Silence, I spent it reading the book. The Wedd1ng by N1cholas Sparks.NIcely tucked under my blanket, one page after another. i was half-way through around 930pm the usual bedtime and woken up for-no-reason around 130 and decided to finish the book. one line synopsis: story of a man trying to save his 30 years of marriage. i urge everyone to read it. it's good, u'll laugh u'll smirk u'll reminisce u'll think deep. like this one here..
"It's funny but have you ever noticed the more special something is, the more people seem to take it for granted? It's like they think it wont ever change. Just like this house here. All it needed is a little attention, and it would never have ended up like this in the first place"
what about this one?
"Roses are tough. When they're young, they sort of sprout out like a tree, but you have to keep cutting them back so they form right. everytime they started blooming, I'd have to head out with my shears to prune them back into shape, and for a long time the garden seemsed as though it would never look right. And it hurts, too. Those thorns are sharp. I spent a lot of years with my hands bandaged up like a mummy."
so girls, smile. you know what ur worth for.
I've always hoped and wished to get collection of his book. While i fancy Dan Br0wn's for fictions, i view his arts as full of life. pricetags made me think thrice though, but i think i wanna start doing it now. know what, if any of u could help me with this books (second-hands is just fine..i dont mind) i will love u more tau. hehe..
and reason i despise chick-lit? i SO HATE to read woman potrayed as dumb and materialistic. even if the dumb realised her stupid and shallow mistakes later and sorta make up for it, i still hate. heh. oh also, its cliche like not-so-beautiful-girl-fall-in-love-with-hunky-guy-and-later-transformed-into-pretty-lass-and-get-the-jerk-going-after-her? thanks but no thanks, give the book to someone else.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Hey, I still care about you..
glad to have me back??
hah, perasannyeee=p
so, the messages
haniizhar: eyyy makcik, i've been meaning to ask u about ur whole elective experience in HUSM, esp the second part of it. asik tak sempat je kan?(yeahh, padahal we've been wonderfully communicating thru this space, hardly exhange greetings in YM,hehe) so yeah, buzz me and would like to catch up on things..maybe...maybe i'll drop the hillarious story with one the patient in JB..this one, i'm sure u'll hit get headache for laughing too much.it beats the video-clip story i tell u.
graduating bloggers: 5 years flew in no time and GOD knows how we managed to keep close and try our best to be there to each other ( or at least u've been there for me). i am definitely joyous and celebrative with ur great achievement, but deep inside i am sad and anxious. time is almost over. who knows what's life gonna be once u start wearing the title and to think that there'll be less and less writings for me to update/laugh about u, also possibly less comments and thoughts from u in here to keep me standing tall..my heart aches a bit. but well, i think we did a good job here, for this kinda frenship is rare.
arnee: okay, akan aku ingat pesan kau so that aku tak tgk cerita hantu melayu itu. ape ko ckp " jangan sekali2 tergerak hati.."? hoh, hati aku tak bergerak langsung tau sbb aku tahu, aku takkan berani keluar awal pagi or balik bila hari dah gelap kalu aku tgk cerita itu...tapikan tapikann...alaaaa, teringinn la jugak nak join org lain tengok..nak join je tp taknak tgk, cemana?
vascular team: i enjoyed my time with u guys. thanks. send my regards to the old man in bed 7, who loves to look out for my smile during ward round even in his groginess. tell him, dont miss me or my smile..whichever;) also to the theatre nurse, say thanks for being so fond of me. i love it.
mr anaesthetist: you are soooo DASHINGLY HANDSOME, my frens would go pengsan if they meet u. but its not that that secure the soft spot but ur initiative to befriend me, recognise and gesture me whenever we bump into each other in the corridor, entertaining my questions and help me to understand, looking out for me and smile mischiveously in the middle of chaotic surgery as if we share some funny secrets; the soft nudge on my last day in OT? aaawww, i'm flattered. hiks.i know the next time we see each other again, u will thumb's up to me. i will definitely smile back.u have the decency and warmth i am comfortable with. and hey, there's this miss anaesthetist i know would suit u best. she's very pretty u know. u'll make the best couple in the hosp, i'm sure. opss, that wedding band of yours..
