Getaway

I am going to New Zea1and tomorrow morning =D

bye for now.

Reality check..

I remember promises and it becomes my flaw.

Words easily stucked in my head and with that comes expectation. i have a few not-so-pleasant experiences because of that. i dont know about other ppl, but i find it hard to deal with broken or forgotten promises UNEXPLAINED. silent resentment. its not so much about the things i am supposed to have/do with that, really.

Words can slip away easily, to make ppl feel good without much real intention sometimes. Because of that, now i tell ppl that whatever they say to me..i might not take it all. in fact i am changing myself not to believe in easily.

It's about time..

This was what Oprah's about today. two daughter suprised their mums with house make-over, family decided to get to know their neighbourhood by doing home visits etc

so, i guess it's about time for me to....

stop
-being fussy over nothing trivial things.

start
-being indifferent.


some time ago, a fren told me that i sounded sad and sulk every moment in my writing, as if life isnt fair for me and i've got nothing much to cherish.

just because i dont reveal every single misfortunates that happened to me here, doesnt mean that i dont have the right to grieve.yes, i'm not gonna deny the fact that my life may not be as great as other ppl BUT i'm all right with it. i guess, this kinda life has done its good to me in certain ways. everyone has its own phase of life, mine might be rough at the moment.

but life is NEVER unfair. i know that.

The end...

tried to watch past high-school love triangle, basketball and domestic conflicts, saw these..

- a lady with strong determination and tough heart. didnt let the past to hold her down, instead she bucked up. let bygones be bygones, but not the lessons she learnt. she kept them as good reminders.

- a friend who promised to be there for another fren and did. a promise is a promise. that proved some sincerity and trust. eventhough along the way, it might became more than friends and broke the hearts, it wouldnt change the promise.

- an old man full of wisdom. he's the man who picked up life lessons and use them to reach out the next generation of life. my favourite.

-it's really hard to tell. you just never knew what's actually inside someone's mind and heart. ppl lied, ppl confessed. how did you tell between them?

- friendship is brittle. the closer you get to the other company, the easier you gonna get hurt. sometimes, it just made me wonder is it worth to keep things superficial to avoid hard feelings?

-true love is out there. i dunno, i'm never gonna be good at this but its always feel good to witness others experiencing it. bliss.

-hatred, denial, wickedness are devils'. somehow, there are ppl who acted with those feelings. devils' company?

-what's with 2nd chance? worth risking cos if it failed again, its gonna cause double?

-someone might looked flamboyant, popular and snobbish but who know, he/she might have generous heart inside? we judged, dont we?

What's my favourite episode?
With tired eyes, tired minds, tired souls we slept.

Why?
It so much prevailed the truth. the fear, the guilt, the longingness to be accepted, the feeling of taken for granted, everything. it wont vanish. will always be part of the living.

Vulnerable

i am receiving cold shoulder(s?), for some reason i dont know. one day, it just happened and i still couldnt figure out why and how. could it be something i said or done, i DONT KNOW. i am no psychic but i dont think i'll ever go upfront to ask about it. i am no miss goody either but i'm grown up enough to listen to my mistakes and learn. sigh.

i realised i may have hurt other ppl a lot in the past or maybe at present, so could it be some kinda payback for me? even if its not from the same person? because if it is, then i'm willing to take it. i'll bear the pain and guilt, if it'll wash away my past and make ppl feel better.

Hal0

I never promised you a ray of light
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday
I give you everything I have
The good the bad

Why do you put me on a pedestal?
I'm so up high that
I can't see the ground below
So help me down, you got it wrong
I don't belong there

[Chorus]One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo and you look at me
But standing from here
You wouldn't say so
You wouldn’t say so if you were me
And I.. I just wanna love you
Oh oh oh I.. I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes
I'm only human and that's my saving grace
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am
I have flaws sometimes, I even sin
So pull me from my pedestal, I don't belong there

One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo and you look at me but
Standing from here… you wouldn't say so...

~Soundtrack of OTH~

Hai..

Just to share with u ppl some good news..

i did fine with the exams and need not to worry about the supplementary exams.

Alhamdulillah. hugh relief for me.

