba-guna. so boleh nmpk ke'gah'han rumah Allah in term of its functions and cemana org2 dulu appreciate masjid.
- jangan kita berpaling daripada 'org buta'..tak boleh nak act as in 'org buta' nih tak tahu ape2 so tak payah nak layan or kita buat derk jeh..in other words, jgn judge org samada setaraf ke tak dgn kita sebelum kita decide how to treat them...
- bukan setakat manusia jeh sayangkan Rasulullah, hatta benda yg tak bernyawa pun ade yang menangis sebab Rasulullah dan beri salam pada Rasulullah..so kita cemana??
- org tegur/nasihat selalunya sebab sayang.

Salah ??



nasi lemak ikan puyuh....



jumpa??



tak..??



haha,baguss...boleh geng =p

Perfect Stranger..

Browsed through the channel when i saw it was coming up next in HBO..quickly took my shower and settled in front of the tv. I've read the book but couldnt remember much about the story..so i thought why not watch the movie instead..after all, i'm alone again at home=(

So to speak, i enjoyed the movie very much..the similar contentment i got with Love Actually..there's something about these movie that i love watching..not the cliche' fling-and-flirt but more to chemistry and complimentary..shoot, i'm talking crap now!!*zip the mouth*

Hooked to the 6pm Chinese series on TV3..Survivor's Law..Ben vs Vincent, i go for Ben..aint that good looking but again, something about his character and the way he lead his life..errkk can i puke at my own words?? iyek!

Question: Am i being pampered at the moment? cos thats what i feel everybody's doing to me.. Ma no longer nag/scold me whenever i laze around in the morning not doing the chores and attend to all my cravings...adik's been complaining that i no longer get scolded by ma/abah but she still does,hehehe..brother who's being extra nice and thoughtful ...and Ayah Mie bought me this nice perfume. he said he bought it in june and kept it for me since so i decided to called it as an early birthday present.
err of course i'm not complaining =)

MEMO...

Never ever leave me alone at home...look what happen today when nobody's home by 9am and its raining outside...
12 pm

1.Bfast-done(not yet? ur kidding,hehehe)
2.Shower- errr aaaa hehehe (told ya:p)
3.Houhehold duties- half (quarter to be more accurate) way
4.TV-hours
5.Internet-hours
6.Cooking- erkk

and i'm feeling very sleepy after finishing my daily doses of nasi kerabu...

so mum, pls dont complain if u see me in my pyjama at this hour and the house isnt the way it is suppose to be cos i cant funtion alone..told u before rite? =D

i'm off to the living room to watch some tv (read:doze off) while waiting for others to come home...

LIFE IS GOOD

he kept me occupied for a week..tasks included kejut suruh bangun subuh..nagged suruh stop main games utk smayang n mandi..temankan tgk vcd cerita2 hantu..layan dgr lagu jiwang dia tuh n suapkan makan...yep, malas nak ber'perang' utk suruh mkn, susah sgttt..in between, sukela kacau2 dia main games, layan kelentong n loyar buruk dia..and buat dia merajuk..hahaha, ala senang jeh nak pujuk..mesti aku akan nyanyi lagu nih

kik kik koo..
nukub berah...
sikit nak suko(sikit nak suka/gelak)
suko deghah(suka/gelak kuat2)

gerenti dia akan sorok muka sbb nak hide his grin..then he complained "slalu nyanyi lagu ni..." another trick is to pretend to sulk n buat x layan..sure lps tuh dia akan datang ngendeng n buat2 baik..hahahah
oh my, i missed him so so muchhh...trase mcm ade little brother..sgt best..

**********************************************

cuti kali nih byk jumpe/terjumpa kawan lama as in kawan skola rendah..smalam pun pegi rumah kwn merangkap sedara jauh for her engagement day...rezki dapat jumpe sorang lagi kwn lama...so x payahla nak penat2 plan nak jumpe,hehehe... kwn sorang lg nih study medic kat HUSM n been keeping in touch with her once in a while..catched up with things n planned to meet up again...haih, duduk umah nih mmg patah kaki..nak kuar malas unless dgn parents or betul2 ade hal...ikutkan ade la sorang dua kwn kat sini yg nak jumpe tp ntah tak terplan2 lagi..mase b4 balik mmgla bukan main lg ckp nak jumpe tp bile kat rumah nih, occupied dgn household chores campur malas..heheh

kedah's trip was good...spent time with my sooo-pampered-preggy sister..since abg K keje so xdela jln2 sgt..tp mkn sgt byk...x sempat lapar dah makan balik..hahah..lawak abah yg paling best

"hmm kalu panggil abg K jadik kuda la"

"eh, bakpo(apsal) pulak abah?"

"yelah, abg D dah ade..abg U dah ade..abg ngah dulu2 org panggil E"

"lol"

pastu tgk cite indon nih, kiamat sudah dekat...best jugakk cos klakar tp ade mesej yg sgt bagus...

i'm expecting more fun nx week..2 weddings of seri puter!'s CF (college fren) and junior m0nash..ikutkan ade 2 invitation for the same date..M(housemate) punye akak n Al!za, my CF mase kat skola...at first mmg ingatkan akan miss Al!za's wedding cos dpt invitation from M lagi awal n wedding akak dia pun kat klantan so senangla...tp pk2 balik, this is the only chance to meet up my other SSP frens cos skang sume dah bz n ade commitment lain..last2 decided to go to Aliza's, last mins confirmed and really looking forward for that..plus insya Allah will be staying over at L!yana's place after the function..wheeeeeeee!! another one is Ana, my Monash junior..hopefully dpt pegi and jumpe other ppl jugak..sure byk gossip aaa=p..sume2 nih insya Allahhhhh kalu xde halangan...hmm, dua2 yg nak kawen nih ade Yasm!n kat blakang nama diiorg..errr relevant tak nak tulis kat sini,hehehe...

alhamdulillah, i thank HIM for all this

in the middle of serious(exaggerated ok:p)discussion with on!e...lotsa things happening around..will write soon..

WHAT U GIVE...U GET BACK...(heheheh)




err dont puke:p
to be honest..i dearly miss him=(

i dunno..maybe i'm living in denial...maybe its all rumours and nothing's actually gonna happen..at this point, ignorance is a bliss for me...i cant take it for any reason, even to think of the possibilities for it to happen make me feel sick..the only strength i have now are my little prayers and those who's been there for me...otherwise,God knows what would happen to me..
needless to say, at the same time i learnt the invaluable hikmahs behind it...tho i might be living in insecurities and fear for all my life thinking and worrying about this, i'll keep on praying for the good thing..silent prayers sent to me, very much appreciated=)

on another note, i'll be visiting my preggie sis in kedah tomorrow..spend a few days there...then back home before going to kl ..so peon, see u at the wedding reception(syhhhh tau!!) and hani-izhar, msgkan contact no in msia so that we can plan up something..anything, i'm using the old 017...

cos of the news/rumours this morning, my hols came to its end.damn sad and confused. tears couldnt find their way and i couldnt bring myself to look into the eyes. not hatred but i wish i never got asked about it. SIGH. i hate to be noble and i hate to pretend..i am one hell of selfish and if this news is to be true, i am damned for life.

life has been really really good to me for the past week. wish i've written the experiences earlier so that it'll be full of joy and contentment. staying home and caring for the 3 lil boys of nephew and cousins...balik kg, met the old folks, played with lil cousins and ate my fav dish...reunited with my childhood fren whom i last saw in form 3 and just got married last saturday, catched up with things.all breeze for me. life was soooooo perfect that last nite, i thot it couldnt be true. life couldnt be this smooth and there need to be something bad. just when i thot, it then happened..

i soo wanna erase the conversation. i soooo wanna be invisible. i soooo wanna pour it all. but the decision isnt mine tho. no matter how much i hate it, it still can happen and i'll be damned for life.

quiet.

Captured...

'syakir nak ape cik N balik nih?'
'gambar steven gerrard ade?'
'erkkk, adui'
twice i got the same reply..printing the pics from internet wasnt so appealing so i ended up buying a football mags with gerrard mini poster..he's at the airport when i arrived and the next day, i gave him the mags..pleased to see the happy face and how excitedly he flipped thru the pages, shared his idea about soccer with his Tok Ayah (my Ayah Mie)..later he came up to me
'thank you'
'eh for what?'
'for this'*sheepish smile*
heeeee...

********
uptown girl..she's been living in an uptown world...
as far as i can remember, he' been into this song since 4 years old. at that time, he would bug me to play the song on the computer and hum along. this summer, its this same song he excitedly asked me about and play it again and again on the computer.

