*PAssioN*


...try-out at the monash sports centre..nway, tgh break tuh bukannye mase main betul2(uhuk, boleh shoot ke kalu ade defender kat depan tuh:p)


...one fine game of M@SCA ,VIC vs NSW.Final score:39-5,yeayy!! it was an hour game of 15 mins each quarter.The other team was fairly good, with the basketballers (fast!) and stuff..but we managed to put up a better game :=D with the dodgy court(lines of masking tapes, net-less poll and its actually on the tennis court), we still enjoyed the game and lol over ones' clown-like action ;p heh, running and jumping always make u feel gud rite??


...GO VIC :s@b,far@h,y@tt,su,shit@h,ayun!,kim!(table-tennis),eff!e(captain),akm@l,najiyy@h...


...cheering for VIC basketballers (ehem, plus watching some other players,i mean their skills ,muahaha!)..really enjoy the sports, fast and furious ppl in it:p

*ShruG*

...this time,its all my fault. i regreted all the things i've said and feeling guilty? yes i am...hmm, both were having bad time and this selfish girl decided to make it worse*piap!piap* apology was accepted but i dunno whether the frenship will remain the same...*haaaa, this is my space and i'll say what i think,boooo!!*

...this good fren always put me at ease with his words...comfort me with his past stories and somehow manage to put up with my temperamental ,hohohoho!! his advice may be as simple as "solat byk2, doa byk2" but i know thats the best thing for my worries ;p with the finals coming, we'll be struggling hard with studies and life...in the near future, i should watch out my says, aite?? *yelah2 ;p*

p/s...gud luck for ur presentations etc

*...LearnT...*

---> sometimes u just hafta close ur eyes and do the things u've gotta do e.g HPKM project,hahahha...mmg dari dulu lagi aku bengang sebab kena buat project nih tp after all, it still worths 15 or 20 marks for the finals(see, itu pun aku x tahu:D)...not until yesterday we really sat down together and extract data from the questionnaires...well, it wasnt that bad as long as u go with the flow and meet the datelines...heh, still it didnt change my say ---> crap!!

---> city wasnt the place to be with ur training suits,hahahah... just wear the lusuh black t-shirt, blue trackie and slightly decent jumper for the registration and supposed-to-be netball practise. ingatkan after reg, terus pegi main tapi sebab janji melayu(with the malaysian chineses handling the registration booth ;p) hafta wait till 4. so in between tuh pegi melb centr@l to get some food *erk* then, since netball habis lambat decided to stay for dinner at the Arrow He!ght with the other interstate's..huwaaaa, betapa selambanya aku dengan t-shirt and trackie!!*lol*

---> stretching dulu before main2 ;p uhuk, bgn pagi td dgn sakit2 badan, just because i didnt warm up before playing. we started quite late yesterday so ingatkan xdela nak main teruk2...tapi still ached here and there now *padan muka sendri* b4 that, main basketball kejap, only to know that i couldnt play well now :((

---> ur face may tell ur past school,hahahha....smalam tgh q utk amik food, tetiba a girl approached me saying that i looked familiar n we might have met before*puzzled* my instinct said that she must be one of my fren's sister and guess what, true enough she's halid@ lil sis..lawak2!!that was after a few times she said that she 'know' me, so i chose to ask whether she's a sister to anyone..then i heard her mentioning SSP,tadaaa!! bile tanye camne dia pretty sure yg dia penah jumpe aku, dia kata muka aku identical to the SSP clans...hahaha! boleh pulak mcm tuh??? she'll be playing badminton n bile aku ckp aku main netball, another school-related remark was mentioned ;p

---> jokes were jokes*shrug* and avoid replying back if u know that u'r not at ur best... tired, sleepy, pressure etc..because u'll end up feeling sorry :( hhmm, reminded myself to be careful next time...promise!

---> sorry worth everything...n maybe a medium pizza to make up for that*grin*

*InvisiblE*

*Two ReD TulipS MakE My DaY*

...lying down in my bed around 9pm, thinking of whether to sleep or not when sy@f entered the room and passed the tulips..yerp, one from her and another from elly*Surge of euphoria* at last after one of the worst days in here, i've got the bed-time treat..without realising, i doozed off and woke up 9 hours after that feeling much better...there goes my lately-on-and-off-sleep ;p

...i knew this kinda feeling always come together with the holidays*shrug* losing the grip, true enough! dont know whats wrong with myself??dont how to help myself either??hmmmm, i should pity the working brain and never let any annoying thought came in my way again...couldnt afford it at this moment...

...spring is all around,lalalalalalalalalala...

*AwaY*

...sume benda rasa x kena..ade yang x terbuat...ade yg x tercakap...x tahu ape rasa dia...gile ahhh!!

*Where'S My SleeP?*

...yup, i know this isnt sumthing usual for me. Couldnt sleep well for the past few days, n always woke up every hour or so throughout the nite..even if i hit the bed after midnite, still my eyes were wide open by 5.30am...n my effort to sleep again was of avail.

... tired n dizzy during the day but often the classes ended in the evening. Last nite, only fell asleep after talking to kak for a few minutes (hmm, wasted my credit but this lazy bum refused to go downstairs to get the phone ;p). Guess theres so much things happening around, that made me ponder... all the time. just pray that everything will be fine for everyone.