The faculty did the lousiest way to release the results by expecting us to wait for their email if we need to re-sit the papers. that means the only way to be sure that we are cleared is by checking the email every hour now and then until yesterday's midnite. wait!! they didnt actually specified the time frame but to be on the safe side, i decided to choose midnite. so can u imagine how lllooooonnnggg yesterday was for me?

no point to whine.

but i'd like to say thank you very much for all the prayers, supports and concern. i'm really grateful . may Allah bless and pay all your kindness in HIS own way.

Honesty hurts?

if you asked me, i would say yes.

i know how it feels to be left clueless, not knowing what went wrong and how to deal with it. i know how it feels to hold up, because we dont want to hurt and we dont want to carry the guilt after that. i know how hard it can be to admit the mistakes and start all over again.

so, i thought why dont i get things straight. just be honest and tell everything. because for me, its not about who's right or wrong. i am human and i make mistakes myself. correct me. it is about making things clear for the future. also, i know better that to assume and misunderstand is the easiest and worst thing to happen in any kinda communication, ppl just has no better idea what the other ppl is thinking.

so, if i am being honest, i could make things easier for both in the future because IF the same thing happens again, both would know what's expected from them. i save time to argue and fight. even if at present, things look sour and nothing's worse than listening to the words spoken in such bitterness. but i hope in the future, things are better and easier.

but it doesnt always come right.

i may slip away some harsh words along the lines, making ppl nonetheless offended and mad. i may be mean and selfish myself. i may forget to offer ppl the chance to defend themselves. i've committed all those and i chocked with guilt. but the worst thing is actually to have my intention taken the wrong way.

so, yeah. it hurts.

When i'm upset...

-i lose my patience pretty quick.

-i turn into a b!atch. demanding and difficult.

-i keep things to myself. i rarely open up but when i do, i expect ppl to listen not hear. i expect to be told that everything will be fine, not shoved away. like what i would do to others.

-i mess up.

What's next...

i thought i wont get bored for this hols. this is suppose to be the most deserved holiday after all the struggle. but today, boredom just kick in.

i've finished a book and the one i'm reading next is a bit draggy. i'm not sure whether i would bother to finish it.

rite, i enjoyed OTH but i SO hate the devil in the story, i need a break.

WC is only at nite and rite now, its 12 pm in the afternoon.

What i actually would like to do for my holiday?

- Camping.

"Kalo dah dpt yg persevere tu...utk kamu aku rasa everything will fall into place"

Rulessssssss....
*The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect lover
*Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover
*Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog
*If you are tagged for the second time, there is NO need to do this again
*Lastly, Most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT!

all this while, it has always been just THE 3 . But i'm game.

8 ciri lelaki idaman

1.Love GOD and the religion
i'm not waiting for Mr. Perfectly-Pious, but someone who tries his best to be a faithful servant to HIM, abide by all the boundaries and able to guide me all along.

2.Sensitive
to my needs. my PMS has no specified dates, aren't we all woman? when i'm bummed, i bummed. so to be sensitive, its more than just good understanding but able to fit his presence to the situation. either to become my silent company, decent joker or another person to talk some sense.


3.Humourously witty
i need to laugh but i dont entertain stupid insulting jokes. go figure!


4.Appreciative
I understand that flirt is man's second nature. They just love to eye pretty faces and drool over hot chics. ok, fine BUT once he decided to settle with me, i dont think i can tolerate that. either he had it all done before he chooses me or spare it during my presence. sorry, i'm not gonna be the cool partner who can jolly join that.
i least expect showers of gifts but welcomes endless thoughts and small suprises very much. ohh, have i mentioned that sweet talks sucksss??


5.Responsible
to the relationship. just a simple stuff, like when he speak of the truth, he make mistakes and admit them, he stuffed up and explain. apart from that, of course be a good son and brother to the family.


6.Sports
For an obvious reason, i dont want him to go boncit after eating all my cooking. so off he should go for some soccer or anything with his mates. hehehe. also i dont really fancy going in and out of the shopping mall for our dates, too crowded. instead i will have better time at the park or in the court.