********
'jom syakir, esok kite lawan main games''
heheh, nak main game ape?''
hmmm, football la''reti ke??' *chehh*
'eeee retilaaa..nti cik N kalahkan syakir,haaaaaa;p'
'okk'
after 1 mins and he's leading by 1 goal, he asked my cousin to take over me..huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
*******
'murah je nih ma..'
'nih berapa nih kalu duit kite?'
'hmmm, **rm..'
'uhhhh, mahalnye..comel, knapa beli satu jeh?'
'aikk ma, tadi kata mahal pastu tanye apsal beli satu..haahhaaha, mane satu nih?'
*******
'ape dia ma?'
'esok ma abah raya, dah habis pose...kita celebratelaa masak laksa penang..pagi tuh nasi lemak'
'YEAYYYYYYYY!!'
*******
11 am...
'cik N, syakir nak tgk cite hantu'
'cite ape? cite hantu hindustan nak?'
'hmmm, x kisahla..'
aku belek2 vcd
'haaa, syakir cite hantu jepun nak? Ju-On..'
'takut ke?'
'hehe, x tahu..cik N pun x tgk lg''
bolehlaa, mane selimut?''
'hahahahaahahh, takutla tuhh..tuh ade selimut..amik cik N satu'

later,
'haaa cik N x tgk,takutla tuhh!!'

'mmgla cik N takut...nak tgk sebelah mata jeh'

i would trade the world to be home...

not another drama queen episode...

you are right. i was the one who gave up on things without knowing ur reasons. and may i add that i was the one who created arguments and made big fuss over stuff. so its actually me who is troublesome, never knows how to appreciate things and ignorant over other ppl's concerns and probs. i've been selfish all this while and i'm so ashamed of myself.never would i know that being straightforward can actually mislead because wrongly used words and end up accusing u harshly. put the blame on me coz i make u feel not good enough for a frenship.wish i could say more than sorry..

if u are to hate me for this, i understand.i failed to be a good fren.before i stop, there are things i'd like to thank u; for being there to cheer me up whenever i'm feeling down, for putting up with my temperamental attitude and never complain and for trying to do good to me. life would never be the same then...

NUMB...

no matter how much i regret over my doings, the damage is done...i learnt the lessons in hard way...sigh

for that, i deserved to be blamed and hated =|

TONITE...

is my last nite in melbourne before flying home for summer hols insya Allah..looking back, this is the most ENRICHING year so far and i can proudly say that i'm a SURVIVOR in the journey..those who's been reading this for the past year would have the idea why i said that..quoted from A,how time flies fast this year and franskston is now history to me..what started as resented placement had filled me with great satisfaction and sweet memories..

yes, there were a lot of trying times and emotional breakdown was part of the viscious cycle..up to a point, i almost lost grip=( but there were always be someone around the globe who reminded me that never would i be alone in this journey..and i couldnt thank them enough..and Allah will never test HIS servant for nothing..

throughout, i metamorphed..mistakes learnt, flaws accepted, people appreciated and to HIM i surrender myself...no matter how trying time it is, i managed to survive,alhamdulillahh..

i know i've hurt a lot of ppl for my bad temper and ignorant..egoist i can be but deep inside, guilty conscience wins its way..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


i owe my great time in frankston especially to these 3 blokes..for all their non-judgemental respect, charming smile, brotherly concern and dogdy-but-laughable jokes i will miss them..

also to all the tutors: Serpell, Langton, Botha, Russell, CLeves, O'Donnell, Wassertheil, Fiddes..thank you so much!

p/s..pls pray for my safe journey..anything, reach me through my no.

Rescue 999!!!

erkkk yelppp!!..used to have my mum backk home for the past 2 years and M has been helping me to do it (she did 90% of the task actually) when she's around this year..now that M is already in msia, nobody's gonna be there me this time..no, i'm not trying to be bossy but i do have probs with it..yeah, i did try but things usually wont fit in all and when its time to unload, they will be all over the place, huwaa!! thats why i prefer ma or M to do it for me..neat n spacious..
this morning, started to sort things out, which and where..end up with piles of stuff on the bed and an empty bag..huhuhu, i grumbled to myself a few times and hopelessly looked at the bag. urgh, i dont mind spring cleaning the closet and drawers but ..what should i do next??

Z: mcm nih...ko masukkan dulu brg2 nak bawak balik dlm beg..
Y: laaa, cemana?? xkan nak campak2 jeh?
Z: xdela..ko masukkan jehla dulu...pastu letak tepi..then dah abis kemas yg kat umah nih susunla balik benda dlm beg tuh..
Z: ohhhhhhhh....

grrr, wonder how did i survive my years in ser! puter! and KMB doing this for every hols?? isk!

B!C RUNGA-courtesy of Onie

She left on a Monday
She's a siren down the road
In your herringbone overcoat
That you don't expect to get back

And it's an ordinary sky
Today's like any other day
When all of the aeroplanes
Write her name in the clouds

And nothing's wrong
But it's already Sunday
And you know just how Sunday
Was the day that she would come around?

Go to her foolish man
What's the use of having pride if you don't have her?
She'll endure all she can
But you could make this easier on her

It's all like sinking
You're trying to stay afloat
Like a wind blown paper boat
Over uncharted sea

There's no question why
You're driving to kill some time
Racing the power lines
Back into town

Go to her foolish man
What's the use of having pride if you don't have her?
She'll endure all she can
But you could make this easier on her

Go to her foolish man
What's the use of having pride if you don't have her?
She'll endure all she can
But you could make this easier on her
Make this easier on her
Make this easier on her
Make this easier on her

p/s..nice song..go listen

=)

alhamdulillah, i'm done with the OSCE exam...woke up with throbbing pain on my head,thought that i would screw up if the exam was in the morning..tried to sleep on the pain again and soaked my head with water (mum's tips)..then had my breakfast and took some painkillers..alhamdulillah, by the time to go to CMHSE, the pain wasnt as bad...

12 stations of 8 mins each...i'm not really at my top spirit to perform..just wanna get it over with..again, Allah helped me A LOT..solace and guidance..HE didnt put me in panic situation that i can think well and answer the questions as best as i can. also, the examiners' were nice and not of the stern-looking-faces-that-freaks-me-out...i know i may not be doing as thoroughly as its supposed to be, but thats the best i can do..and i have faith in Allah...

now, apart from praying hard for the results, i'm gonna occupy myself with
-my mates here. laze around, go out and cherish our time
-updates on the fotopages for raya pics
-spring cleaning of the house and wardrobe
-shopping spree
-do a checklist;)

ok, gonna make a lil announcement...teng teng teng!


i'm going back to msia this 28hb..wheeeeee!! special shout out to
hani-izhar:weh, balik christmas kan? jumpa yok!!
peon:yeay, bolehlepak dgn ko lagi..harituh kejap sgt laa;)
peah: i know u care about me..so u wont nag me for this, rite?? *muka sememeh minta dikasihani*

erkkk, do i hear someone screaming my name out loud?? better run and hide myself =p

HEADACHE

I dont know why but seems like i've been suffering from this pain for a few times lately. its not the usual headache that self-limiting. ok, this one may not be as bad as the last time but it still bother me coz it HURTS...how to describe the pain?

'rasa macam ade angin dlm kepala..berdenyut gile...everytime stand up or bendkan kepala..otak macam disqueeze byk2 kali...badan akan seram sejuk..kekadang rasa macam ade ruang kosong dlm skull...mmg akan demam kalu biar jeh sakit tuh..'

it could be the heat of summer...it could be the late meals...it could be the pressure..it could be anything

biarlahh...

HOW WAS IT?

the questions were..how should i say..tough and tricky??. couldnt think of any other words that better described the written exam this morning...why?
- it was an extended multiple-choice questions (EMQ) where we had a cluster of questions with a long list of possible answers.some of the choices given were up to X or Y..so you really have to choose the BEST answer for each scenarios..and mind you, the descriptions were very much similar to each other.even if they were not, we still need to think hard for the obscure ones..jargon? countless=(
- it tested our knowledge for the WHOLE year..and studying the integrated system of medicine means we've got every possible things to be asked in the exam..if this question was on clinical, the next one might be on pathology..and the next one? pharmacology..huhuh..and for this time around, we had whole lot of surgical and medical rotation to cover..yes, u can argue that we've much less exam period (like this time it was only a week) but the pressure? triple if not quadriple..
- personally, this exam was no more about how much we can memorise things but rather tested ur understanding on the particular topic. we can no longer rely on the basic knowledge about this illness and its clinical presentation but of how it happen and every details bits of everything..tough? u bet..
- yes, we know that there'll be a lot of past years' from the experiences but sadly, we dont get hold of the papers. so no matter how much we listen to the seniors about which topic to focus on,it will still be very broad..and yes, this is the only written exam that carry marks for our 3rd year final assesment *sigh*...

having said all that,i've given my best shot for this exam. eventho there's minor panic attack last saturday coz i was behind my revision plan and some nagging thought at the back of my head,alhamdulillah i managed to get it over with. i owed it to the short meaningful sms replies from my families and good wishes from other ppl. but most importantly is the Al-Mighty.Allah helps me to pull this thru with HIS endless guidance and bestowed me with solace before and while doing the exam...alhamdulillahh. things wouldnt be the same without HIM by my side. berkat doa parents n semua yang lain;) as quoted from abg ngah' 50% dari ape yg ngah dapat sekarang nih daripada ma dan abah' and i felt the same way too..all in all, done my best so its time to pray and tawakkal..

exam habit? for as long as i can remember, i never fancy any discussion outside the exam hall...before sitting for the paper, i prefer to sit alone at a corner than joining the crowd to avoid unnecessary panic attack..and after the exam? its already done so no point in going over it again i reckon..so i'd leave the place as quietly as possible. another habit would be the uncompromised sleep. yep, i can let go of my meals (not that often tho:p) and leisure things but not this one. my brain stop ticking after midnite. sometimes i do feel that i'm disadvantage from extra study hours but i've no complaint for this=)

post-entry
i had nightmate about the paper last nite...urghhh!!