*HurmmM*

...duhh, worried sick about my closest frens. Bitter things happened, all i could do was sit there and listen..not really sure wat to do or say,coz they are the ones who go thru the pain..with me only watching from the side. Convince them that evrything happens for a reason?Tell them that they deserve someone much better than those selfish brats??*darn*

...Heh, the living culprits that only think of their own games, didnt know how to play safe and ignore the damage caused by them...in the end, do they really think they'll actually win the trophy?? what a foul*raised eyebrow*

..this is easier said than done, but i'm happy to say :what goes around comes around *

* AlerT or AlarM???*

...*hiding my face* ok oww, apsal bile tgk pics mase merdeka day n dinner IMS , trase cam tgk klon tembikai jeh??hehehe, lps nih xde dah alasan nak kasi kalu dikata chubby pun (ehem..;p)..nak kata makan byk, yg sampai gastrik2 tuh ape dia?? nak kata x exercise, almost everyday aku pegi sukat jalan petang2 (excusela 2 3 hari nih sbb tgh sakit)??nak kata camera trick, boleh jadik kann??hahahaha...

adoiiii,nih yg trase x nak balik mesia sbb x sanggup kena 'hint' ngan abang n cousin2. dahla telinga aku nih bukannye tebal mana ;p tapi yg lagi x best sbb aku rasa sakit2 nih lagi aku mkn byk, sebab konon2 nak energy ( n lapar jugak pun ;p)..x macam org lain..x lalu nak makan kalu sakit :p tapi knowing me, mmg xleh skip makan pun, sbb once dah kena gastrik mmg teruk...sampai demam2 and sakit kepala,ngehehe!!

okeh, lps nih aku nak impose rule:sesape nak snap gambo aku, sila berdiri sejarak 3 meter or more,lagi jauh lagi baik,muahahah!!

*NoT ComplaininG BuT...*

...this feverish & sore throat isn't doing any good to myself. I really can't afford to have it at the moment: 2 hours of netball tomorrow (hope enough ppl that turn up ;p), bbq for the girls on sunday (dun think i will make it tho coz its at noon*frown*), 3 assignment due for next week and more to come! plus i'm so way behind the revision for the final exam *suffocate*..p

...been thinking about my below-than-average-body-defense.i've had this problem since in the mara college , lied down sick almost every month..used to ignore the temperature and pretend that i'm fit for the day, just to end up with the fever more than 2 weeks. n everytime i went to see the doctors, nothing much they can do either (that explains y i dun wanna see them for this :D)

...this time, i walked in the rain a few times (yerp, melbourne's weather!), ignored the growling stomach, enjoyed late shower (8 pm??) and pushed myself over the limit ...yeah, when it comes to the self-care, i'm a bad girl!

...alrite2, promise to get myself a new umbrella...never let the gastric hit in...reach the bathroom before dawn and tuck myself in before 11 pm(err, can i make it 12?!) then i'll sound like a boarding-school girl..aiyo!

...anyway,what's this whingeing for??

* A NotE to A FreN*

dear, sorry to hear about ur abah..bet this is one of the hardest time in ur life. The ordeal n emotional torture came all of sudden... yes, i've never been in that kinda situation so i'm not justified to say that i understand the agony u r going thru....there are so many 'if only's and maybe's', making it harder for u and loved ones..
as much as i wish i can be there and hold u in my arms, i need u to know that i'm always here for u.. nothing much i can do (yes, i sucks in comforting others!), but i will listen...and keep on listening to u. Knowing u, i'm sure this will make u stronger in life..n ppl are out there to help u..in anything :=)
pray hard...for Allah knows the best and He surely listens to us. Don't lose any hope, will u? whatever it is, let him know that u love him so much..and so do others...may Allah bless u and ur family...

-lotsa lov from melbourne-

*RewinD*

....heheh, went to the welcoming dinner two days ago, this time it was the 4th batch of IMS 2004..so none of them yg aku kenal mase kat kmb(eh, ade sorang dua junior ssp..tp kenal sorang jeh;p)..didnt really enjoy myself throughout the nite, maybe the excitement wasn't there anymore, hehehe..n around 10 pm, sheila vance tegur aku " u looks like u gonna fall asleep yatt"..aiyo, xkan obvious sgt kemengantukan aku?? ntah2 sebab tuh aku rasa xde mood jeh nak join the conversation..takat dengar n gelak jeh..pastu sape yg ajak amik gambar, aku join jeh sbb my camera dah rosak, huhuhuhu!!

...yesterday, 1st time aku pegi exam debrief without checking my result in the webct..hahahah, saje malas nak check ( ke aku cuak??)..tp rite after that aku cepat2 carik net...alhamdulillah.. but have to work harder, final exam is just 2 months away and unhappily bring back Guyton's from rural unopened...yerp, hope all those crappy assigment will be of use for the marks..*pray hard*

*2 YearS AgO*

...i was at the KLIA, with my beloved ones, waiting anxiously to board the plane to melbourne. It was only 8 days after Ayah Lah left us for real, the lost was still there and i worried for my parents..

...funny story in the flight..i dunno y but i fell asleep while having my dinner..the moment i opened my eyes, the half-eaten food had gone, and the two boys beside me laughed when i told them about my run-away-dinner ..isk2!

...well, another 3 more years to go!