7.Communicative
i am no angel and i need him to correct me. i dont have telepathy to know what's in his mind, whether he wants to go back to his cave to calm down or share with me . i cant accept cancelled plans without prior notice. also when i'm dissatisfied or unhappy, i need to talk or else i'll drive him up the wall feeling clueless.

8.Dominant
Dont mistaken this with male-chauvenist. i've had my fair share of being independent for the past 23 years so i'd like him to take charge from then on. could be for some trivial stuff like to decide where to go, what to eat, how to spend the time during the outings or some bigger decision on the household.

i halved the victims to these 4.
1.Hani salim
2.Hani izhar
3.Aneesa
4.Peah

When season 2 finished..

" Let us drop this breadcrumb so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruelest thing. This year, i lost my way" -The Boy.

" And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate, but losing your reason for the journey is a bit more cruel." -The Boy.

"The journey lasted eight months. Sometimes i travelled alone, sometimes there were others who took the wheels and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasnt me who rided. wasnt me at all." -The Girl.

"And when you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely "- The Girl.

"Because sometimes you have to step out from the person who've been and remember the person you are meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are" -The Boy.

On Crush...

'...Well, that was alright. A natural enough phenomenon that happened between men and women. Mature, normal people didnt let it upset their lives, didnt act on those low level emotions and let them develop into more than frienship, into something that seized control..'

-Single White Female-

So i quote...

a few years from now....

niesa: :cry: awww...as arnee would say...sedih!!!what ske really meant: terharu...(isk)
yatt: of course...who wouldnt?? everytime aku teringat our time kat med 3 and block F, either tersengih or tergelak sorang2...the BEST 2 years of frenship..sayang korang!
hani: wehehe...yup niesa, i missed the good old time in med 3!!
niesa: peah..always the drama queen(flashbacks of all ur exagerated emotions follwed by hysterical laughs..*wink* id say yatt n hani will agreee)

Reading those, slowly I smiled, grinned and as recollections of events occupied my tired mind.. I laughed terguling-guling. Yes, my dearest buddies.. they never fail to amuse me. I've said before, it's magical that 2-years seemed a lifetime. It's like I've known you guys and have you guys by my side since day 1.

And it's as exciting to imagine.. in a few years from now.. things will gradually change, but hopefully the bond remains as beautiful, insya Allah.

Maybe several years ahead,
- I might be listening to any of you guys complaining about the lack of sleep coz ur newborn just wouldn't stop crying for the rest of the night
- I might bump into any of you guys in the supermarket.. either running after a cheeky little toddler or a trolley loaded with food, enough to feed the whole jungle
- I might read the inspirational story of a DR who saved lives of those less fortunate in the middle of nowhere, or a DR who won Nobel Prize for a new discovery in the field of Medicine

Which one it may be, I will always be the same Peah who would smile proudly at every forward steps my friends make.

And also, I will be the "cool Aunty Peah" who'll shower your children with fashionable dresses and dungarees, who'll babysit anytime and who'll team up with your children against you. Hehehe.

If, and insyaAllah, I have one (or 4) of my own, I have favours to ask from korg. Hahaha
- Son : Free arts session once a week
- Niesa : KO kene babysit when Aku and Yatt ade trips to spa/facial treatment or horse-riding ( Yatt, aku assume ko akan ikut aku. Niesa, I pick you sbb tak sure ko nak ikut tak. If ko interested, then Hani Syahida.. ko jage our kids!) <<<<yes yes aku sokongg..of course aku akan ikut ko cik peah..let Niesa and Hani to o-sommm between them for the babysit..
- Arnee (if die read this): Your place would be the ideal sleep-over site sbb if ever things get out of hands, your high-pitched voice should be sufficient to make them go to sleep at once)
- Budak2 kecik Leicester: I welcome any form of clothing from Gap, Next, Laura Ashley.. ( tak yah byk2.. sorg kasi 3-4 okay la)Thanking you in advance!