NICE LITTLE BREAK

40 mins on the phone with him was really nothing. we talked like nobody's bussiness. started off with him asking about my return, rambling about this movies and that games.... i teased him when i asked whether he has any gf. its funny how he sheepishly changed the expression from 'kawan baik perempuan' to 'kawannn' and i laughed hard by then. next was the AF gossips...i dont have any idea how he managed to know a lot about it, seriously.. then he amused me with his passion about football, chanted a few names that i wouldnt know..recited the www dot liverpoolfc dot com thingy when i asked about his steven gerrard..haihhh, he's way too errr young for that *geleng kepala*..

we day-dreamed if we ever have the chance to travel to UK or london, as he put it;) him chasing the photograph of the soccer players and me going shopping..lalala would be fun!! "nanti kalu sesat macam mana?" "alaaa, syakir kan pandai cakap omputeh.u can ask for direction"..

and i took the chance to tease him(again!) about the food he can't take after his 'big event'..
"aaaaaaaaaa, brape lama xleh makan tuh??"

ohh, i love my 8-year-old-nephew xoxo

FINAL EXAM CHECK LIST

21st nov- Written exam (they pull a year of syllabus into this ONE freaking paper *pengsan*)

24th nov-OSCE

Ya Allah, we seek for your guidance...

till then, take care and pls pray for our success *hugs*

WHEN PICTURE SPEAKS A THOUSAND WORDS

Eid prayer, Monash sports centre

ready, not?

at kak sajar's

at kak azie's

on the way to moriah's st

third year meddies clan-evelyn st

gossip corner:p -evelyn st

fourth year clan-evelyn st


weeeeeeee, ribena-berry girls

at hafiz & k syaja's

maybe i should tune in to exam mode now..haihhhhhh =(

CHERISHED...

more piccies to come=)

CRANKY WISDOM TOOTH

'Kak yatt tak tido ke?'
'Ohh tido..kejap jeh..xleh tido...sakit gigi'

seriously tak best...since semalam lg dah sakit tp by the time nak tido, which is around 3am dah ok dah..tp pukul 5 terjaga sbb panas and sakit..terus xleh tido..*sigh* so much for the hari raya..

i dont really mind if its not for the food i'm aiming to feast on;) especially the long-craving satay that we managed to prepare last nite..

*off with lil-bit-of-bad-mood-due-to-lacking-sleep.DND?*

NAK BALIKKKKK...

yesterday was our last terawikh and this morning had our last sahur for his Ramadhan. yes, i'm going to miss this holy month..may Allah gives me the chance to experience it again next year, insya Allah..

called home twice today.. huhuhu, my heart suddenly yearned to be with those familiar faces..to enjoy those familiar laughter and to share the beauty of familyhood. hmm, another price to pay for choosing to study abroad i guess..

mental imagination while on the phone: syakir tgh main games dgn abg ipar..abg long, cik yah, ayah mie and ayah zie(later substituted by abg ngah) main scrabble (level-up?) ...adui, sure macam2 kutukan n lawak yg keluar tuh..semua dah jadik mak n bapa org tp perangai ya Allahh..heheh...abg yu plak jd tukang tengok and tukang gelak ...mesti meriah punyelah rumah tuh..bising jehh..huhuh..man-man aka sinchan tgh main dgn toys dia..sombong taknak ckp tefon..abah n ma were occupied with some other stuff...but lucky we had this technology that let me view them online just now..ohh, missing my loved ones=(

hmm, alhamdulillah raya this year is much better than the previous year. tho i'm not really looking forward for the celebration, at least i've got no reason to be overly-sad..i'd say the highlight of my raya will be to hear abah's takbir through the phone..

and to all ...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

MAY ALLAH BLESS US

*SIGH IN RELIEF*

i'm FINALLY done with my notes-typing. huhuhu, it's been bugging me for the past 2 weeks or so and became one of the reason for my restlessness..but alhamdulillah, managed to finish it within my aim. reason? coz i wanna print them out for free at the hospital tomorrow.hehehe. yup, as non-so-relevant-reason as it can be..but care not, its called personal satisfaction..ohh i'm supposed to be able to finish it by yesterday but blame my sleepy head :p

but the down side of it is- run out of idea to write here..hmmm, cant think of anything instantaneous and my earlier thought is no longer appealing..alahaii =(

at this point of time, i'm having good tempation to laze around on my bed, A & M are busy studying for their final exam tomorrow (great, EId's eve:p) and all of us are listening to raya songs. ohh, i attempted to give hints/suggestions of what to focus for their exam based on my previous experiences but errr seemed like i confused them even more...haihhh, so much for an average student.

not gonna wish the famous greetings yet.

*off to become ayam golek*

WHEN I WAS ABOUT

to sleep after non-stop yawn, A asked me a question..out of the blue moon. i was actually so sleepy and ready to doze off, but somehow this familiar question caught me up. i blurted some words, the usual ones when ppl asked me about it..it sounded easy and simple, but come to think of it..would i actually do as said? hmm, no idea..
this thing, put me into double personality..i can choose either to be positive or pessimist about it..most of the time, i keep the positive thought to myself, and saying out dismissive statement loud. no, nothing of sympathy-seeker but i learnt to live with no expectation...
back to the conversation with A and M..one question after another..in between, we laughed and teased each other..ok, more or so teasing me actually..haihh, that FedEx stuff was such an idea but nope, it wasnt at all like what they thought...very sure about that..
in the end when i could no longer resist the temptation to close my eyes, i said
"haaa korang kalu esok aku sedih ke..rasa nak nangis ke..jagalaa"
and when they asked why
"yelah..dok happy2 gelak2 nih, mesti lps tuh sedih..siap aa korang buat aku gelak byk2 mlm nih:p"

and today, i started to miss home. dah kata dahh..

POST-ENTRY (warning: self-obsessed entry, again?)...

she's like my sister and has always turn to her whenever i feel like telling someone about stuff..so when

me: aaa??? so yatt nih no bape yg tahu?
me: early birds??
sis: haah
me: flattered la mcm nih
sis: 2nd person to know..yg kat ____ ni la
me:*blushed*
sis: hehehe
me: sape 1st? nyebok nih
me: im soo sooo happy for u
sis: heheheh..thanx thanx..smlm overwhelmed tul rase..nervous
sis: baru tau smlm
me: sape yg 1st tau?
me: heheh jahat x yatt
sis: *smile*
sis: one of the girls..but not my _______..heheh
sis: tp jgn ckp diorg yatt tau dulu..kang abis kena marah..hehe
me: eh of course takkan
me: but being second is like..the sweetest thing
met: *smile*
sis: heheh..mula nk ckp dgn yatt dulu smlm..but mcm idle je
me: alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ye ke
sis: haah..heheheh
me: opss ...trase sgt2 flattered nih
sis: *Giggles: Hee Hee*
me: the thot that u actually thinking of me
me: *blushed*
sis: yes..i do think of u *wink*
me: *sis's name*, u surely know how to make me happy & feel good about myself

1st person she thought of telling the news? i'm deeply touched coz just when i thot...

WHINGE TO SELF

sakit bahu..sakit bahu..sakit bahu..
sakit tengkuk..sakit tengkuk..sakit tengkuk
penat..penat..penat
nak pengsan!!

oh satu lagi..malas mandi!!!

