First entry of the NEW week..

i'm in the middle of my notes this morning, trying to compensate good early sleep i had last nite and at the some time blog-surfed. then i stumbled into this particular entry in this particular blog. trust me, i almost cramped my stomach for laughing too much. seriously its ...err how should i say...nvm

"3. Kelantan. No internet and just TV3 and bunch of siamese TV at my grandma’s. Enough said."

-ok, this wasnt the funniest point but i'd rather not copy-and-paste anything more here in case terkantoi later. heeee, tempah bala la tuh...

ngaaa, pecah perut aku tahan gelak !

ps: smalam mimpi tak best. memula bestla sbb mimpi nak balik msia ramai2. busy packing barang dan bile masa nak bertolak ke airport baru aku realise aku tak jumpe lagi passport aku..huwaaaaa, ape punye mimpi daaaa!!! aku tau sebab apa dpt mimpi tuh: 1. passport masih misplaced and aku dah taktau nak cari kat mane dah 2. smalam borak dgn N pasal tiket nak balik msia 3. nakkkk sgt balik msia utk tgk nephew baru...

Last entry of the week...

woke up quite early for a sunday morning despite stayed up late last nite. out of boredom, i bugged N, my high school junior who's apparently doing good in US. its not everyday or everymonth we contact each other thru msgr, partly cos both of us are occupied with stuff. but when the right time hit, we can talk for hours jumping from one topic to another just like this morning. it was so much fun, too bad i had to excuse myself for some house cleaning.

Y (19/02/2006 6:52:53 AM): heheh nak tau nape sy msg?
N (19/02/2006 6:53:03 AM): kenapakah?
Y (19/02/2006 6:53:20 AM): cos there's no 'busy' sign on ur status
Y (19/02/2006 6:53:28 AM): so i thot ur not that busy to be kacau
Y (19/02/2006 6:53:30 AM): aheheh
N (19/02/2006 6:53:31 AM): ooo hihihi
N (19/02/2006 6:53:51 AM): hey u r more than welcome to msg me even status busy or away pon

alrite, cant wait for another spontaneous catch-up with u, girl!

then we proceed with our plan: retail therapy in Westf!eld. hehe, i'm not so much into shopping at the moment, more like wanna hang out to enjoy good time with my mates and so i did. i suprised myself cos i didnt splurge my cash unnecessarily (ok, i need to buy something to get that longed Supre' shopping bag hence explained why i bought that *ehem* $5 top)..other than that, i'm being good;) happy hours end till late evening after doing some groceries and by the time we reached home, i lost count of how many laughs & giggles we shared.

'haa tuhla, sekarang nih balasan kan cash...LOL'
'cesss, kurang asam eh ko skarang yatt'

now i'm so so tired. not gonna start on Naruto today as i'm gonna hit the bed right after isyak. wheehoo, ,sleep as my other fave past time=D

self-remainder for next week:
1.do not take a nap after azan asar..
2.call up mum to check on the baby and his elder brother.
3.the two stooges gonna be back from msia by friday so another round of Afdl!n and the geng's and surely the house is gonna be merrier soon enough (lucky they dont seem to keep up with this space of mine, otherwise mesti smug punyelahh=p)

hmm, i pray for this contenment to last.

Another kampung boy in the making...

to ma
- ape nama cucu baru ma?-
from ma
- Umar Danish. ada kat rumah kita now. tido dgn ma.

i know i'm not suppose to say this but 'AAAAAAAAAAA, nak balik!!' iskk, bestnye ada baby kat rumah. this is 2nd time my sis in law go thru her confinement period at our house and see what syahman turn out to be. a REAL kampung boy;) heheh, even my sis-in-law ackowledged that. i'm sure my parents (esp ma) are now like busybees, handling 2 grandchildren can be quite handful i presume and surely our house wont be as quite as before. i can almost imagine how contented and blissful their faces would be to have those kids around.

this reminded me of syahman's time. oh my, our mum surely turned into a-lovely-protective-grandma-but-a-wee-bit-'garang'-mum back then. in fact, abah pun kena tempias. there's this particular incident between ma & abah plus syahman that adik used to imitate, just to prove how 'hidup dalam ketakutan' we were during those time. at least now we can joke about that(in fact, i'm holding back my laugh rite now)

Bits & pieces ..