P/s: Please make dua for me.. my exam's on Thursday and I'm hoping to do well this time... ok, sudah merase cuak.. back to studying!


niesa said...
hahahhahhahah*tergolek2 gelak*
...ade tinggal aku sambil korang kene gi pampered!!!! (whats that about??)ikut la weh, suh arnee jela jage weh, hani...hmmmm(pk2..musykil)

gdluck exam k

it does seem a lifetime away, but it is very much cherished.the tough times, the sad times.it taught us to survive the hardships we go through now.

peah! ko igt tak ko actually TERGOLEK jatuh after a 1st Aid course by the seniors-AND ko taknak bangun???(tergolek2) <<
keep blogging guys.its a special-rare bond accross the continents.
thank god 4 technology.

Tue Jun 20, 03:46:31 AM


Marfu'ah said...
Thanks for the wishes. Keep up with the prayers.. I need them badly. Tsk tsk tsk

Kalau nak kasi kiki lala ke, kiko ke, rocky one ke.. ok je. To compensate, one top from Zara/Jane Norman/Oasis for the mum would be acceptable. LOL


NIESA!!!

Hoi habis rahsia abadi aku.. kureng nyeee.. Tp aku dah seriously tergolek2 sambil jatuh kerusi.

In case you've forgotten, the rationale behind aku TANAK bangun.. gile ke ape? The whole bunch of guys tgh lalu. BY pretending to faint, nampak la cam emergency rather than being clumsy.

But yeah, it's wonderful to think of you guys and smile there and then.

P/s : yatt, ingat tak time ko terbongkang dlm surau and buff decided to have a peek? Hahahahahahahahaha <<<<<haaaaa gelak gelakkk!! nak tahu, after chat dgn ko pasal kisah nih aku takleh tido tau tak..sbb aku tersengih and tergelak sorang2.. urghh, aku nak saman buff!

Tue Jun 20, 08:24:11 AM


niesa said...
igt tak ko tersekat kan bola basketball kt basketball ring?tersekat ok? tak masuk hoop pon.tesekat antare hoop n tiang. talk about lousy shooting. sheesh.. <<<aku ingatt yang nihhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! peahhh oh peahh..masa tuh aku dah terduduk kat atas court sbb dah gelak byk sgt..well, i had my share on the candid too..berlari kejar bola, tak sedar dah terbang terpijak bola...aduiii!!

Tue Jun 20, 02:50:11 PM


*****************************************
ohh dear, i'm sure other ppl will think that we are non-sense...i mean what's with this obsessive effort to cut and paste from her's when i can easily write about something else?

hah!! because they matters to me so much so that i'll keep on appreciating them again and again. They are no longer friends but SISTERS to me..

Back to write??

hhmm, yeah.

i guess my results can wait, still praying for the best that i deserved.

in a meantime, there are something i'd like to share..so see you ppl around=)

farina missy, aku sudah tulis utk tag terbaru kamu tapi mungkin aku akan simpan yang itu, terlalu telus utk bacaan umum..akan tulis yang lain.

When & WHat??...

Tuesday 1pm: OSCE exam.

Friday 930am: Written exam (MCQ & EMQ).

Post-Exam

i'm not happy with how i did the written exam, even OSCE as a matter of fact. i had this mental block while doing the exam and because of that, i just didnt feel right at all after that. so i dunno, i guess there'll be nothing from me till the result's out?

to those who concerned and asked, i appreciated...

For this coming exam...

- i've been having problems to do my revision at home. i dunno why and i'm not exaggerating here. i seemed to lose focus and happy to do anything else but study. sick worried but i sat on the chair, stared blankly on the page. even worse, i didnt bother to open the book.

-due to above situation, i decided to change. i spent time in the library at the hospital and managed to finish off a fair amount of reading. this isnt me but at least when i was home and didnt do anything, i wouldnt feel that guilty or bad. something isnt right with my mind but i dont wanna bother to elaborate. i just wanna get this exam over with and that's it.

-was told that this exam will be TOUGH. no joking=( there are women's & children's health for this semester, that means i need to study both paeds & O and G. lil bit crazy i must say.

-i'm glad i have study group after hospital hours that helps alot. i'm flexible but the good thing to have mixed of girls and boys is that we are more commiting and a lil less distractive with gossips and whats-not. ohh, i'm not talking about my paediatric teammates ok :p

-i need more than assurance and good wishes from all. that includes you who might randomly read this. say a little prayer for me, please =(

-the more i wrote about this, the more anxious and agigated i get*sigh*

humbly, i ask for ur prayer. i really need it.