*deep sigh*

BAJU RAYA OH BAJU RAYA

tergelak2 aku baca ape ma tulis..cant wait!

that was 2 days ago..yesterday another parcel arrived from a fren...hmmmm, somehow i feel pampered...

on another note, its my cousin who did the misscall last time....nyehnyehnyeh, shuld've guess but pardon my slow brain..so i know who to call/msg back when this happen again =)

LITTLE VOICE THAT WARM MY HEART
him-helloooo
me-hellooo, syak!r ke nih?
-hmm, sape nih?
-nih cik n*r,heheh..syakirrrrrrr..
-(him telling his papa)..cik n*r, cik n*r..bile nak datang ke malaysia?
- (???)ohh, hahahahahah..

me-syak!r dapat birthday card cikn*r kasi??
him-emmm dapat, yg gambar (x dgr sgt) tuh ke??
-aaa?? heheh,haah..dapat hadiah ape birthday?
-macam2...ade colour, story books, toys..
-wahhhhhhhh, banyaknye..toys ape dapat?
-macam2la... (mention a few names that i'm not familiar:p)
-dah x main ultraman ke??
-takkk..
-(cehh)..syak!r nak present ape from me?
-hmm, ape2 jeh..anything...tapi xnak baju dah
-hahahahhahhahha (dah pandai demand yeh budak nih!)

after terputus line
me-apesal k!r??
him-hihihihihi, battery habis.
-dah charge belum?
-belummmmm..malasss..hihihih
-hahahaha, adeke malasss..

him-harituh mase 1st month puasa(adei, ayat berbelit budak nih:p), syakir pengsan
me-haaa? ye ke..kat mana? skolah ke rumah?
-kat skola..syak!r x sedar 10 mins...pastu ade sorang budak tuh nama (ape ntah) kejut2 syakir..x bangun..lps tuh syak!r bangun
-(huh, betui ke tidak nih..ntah2 kelentong :p) heheh, ke syak!r tido??? knape pengsan? lapar ke?
-haah...jatuh atas lantai pun x sakit
-ohh,alahaiii...

me-huhuhu, c!k n*r x balik raya tau...x jumpe tok ma..xde makanan sedap2
him-haaaa?? ye keee...emmm,raya kat australia ke?
-haah,huhuhu..sedihhh nanti
-ye ke??? alaaaaa...
-tuhla nanti syak!r kena makan utk cikn*r tau..kena makan bla, bla, bla...ingat tuh
-(gelak comei)..banyaknyeeee..
-yelahh, cikn*r nak syakir makan sampai buncit..nanti kalu balik tgk syak!r x buncit, cikn*r tanye kenapa..
-alaaaaa, mana boleh buncit..hihihihi

him-ohh, nant! cikn*r datang ke malaysia ke kelantan??
me-(hahahahha!!) kelantan tuh kat malaysia la sayangg....

me-so u want either toys or storybooks for ur present?
him-haah, tapi tapi xnakla toys..yang macam...ape tuh??...barbie ke
-lol..barbie is for girl laaaa..adeke nak belikan dia barbie..
-(gelak comei lagi)

me-syak!r, syak!r bukak pose dgn ape?
him- hmm, (not so clear again)...
-haaa?? mkn ape tuh??
-(him asking his papa'papa,nak ckp sweet sour tuh ape?')
-ohh,sweet sour...heheh

him-ohh ye ke? hmmm, kalu boy lagi best laaa..
me-ehh ape pulakkk...cikn*r nak girl..syak!r kan dah ade syahman..kasila girl pulak..bolehla cikn*r belikan barbie utk dia...
-hehehehe, okla okla kite vote
-hahahhaah, nak vote? macam mana?
-kite votelah..kalu dapat boy ,haaa.. hihihih

oh dear....

THE SEVEN

7 things you plan to do before you die:

1.Sempurnakan rukun haji & ibadah umrah.
2.Be a good daughter to my parents and pamper them with unconditional love.
3.Get married,have my own kids(wont get confused with number this time:p) and lead a modest but happy family.
4.Specialise in *dunno yet* and keep the interest in medicine growing.
5.Travel around Europe and some other historical places.
6.Appreciate people and things around me.
7.Seek for forgiveness from Allah.

7 things i cannot do

1.Anything forbidden by syariah.
2.Pretend. never.
3.Accept any destructive remarks. i'll bark!
4.Draw pictures.Frustrating.
5.Look into the eyes when i'm angry/mad/sad.
6.Lay up in basketball. sadly.
7.Stay up late. At most is 2am, coz my brain just stop functioning.

7 things i can do

1.Call my mum just to hear her voice.
2.Admit my mistakes and say my apologies.
3.Give cold shoulder to ppl. yes, i am evil.
4.Shopping alone. did it a few times and hasnt really bothering me much.
5.Cook tomyam without using instant perencah *smug*
6.Be impulsive. for bad or good reasons.
7.Listen to people.

7 celebrities crushes (teng teng teng!!):

1.Ah Wai in "Flames" (chinese series back in 1994)
2.Ah Kin in "Cold Blood Warm Heart" (another chinese series, 1997)
3.R0syam Noor, hehehe..
4.Ak0 Mustapha, hehehe jugak
5.Hero in "All About Eve" (korean series)
6.Eric Bana in "Troy"
7.Err fahr!n Ahmad? Faizal Yusop. tak kenal? xpe, x glamer pun:p

7 often repeated words:

1.Takpe, ........
2.Aaaalamakk!!
3....pengsan...
4.Aaaa tak tau.
5.Hmmmm,...
6.ok,...
7.Ya Allah,..

7 things that attract me to the opposites:

1.Keep good track of solat 5 waktu.
2.Muka bersih. x perlu hensem.
3.Specky (peon!! does this ring a bell??hahaha)
4.These three ideal things.. no idea? nvm;)
5.Manage to handle me. you know what i mean;)
6.Good sense of humour.
7.Thoughtful, but not with typical sweet talk. iyek!

7 tags:

can i not? coz i think most of my list are either: done this/been tagged by others/busybees.

IF THERE'S ONE WORD...

that will put me off, this is it: poyo. somehow, i have bad impression about this four letters. i mean, why on earth would u say something so destructive towards other ppl?? and yes ppl, i'll be very offended upon hearing it. i can either snap back or ignore u completely. yes, i can.

sensitive? hell yeah.

PSSTTT...

amidst my work, managed to exchange some juicy messages with my dearest tassie fren. courtesy of frenster;) and there i was, giggling and gasping...hahaha, this girl surely knows how to entertain me with her never-ending-stories-and-ramblings...she's so full of expression, if that explains my good laugh reading all those..and u wouldnt believe what we actually ranted about..rest assured, its nothing of lovey-dovey cliche'..we have other big mission to work on at this moment..this surely make me feel so good that i couldnt stop smiling...oh well, maybe i'm just easily amused..

and at the point of writing this, i'm IMing with peon, my partner in crime/gossip since high school..we can talk about anything under the sun, if time permits ;)

sometimes i believe that its much easier to keep a frenship when the other party is a distance away..absence makes the heart grows fonder is one thing, but vulnerability of getting overboard is another...agree??

DAY BEFORE WEEKEND

continued on the notes this morning...but before long, i had my hands clicking here and there, checking mails and blog hopping=D went to campus with a good intention, that was to buy some postcard raya..hahah, i was running out of proper kad raya but stingy enough to use my collections of postcards..then rushed to the post office ..erk, can i make it to the bus loop in 3 mins?? i had 2 classes to attend this afternoon...

opss, i missed the bus. panting and puffing, tried to call my housemate who's supposed to be home coz i dont have the key, only to get into the voicemail. so i went to the library while waiting for the other housemates to finish their lectures. wohoo, found 4 chick flick novels and ended up borrowing them all. hmmm, what a good way to distract myself. sat on the couch next and flipped thru the pages. this basketball movie was on tv. it looked good. might get hold of it some time later.

ohh, ive been tagged by 3 good ppl to do the 7 things meme..lalalala, hope it wont be tooooooo prevailing for me ;)

SALAM MESRA KHAS BUAT ADIK

of course it made my day, i got my requested version of kad raya (musical, that is ;p) with sin chan's little scribbling:p kiddo, missing u loads!!

*DROOLING*




sweet thought from k sha, abg ngah & sin chan..and i'm counting the days to dig them all..hahahaha

dear miss/mr no-number

u've been kind last nite for not waking me up from my sleep. lasted for 2 seconds, so i'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a misscall. anyhow, its a shame that i couldnt reply or even sms u back. u see, i'm not gifted with telepathy so couldnt really make a good guess and without any number appeared, nothing i can do. or maybe it was just accidental...no idea:p

err i'm a bit nutsy today....

OF FASTING IN FRANKSTON

- i made do with so-called-porridge-but-dried-version and salty (ops!)omelette for breaking fast.

- i braced myself to go to the toilet which is luckily in the same house during sahur. oh, yes, 3am and its not en suite. goosebumps:p

- i called my mum for 2 days in a row, and today is only tuesday *sigh*.