*JusT AnotheR DaY*

...hari nih terjaga b4 kul 6, pejam mata balik pun still x tertido, maybe i had enough of it mase rural (yeah, tuck myself by 10pm;p) ..did my laundry after breakfast..then started on the self-directed learning pack of GH while waiting to go for brisk walk..isk2, hujan pulak tgh2 jln tuh..then balik umah kejap b4 pegi sports rec..our 1st netball practise utk MASC@ G@MES this spring break..as expected, not enough ppl for 2 teams, so just main 4 on 4( heheh, ingat basketball jeh ke leh main half court;p)

...balik rumah, melepek depan pc sambil go thru SDL pack..heheh, bile chat ngan cousin kat rumah, terexcited plak bile dia cite psl rumah tgh renovate(again?) n abg ng@h yg balik klate just to check on it...wah wah, ini for sure bukan sbb nak sambut aku balik raya nih(jeng jeng jeng!)...n padan muka aku jugak sbb jual mahal time dia dtg rumah cuti arituh, arghh x aci!

...nap about half an hour, then ade usrah..hmm, as usual enganged ourselves in the discussion..then we cooked instant nasi briyani(courtesy of pakcik berahim..tq!) with sambal ayam and sayur campur...stuffed myself...continue with the SDL pack n HPKM project...well, past my bedtime now(yerp, still in the rural-time zone). oh yeah, cant wait for the welcoming dinner tomorrow..pakai baju kurung jelah kan, senang nanti nak mkn byk2 ;p

*21 vs 12*

heheh....days that she feel so happy, n couldnt care less about the world.. her concern towards others, try to listen with all her heart and give out the sincerest advice..just like any big sister would do, protect the kiddos and take pride in herself...showing the positive outlook...together with the greatest things in mind. Who is that girl? the sweet 21...

the rest of day? the hormonal 12-year-old throwing tantrum..ignoring the others' feeling without the slightest guilt...this lil one obviously cant think straight and always lost in her world...in need of good mates to join her playing teddies and a big bro to hold her safely and assure her that she has got everything to offer...

will she change after turning 22 end of this yer??? :p

*Back In TowN*

the end of rural week...another week in Bendigo was better( ye ke?;p) ....already on the road early monday morning, together with the 3 others..session with ppl with disabilities was really engaging. Irony to see someone appeared to be normal physically, but actually suffered from rare congenital neurological degeneration..stopped him from pursuing his degree. Later went to pharmacy visit, another crappy visit coz didnt get much from it..heheh.

2nd day of hospital visit( hmm, dont wanna sound negative but yes, it also failed...didnt get good response from the ppl there, and couldnt help looking at the watch most of the time..doing or actually observing most of the nursing-home chores,duhh!the only new thing that i learnt was that barley sugar helps to avoid feeling faint in the surgery ;=p) 3rd day of rural ambulance and case presentation..wahhh, the group was obviously so annoyed with our co-ordinator's attitude...they started to mock and laugh at her..well, what can i say as i do felt the same way, had to strain myself from giggling (poorly!)...nite, we held 'makan2' for the group..cooking for 20 ppl wasn't really my expertise, but did 'sambal ikan bilis' and 'sayur campur' Sy@f wif her kari ayam, sy!ma with her popia and juli@ with her skill b4 going to hosp...well, had heaps of fun, didnt know that these mat2 and minah2 salleh could eat nasi that much, hehehhe...

4th day of farm visit..pheww, so glad that no doggie came across my way...or else would make another run-away-from-that-animal :p...oh yes, aku penah kena kejar anjing kat sini...trase cam xde nyawa jeh time lari kat park tuh...sib baikla x kena gigit n ade org nak tolong halau anjing tuh..if not, mmg aku dah slamat panjat pokok(erk, sejak bile aku reti eh?;p) b4 that aku dah penah buat aksi lari from org mabuk..adeke gile pegi phewitt kat ktrg tgh2 jln mlm2 ..time tuh on the way nak balik umah from moriah st...aku punye cuak terusla pusing balik n pecut ke moriah..dah x ingat member kat sbelah yg terpisat2 tgk aku lari tinggalkan dia, ya ampun yer cik...kuang kuang kuang! senang cite reflex kaki aku sgt superb..tp this time kat rural aku dah x wat prangai tuh lg..:p

last day..pegi nursing home..met mrs davies to say gudbye and gave her some origami flowers..tersedih la jugak bile hugged dia...called abah to wish his birthday..isk2, sgt2 trase nak balik rumah nih, esp bile dgr suara ma kat tepi( jeles sbb aku xleh jln2 skali ngan diorg..hahahha) b4 balik, singgah market place..bought a capricorn t-shirt for myself..balik tuh enjoyed malay oldies dlm keta...reached home around 6pm

hmm, thumbs-up for the accomodation, most of the group and my companions here, but not so happy with the end-result and also the admin...well, it was up to a point that i started to question about me doing medic,bla bla bla...losing the grip???aiyo, never thought that the experience here could be this far *frown* well, maybe its just another symptom....

*Hoob@stanK - The Re@soN*

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I doAnd the reason is you

p/s...kuang kuang kuang

*Changes In Me*

...tired easily..hmm, dunno y but i couldn't stand long hours anymore..it drained my energy much quicker and it would ended up lying on the bed (or at least wished to)... nap at any time was unavoidable sumtimes...and of course it reflected my mood at that time..sorry!