bantingites: nuna showed me this funny vidoe clips of some production by misters' of Galway. ok, the moment i watched it i hillariously reminded of our acting era. that was something, kan? so yeah...to see them in action just bring back the old memories..of what's college life was all about. not so much of study to be fond of, but what we found in ourselves..to be on the stage again?? let me think twice. hah.
mr resident: sorry, i didnt mean to laugh at ur age graft and effort to make me understand that there's more to life than my study or future job and that i need to think of my personal issue as well. i knew u meant well, in fact i realised the importance of personal future but.... if only i could tell u the real reason behind my change of mind, the fact that i'm not sure something could happen more than once..thats all. u sounded and looked very sincere and concern, i'm moved. i'll be fine whichever way i end up being, i can assure u. i'm assuring myself at the same time. lucky you for marrying ur childhoodflame sweetheart during your med-years though. i find it pretty sweet;)
farina: i have mixed feelings about ur situation. i'm smiling but at the same time i have concerns. but u always know i prioritise ur happiness, kan? so yeah, you go and seize the moments cos u will never know how long it will last..u have my back.
syu: no meaning to rub salt to the wound but whenever i thought about plans/places to do/go when liyana's visiting, my mind thought of u. glad i had the chance with u last year so keep on reminiscing that, will u?
as for myself, i'm no longer Miss Chop-chop. Will be known as Miss Germy for the next 6 weeks. now, need to get back to my hand-washing routine. ohh yeah, the gown and gloves and mask whatsnot.heh.
hah, perasannyeee=p
so, the messages
haniizhar: eyyy makcik, i've been meaning to ask u about ur whole elective experience in HUSM, esp the second part of it. asik tak sempat je kan?(yeahh, padahal we've been wonderfully communicating thru this space, hardly exhange greetings in YM,hehe) so yeah, buzz me and would like to catch up on things..maybe...maybe i'll drop the hillarious story with one the patient in JB..this one, i'm sure u'll hit get headache for laughing too much.it beats the video-clip story i tell u.
graduating bloggers: 5 years flew in no time and GOD knows how we managed to keep close and try our best to be there to each other ( or at least u've been there for me). i am definitely joyous and celebrative with ur great achievement, but deep inside i am sad and anxious. time is almost over. who knows what's life gonna be once u start wearing the title and to think that there'll be less and less writings for me to update/laugh about u, also possibly less comments and thoughts from u in here to keep me standing tall..my heart aches a bit. but well, i think we did a good job here, for this kinda frenship is rare.
arnee: okay, akan aku ingat pesan kau so that aku tak tgk cerita hantu melayu itu. ape ko ckp " jangan sekali2 tergerak hati.."? hoh, hati aku tak bergerak langsung tau sbb aku tahu, aku takkan berani keluar awal pagi or balik bila hari dah gelap kalu aku tgk cerita itu...tapikan tapikann...alaaaa, teringinn la jugak nak join org lain tengok..nak join je tp taknak tgk, cemana?
vascular team: i enjoyed my time with u guys. thanks. send my regards to the old man in bed 7, who loves to look out for my smile during ward round even in his groginess. tell him, dont miss me or my smile..whichever;) also to the theatre nurse, say thanks for being so fond of me. i love it.
mr anaesthetist: you are soooo DASHINGLY HANDSOME, my frens would go pengsan if they meet u. but its not that that secure the soft spot but ur initiative to befriend me, recognise and gesture me whenever we bump into each other in the corridor, entertaining my questions and help me to understand, looking out for me and smile mischiveously in the middle of chaotic surgery as if we share some funny secrets; the soft nudge on my last day in OT? aaawww, i'm flattered. hiks.i know the next time we see each other again, u will thumb's up to me. i will definitely smile back.u have the decency and warmth i am comfortable with. and hey, there's this miss anaesthetist i know would suit u best. she's very pretty u know. u'll make the best couple in the hosp, i'm sure. opss, that wedding band of yours..
bantingites: nuna showed me this funny vidoe clips of some production by misters' of Galway. ok, the moment i watched it i hillariously reminded of our acting era. that was something, kan? so yeah...to see them in action just bring back the old memories..of what's college life was all about. not so much of study to be fond of, but what we found in ourselves..to be on the stage again?? let me think twice. hah.