TAGGIE

peah and haniizhar, here goes

20 years ago, 1985

hehe, 3-year-old girl with her DORY-like memory?? both doesnt help at all..but i knew at that time our family had already settled in that lot-186 as according to my parents, we moved into the house a day before my birth..enjoyed being the youngest as adik only joins us 4 years later (note: up till now, i have frens questioning when i say i DO have a YOUNGER sibling=D ) as what i did to syak!r and syahman during my hols, i had the same with my auntie..only that she babysitted me much longer as she lived with us.hmmm, i'm not entirely sure how i behaved as a 3 year old toodler, i memoried that family used to call me with this funny nickname as i had the habit of pretending to cry untill i get things my way..hahah,nope wont disclose it here!! sadly i dont have a lot of baby pictures..when i complained to ma why my elder siblings have lots more, she said its because during their stay at the old house, they have a photographer as their neighbour...hurmmmmmm *not talking*

10 years ago, 1995

all this while i was another kampung girl who played 'getah' and 'baling tin' (err) with my relatives-cum-frens and looked forward to sleep over at our arwah nenek sedara..its care-free life.alhamdulillah that year, i was offered to go to seri puteri, 8 hours drive away from home..i was all prepared for this,used to send my other siblings off to their respective schools. but little did i expect that i would be all in tears before we even left my uncle's house, huhuhu..hanin, i know u'r snifling ur laugh reading this:p yeah, my 1st year was full of ahemm, u guess;) lucky me, i had extra 6 weeks of hols that year as i fractured my elbow and turned up just before final exam..hohoho. despite all the crybaby episodes, i did enjoy the year and started to make acquaintances, some turn to be my good frens till now..then, life was colourful.full of laugh and joy..and im not really sure how i end up to be known as loud and mischiveous by teachers *thinking hard with innocent face* ...i wont cramp in my 5 years experiences into this single paragraph as its so not fair...each and every single things deserved to be mentioned..friends, teacher, seniors, celebrations, exams, sports day, FOOD, wardens & hostels...n SA1C'98,our lil secret still safe with me *chuckle*

5 years ago, 2000

time flew fast..n u bet, i did step out from seri puteri in tears..good things never last forever aite?..anyway, batch of '82 was the chosen 'trial sample' for the matric's double intake..which means there were ppl who enrolled into matrics before SPM result came out. i was the unlucky one, left behind while most of my frens were already in KMM, KMPP etc..how dissapointed and sad that time, Allah knows..spent my extended hols at home, doing household chores and tailing my mum..Alhamdulillah, Allah has always come up with better plan for me..after SPM was announced, i got a telegram (huh, macamla hulu sgt umah aku xleh nak tefon:p) from MARA and this marked another chapter of my journey. actually there were twisted chronology before i ended up attending the interview..again, not gonna elaborate about it here..anyhow, what happened during the interview was i failed to name the sultan of kelantan..huhuhu. again, Alhamdulillah i received an offer letter to do IB in KMB..and no thanks to my bro who did his A-level at the same place years before and told stories about his IB-and-never-have-free-time room mate, i freaked out..but in the end, i decided to give it a try and never would i know, i'm so gonna love the next 2 years's experiences..again, its not the place that matters but frens that we made, teachers that we loved and activities that we joined... deeply bonded by frequent gathering in a small cubicle of F201, eveningly doses of basketball, trips, pranks and dramas.. despite all the stress of assignments & exams, we found happiness and comfort...i couldnt ask for more, could i?

3 years ago, 2002

graduated from KMB and brought back the high spirit and memories. before everyone departed into our own way, we the girls of med3 had our final gathering in langkawi..GREAT, enough said! and in september, i hit the ground of down-under, still in grief after the loss of my late uncle *sigh..well, this was my 1st ever being oversea =) settled myself down with the other frens, old and new. i started to play netball again after 10 years. life was ok, high-spirited but at the same time anxious to start my med year..oh yes, 1st aidilfitri away from home..hehe, u could guess by now what happen when i heard the takbir at malaysian hall:p went back to malaysia for the summer break..my parents're away for hajj so aidiladha wasnt any better :p syahman was born and i had experience of babysitting him 24/7 for almost 2 weeks as my sis-in-law was tied up with KPLI.now u know why i'm so bonded with that sin chan :p

last year, 2004

2nd year of MBBS.. when life took its rough turn..shedded so many tears and swallowed so much sadness...and with that i metamorphed. things happened one after another and when i couldnt think of anything else to ease myself up, a fren suggested to pour it into this virtual space..at the same time, i started to miss ppl, realised that i was no longer in my comfort zone and somehow i knew i had to brave the waves all alone. tough, verily. despite all that, i experienced sydney and gold coast during winter hols. 2 girls and a map. it was a blast and brought back sweet memories. but i wasnt smiling for long. again, Allah tested me with misfortunes and by the end of the year, i was practically drained from all the emotional torture. but as the saying goes, setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. so i survived.

this year, 2005

living in 2 places was no one's dream. frankst0n is where i am destined to be for my clinical year, yet clayton is the place of comfort and joy...continued to metamorph as i picked up the lessons and learnt the beauty of acceptance. good laugh and bitter cry, i went through. families? absence makes the heart grows fonder ..frens? come and go but some stick around..faith in ALLAH? it means strength. went back to msia for my sis's wedding. alhamdulillah, everything went well and i myself rejuvenate during the hols. another sydney experiences during MASCA GAMES. as i am approaching the end of my stay, i come to realise that Allah doesnt send me to frankst0n for nothing.

next year, 2006

Insya Allah, i'll be in my 4th year..doing 4 blocks of pscyh, GP, O&G and paeds.hohoho, pray hard that things will be much better next year. good news, i'm expecting (ceh, mcm aku pulak yg preggy:p) another 2 nieces/nephews by April.lalalala, may both of them be girls and i'll shower them with cutesy tops and gowns..might be my final year of playing netball =( n err i'm thinking of doing cross-stiches of an english house or garden of flowers...but the most important things will be to keep the spirit high and always be in good company.

10 years from now, 2015

already a hajjah, insya Allah..married to the man destined by Allah and blessed with err 4 kids?? huhuhu, maybe should keep the number open :p working my way to become a specialist in....again, i keep the option open..hopefully by then, i managed to do as much good deeds as i can to my parents, coz to repay all they've done to is beyond possible. keep the families bonding strong and will always have time for my girly sessions with my mates..may our frenship lasts ;)


fuhhhh, penat!

niesa, izzah and syu: you are next! nisa & shera: would love to tag but time might be a constraint eh? feel free to do anyway;)

OF BEING INVISIBLE

It was during my way from the home country after winter hols. little did i expect that it'll be this long. record.

should i'd be forgotten, fair enough =) its so self-explanatory.

during this period, i learnt my humble lessons...about life and survival..about frens and rememberance.

guess one's right, that pink-angelic-look is too gurlish for me so here i'm back with the old (very old, indeed) black-white-red look..and the girl depicts me..the truest me..

i've lived with this template for more than a year and never wear out of it..oh well, once or twice i did try on something new or so-called refreshing but i would settle to this eventually...lost the html codes when my pc crashed last month and didnt really bother looking for it again, until tonite..and to find it back is a relief, or maybe therapeutic..

and today, my laksa penang tastes so yucky...bluekkkkkkkk =(

Foul

bewarned that i'm not that-cool-or-sempoi-as-i-look-or-sound..there are things that i cant tolerate, and i'm pretty snappy for that...seriously, think twice before u say or do things..coz i'm bound to show the devil side of me...no joking!

loathe me?? hah, go ahead...

a fren offered a lift today, so here i am in clayt0n t0nite..wehoo!!

..next to the tv was a parcel, with my name on it..yeayyyyy, kuih tart from my sis-in-law..jumped and laughed excitedly..i'm all HAPPY and EXCITED..but not gonna stuff it all till raya =D

..were in the kitchen..in the middle of cooking soup..

me: *campak bahan2 dalamm periuk* aaahh pedulikla..aku reti masak ke, x reti masak ke..kalu nak _____ ngan aku, terima jehla (gaya org membebel)

anonymous 1: eh kenapa tiba2 nih??hahahha *then jenguk dalam periuk, ada slices of daging and 2 chopped onion dalam air yang baru nak mendidih* kak yattt!!!! masak ape nih???

me: eeerrrrr....hahaha.. masak sup..nak makan.. *thinking of all the excuses i can give

anonymous 1: *lol* patutlaaa dia dok cakap mcm tuh....mane ade org masak sup mcm nih..ade tumis bla bla bla tak??

me: *sengih* hahaha, takk..kena letak ke?? ala, aku nak kurangkan minyak (konon!) malas nak tumis..masak jelah macam nih

anonymous 2: ape dia letak dalam periuk tuh?? ko nih, gaya macam marah kat sorang budak jeh... (so happen, tadi dlm keta mmg borak pasal bestnye pempuan yang reti masak, especially kelantanese=p)

me: hahaha, xde aaa (mmg pun, x kisah langsung psl conversation tuh)... aku mmg tak sure nak letak ape..eh tak boleh ke masak mcm nih???*lol*

so they started to talk like ibu-ibu-mertuaku *tutup telinga* adeihhhh...

ya Allah, penat..tersangat penat =(

SAYANG...

- kalau peluang untuk berterawikh dah ade tapi tak digunakan..janganla bagi alasan penat..ikutkan sape tak penat bulan puasa nih, kan? hmm, especially bile kat mesia x timbul soal takde masjid or surau jauh..kalau kwn2 boleh pegi, knape kite xleh? kuatkan semangat, best ape join org ramai meriahkan rumah Allah =)

- kalau kite boleh stay-up berjam2 tapi xleh bangun utk solat subuh..hmm, x salah nak tido lewat tp make sure tak terlepas subuh...sbb rasanya dlm byk2 waktu solat, yang nih paling susah nak jaga..

- kalau dah elok2 pakai tudung, pastu decide xnak pakai...lagi menyedihkan kalu pakai on selective occasions..hah?? peer pressure x masuk dlm list laaa..sume dah besar, dah tahu mane salah mane betul..honestly, this on-and-off trend is confusing (read: pakai ke tak ?)

wallahua'lam...