...craves for food..ok oww, i guess that explained the extra-chubbiness!! hmm, i should blame 'rural' for this..it did me a nightmare last year(almost jumping off the scale) and i prayed hard that i wouldnt happen this time ;p you would understand it only if u hafta wait more than a year to shed it off (and still trying, hohohoh!)

...lower treshold for my sensitivity *shrug* i owe this apology to someone..i know its no good but couldn't help it..waiting for the time when u would really lose patience in me and put me off..i know u hate me saying this but sumtimes i do felt that my 'merepek' is justified.. just that i dunno how to make u understand..

*Long Weekend*

yeay, we changed our plan last minute..only me and sy!ma headed back to melbourne and reached home safely..later that nite, called home and as usual, ma and abah would make me laugh out listening to their story(heh, z1la teased me saying that i changed my 'volume' when talking to my parents..cehh!)..everything was fine back home and ma teasingly saying that lucky i'm in oz, not somewhere further away (yeah, thats when i raised the issue of going back ;p)... slept early..
saturday was the reason why i wanna be in melb..netball frenly match-cum-try out for the Victori@-MASCA team..hehehhe, played as the shooter and need to paired up with someone else ( not with the usual z@rin)...the games were fun and i thought that i may not be fit anymore for GA position..nvm, anything will do ;p later that day, confirmed to be in the team to play for MASCA Games during spring break...together with a few others from Monash..well, much happier as z!la is also in the list..couldnt help laughing looking at her face when i told her about that..dun worry, we'll be fine..kekekekke!! also, remembered to ring far!na to congrats her for the grad's day..u go girl!! i heard wat u said and it tickled me ;p ...nite, went to bed much earlier after sms-ed my sis to say that i'll call her nx day..sorry yer!
sunday, woke up early to bake kek pisang for usrah..hahhah, we did a BIG mistake but lucky it didn't spoil the cake..:p went to the city for usrah and had big feast with kari ikan, kek batik, kek pisang and pinky agar2 that i requested from cik tun :p (burpss!) funny how we tried our best to fit in 4 ppl in the back seat to go to the msian hall for merdeka celebration...obviously we would be in trouble if caught up in the middle of the road..i was supposed to participate in the kuiz kemerdekaan but since we arrived late, the juniors had their go..no worries, i still enjoyed the 'revision' in the car and watched the team won the quiz...hehehhe then only we went to hunt for food, and i had rojak taufu and half or roti john...huhuhu, wished that i bought also laksa penang ;p well,its a bog day for z!la as she won dvd player for lucky draw..yak yak yeay..jomla karaoke!
reached home and feast on my oranges..need to confirm about our trip back to bendigo tomorrow morning..huh!

*...Bored and Tired...*

thats the only things that i could say about my 1st week of rural in Bend!go..yeah, 1st day was the worst ever...4 of us had to split up and shared the accomodation with the other boys(pathetic, isn't it?) well, lucky me as i could squeeze in another girl in my room and kept me accompanied...or else i would be sleeping alone with 2 chinese guys in the next room.. I bet it's no one's fault and we managed to sort it out the next day...now we have the unit for ourselves (its for cooking and telly!) another worst thing was the group assignment.. i dunno why but my group ended up with 3 members, instead of 4 ... to cut short, thats the 1st time i felt ' discriminated' and it bothered me so much..my 1st day was spoiled:=(
and the rest of the week wasn't really good either..surely it wasnt the same as my last year's experience in Corow@, and i bet it failed to meet my expectation either..2nd day of 9am-7pm of Aboriginal study ( lucky we had pizza for dinner), 3rd day of CAM talks and nursing home, 4th day of 1 1/2 hour journey to Broots for my GP visit ( heh, u cant help yawning when u woke up at 5 am rite? also when nothing actually triggered ur brain, listening to endless consultation??) and finally 5th day of another nursing home and aboriginal talk..
i dont mean to whinge but seems like all of us reached some sort of general consensus about our tutors..i felt that we weren't being treated like young adult, and they should be more sensible and practical in handling this project. How Would you expect 2 young kids (alrite, we were still kids:p) to travel at 5 am to the place was so unfamiliar and only had streches of farm on both sides of the road? thanks to the brainy guy who knew how to deal with it...syhhh!!LOL) enough of that i guess...as much as i dont learnt anything (or say just a lil bit :p), i knew i had to go back there early tomorrow morning for the 2nd week of rural..(*wish i could just pretend to be sick:p) after all, maybe i'm gonna need this experience if i was to be posted to somewhere in the Borneo..:p

* home and away*

hmm, off to Bendigo for 2 weeks of rural placement.. n this pc won't be around coz it need to be fixed up ,huhuhu..updates later...

*sarcastic?*
i'm no good in any long distance communication..*boohooo!* can't think well most of the time and end up worrying others..*shrug* to u, sorry for being insensitive ;) and much thanks for ur patience..