mr resident: sorry, i didnt mean to laugh at ur age graft and effort to make me understand that there's more to life than my study or future job and that i need to think of my personal issue as well. i knew u meant well, in fact i realised the importance of personal future but.... if only i could tell u the real reason behind my change of mind, the fact that i'm not sure something could happen more than once..thats all. u sounded and looked very sincere and concern, i'm moved. i'll be fine whichever way i end up being, i can assure u. i'm assuring myself at the same time. lucky you for marrying ur childhood
farina: i have mixed feelings about ur situation. i'm smiling but at the same time i have concerns. but u always know i prioritise ur happiness, kan? so yeah, you go and seize the moments cos u will never know how long it will last..u have my back.
syu: no meaning to rub salt to the wound but whenever i thought about plans/places to do/go when liyana's visiting, my mind thought of u. glad i had the chance with u last year so keep on reminiscing that, will u?
as for myself, i'm no longer Miss Chop-chop. Will be known as Miss Germy for the next 6 weeks. now, need to get back to my hand-washing routine. ohh yeah, the gown and gloves and mask whatsnot.heh.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
THANK YOU
lunch hour..sat down with them, enjoying my sushi. nothing much to talk, end up describing how it's gonna be for me next year, future working experience in home-country. i didnt mean to show how anxious or uncertain i was, but he looked straight to me and said firmly, confidently..
'JUST THINK OF IT THIS WAY. OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT. OTHER PEOPLE IS DOING IT. SO U CAN DO IT'
never received this kinda faith from anyone. i could only smile back and thanked him, whole-heartedly.
no lah babe, bukan si kacak yang baik hati itu. kalau dia yang cakap begitu, pastinya aku dah ambil borang untuk apply PR di sini dan ucap selamat tinggal m'sia. tapikan...dia buat aku tersenyum lagi hari ini. manis sungguh ingatannya itu.
siapa dia? selamat berteka teki..
'JUST THINK OF IT THIS WAY. OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT. OTHER PEOPLE IS DOING IT. SO U CAN DO IT'
never received this kinda faith from anyone. i could only smile back and thanked him, whole-heartedly.
no lah babe, bukan si kacak yang baik hati itu. kalau dia yang cakap begitu, pastinya aku dah ambil borang untuk apply PR di sini dan ucap selamat tinggal m'sia. tapikan...dia buat aku tersenyum lagi hari ini. manis sungguh ingatannya itu.
siapa dia? selamat berteka teki..
Saturday, May 19, 2007
My little loves
Ini Aqil
Ini Adik Um(ar)
Ini 
Ini Adik Um(ar)
Ini 
Ini
Ini
Ini Aqil
Ini Adik Um(ar)
Ini Aqil
Ini Syakir
Ini
eheh, ini naughty boy...
Friday, May 18, 2007
My Little Story
Some are gifted. some need to work hard. Me? I choose the smart way;)
so, yeah. i've always had weight issue. not the one with morbidly obese or anything, just that i hate the number on the weighing scale. i was happy with my body, full stop. if not for the number. the static number that who never seemed to budge no matter how much i exercise or how less i eat. that number has been staying with me eversince high school. f3 kot. eversince, i despise that number. i guess the first number makes the diff..ppl said i lookeda little chubby normal, i know im not-that-bad but i just hate the number. that's all. oh and i have difficulties finding decent clothes, decent loose comfortable clothes.
i came to melb with that number. i almost give up with that number. to my biggest horror, it went up by 4 digit in my 2nd year here..i almost fainted. i'm sure my face was about to blow out by then. and to my dad's horror, my face started to have pimples. what's all these?? crazy lahh...kalau dah abah pun pointed out to the zits, must be something lah kan. memang tak bleh lupa.
ahh well, what to do. i got away with zits but not as easily with the weight though. in the end, home country helped me to get rid of the excess. back to square one. that static number. so, yeah. ran out of idea already. i started to avoid the scale. i know i lost some of the number last year but i dared not to jump on the scale for months, cos i dont wanna see that static number again. till i decided to try Herbal1fe (HL). for the record, i initially thought of my sister when i first read about it HERE but alang2 tuh, why not try it for myself. tp silapla cos i dont have my exact initial measurement, all i know i was 2kg less than the haunted number;) nevermind, i still went ahead. in the middle of it, i gave her THIS, just to share the satisfaction. just after one month of extensive HL(read: twice shakes daily+ regular teamix), i already felt the difference. still, i avoided the scale. but i took note of the inches, skin complexion, energy level and metabolism. well, just say everything's worth for the money. Tell ya, investment needs determination. so when i dare enough to hop on the scale again, i smiled with great satisfaction.