I hear you..

sms - Cepatla balik, kak S nak blanja N buffet makanan jepun. dah jumpa tempat best. walaupun mahal bbaloi 2 have a sister like u!

say, i'm missed?? heheh..

Kekecewaan melanda...

i was kinda tired from the little shoppping so while waiting for 12am Opening, decided to take a nap..before that i said

'nanti kejutkan eh...bila dah start'

so i slept...then when i opened my eyes again, the room's dark and TV was off. so yeahhhh, its 3am already..i missed both the Opening and 1st match =(

kecewa kecewa kecewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i dunno, it could be either someone forgot to do a favour or someone forgot to wake up..

ok, maybe i still can catch the re-play later today after the study group but what about the Opening???? this is pain i choose for setting my mind to do/have something.

pain of feeling dissatisfied.

sedihhhh =(

Clarify before late...

ok ok, adding to the paragraph of Hottie H...

when i mentioned testimonials, its actually nonchalant remarks or mild compliments other ppl said about him during our nonchalant discussion. you know, you were chatting away with your frens and out of the blue moon, she mentioned yada yada yada yada... and of course i didnt say anything in reply cos it's nonchalant, remember?? hehehe..

hey farah, i didnt know that u still read...must be laughing ur gut off kan?? at least i was after reading ur msg...sungguhlaaa tak sangka=p

Next time?

today's for reality check..

There are a few things i'd like to do more actually, namely examine the kids and talk with the consultants. i dunno, for some reason i thought i didnt spend much time practising my skills on the patients. either caught up with other stuff to do or plain laziness. yes, the i-couldnt-be-bothered attitude i mentioned earlier. its like early in the morning with the doctors, i would make a mental note to at least see this and this patients. later i just...did not proceed with the plan. hmmmm, its hard.

i didnt know about other ppl, but i personally had this problem of being proactive here. maybe the feeling of minority sort of put me down and stop me from chasing opportunities. i changed to become timid and inferior on-and-off. i chose to observe and then look things up, instead of promptly asked the superior doctors. its not the reply of ' i'm the one who should be asking you this..' that stop me all the time, though sometimes it did cos it made me thought 'ohh, maybe i havent read enough'.. but i guess it's more of my own lacking courage to do so. in a way, its not a big deal as ppl always said' u'll remember more if u learn it by urself' but i dont know..i guess, it's the balance.

Little say from me..

Happy Birthday and Happy 1st Anniversary my dearest sis!!! to see that you found ur happiness eventually, makes me believe that i'll find mine soon...

Regardless, I still need you to be my guardian angel..

Love xoxo

Since I have Friday off..

..so today's literally my last day of paediatric rotation. it has been a pleasant experience for me, especially during the last 4 weeks in DH. i am really really satisfied and contented with my time there. got along well with the registra, made good effort to turn up for the ward rounds and attached myself to the team. clinics have been really useful in term of grasping the concept of some complex illness and observing that parenthood doesnt come with a complete manual. case presentation that taught me a lot about putting my best effort into something as i was full of i-couldnt-be-bothered attitude.

little patients that stole my heart away. true enough, they could be very handful and all cranky when 1st came to the hospital, made you sometimes pitiful over their pain of needles and strange environment. but even so, be it shy away, cry irritably or plainly look sick they were worth the care and love. if you were patient enough to wait for some days when they are back to their self, those smiles and happy faces made you day instantaneously. no doubt. just for the sake of bragging, more than once the registra would turn to me and say 'the boy/girl likes you, S'...ohh yeah *shrug* its just because i often made the kids smile and laugh just by eye contacts and lil bit of faces' effort. i'm flattered nonetheless.

i guess the good thing about kids' unit is you get to act like a kid and there's no one to laugh at you if you do so.

next. my group mates? i had great time hanging out with them during lunch, working on our DLA together, laughing over a bit of drama for stuffing up one of the community visits. I may not be talkative but to sit along, listen to their crap talk and budded in once in a while wasnt bad at all. heheh. a bunch of fun ppl, they surely are.

and hows hottie H? he's good. i listened to a lot of nice 'testimonials' from the other colleagues about him so i guess i'm not the only one who are seeing him the way i am now. no way i'm talking about some sweet talk, he's far better without that. just remind me to write about him more next time. if anyone bothers to know, that is. if you ask me now, i'd say i would love to have our path crossed again. damn, i'm smiling!!