*ATAS NASI ADE KERABU*

"pandai buat nasi kerabu kelantan? meh kita buat. k ida alice st"...heheh, aku bukak sms nih mase kat dlm library..trase cam nak melompat2 jeh kat situ!!tunjuk sms tuh kat zila*sengih* at last, merasa jugak dia nak mkn kat sini after so many times mintak aku buat..aiyo, aku kat umah pegi beli nasi kerabu kat kedai jeh, mane nak buat sendri..
called my mum nak tanye sket2 resepi, sbb k ida pun gune resepi inte ade rnet...heheh, cane nak kasi sedap eh kalu xde budu??hahahha...on that day, i was the 2nd chef aka food-tester..heaps of fun, with me trying to annoy them saying 'ehh, kena halus lagi potong timun tuh, tebal sgt nih"(knowing that i couldnt do it either..lol)..wohhh, baru aku tahu yg k ida mengidam rupenye,patutlahh:p
tadaaa..

lama nak siap masak mmg berbaloi dgn 2 rounds of nasi kerabu..how did it taste???burpppss!!!heheh...mmg kaw aaa!! tapi tobat kalu aku sesorang nak buat mmg xkan jadik...

*weekend*

headed to DFO after PCL for window shopping.. huhuhuh, tempted to buy a few things on the sale racks, but i'll wait for another few months:p

saturday.. video-exercise prior to PCL discussion..we managed to go through the whole lot of cases while catching up with the opening of olympia.. then went to the library, searching for SPC material.. nite, 5 of us went to Bismi..kedai mamak kat city..what did i have for dinner?? briyani (shared with zila) 1/2 fish fry, plain roti, tandoori and teh tarik..heh, i wouldnt dream to eat that lot in malaysia,*wink2* later, had Baiti in my room and we talked through the nite untill 4 am..kak sms-ed me with the AF2 results at 2am..yeayy!!*semusim*

sunday.. woke up with Syima bugging me about the AF2 stuff, and got ready to go to the sports rec..at last, basketball!!! horrayy, we started with only 6 ppl and after 10 mins, i was pretty sure that my chest's gonna burst..that explained how long since i dribbled the ball (amateurly of course)..hohoho, but of course all the excitement wasn't comparable to the college years..where we used to team up every evening..pretended to run back and forth in the court..laughed at our own's clumsiness.. and cheered like no one else's there ...once we had to get the ball off the rim, ~lol~ yeah, frenship was created there! later, went to beddoe mosque and moriah for evening tea,kekeke..dozed off for an hour on the sofa b4 we headed home..

now, trying to do some work for my midsem next week..and tomorrow 'll resume back the wake-up duty..hehehhe

*FEELING GOOD*

It comes with a suprise..bunches of reason for that..maybe its the mended frenships, maybe its the shared stories (be strong girl!! i know u r)..or maybe its the new confidant ..needless to say that i'm grateful for any of those..

* SEMUSIM*
Semuanya telah terjadi
Cintaku telah pergi
Dan kini kusendiri
Tanpa dirimu lagi

Tak mudah menepis cerita indah...

*Semusim telah kulalui
Telah kulewati tanpa dirimu
Tetapi bayang wajahmu
Masih tersimpan di hati

Tak pernah kubayangkan
Kau putuskan cintaku
Ku cuba membuangkang
Semua tentang dirimu

Tak mudah bagiku melupakanmu...


*EPILOG CINTA DARI BROMLEY*

Kau tersenyum manja
Menyatakan hasrat kepadaku
Kau kata kau cinta
Cinta pertama kepadaku
Ku hampir tergoda
Bergelora dalam kalbu
Kau bukan untukku
Kau dan aku tak mungkin berpadu

Nun di sana
Beri beribu batu
Kau kutinggalkan bersama hatimu
Nun di sana
Kau meratap pilu
Satu masa nanti
Kau akan mengerti
Apa maksudku
Kini kau menanti
Harapanmu abadi terhadapku
Kau coretkan lagi
Rahsia hatimu kepadaku
Ku doakan dikau
Bertemu seorang teman sejati
Yang satu aliran
Satu kepercayaan
Aduhai Kathy



*MEMORY*
Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her mem'ry?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Mem'ry
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember
The time I knew what happiness was
Let the mem'ry live again

Ev'ry street lamp
Seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And a street lamp gutters
And soon it will be morning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new life will begin

Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The street lamp dies
Another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with my mem'ry
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is
Look a new day has begun ...


*BERHENTI BERHARAP*


Tak percaya lagi
Dengan apa yang kau beri
Aku terdampar disini
Tersudut menunggu mati

Aku tak percaya lagi
Akan guna matahari
Yang dulu mampu terangi
Sudut gelap hati ini

Aku berhenti berharap
Dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampai nanti suatu saat
Tak ada cinta kudapat

Kenapa ada derita
Bila bahagia tercipta
Kenapa ada sang hitam
Bila putih menyenangkan

Aku pulang.. Tanpa dendam..Kuterima kekalahanku
Aku pulang..Tanpa dendam..Kusalutkan kemenanganmu

Kau ajarkan aku bahagia
Kau ajarkan aku derita
Kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
Kau tunjukkan aku derita
Kau berikan aku bahagia
Kau berikan aku derita

Aku berhenti berharap
Dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampai nanti suatu saat
Tak ada cinta kudapat

Warning: lagu2 nih tiada kaitan dgn yang hidup mahupun yg mati...enjoy!