...after a week, we've decided to take a break from daily travelling..sgt2 memenatkan..bangun pukul 3 utk sahur, tido balik pukul 4, (terpaksa) bangun pukul 630 utk naik bas pukul 7..sambung tido dlm bas utk setengah jam..sampai frankston dlm 730, either sambung tido balik or siap2 pegi tute's or ward round..klas habis by pukul 4 or kalu abis awal tgu sampai pukul 4 utk naik bas..tido lagi setengah jam dlm bas..sampai rumah, masak n get ready utk bukak puasa..habis solat dlm pukul 9, terpaksa buat keje tp mata dah x larat nak bukak..kekadang by 11 10 dah tido=(
ikut hati mmg nak stay clayt0n utk bulan puasa nih tp mmg tak larat..dgn keje yg banyak, penat travel lagi =(

...esok: bukak puasa 2 org..makan ala kadar jelah..(read: rempah2 dah bawak balik n mmg xde stok makanan pun kat sana*sigh)

in the middle of...

- Ramadhan..alhamdulillahh, tried to make it as meaningful as possible..as quoted from peah, biar sederhana tapi sempurna...and thats how my Ramadhan would be, insya Allah. let us spare some time to reflect on the past and pray for the future...
- finishing (not too soon=p) two textbooks before the exam..done with the yellow-surgical-aid yesterday..aiming for the red-clinical-exam and orangeish-pathology...menggaris oh menggaris!
- working on my BIG-5 challenge...asked zura to dare me into this, coz that way it'll be more motivational ;) otherwise, i'll simply relapse in a day or two... *did i see some curious frowns??hehe..
- steeling my heart =).. any manual to differentiate between good reality vs dreamy illusion?? pathetic, not!

and soon...

- starts on the portfolio..reflective essays, year review..blablabla...never gonna enjoy this=(
- raya mood..ok, living with baking freaks (with 's' for more than one:p) makes life a lot easier,hahaha..jom sama2 bakar dapur biskut dan kek..
- writes that i've-been-tagged-entry....*guilty grin to peah and hani-izhar*
- oppss, secret....dancing away*

A RANDOM TESTIMONIAL ( credit to frenster, not mine tho =D)


Always Remember
When things are down
And you are out of your mind
Remember just remember
Allah is The Kind.

When your life is in darkness
And nothing is right
Remember just remember
Through the darkness,
Allah is The Light.

When nothing makes sense
And your heading for demise
Remember just remember
It doesn't make sense,
but Allah is The
Wise.

When times are troubled
And no one seems to care
Remember just remember
Allah won't hurt you, He is The Fair.

When your heart is breaking
And your pain makes you fall
Remember just remember
Allah Sees it all.

When you are weak
And the road seems long
Remember just remember
Seek strength from The Strong.

When life is a burden
And everything is unstable !
Remember just remember
Allah is The Able.

When the way is cloudy
And there is no one by your side
Remember just remember
Allah is The Only Guide.

When no one wants to listen
Or is willing to lend an ear
Remember just remember
Allah is always ready to hear

very well said, rite??

alhamdulillah, i thank Allah for this serenity..berkat Ramadhan kot=) when He took away this nikmat some time ago, everything seems wrong and self-pitying was unavoidable ..only He knows how i survive the trying times...in the end, i realised that i just have to accept things as they are NOW..and never risk anything for some uncertain future...

have a meaningful Ramadhan ppl. God bless..

a-ok again=) excitedly welcoming Ramadhan..sama2 kita meriahkan dgn terawikh n tadarus, insya Allah..

i'm leaving taking a break from writing in this space of mine for a while. and i'm off to sydney this friday. so double bye to all.

p/s..peah, i owe u an entry rite? dont worry, will do that once i'm back on track. hugs for u.

happy birthday to syak!r..love u dear!

now, that seems to be far-fetched. somehow i've lost hope and start to realise there is impossibility in everything. hmmm, what can i say...Allah must have His very own reason for not granting my wish for that. no matter how much i hope to have one and enjoy the company, i couldnt. maybe the dream of 16-year-old-girl has been replaced with some reality for 22-year-old girl. this isnt depressing yet, saddened me a bit. especially at this point of time when i really need that to hold on to and aid my journey.hmmmm...

pls, nothing to do with lovey-dovey-thingy. no wild assumption is welcome here.

this time, it came with unannounced melancholy..missing ppl and tears flooding my cheek.. a bit of swinging mood but hasnt got to anyone's nerves..by evening i knew whats this i-am-feeling-lonely-and-have-no-one-to-turn-to-feeling all about..eheh, talking about XX chromosomes and its package..bless us;)

yeah, catched up with n!esa. aint going down the memory lane and reminisce all the sweet ol' time we had during IB years..but revealed some harsh reality. no human can withstand that,i bet. i cant, for sure. i offered nothing but prayers and ears to listen (ok, eyes to read and hands to type in our case=p)..hope she'll know how to 'heyy' me whenever she needs one. dont hesitate ok!

and that cousin of mine, had me a few laugh fits..with his newly-discovered words of wisdom about making ways to a long term relationship and such. eh, i wasnt not laughing at him but more like amused with the change..so not him..wonder what happen to mama's boy*lol*..ahhh, cheeky mode=p dont him dare to leave me alone in not-yet-married-hood!! hahaha...will catch up again..this time it'll be somewhere in pizza hut,he said as he refused my humble request for mamak stall..yahahaha, will make sure of that!!

him...

- when i was small, he's not even close to be my favourite man. with his stern-looking face, loud voice and strictly no-nonsense,have to say i'm afraid of him at that time.
- we lived very closed to each other and our house was more like second house of his family. he would come to our house after work and spent hours playing solitaire. then he went- 'buat air teh' or 'takde air teh?' Initially grumpy, i began to enjoy serving him. taking his request as a compliment for my lil service.sometimes x sempat mintak, dah siapkan awal2 =)
- during my teen'years, i had this fav green sandals. mase tuh 1st day balik rumah and dia dtg rumah.."haa agak dah mesti ade kat rumah" "tahu mane?" " selipar hijau kat bawah tuh". hmm, i would remember this...
- he's really a family man. my family ourselves relied on him so much. attended my petty requests- cuci gambar, belikan tiket, belikan prepaid card, u name it. he may grumbled a bit but never failed me=) also the only man in this big family who always came up with the idea of 'mandi air terjun' or 'pegi pantai'. ahh, all excited!
- so much into sports, soccer i would say. and the trophies in his house proved it.
- the first to call me 'doctor' when i started doing IB, way before my med school's life. no one else did.
- i always hopped in his car to go to the town. as we parted our way, he would call a few times, just to check on me..asking my whereabout and make sure i'm alrite...honestly even my abah didnt treat me this way..
- he's there during most of my siblings' registration days. seremban, kedah, johor,kl,penang, selangor. as for me, there were ser! puter! and banting. but not in KLIA..
- 1st rejab 1421, 5 days before my flight to melb. he returned to the Al-Mighty. his first heart attack. family was busy preparing for my kenduri doa selamat. turned into kenduri arwah *taking deep breath*. my last memory of him would be the night before, on our way back from kl. he on the praying mat looked longingly at his lil kids.
-remembered the day vividly. God knows how the family felt the loss. i shed no tears on my departure, had enough for 5 days before.
- abah, his bro-in laws was the closest person to him. just put it this way-whatever he bought for himself he paid for two, vice versa. a few times i saw abah's watery eyes after he left us for good. in fact i worried more about abah than ma at that time.

i know Allah loves him but i simply miss him. Al-fatihah to my Ayah Lah.

dinner IMS...nothing exciting happened with me stucked in the last table. more piccies, but not very soon...

over the phone..
- i yearned to reach out and hug my sis. this was my proper phone call after knowing she's pregnant..within a minute,she broke into tears coz of bad time she had with morning sickness and watsnot. quite speechless, i am. 'bile nak baliknye, nak mintak picit kpala kak nih..x tahan dah' felt like crying too. how we missed each other..

- i laughed with abah over his attempt to cook lunch. tapi cemana nih abah, boleh tertukar bawang putih dgn bawang merah =D

-gossipped with ma about everyone in the family. nyehnyehnyeh!