-first it was the computer, and now this need-to-be-claimed-soon cheque. how much? amount of a return ticket to msia plus the connecting flight=) another good deed from the faculty. heheh. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah, mmg murah rezeki =D

-now that our house has Naruto collection from episode 1, (thanks to L for doing us this big favour), i'm gonna start watching it tomorrow. yeah, laugh if u may cos ppl might think what a BIG lag-er (a person who is lag behind?) i am.see if i care=p

-i feel great. families to love, books to study, movies to watch, frens to hang out/laugh with. perfect life.

One, two, three, four and counting...

1. Stock up ready-made food e.g: tuna (Ayamas brand if possible where u have to do nothing prior to eating), sardin, salad, fish finger etc cos i dont know how long this 'LAPAR tapi malas' syndrome will last.

2. NEVER sleep during asar. mewarisi kegilaan and i thought i've gone nut today.

3. Live with guardian angels. today when i was all grumpy-cranky-and-about-to-explode-because-not-satiated so i sulked with myself to sleep, someone woke me up for yummy nasi goreng. i repeat, live with guardian angels.

4. avoid social interaction when its bad with the mood. nothing good will happen.

Abang mithali?

5am: sms ringtone woke me up. from sis-in-law- alhamdulillah baby boy 3.2 kg..hehe,took me quite some time to sleep back and i said my silent prayers.

Called mum & my sis in law later the day. was told about my bro's funny experiences in labour room=)) ma claimed the baby's a bit 'tanned' but when i asked my bro, he answered proudly 'haah, tapi hensemm..'

LOL!!

So happen..

i'm doing my obst & gynae rotation when both sis & sis-in-law are pregnant. over the summer hols, i was bombarded with pregnancy-related questions from my sis, some that i knew the answers but some i could've crap on =D being cheeky, i often touched both tummies, giggled and called them 'mak buyung'. or sometimes i voiced my disagreement when i felt my sis was trying to be overly-manja. but then , ma would reply back "haaa, tunggula dia punye nti..kite tengok mcm mana" err opss ngaaa!!

in fact, was told by mum earlier that my sis in law is in labour at the moment. hopefully everything will be fine and over by tomorrow, aminn. ahhh, my 3rd nephew is on his way to be part of this wonderful world *excited excited* i also wonder how's that lil syahman doing now, hopefullly not wailing & crying for his mum=p ..anyway, i'm relief to know that my bro's there with sis-in-law as he's actually staying in KL and managed to travel back home yesterday.

heeee, kan best kalu ade kat msia time nih=p

Of weekend

for this year, Saturday will be my book-free day;) stacked the study materials aside early in the morning and proceed with our plan to go to Chadstone shopping mall for some school stuff and groceries. i was well-stuffed with 2 tuna & smoked salmon Sushi sushi and practically had to force the the last bite in,hahaha. so and so, went back home and decided to give lunch queen a go since i've got nothing else to do. the last time i spent my time on japanese series were last year on Pride. i didnt expect much out of this one. i mean they dont have takuya k!mura in it, do they? hahah=p

" taste of food mixed with tears is the taste of life"- could be de javu but i am pretty sure some time ago, someone did actually recommend me this movie. and yes, i had good time! adore that cheerful-witty girl character & is charmed by all 3 (or could be 4?) gentlemen. even the dad is likeable..but the thing i enjoy most is actually their passion about food. i think i do share the same passion like theirs, well to an extent hahah;) cos the smell of food always estatics me & food deprivation can put me in cranky mood. whatever it is, i'm all drooling(despite the fact i had this appetite probs lately) & laughing my head off over the movie.

according to my favourite person(s), i should take life easy. so hopefully there'll be nothing but happy and cheerful ol' me in the future..rite? ;)

Role: witness

she's a first timer. looked a bit agitated and anxious from the long waiting for more than 12 hours. she must have had enough of the adrenaline rush and waited for the longggg day to end. by her sweetness & charm, i can be certain that she's gonna be a great mum..

he's the kind of man every woman would love to settle with. simply made his presence significant to his other half and composed enough to protect his lil darling...

baby? she must be very comfy in her comfort zone and choose to stay longer, instead of 40 she went up to 42 weeks. very cute, hah! dont worry love, u'll be fine in ur new world and dont forget to live ur life to the fullest!

the other she (midwife) proved to me that 1st impression doesnt always be true. during the hand-over, i quietly wished that i wont be asked to shadow her but thank god, i did. i particularly love her motherly voice, the kinda voice i would wanna hear to assist me during this most feared experience for any woman.

above was my 1st 9pm-7am shift in the delivery suite. hehe, i survived the nite but flatted out the next day.