* no regret*

hmm, ade stengah2 benda tuh kite buat sbb kite rasa thats the only solution we have, at least utk masa tuh.. benda yg kite x tahu akan tolong solve the problem ke tak ..maybe akan buat org kecik hati ngan kite..or even worse akan berkerat arang-rotan bile dia tahu kenapa..tapi kite dah nekad..nekad sbb kite pun time tuh rasa hopeless.. so kita buat jeh benda tuh..*bismillah*

after some time ( is half a year justified here??!!), kite trase dah okeh balik..time tuh all the devilish thought dah ilang..but no regret dgn ape yg kite dah buat dulu ..sbb kite tahu kalu kite x buat..things may get worse *shrug* at least on our side...so kite decide nak undo benda yg kite buat dulu..hmm, doubtful jugak as how org akan react bile dia realise ape yg kite dah buat..tapi kite undo jugak *nervous*

hohoho, of course kalu x pandai nak cover akan kantoi, big time!! org akan realise and question balik..tapi kite kasi masa utk digest...biarlah ape org nak pikir..sbb time tuh pun mmg x pecaya yg kite ada gut nak undo things..nyeheheh! bile rasa dah ready, slowly open up and be sincere..ckp elok2 tapi still refuse to explain the reason behind it.. of course org akan x puas hati, terkilan sbb x tahu sebab musabab tapi demand overuled *sorry* suprisingly after that , half of the burden yg kite x sedar tgh kelek ke hulu-hilir slame nih dah xde..alhamdulilahh..mmgla kite x tahu ape yg org pk and rasa..guilty jugak bile ingat balik but yeah, no regret.. life's like that..and it's now or never!

*why biography?*

my 1st thot wasn't encouraging at all...i mean what will i get from those long boring narrative huh??! *naive*

my 1st encounter was 'the sealed nectar', life story of our beloved prophet Nabi Muhammad s.a.w..keen to look for that book after seeing the title in H@nin's frenster..took quite a few days to finish it actually for i had my midsem exam coming at that time..but all in all, thumbs up to the author!! i read...i learnt..i understand...hmm, mmg kena aa timing sbb time tuh pun tgh ade sket identity-crisis..Allah nak tolong aku..alhamdulilahh..i wept through the last few pages...i wish kalu ade translated in malay, nak kasi present utk abah... it corrected the misconception and answered the confusion bout certain things..and it need not a genius to read till the last page ;=)

then its 'road to mecca'..buku nih aku jumpe mase tgh carik2 buku the sealed nectar tp baru sem nih sempat nak pinjam..heh, another thumbs-up! jewish journalist who travelled to middle east, then later on revert to islam...masya Allahh.. cite dia mmg inspiring aa..and made me felt grateful sgt2 born as a muslim..alhamdulilahh.. his observation about muslim..and the islamic environment wat aku trase nak travel ke sana..;=) hahah, sesape yg interested psl history pun okeh gak kalu nak baca..tp aku sendri pun susah nak concentrate bile cite bab2 tuh..hahah...nvm, there' s more to learn...

next in the list..the beautiful mind...bought it during sale arituh kat campus bookshop..tapi x tahu aa bile nak start.. byk lagi keje lain nak kena buat..midsem pun lagi 3 weeks,hohoho!! xpe2.. weekend2 pun leh layan gak, kan??

*confused?*

hmm.. home alone now, not too bad coz in my hand are two story book ...well, its not about the books, but my lil conversation this morning

abc: hehe, yatt. aku dah tgk dah blog ko
me: ???? ( mouth wide open)haaa???
abc: haah, smalam kan bukak blog kwn ko tuh..pastu ade link..xyz ckp' cube teka blog sape nih'..'yatt eh?hehe
me: *gulp*,hoho!!
abc: hahahha, tuh aa..aku tgk 'kacangbotol'..hehehhe..tp aku x baca..aku tgk skali lalu jeh..jgn risau
me: hehe, x kisahh..(ye ke!?) x kisah kalu jumpe tapi kenapa cakapp?!!!(huhuhuhu!*head down*)

my say: a pinch of upset..ntahla, i dun mind ppl linking to my blog and others 'accidently' found out, but not this way..not when someone kind-heartedly pointed it out..huhuhu!! maybe i'm not ready for an 'announcement' even to my own mates here..darn!

*inhale..exhale..inhale..exhale* okeh, knowing that storing all gruesome and disagreement inside myself does no good for any relationship, better to say it out rite? talk things out nicely and everything will be fine..hmmm*shrug*

*road to mecca*

" we turn toward the Kaaba, God's holy temple in MEcca, knowing that the faces or all Muslims, wherever they may be, are turned to it in prayer, and that we are like one body, with Him as the center of our thoughts. Fisrt we stand upright and recite from Holy KOran, remembering that this is His word, given to man that he may be upright and steadfast in life. then we say, " God is the Greatest," reminding ourselves that no one deserves to be worshipped but Him; and bow down deep becasue we honour Him above all, and praise his power and glory. Thereafetr we prostrate ourselves on our foreheads, because we feel that we are dust and nothingness before HIm, and He is the Creator and Sustainer on high. Then we lift our faces from the ground and remain sitting, praying tha He forgive aour sins and bestow His grace upon us. and guide us aright, and give us health and sustenance. Then we again prostrate ourselves on the ground and touch the dust with our forehad before the might and the glory of the One. After that, we remain sitting and pray that He bless the Prophet Muhammad who brought His message to us, just as He blesses the earlier Prophets, and that He bless us as well, and all those who follow the right guidance; and we ask HIme to give us of the good of this world and of the good of the world to com. IN the end we turn our heads to the right and to the left, saying " Peace and teh grace of aGod be upon you,"- and thus greet all who are righteous, wherever tehy may be"