i'm sure i'm doing my body good favour with HL cos it suffers less and less migraine-cum-gastritis because the simplest-healthiest meal is just a blend away; have higher metabolism cos i seemed to be eating everything under the sun now, apart from once shakes daily and drinking teamix religiously (tips: if u feel guilty for sacrificing ur shakes because u have dinner invitation, fret not. replace it with teamix); enough soy protein for my complexion; running around the hospital for long hours energetically; yummylicious shakes; boost up my confidence and above all, got to wear all the decent clothes loosely and comfortably. yeay!
here i am, 7kg lighter than the static number. 5kg courtesy of HL. so, yeah. i couldn't write more than this.
so, yeah. i've always had weight issue. not the one with morbidly obese or anything, just that i hate the number on the weighing scale. i was happy with my body, full stop. if not for the number. the static number that who never seemed to budge no matter how much i exercise or how less i eat. that number has been staying with me eversince high school. f3 kot. eversince, i despise that number. i guess the first number makes the diff..ppl said i looked
i came to melb with that number. i almost give up with that number. to my biggest horror, it went up by 4 digit in my 2nd year here..
ahh well, what to do. i got away with zits but not as easily with the weight though. in the end, home country helped me to get rid of the excess. back to square one. that static number. so, yeah. ran out of idea already. i started to avoid the scale. i know i lost some of the number last year but i dared not to jump on the scale for months, cos i dont wanna see that static number again. till i decided to try Herbal1fe (HL). for the record, i initially thought of my sister when i first read about it HERE but alang2 tuh, why not try it for myself. tp silapla cos i dont have my exact initial measurement, all i know i was 2kg less than the haunted number;) nevermind, i still went ahead. in the middle of it, i gave her THIS, just to share the satisfaction. just after one month of extensive HL(read: twice shakes daily+ regular teamix), i already felt the difference. still, i avoided the scale. but i took note of the inches, skin complexion, energy level and metabolism. well, just say everything's worth for the money. Tell ya, investment needs determination. so when i dare enough to hop on the scale again, i smiled with great satisfaction.
i'm sure i'm doing my body good favour with HL cos it suffers less and less migraine-cum-gastritis because the simplest-healthiest meal is just a blend away; have higher metabolism cos i seemed to be eating everything under the sun now, apart from once shakes daily and drinking teamix religiously (tips: if u feel guilty for sacrificing ur shakes because u have dinner invitation, fret not. replace it with teamix); enough soy protein for my complexion; running around the hospital for long hours energetically; yummylicious shakes; boost up my confidence and above all, got to wear all the decent clothes loosely and comfortably. yeay!
here i am, 7kg lighter than the static number. 5kg courtesy of HL. so, yeah. i couldn't write more than this.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Ape-ape jelah..
nak tahu ke?
tak suka weekend. weekend yg takde ape2 nak buat. ada, kemas bilik basuh baju keluar makan. tak suka pagi weekend, nanti sedih.
byk nak tulis tp tanak tulis sini. nanti sedih lagi.
hari khamis byk sgt gelak. tahan gelak dalam library. komen2 sgt kelakar. ke, aku yg merepek? aku tak tipu tau pasal kisah video klip tuh. ada satu cerita lagi kelakar masa dlm ward kat HSA, JB. tapi kena cerita depan mata, baru penuh expression. rugi hani, kita tak duduk dekat. kalu tak mesti aku dah cerita. mesti kita dah gelak golek2.
peah, rindu kau. nak ngadu kat kau. kesat air mata.
dah kata dah, tak suka weekend. nanti nangis.
takut nak call. taknak call lagi, taknak fikir lagi. biar dulu.
bilik dah renovate. atas meja merah ada groovychicks, spongebob dan ape lagi ntah. ada keepsack jugak. tampal kepingan kalendar utk cover pintu, tapi bila hampar sejadah jadi mengadap kartun pulak. macam mana?