Wake-up-call

its been quite some time. she pm-ed me to share her happy moments of great achievement. i'm awed but not suprised cos i know how far she can go with her great deal of effort she would put in anything. so proud of her =)

oh, thats not the part of story i wanna share. it's when she asked about my life. without much hesitation, i asked her questions that had been bugging me lately. so much so , i started to spill it out to her. and her being great at reading my mind, started to talk me out of it. one by one. she knows me well enough to understand what i'm going thru and how my head always take control over me.

by the end of our conversation, i'm so thankful for her great understanding and she made me realise that i should be more grateful not resentful over things bestowned on me. yes, life is beautiful to be wasted on worrying too much. so just enjoy it while i can.

so dude (as she always call me=p), you make me miss you even more today. to be honest, i thot i've lost one of my confidantes but no i havent. and yes, i miss playing 'peace' with u too..hahahah=p grow up, us two!

Weekend

in the middle of watching lunch queen, japanese series. i've only got 8 out of 10 series so might not get to watch the ending. doesnt matter tho cos i'm actually enjoying myself (more like enjoying my eyes for the cute guys actually!). very light storyline and so much on food that makes me drool and drool. in fact i was watching it when i thought maybe it would be nice to give up medicine and end up working in the restaurant. not that i'm tired of studying but there's something tempting about being food expert.

mantra: food..food..food

*Ehem ehem*

here's my out-of-box Mr. Philips which will be called mine until i graduate..yes, the faculty pampers us with this blacky and i'm so loving it.. so far, he's doing me good eventho i wish i would use him for some recreational purposes too but after some consideration & thought, i think i better not. its ok..






p/s...did u see the Marrybrown's calendar with fried chicken on it in this pic?? huarghh, i got it during my stay in Ipoh and i know now it is BIG mistake to bring it here when u really have to be selective on food..so much for stimulating my salivary gland..huhuhu..

am i getting clucky? (hah!)

yesterday of
-taking mum's blood pressure
-measuring baby inside mum's womb
-cute sounds of baby's heart beat. the best part of all;)

lalalalala...

kisah cuti lagi..sorry!

things i wanna write here before i forget..

-gossip about my youngest-elder brother. first thing aku heard when i reached home. hehe, i wont disclose it here tho in order to respect ppl's privacy. but it was really suprising news for me. nothing's confirm yet but the good thing is i grow closer to this brother of mine than before. ahaha, i used to have this distant bonding with him when i was smaller cos of my obnoxious-temperamental act. in fact i once ran away from home because of him shesshh!

-my presence at home was very much acknowledged and appreciated especially by my parents (hey, i'm not making this out. i had it verbally=p) . domestic helper duty : laundry, cooking dinner, cleaning the house and hobby: tagged along with my parents (much to my lil sister annoyance/amusement) were suprisingly fun.

-met up with a fren i've known for almost 2 years. i know there are these certain things that was-not-like-me-at-all to agree/do that day but i have my very own reasons. it was a fine outing and i enjoyed the lunch (more like a deserved brunch for me, thanks to the breakfast-tak-jadi =p) and movie (hillarious with this funniest scene where Hans let this makcik test-drive kereta F1 for her daily market trip!). now i need to think of way to re-pay the treat.

-improvement on my driving skills. at least i am confident enough to drive alone and at nite tho it was only less than 3km drive. hahaha, i'm a late bloomer (whatever it is suppose to mean..)

-had fun and more fun with my 2 darlings (soon to be 3 and then 4 by this April, insya Allah). there're these latest pics of sin-chan-turning-into-ultraman-kampung siram pokok bunga dan mandi sungai that made syak1r demanded for the same mandi sungai treat.