*************************************************************************

" it was not the Muslim that had made Islam great : it was Islam that had made Muslim great. But as soon as their faith became habit and ceased to be a programme of life, the be consciouly pursued, the creative impulse that underlay their civilisation waned and gradually gave wat to indolence, sterility and cultural decay"

**************************************************************************

"if water stands motionless in pool, it becomes stale, muddy and foul; only when it moves and flows does it remain clear"

*...said...*

heh, dah bape kali plan aku nak tulis sumthing x jadik..sbb aku end up merayau2 baca blog org lain...mostly anonymous but had put some impact in my mind...hish, entahla byk sgt benda aku nak tulis tp x tertulis..apsal ek???

 

* home and away*

uhuh, baru aku realise yg aku dah 5 month away from home..record la coz b4 nih the most aku penah x jumpe parents aku is 3 months..which was mase kat SSP dolu2..haduss, like my hosmet said" no wonder lah sasau jeh.."hishh!! the thought of not seeing them for another 3 months freaks me out, and make me wonder how can someone survive staying abroad more than a year,heheh.. not that i'm actually homesick (shhh!!) but you cant help missing your loved ones... aite?? keeping my brain occupied most of the time will do i, i guess.. ;;)

okeh, shout out to syu, wieza, seri and shafi..CONGRATS on ur graduation..wahhh, cun2 jeh aku nengok gambo korang grad..proud of u guys!!muashh..:=) good luck in the job-hunting eh..;p

hmm, skarang nih aku tgh gile nak bercakap tefon..tp dah bape org aku call ari nih xde sorang pun nak angkat/ada kat umah..dpt ckp ngan kak pun kejap jeh:p..cubaan call umah liyana x bjaya..hani plak xde kat umah(hai, pegi amik tempias kat melaka ke cik kak?;p)..farina pun xde kat umah..so calling for miss virus, pls gimme any of ur contact no..a.s.a.p. aku sgt mahu bicara sama kamu dehh..missing u damn lots!

arituh mase borak ngan ma after 3 weeks of not dialling +6097878---, mcm2 cite kuar..tergolek2 aku gelak kat kusyen bile dgr cite psl ma dpt offer jadik headmistress kat bachok(uihs, jauh amat tuh)' lawak pokok getah' mmg bjaya buat aku sengih sampai skang..as usual bukak cite psl kak..haiseh aku dah agak dah, mmg nak kena balik 2 kali thn depan..\:D/ tp yg buat aku tergedebuk tuh bile tetiba aku pulak yg diedisi-siasatkan..??ayoyo, anak ma nih x nmpk jln kuar lagilah..dok sesat dlm gua lg nih haa..ntah mane ntah org tuh:p ntah2 dia pun sama2 sesat kot,hahahha!!

hmm..dah abis satu PCL..1st day mase briefing case tuh, aku trase cam x biasa jeh ngan cara tutor baru nih..ala2 buat aku susah nak attentive(or maybe its the 1st day syndorme?;P) ..tapi on friday session, she did very well in explaining things to us..but it turned out to be that we'll have a new tutor nx week, and it'll be for the whole sem..hish, dah dpt yg best kena tukar la plak..hehe, most of us felt very reluctant to let her go..even Matthew pun boleh kuar ayat.."can't u just stay..we'll take care of u"..owh, how sweet!heheh..aku sengih jelah dgr dia ckp mcm tuh..

hish, farina dah jumpe 2 kali dah...bila pulak turn aku weh??heheh:p

p/s..happy 22nd birthday to wieza..jeng jeng jeng!!

*ALHAMDULILLAH..ALHAMDULILLAH..ALHAMDULILAH*

yerp, thats all i can think of rite now..passed another hurdle..the bitter ordeal that lead me to draw another consensus of my own-life...and here i am, smiling back to all my DEAREST..:=D

so many things had happened after July 2nd...the tastes of life...but i have no regret in experiencing any of them...neither do i wanna ponder over it...let it be H.I.S.T.O.R.Y

what's for now?i'm trying to reach my end-of-SSP  life again..wonder why??i think thats the time when i am truly being myself...understand myself and love myself...enough said. Now I learn to look at things in  different perspectives, appreciate ppl as someone unique in their own way and appreciate myself more! No other person can give better care than yourself rite?

Heh, challenging MED 2042 is on my top list ...hafta admit that it's taking most of my time now but i'm enjoying myself learning every bit of it..i mean, none of the courses offered in the university is easy..its the matter of how you put things into the right places and try to do you B.E.S.T...after all, The Al-Mighty is always there for you to seek for comfort,guidances and blessings..:=) pray hard..pray hard and pray hard!

 

 

 

*their say*
 
"hmm...i just try to be nice to everyone.."
 
" sesetengah barang yg baik x dpt dijual sbb jurujual x pandai..janganla pandang jurujual tuh"
 
"sesuatu yg baik dgn niat mengingati Allah boleh dibuat di mana2 jeh..insya Allah"
 
"petua awet muda? air smayang.."
 
"selagi mana seseorang itu masih hidup dah ade kebaikan dlm dirinya walau sedikit..insya Allah masih ade peluang"
 
"jgn ckp mcm tuh..jawab insya Allah, kalu ade jodoh adelah tuh"
 
"senyum tuh milik umum.."
 