=( what happened to the song?? where's it gone? that 'never be replaced' sweet melody did some good to my soul for quite some time, but now i've lost it...*frown*

sedihnya dah hilang...

today, i'm supposed to go the malaysian carnival in melbourne. treat myself with the $10 food voucher*drooling* & played netball afterwards. but for the last 3 days, i dont feel like going. dont feel like socialising to be exact. wished to stay home & have some quite time for myself. so thats what exactly i did. lazed around on the bed, worked on the notes and good laugh with the housemates.

but these 2 stooges drove me crazy with their lagu2 raya..cekik jugak diorg nih, saje jeh nak seksa aku..arghhh!! kalu lagu happy2 xpelah jugak, nih sume yg leleh2 manela aku tahan..dahla puasa pun belum start lagi, mana boleh...last2 aku yg kena pakai headphone*tongue*

~*______abah, happy 56th birthday. semoga Allah merahmati hidup, dipanjangkan umur & dimurahkan rezeki. proud to be ur daughter & i love u so much_______*~

today marks the last day for abah in his educational career. he's officially retired now tho his birthday is actually on this coming saturday. congratulated & wished him well this morning. two things in my mind
- bestnye kalu ade kat rumah..nak makan nasi kerabu jugak!!
-hmm, lps nih nampak gaya abah dah tukar opis..dari bilik pengetua ke bangsal kat kebun..suke la tuh,heheheh..

went to watch charlies & the chocholate factory on wednesday. that lucky boy reminded me so much of syak!r...my darling nephew..argh, ingat rumah lagi :p

my last thought, Allah's plan works in mysterious ways. both learn the lessons and never too late to start new. alhamdulillah.

eheh, one in february, another one in april..puuhh, dua2 tuh girl:D

deep inside, i feel bad. but no matter what, i believe Allah knows best.

it is an unappreciated frenship if

- its so much of playing around with words & things said are taken for granted.

- excuses may not be lame, but doubtful enough..and there were holes in the explanation given.

- one person left the other person in uncertainty, with the latter trying to figure out what he/she has said/done wrong.sorry but this particular habit isnt helpful.

- one person tried to rationalise things by taking part of the blame & end up feeling guilty nonethelessly. fair enough but pls have some courtesy to tell the person what/which went wrong. no one bites.

- sorry may be the easiest thing to say but...what happened after having it so so many times?

- one person tried to save the frenship each time...accepted the mistakes and swallowed the bitterness, but i reckon human are never perfect, far from being angelic to do it for the rest of life.

happy birthday to ana & ba!ti... thanks for all the happiness u've infected to me;) may Allah bless*hugs*

8pm-12am: sleep

12-4am: awake

4-630am:sleep

630-645am:awake

645-10am: sleep ( around 730am, sent an sms - 'you guys can start the 8am tutes without us'

slacker!! heck, no more fragmented sleep, strictly..

mase tgk title artikel nih kat bulletin board, terasa nak baca. dah habis baca, terasa nak paste kat sini..bacalah

Berapa ramai lelaki yang boleh menjadi imam??

Kalau perempuan tidak boleh memasak, dikutuk
dan disuruh belajar. Kalau lelaki tak boleh jadi
imam kita kata okay saja. Jangan diperbesarkan
nanti mereka terasa hati.
"Apalah perempuan, tak pandai masak siapa nak
kahwin dengan awak!"

Begitulah kata rakan sejawat lelaki pada seorang
anak dara, juga rakan
sejawat kami. Maka jawaplah si gadis ayu itu yang
dia tidak sempat belajar
memasak sebab dari kecil tidak digalakkan
keluarga sebaliknya di suruh
menumpukan perhatian pada pelajaran saja.
Sementelah tinggal di asrama,
peluang pulang ke rumah terhad dan tidak sempat
turun ke dapur membantu
ibunya.

"Habis sekarang kenapa tidak belajar?" Tanya
sang lelaki lagi dengan penuh semangat.
"Sedang belajarlah ni tetapi selain sibuk dengan
kerjaya saya juga sibuk
belajar agama, jadi belajar memasak tetap tidak
diutamakan!" Begitu jawab si gadis yang
membuatkan lelaki tadi menggeleng-geleng
kepala. Baginya tidak sempurna seorang wanita
jika tidak tahu memasak.

Wanita sepatutnya buat begitu juga. Syarat utama
menjadi suami mesti boleh menjadi imam. Walau
ada yang kata, jika itu syaratnya bermakna makin
ramai wanita yang hidup bujang seumur hidup.

Lelaki meletakkan kebolehan wanita di dapur
sebagai perkara utama dan ungkapan hendak
memikat suami, perlu pikat seleranya sering
diguna pakai.
Tidak kiralah jika wanita itu berpelajaran atau
berjawatan tinggi dan
penyumbang utama kewangan dalam
rumahtangganya. Sekarang bukan asing lagi gaji
isteri lebih tinggi daripada suami. Namun
kedudukan suami sebagai raja tidak pernah dilupa
walau dia tidak mengambil inisiatif mempelajari
ilmu menjadi imam. Ilmu bermain video game di
komputer mereka rasa lebih perlu.

Kalau tidak tahu memasak disuruh belajar dan
sesudah belajar perlu handal.
Jika handal bukan setakat masak untuk keluarga
sendiri, kalau boleh perlu boleh memasak untuk
tiga pasukan bola. Begitulah standard yang telah
ditetapkan. Bolehkah kita meletakkan undang-
undang itu kepada lelaki juga.
Kalau tidak pandai jadi imam, belajarlah. Mula-
mula jadi imam kepada
keluarga sendiri, sudah terror boleh mengimam
satu taman perumahan juga.

Sibuk suruh kita handal memasak, mereka tu
bolehkah jadi imam? Dengus teman wanita yang
lain.

Betul juga. Berapa kerat lelaki yang menjadikan
sembahyang jemaah di rumah bersama anak isteri
sebagai agenda utama, selain keperluan
memenuhi pelbagai seleranya? Maka bertanyalah
wanitakini kepada beberapa lelaki tentang
kebolehan yang satu ini.

Ternyata ramai yang menjawap tidak confident
menjadi imam sebab takut bacaan al-Fatihah tidak
sempurna, salah tajwid atau pun dia merasakan
isterinya lebih handal. Ada yang kata lebih elok dia
dan isteri sembahyang sendiri-sendiri. Ada juga
menjawab, rasa kelakar pula apabila dirinya yang
rugged menjadi imam.

Isu ini sepatutnya kita beratkan sepertimana
masyarakat memberatkan wanita perlu pandai
memasak jika mahu bersuami. Lelaki juga harus
boleh menjadi imam supaya kewibawaan mereka
sebagai ketua keluarga tidak goyah atau menjadi
mangsa queen control. Kalau tidak pandai,
belajarlah sekarang.
Jika wanita disuruh belajar, apa salahnya lelaki!

my say: ironically true..hmm, nak cakap lebih2 pun rasanya x layak...tp kalau rasa nak jadik imam pun agak susah, cukupla dgn jaga solat 5 waktu..ramai or maybe semua org solat tp jaga tak jaga tuh, wallahua'lam..ingatan utk diri sendiri jugak, insya Allah=)

gerak geri Ilahi...

tiba2 hari nih tergerak hati nak YM al!n..just try my luck sbb terasa lama sgt x borak panjang ngan dia..rindu nak bercerita n bergelak...after a while i received mail alert- a frenster msg from her, the same al!n..so dengan blurnya aku tanya

y: apekemenda ko kasi frenster msg nih
a: yela
a: cari kau
y: hmm?
y: cari aku??
a: a ah
y: bukan dah jumpe ke nih?
alin: aku kasi sebelum kau tegur kat ym nih
y: haa?? series?
y: tipu aa
a: adala beberapa minit sebelum
a: series!!!
a: aku ingat kau tego sebab dapat mesej
y: ko mmg carik aku lin?
a: kekekeke
y: oh my
a: cari sebab lama tak jumpa
a: :((
y:(i said sumthing)
a: huih mestila
y: alin...i'm touched

n what's in her msg? hmmmm, i think i wanna keep it to myself =) but i thank her soo much for the thot...

cerita lain pulak..pasal abah..slame kat sini, mmg jarang dpt cakap dgn abah sebab slalu xde kat rumah..aku pun xdela rajin mana nak call hanphone abah, stakat kirim salam n bertanya kabar mase cakap ngan ma..tp satu hari rasa teringin sgt2 nak dengar suara dia..siap pesan mintak ma bgtau kalu abah dah sampai rumah..tp ibuku terlupa jua:p

the next day, aku call jeh hanphone abah sebab rasa nak berckp jugak dgn abah..dah penat bergelak, abah bukak cerita...rupanya dia pelik apsal aku asik kasi sms yg sama berulang2 kali, ade tuh sampe 20++..alamak, ape dah jadik?? xkan hanphone aku rosak kot..rupa2nya mmg aku accidently terhantar sms kat abah sbb jarang lock keypad & mmg nama abah 1st dlm contact list..patutla abah penah sms 'kenapa' tp aku pulak ingatkan silap send... aisehhh, lps tuh barulah aku godek2 phone tuh carik cemana nak autolock keypad..hahaha, punyelahh tak betul aku nih :p

tapi perasan tak dalam 2 cerita nih, mmg Allah Maha Mengetahui? kannn? =)

okeh, no more nescafe...serious rasa tak best...pulse habis lintang pukang,tak pasal dapat palpitation..aaaaaa, pening!!! *green face*

hah, serik!

warning: sesapa yg rasa akan menyampah bile baca nih, xyah continue baca..x kisah pun:p

warghh, jelesnye..jelesnye!!! argh, aku dengki..nak jugak nak jugak..hohohohoh...tertekan nye mcm nih...sedih aa:(

apesal??