baru realised, bukan kali pertama. org kata tak baik pahit, ye ke? hidup seadanya. macam mana boleh berulang? lepas ni, taknak dah. tak adil. tipu.
taknak balik msia. taknak teringat, taknak tengok, taknak ingat, taknak rasa, taknak pendam, taknak nangis malam-malam. taknak dah. taknak dah. sakit.
nangis lagi. nanti jadi macam kassim selamat. pedih mata.
jangan datang dekat. tak percaya. tipu.
jahat.
tak suka weekend. weekend yg takde ape2 nak buat. ada, kemas bilik basuh baju keluar makan. tak suka pagi weekend, nanti sedih.
byk nak tulis tp tanak tulis sini. nanti sedih lagi.
hari khamis byk sgt gelak. tahan gelak dalam library. komen2 sgt kelakar. ke, aku yg merepek? aku tak tipu tau pasal kisah video klip tuh. ada satu cerita lagi kelakar masa dlm ward kat HSA, JB. tapi kena cerita depan mata, baru penuh expression. rugi hani, kita tak duduk dekat. kalu tak mesti aku dah cerita. mesti kita dah gelak golek2.
peah, rindu kau. nak ngadu kat kau. kesat air mata.
dah kata dah, tak suka weekend. nanti nangis.
takut nak call. taknak call lagi, taknak fikir lagi. biar dulu.
bilik dah renovate. atas meja merah ada groovychicks, spongebob dan ape lagi ntah. ada keepsack jugak. tampal kepingan kalendar utk cover pintu, tapi bila hampar sejadah jadi mengadap kartun pulak. macam mana?
baru realised, bukan kali pertama. org kata tak baik pahit, ye ke? hidup seadanya. macam mana boleh berulang? lepas ni, taknak dah. tak adil. tipu.
taknak balik msia. taknak teringat, taknak tengok, taknak ingat, taknak rasa, taknak pendam, taknak nangis malam-malam. taknak dah. taknak dah. sakit.
nangis lagi. nanti jadi macam kassim selamat. pedih mata.
jangan datang dekat. tak percaya. tipu.
jahat.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Not yet..almost, maybe
This is what happen after 4 weeks of 730-530 in the unit (minus an afternoon i let myself off everyweek)
-strangely remember the name & bed of patients by heart. also their faces, likely their problem too.
-get this special feeling whenever called byname honey or darling or sweetie or love. warmth...
-almost tempted to just find a place in the hospital and sleep after the long day, the thought of walking back to the bus stop and then home tires me already.
-ache-y thighs and legs from the brisk walk every morning and evening, for the sake of not missing the bus. pedestrian is a hard job.
-to be remembered by the theatre's nurse, whom i only introduced myself once.
-realised the big difference it made to have a totally-the-opposite-from-the-previous resident.gggrruuaayyytt!!
-to my shame, the fellow never failed to greet me everyday or every surgery. which it should be the other way round.
-i dont have anyone to feed, so my last nasi was 3 days ago...thank GOD there's halal nasi campur on campus, otherwise it would've been 5 days record. oh yes, i wasnt feeling well so forced myself to stop and buy a pack.
-9pm came down to 830pm. what i enjoy more is to wake up few times, say 12am, 3 am or 445am and could still go back to sleep till it strike 5am. heavenn..
-the easiest way to avoid guilt for not studying at night is Grey's. kehkehkehkeh...
-strangely remember the name & bed of patients by heart. also their faces, likely their problem too.
-get this special feeling whenever called by
-almost tempted to just find a place in the hospital and sleep after the long day, the thought of walking back to the bus stop and then home tires me already.
-ache-y thighs and legs from the brisk walk every morning and evening, for the sake of not missing the bus. pedestrian is a hard job.
-to be remembered by the theatre's nurse, whom i only introduced myself once.
-realised the big difference it made to have a totally-the-opposite-from-the-previous resident.gggrruuaayyytt!!
-to my shame, the fellow never failed to greet me everyday or every surgery. which it should be the other way round.
-i dont have anyone to feed, so my last nasi was 3 days ago...thank GOD there's halal nasi campur on campus, otherwise it would've been 5 days record. oh yes, i wasnt feeling well so forced myself to stop and buy a pack.
-9pm came down to 830pm. what i enjoy more is to wake up few times, say 12am, 3 am or 445am and could still go back to sleep till it strike 5am. heavenn..