*SELF-REMINDER*

KENAPA AKU DIUJI?
"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka
dibiarkan saja mengatakan; "Kami telah beriman,"
sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya
kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka
sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan
sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta." -
Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

KENAPA AKU TAK DAPAT APA YG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN?
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia
amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu
menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu,
Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." -
Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?
"Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan
sesuai dengan kesanggupannya." -Surah Al-Baqarah
ayat 286


RASA FRUST?
"Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah
pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org2 yg
paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang-orang
yg beriman." - Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah
kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam
mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan),
dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada
kesabaran musuh, di medan perjuangan), dan
bersedialah (dengan
kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sempadan)
serta bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu
berjaya (mencapai kemenangan)." -Surah Al-Imran
ayat 200

"Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan
jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan
sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat
kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk" -Surah
Al-Baqarah ayat 45

APA YANG AKU DAPAT DRPD SEMUA INI?
"Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dr org2
mu'min, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan
syurga utk mereka... ..

-Surah At-Taubah ayat 111


KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?
"Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain
drNya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal." -Surah
At-Taubah ayat 129

AKU DAH TAK DAPAT BERTAHAN LAGI!!!!!
"... ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa drp rahmat
Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dari
rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir."
-Surah Yusuf ayat 12

*kata itu kota*

call me selfish, but keeping two at a time is just too much..

*ASTAGFIRULLAHALA'ZIM*

hmm, Allah nak uji kesabaran aku...memula hadiah from abah for my SPM rosak, or should i say dah worn out..aku sayang gile camera tuh eventho dlm hati dah berangan2 nak save up beli digicam...masin mulut aku bile cakap yg aku akan beli kalu camera ni dah rosak..tapi bile dah betul2 rosak aku tekad nak baiki jugak, maybe spare part kat mesia will be cheaper...

the day aku bwk camera tuh utk dicheck, aku ilang bracelet..my 21st birthday gift from my parents...hmm, ade history behind it yg buat aku rasa devastated sgt2..i wept on my way home..i wept when talking to my mum and i wept to sleep...the sentimental value is still there and it stole away my smile..

i'm sorry for the silence..i need time to pull myself together..things aren't on my side, also other trivial things stumbled me over and over again...

i'm gone...for a while or..?? the only thing that i wish is my parents..full stop

*WHY??*

X: heh perasan x muka kawan A tuh mcm muka Yusry KRU?>>
Me:haahla, betul2
Y:haaaa, dok tgk ehh??
Me:laahhh, dah dpn mata, tgk jelah...(grr!)

Ya Allahh, by then darah aku dah meruap2..sorry to say but i found that remark was somewhat intimidating..actually i couldnt really recall ur exact words(shock!) but for me it sounded so accusive.Kenapa mesti kuar ayat mcm tuh?? Is it wrong to look at the face(for once!) and say hi after being introduced to someone??nothing more than, no further talking, no etc..even if i did, pls dun made me felt like a .....!! heh,some ppl might say that this was just my emotional bit but hang on....come over here and experience yourself!!

B:eh, yang dgn A tadi tuh bf dia eh?
Me: heh, entahla..x bertanya pulak

see, another scenario?? kenapa mesti ditanya, in fact kalu nak tahu silalah tanya empunya diri..kan?? kita mesti elakkan drpd jadi bahan fitnah..TRUE..tapi ape kisahnye dgn org yg membuat fitnah???bukanke fitnah itu lebih teruk drpd membunuh...

some ppl claimed that they are different than others...only because they attended more classes and in the so-called 'group'..but that doesnt mean you can easily judge ppl, and simply made bitter statements..Allah tahu ape dlm hati kite, in fact aku ingat satu quote nih, something like' kite jgn berasa superior drpd seseorang yg lain sbb dia mungkin sebenarnye lebih baik drpd kita'.. kenapa mesti di'significant'kan commitment yg diberi, menjadikan attendance tuh satu kayu ukur utk classifykan seseorang??kenapa mesti buat org lain felt bad about themselves, just because they aren't in the group..kenapa mesti dibedakan kwn2 sendiri and keluarkan ayat " yang X org lagi tuh.."??everyone has their own way of seeking Allah's guidance and we have no right whatsoever to weight that out..

sape kite nak judge org lain sedangkan kite sendiri masih dlm proses tarbiyah diri, mencari2 hidayah Allah yang boleh ditarik bila2 masa..ingatlah Allah tuh Maha Mengetahui, the table may turn around and dugaan dari Allah boleh dtg bila2...jgn mudah berasa selesa dgn ape yg dimiliki..mulut kena jaga, hati kena pelihara..Nauzubillahh

its not only me who experience the discomfort, the uneasiness among the crowd...kenapa mesti diextremekan batas2 tuh sampaikan bertegur sapa@acknowledge kawan sendiri yang seAGAMA dan seBANGSA dinampakkan sbg satu kesalahan besar..??

kekadang sixth sense can be 'something' jugak...once aku pernah tnmpk someone forwardkan satu email from another fren to the so-called 'authority'...ape nih???some sort of spy towards your own pals??

tegur menegur mmg t'jawab sume org tapi lagi baik kalu dibuat dgn cara yg bijaksana and berhemah..ain't no one is perfect??