sebab adik dpt bola basketball dr abg long utk b'day dia...huwaaaa, nak luruh jantung aku bile dia bgtau...tahap jeles x ingat campur sedih sbb nak jugak..nike plak tuh, berganda la jelesnye aku. adoii abg long, adikmu yg nih pun nak jugak :((

adik mmg bijak nak buat aku jeles & 'sakit ati'. tahula dia baru nak berjinak2, tp aku yg main evry week(yelah tahap beginner jeh:p) xde pun dapat..arghh, tak aci tak aci!! sedih aa mcm nih..huhuhuhu, nak jugakk =(( *muka monyok sbb x puas hati*

one of the days...

neurological rotation, hadnt meet the consultant yet coz i was sick on monday. around 9am, went to join our doctor doing lumbar puncture a.ka amik air tulang belakang. me n my partner stood at the edge of the bed & observed him doing the procedures. for the 1st timer, i braved my soul for this as i wasnt fancy of anything to do with the spine...hmm, it didnt go well & took longer time than expected. the doctor was up to his 3rd attempt & that poor lady had involuntary jerks twice coz the needle hit the nerves..that sudden reactions got me. lightheaded, running heartbeat & cold hands...fortunately(or unfortunately?), i've had similar experiences 4 years ago & i knew i was about to faint . recited selawat & hoped to feel better. it wasnt long tho coz i decided to leave the room. went to the toilet & looked into the mirror. pucat gile muka. pakai pulak tudung putih. tried not to panic, i sat down & waited for it to settle a bit. after a glass of water, sneaked into the room again but left after a few minutes. heh, still lightheaded:((

the doctor gave up after his 3rd attempt & called for anaesthetist to re-perfom the lumbar puncture. it was after half an hour when he came & i decided to give myself another chance. alhamdulillah, with selawat & some doa, i managed to watch the whole procedures, tho there were times when i looked elsewhere but the patient's back... but i'm pretty sure i was a-ok by then.

the consultant. after introducing myself, stood next to him while waiting for the rest of the team. so when he turned to me and ask..
'are you alright?'
i was stunned. the next thing i said
'yeah, er why?' ( cant think of anything more decent to say)
but after that, i told him briefly about the incidence. ohh well, small gestures never fail to touch my heart=)

yup, i've had similar experiences with i-am-about-to-faint years ago while doing CAS in IB course. twice with the 1st one i could even see the polka-dot black & white before my eyes.. but for both occasions, my defenses were lacking breakfast (or literally hungry :p) & strained too much. and for a few times being in the theatre room this year, i did ok...so maybe this was just one of the days...

another story altogether, in dr Botha's. heheh, he always feed us with non-medico-stories before the tutes. so this time it was about his daughter who failed to impress him after 8 years of piano lessons.he claimed she's not putting her effort in it & decided to be critical on her...as usual, everyone had their say & we had mixed response. critical vs diplomatic mostly..for my turn
me: yup, i would be critical..
him: are you (my name)? you would be critical? did your parents be critical on you?
me: ohh no they are not, but i would for my child.. (hmmm come to think of this again, they are critical in diff way,hehe)

later i continued " i agree with (my other fren's name)..i mean it depends on her effort. if she really put much effort but still couldnt do best, i wouldnt really mind but if not, then i'll be critical" then i let the rest do their talking..

"i like you, (my name). you are strict. and also (my 2 male frens' names)..bla bla bla"
errk hehehe, i think i'm being plain honest here...its either all or nothing ;)

something isnt right..cepat rasa lightheaded, penat sgt2..belum pukul 9mlm, mata dah 80% tertutup tp terpaksa tahan...sebabnye nak avoid nap nanti susah nak tido mlm..n skarang nih my right hand is shakky..sebenarnye smalam hampir black out..ape cerita? esokla yer..x larat sgt2..

almost forgot adik's birthday, but thanks to kak for sms'ing me this morning=D

adik, happy 16th birthday..hehehe, may Allah bless you & pls be good to ur sis. otherwise no more pressie.get me??:p

heh, i'm writing again..

one productive saturday ;) braved the chilling morning to go to the basketball court..been a while since we played for full court..yerp, the number who turned up weren't as good as my days in college, still its better than nothing rite?? played (LITTLE) better this time,hehehe.. so save the whinge for next time:p next is house' spring cleaning..hehe, who knows that the new arrangement with lil renovation in the house is therapeutic in its own way..yes, enjoyed myself doing it. call it self-satisfaction :p

self-treat? hehehe, makan besar shared by 4 ppl. nasi beriyani+charcoal chicken+cheese cake*drooling* haaa, we compensated that extra calories by walking to clayton..huhuhu, penat sbenarnye :( then after maghrib, women make waves..hehe, getting better at it..telan air pun telan airlahh:p and call the day off with Full House!!hehehe, best best=)

the next day, i caught cold,huhuhu...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in july..

it was peah..last time we met was 2002 & separated into our ways since then. so i decided to give her a call, 1st ever after our last meeting. we only spoke a few lines then she *excitedly* said that i sounded different, feminine-wise so to speak (oh my, couldnt believe that i'm actually typing those words, lol!!)..of course i simply laughed & dismissed her without much thinking..i mean, there's no way for it to be true..maybe she's just too happy to hear my voice (ahh, perasannye) that she's hallucinating...ahahahha, so i ridiculed her again and again for...err merepek??*habisla peah marah aku nih :p

then that part of conversation never crossed my mind again till last week..

when i was on the phone with a fren here...without disclosing her name , i must say that we've created a special bond since last year..in her company, i talked my heart out without much hesitation, shared stories & feelings..she's been a good listener, advices not condemns=) back then when i had my own room, privacy was never an issue..but this year around, we hardly have space to talk...so phone calls come in handy..and as soon as i finished my rambling, she went..

' yatt ko dah berubahla...'

n i laughed there and then...no peah, this time it wasnt about my whatever-you-said-before,heheheh...but she marked that from the way i spoke, perceived & rationalise things, it sounded more composed & positive.... hmm, nothing to boast & brag about, ok!! all i wanna say: i'm amused by these ppl =)

hmm, i may not have time (err idea more accurately) to write as much as i used to..so i'll leave u ppl with my fav entry. cut and paste, mind u =)

>The guy who loves you, can't tell you the reason why he loves you. He, himself knows that, in his eyes, you are the only one.

>The guy who loves you, actually always makes you mad, but he does not know what stupid thing did he do, as everything he does, he thinks it is for your own good.

>The guy who loves you, seldom praise you , but in his heart, you are the best, only he knows it.

>The guy who loves you, will scold or complaint if you didn't reply his message and others, because he cares.

>The guy who loves you , only drop his tears in front of you, when you try to wipe his tears, you are touching his heart , the heart which beats for you.

>The guy who loves you , will remember every word u said , even its accidentally. And he will always use the words in the nick of time.

>The guy who loves you, will not give any promises that easily, because he doesn't want to break the promises, he wants you to believe him and he wants to give you the happiest and safest life ever after.

>The guy who loves you, always tell you not to think too much, because he already plans it for you, he wants to give you the best life in the future, he wants to give you a surprise, believe that he can do it.

>The guy who loves you, maybe can't remember special occasions like some kind of anniversary, but , he does know that, every second he lives, he's loving you, no matter what day is that day.

>The guy who loves you, won't say " I love you" that easily, because everything he does for you is showing that he loves you already, but he will only tell the words at a special situation, because he does not want you to misunderstand, he wants you to know that he loves you.

>The guy who really loves you, will feel that,sometimes, some things have to be told for only once, because he thought that u might already understand him, if he talks too much, he will feel that there is nothing you will cherish.

>The guy who loves you, will go to the airport to fetch you, he won't carry a bunch a rose and call you darling like what you expect but he will carry your luggage and ask you " Why are you becoming that thin within two days?" with his sincere heart.

>The boy who loves you, will listen quietly to you, when you are mad, and when you have finished talking, he will say, You still have class tomorrow, sleep earlier. with a smile.

>The boy who loves you, doesn't know that whether he should call you when you are angry, but he will send a message to you after a few hours, if you ask him why he calls that late, he will say, 'When you are angry, my explanation are all rubbish. But only when you calm yourself down, my explanation will really works'.

>The boy who loves you, always call you little girl, but every time he want to make a big decision, he will first want to hear your advice.

>The guy who loves you, doesn't like little toys like teddy bears, but he will always put the bear you give him on his bed.

>The guy who love you, while quarreling, he willapologize uncontrollably, although you are the one who's wrong, and later, he will send a message to you with " Baby, actually you know its your fault,you know it yourself.

> The guy who loves you, while really misses you, he will want to buy a bunch of rose and wait you stupidly under your apartment but he neverknew, what he bought was daisies, but that doesn'tmatter, because in his heart, that's roses.

>The guy who loves you, seldom says sweet words, but you know, his kisses already transfer all his passion to you.

>The guy who loves you , if he can't always seeyou, he will try to make himself busy, for not to have any time to remember you, because he knew, if he did, he will keep on missing you until he could do nothing.

till another entry...take care