Little confession..

i'm sitting for my exam next week

BUT

i do not feel like studying.

i have not even start doing my revision.

the only thing that makes me feel a wee bit better is

to have the study group

but i know i've had better motivation before.

and i feel bad for that.

The Moments of Contentment & Happiness...

Birthday bash= satay, rounders, playgrounds and cupcakes.

Mother's Day Classic 2006...we walked, we laughed..


Hit the net with good sportsmanship...

Girls' day out for Easter. very nice.

click on the pics for bigger view..

June's

3rd: Ma's birthday...

9th: kak's birthday...

13th: OSCE exam(women's & children's health)

16th: written exam: women's & children's health)

17th: missed SSP gathering*hurmmmmmm*

29th: Tullamarine airport=D


bila tanya 'kenal tak sape nih', dia jawab 'kenallll..dgr suara pun dah kenal' (elehhh, macam org tak dengar papa dia ckp sape yg call=p)

bila tanya tgh buat ape n dgn sapa, dia mention semua org yg ada kat situ tapi boleh lupa nama pakcik dia..heeee, bertuah!

bila tanya psl lawan bola, dia ckp dia main midfielder, striker dan defender (amboi, semua position!), cerita mcm mana dia almost score the goal, then dgn cool-nya admit yg team dia menang satu jeh game dlm tournament tuh.

bila tanya pasal world cup, dia kata nak support brazil, argentina and england.

bila kata manaa aci support byk2 team, dia choose england sbb ada steven gerrard=D

bila tanya nak present ape bila balik nanti, dia mintak boots bola

bila gelak and kata mana ade duittt pastu konon2 pengsan, dia gelak jugak pastu jawab 'kalu takde duit, kenapa pegi belajar kat universiti di australia'


bila konon2 merajuk sbb tak penah pun dpt present dari dia, dia kata takde duit so kalu nak juga kena pinjam duit papa.

bila usik2 pasal girl yg dia pernah mention dulu, dia gelakk pastu cakap 'heeeeihhh, dia nih..hihihihi'

sukaaa=)

To The Most WANTED person in my life...

Happy Birthday, ma...

you know i LOVE you so much!




and i miss u...

Jokingly deep..

when she said last time..
'takpelahhh korang, skarang aku dah tau dah sape kawan aku sbenar2nya..'
then we laughed.

but it's true.
ppl care. ppl ignore. ppl abandon.

its ok sometimes to know where one stands in ppl's heart/mind. it brings the person back to the ground.

dont let this writing get to u, any of u. my shallow thought. my obscure observation.

and my apology.

BIG LOL!!

Di suatu petang...

23yr old [1]: haaa, korang..aku nih yg paling tua tau kat rumah nih..kena panggil along...

23yr old [2]: hahahahha, aku aku????

20yr old [1] & [2] :heheheheh..

23 yr old [2]: achik? sebab yg atas tuh angah la kan, sbb 3 hari awal dr aku..

20yr old [1]: kak *toot* alanglaa..

23yr old [2]:ohhh ok ok...haaa (sambil tengok kat 20 yr old [2]), ko .......achong!

all: LOL LOL..

20 yr old[2]: ehhh, ape pulakkkk*sengih*

23 yr old[2] : ahhh , takde2...achong jugak

23 yr old [1]: haaa ok ok. yg nih plak (aim kat 20 yr old [1])....ayam!

all: LOL LOL LOL

23 yr old[2]: haaa, senyap dia..tadi sedap sgt gelakkan org=p *toot*, ko memang besttt!!

sampai sini dahla..korang maybe tanak dgr sambungan dialog nih, merepek banyak=D lgpun lepas tuh, aku terus sakit kepala sbb byk sgt gelakkkkk..