-the easiest way to avoid guilt for not studying at night is Grey's. kehkehkehkeh...
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Rolling on the floor laughing
tgh tgk2 video clip..saje nak usha yg nih, dlm kepala dah start fikir
' ohh, tgk tunggu awek dia kot..maybe nak ckp dia nak clash ke ape ...eh jap, apsal tajuk lagu nih macam dia yg nak blah tapi kenapa dia suruh awek dia pergi pulak??
alahaii sian muka awek dia..sedihnyaaa..eh, apsal awek dia je pergi masjid (trying to read the tulisan jawi)..apsal dia tunggu dlm keta je??
eh, apsal awek dia yg drive keta plak?? takkan dia x reti drive kot??
ape lagu nih...tajuk mcm dia yg nak pergi, tp suruh awek dia pergi la, bangun semula laa...
wowwww, dasyatnya awek dia nangis...mesti konon sayang gilelah nih..hahaha, ok2..pandai2 berlakon..aduii, kesiannye... (rasa sedih dlm pada tak faham)
eh, pantai? eh, gambar2 diorg?? nak buang dlm laut???
ohhhhhhhhhh, dia mati keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....patutlaaaa'
nak tahu video-clip lagu ape? nih dia..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRYPheSlaJ0
dengan ini, jelaslah bahawa aku masih LPU...
' ohh, tgk tunggu awek dia kot..maybe nak ckp dia nak clash ke ape ...eh jap, apsal tajuk lagu nih macam dia yg nak blah tapi kenapa dia suruh awek dia pergi pulak??
alahaii sian muka awek dia..sedihnyaaa..eh, apsal awek dia je pergi masjid (trying to read the tulisan jawi)..apsal dia tunggu dlm keta je??
eh, apsal awek dia yg drive keta plak?? takkan dia x reti drive kot??
ape lagu nih...tajuk mcm dia yg nak pergi, tp suruh awek dia pergi la, bangun semula laa...
wowwww, dasyatnya awek dia nangis...mesti konon sayang gilelah nih..hahaha, ok2..pandai2 berlakon..aduii, kesiannye... (rasa sedih dlm pada tak faham)
eh, pantai? eh, gambar2 diorg?? nak buang dlm laut???
ohhhhhhhhhh, dia mati keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....patutlaaaa'
nak tahu video-clip lagu ape? nih dia..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRYPheSlaJ0
dengan ini, jelaslah bahawa aku masih LPU...
Past remains past
I'm being human again.who seem to overlook good in others, but wondering why things are different now, than what she/he got from me as trouble or sorrow approached in the past. when i have always been there, attending to the grimace. trying my best to make sure everything's ok, nevermind the time and difficult mood. put down my own issue to make sure she/he feel not alone.
only to realise that ppl do leave each other once they have found their happiness. ppl do forget each other.
truth in life, checked.
am i fair to say this is unfair?
i'm sure i'm asking too much.
same mistake doesnt happen twice. none of this will be told to the face.
it, erm...hurts though.
only to realise that ppl do leave each other once they have found their happiness. ppl do forget each other.
truth in life, checked.
am i fair to say this is unfair?
i'm sure i'm asking too much.
same mistake doesnt happen twice. none of this will be told to the face.
it, erm...hurts though.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
I am RICH..
with sisterhood...of the many.
she, of whom i wrote to with hands busy weeping off the tears only to feel comfort after clicking 'send' button. even time doesnt allow any reply sometimes, i've found my warmest hugs.
she, of the many finally found her love and got hitched. I felt overwhelmed with joy on her BIG days, both solemnisation and reception as beautiful as she was. whatever i pray for my blood-bonded sister, i pray for the same to her in her new life; cos only GOD knows how much she's done to make me of who i am now. she, of the many who stay with me while others come and go.
she, of the many who have totally diff outlook about life than me and never failed to return my msg attending to my low time. something not everyone could commit to, i must say.
TLC that goes beyond ocean and time differences. that allow me to cry hard in front of the monitor while talking to them..and pain is halved.
to hear or read their worries about exams pumped my adrenaline and put me in anxiety state. i could only wish to be before them to help with revision and changed from '..I' to '...we' in my prayers.
to know their victories and success, it feels like all the qualification and joy's are mine.
to realise creatures with XY chromosome have been a total B**T**D to them, i swear i wannakick dick hard slap and punch hard.
to realise that i could be just another long-lost-junior-only-to-be-found-virtually, but honoured as the one and only reader of thought. priceless.
non-existent absence. they live around me. we grow up together.
with that, i'm officially announcing myself as the candidate for the 19 grumpy old woman with a driver-cum-gardener-cum-entertainer plan. guilty as charged.
she, of whom i wrote to with hands busy weeping off the tears only to feel comfort after clicking 'send' button. even time doesnt allow any reply sometimes, i've found my warmest hugs.
she, of the many finally found her love and got hitched. I felt overwhelmed with joy on her BIG days, both solemnisation and reception as beautiful as she was. whatever i pray for my blood-bonded sister, i pray for the same to her in her new life; cos only GOD knows how much she's done to make me of who i am now. she, of the many who stay with me while others come and go.
she, of the many who have totally diff outlook about life than me and never failed to return my msg attending to my low time. something not everyone could commit to, i must say.
TLC that goes beyond ocean and time differences. that allow me to cry hard in front of the monitor while talking to them..and pain is halved.
to hear or read their worries about exams pumped my adrenaline and put me in anxiety state. i could only wish to be before them to help with revision and changed from '..I' to '...we' in my prayers.
to know their victories and success, it feels like all the qualification and joy's are mine.
to realise creatures with XY chromosome have been a total B**T**D to them, i swear i wanna
to realise that i could be just another long-lost-junior-only-to-be-found-virtually, but honoured as the one and only reader of thought. priceless.
non-existent absence. they live around me. we grow up together.
with that, i'm officially announcing myself as the candidate for the 19 grumpy old woman with a driver-cum-gardener-cum-entertainer plan. guilty as charged.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Gush
I may not wish to disclose the content of email for personal preference but would like to excerpt this...
my final year may not be all about exams, but i've got at least 5 supervisors to impress to get good pre-intern assessment. and i knew i didnt the last time i did it in msia. in fact, i reached my breaking point while working hard to reach the high-sky expectation. toughest time of all when ur so close to finishing, only to realise ur so far away. again, tears and fear were the dreadful company. only that i've gone back to the basic, ALLAH the GREATEST. as my bro's saying, i shuld do my best before accepting any failure than not trying my best and fail. and my belief also said so, HE will grant me whatever i deserve. even if the worst happened to me, i will not let myself stop there. i've got so much personal satisfaction and worthiness that i need to work on in this field and i cant stop half way.
as i wrote some time ago. this gush of urge to share this came while i was hopping from meddie's to meddie's. feeling for their pain, feeling sorry for them that their meddies' years went that way. i have no intention to offend anyone, any place or any educational system but i know where does the feeling roots from. cos i've touched it once and it drowned me. the feeling of worst, nauseating. dragged me down to the level i've never imagined i would be or survived. but i did. even at the point of writing this imagining the feelings, nauseating. to know that i choose to brave through the feelings again next year and after, for the name of family and little comfort, nauseating.
i need to ackowledge how lucky, chosen i am to experience the opposite here. away from the so-called homeland.
here, i was told and reminded that i could not possibly know everything. the only difference i can make is to know where to find the knowledge and who to get the wisdom. its should not be tough, instead its gonna be fulfilling. its gonna make u a better person, change u for what ur worth.
here, i seldom feel the discrepancy. of BIG doctors and small doctors, as of laymen term. i observed and fascinated at the hands-in-hands achievement. i immersed myself in the non-existent border between the layers of hierarchy and realised i could only dream of the same after finishing this.
here, i may struggle with being minority. not the nicest feeling, fair enough. of turning into an introvert and chose to be the quiet almost invisible shadow in the crowd but i could feel contenment. of being able to push myself a little bit more each time and reward myself justlywith shopping trip and restaurant visits.
here, i appreciate my student's life as much as i appreciate people. i envision my future daunting working load as a little contribution to others' life. of being able to care and be human. i pray and hope that regardless, my intention does not change over the years.
trust me, i would not be able to become little miss genius, i do not work for that. i just want to make differences in people's life.' insya Allah, the nawaitu.
trust me, i am as scared as those of u who are struggling with papers and examiners. if only i could let you know that last year, the graduation dinner's over only to be told that there would be board of examiners' meeting less than a week away from the grads day, to decide those who actually need to withold their scroll-receiving ceremony. based on 5 pieces of paper, written by diff person who may have set up diff expectation and diff measures to grade a student. nothing of exams or orals or OSCE. i've seen how much it took away the excitement from the faces i very much knew had tried their best. i'm hiding my anxiety, my fear and my lacking confidence that i've meet the expectation of the person in previous rotation. this, will haunt me till december. how does that feels to you?
i'm holding tightly to my bro's words above. i shuld do my best before accepting any failure than not trying my best and fail. that way, i would not have any regret. that way, i'm accepting any possibilities after giving my best. that way, i strengthen my belief to the up above. that way, i dont mind braving thru the chilling 630am and return home 12 hours after that. that way, i realised how much knowledge and whispering satisfaction i gain from being the final year's.
dont make it any harder to urself.
my final year may not be all about exams, but i've got at least 5 supervisors to impress to get good pre-intern assessment. and i knew i didnt the last time i did it in msia. in fact, i reached my breaking point while working hard to reach the high-sky expectation. toughest time of all when ur so close to finishing, only to realise ur so far away. again, tears and fear were the dreadful company. only that i've gone back to the basic, ALLAH the GREATEST. as my bro's saying, i shuld do my best before accepting any failure than not trying my best and fail. and my belief also said so, HE will grant me whatever i deserve. even if the worst happened to me, i will not let myself stop there. i've got so much personal satisfaction and worthiness that i need to work on in this field and i cant stop half way.
as i wrote some time ago. this gush of urge to share this came while i was hopping from meddie's to meddie's. feeling for their pain, feeling sorry for them that their meddies' years went that way. i have no intention to offend anyone, any place or any educational system but i know where does the feeling roots from. cos i've touched it once and it drowned me. the feeling of worst, nauseating. dragged me down to the level i've never imagined i would be or survived. but i did. even at the point of writing this imagining the feelings, nauseating. to know that i choose to brave through the feelings again next year and after, for the name of family and little comfort, nauseating.
i need to ackowledge how lucky, chosen i am to experience the opposite here. away from the so-called homeland.
here, i was told and reminded that i could not possibly know everything. the only difference i can make is to know where to find the knowledge and who to get the wisdom. its should not be tough, instead its gonna be fulfilling. its gonna make u a better person, change u for what ur worth.
here, i seldom feel the discrepancy. of BIG doctors and small doctors, as of laymen term. i observed and fascinated at the hands-in-hands achievement. i immersed myself in the non-existent border between the layers of hierarchy and realised i could only dream of the same after finishing this.
here, i may struggle with being minority. not the nicest feeling, fair enough. of turning into an introvert and chose to be the quiet almost invisible shadow in the crowd but i could feel contenment. of being able to push myself a little bit more each time and reward myself justly
here, i appreciate my student's life as much as i appreciate people. i envision my future daunting working load as a little contribution to others' life. of being able to care and be human. i pray and hope that regardless, my intention does not change over the years.
trust me, i would not be able to become little miss genius, i do not work for that. i just want to make differences in people's life.' insya Allah, the nawaitu.
trust me, i am as scared as those of u who are struggling with papers and examiners. if only i could let you know that last year, the graduation dinner's over only to be told that there would be board of examiners' meeting less than a week away from the grads day, to decide those who actually need to withold their scroll-receiving ceremony. based on 5 pieces of paper, written by diff person who may have set up diff expectation and diff measures to grade a student. nothing of exams or orals or OSCE. i've seen how much it took away the excitement from the faces i very much knew had tried their best. i'm hiding my anxiety, my fear and my lacking confidence that i've meet the expectation of the person in previous rotation. this, will haunt me till december. how does that feels to you?
i'm holding tightly to my bro's words above. i shuld do my best before accepting any failure than not trying my best and fail. that way, i would not have any regret. that way, i'm accepting any possibilities after giving my best. that way, i strengthen my belief to the up above. that way, i dont mind braving thru the chilling 630am and return home 12 hours after that. that way, i realised how much knowledge and whispering satisfaction i gain from being the final year's.
dont make it any harder to urself.
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