-the whole family gathered during CNY-awal muharam hols. for the first time since i was in msia this time as 2 werent around during aidiladha. haha, so much for male dominant there were futsal with me as a loyal supporter and laughed my gut out at my brothers, late night stay-up for soccer live (them, not me!) and UNO card games (i retired when the clock ticked 12 but they had it till 4 am for goodness's sake!!). oh yes, one BIG victory for beating my eldest brother up in Scrabble during my 1st attempt. hahaha, so much for a winner as he claim for himself.

ok dah, esok nak start klas. lambat la lagi nak update kot

treasure hunt

i've always had trouble packing my stuff. not that i'm messy-and-my-things-are-everywhere but my skills lacking tips to maximise space and tricks to hide things. it became more of a prob when i first came Down Under, where the custom officers can be annoyingly strict with certain food/ingredient. so i resort to this routine whenever its time do that freaking task.
1. me picked up all the clothes/shoes/anything i wanna bring back and put them around the beg. extra task: re-packaged the food into smaller units and with my dory-like memory, i might need checklist.
2. my dearest mum arranged them into the luggage. yup, this is when i used to scratch my head not knowing which and where to put and end up load-unload repeatedly.
3. me doing the last check around the house and lock the bag. even so, sometimes due to my dory-like memory (again?!) i have to unlock it just to shove some forgotten things. see, imagine if i'm the one doing the 2nd routine above then how many times i have to do this lock-unlock thingy?

the second best part was at the airport when the officer often dismissed my luggage without much songeh (which later i presumed may be due to the neatness of my bag,hahahaha).

and the best part was to unpack the luggage as i would be enjoying mini treasure hunt all by myself, oohh-ing at where my mum stuffed the food especially the ones forbidden by kinda-stupid-OZ-law.

opsss! ngaaa...

first day in melb 2006

and i'm weeping. it was never like this before. usually, the homesickness hit me earlier like few days before i leave msia and went away the moment i touch down in melb. this time, it was there all along the journey and didnt go away as it used to be, plus the fact that nobody's around in this place except for S just add up to the loneliness. i need crowd to cheer me up or at least keep me occupied, not quietness of a large room.

even yesterday, i was in tears when saying goodbye to my family. i wish i had not. it has always been something big for me to be apart from my parents since my first day in boarding school at the age of 12 but i thought i manage to 'grow up' from it when i 1st come to melb. the previous years were ok but not this year tho. somehow i think i'm getting emotionally weaker and weaker by year. sigh

i am still learning how to take things one at a time. pesan ma, jangan banyak fikir benda yg tak perlu.

of study & singlehood...

'3 days and counting auww'- sms from one of my aunties yesterday.

despite my wish to stay home longer and longer, i'm mentally preparing myself for another year in melb at the same time.
- 4 rotations of O&G, paeds, psych and GP. and i'll be starting off with O&G next week. huwaaa, freak out! according to others, time-wise i need to be very flexible for this rotation. long hours, demanding knowledge etc...hmmm. first thing this sunday morning: read the manual for requirements and do some quick reading. whatever it is, i need to learn to take things day by day just to avoid unnecessary stress and trouble.
- another year of savouring my singlehood with my fellow girlfriends. oh, i'm not trying to be sexist here cos that's the way it is, for me at least. and i'm not complaining much. anyway, will try to come up with something for the short easter weekend and later winter hols. ohh, i dont mind settling for melb experiences in case of tight budget.
- last year to spend with some great ppl. seniors and housemates. so i really wanna to make the most out of it. strengthen the bonding and cherish the moments. and this might include me playing sports cos when these ppl are gone next year, i dont think i'll be playing basket/netball anymore. sad thought =(
- commonwealth games melb 2006. wheee! got myself a ticket to hockey tournament. wish could go and watch some other games but first i need to ask around for company. plus the ticket is surely-expensive-and-over-the-budget-. haihhh
- anything else?

as for the holiday, its been a bit of up-side-down-and-up-again. nevertheless, i'm happy to be home. and i'm thankful to those who've made my days memorable. families. friends. looking forward to seeing those familiar faces again next year. semoga dipanjangkan usia.

p/s..still looking for simple and decent layout, yet in vain..*cringe*

melancholy

i love melb but at the same time i dont wanna leave home, my comfort zone. the fact that i'll be leaving on weekend and there'll be more family members sending me off to KLIA kinda bug me too. cos that means somehow i feel obliged to appear strong and composed at departure which i dont think i quite possible this time. unexpected things that happened during this hols put me in yo-yo mood. of course i appreciate their kindness and thought but..i know, very ungrateful of me.

will write more on this but first thing i need to do now is betulkan niat. pergi sana utk belajar kerana Allah.

Kisah sin chan!

kisah 1
tgh breakfast kat kedai mamak together with his parents. baru sampai, dia dah pau papa dia untuk beli 2 coklat. mase aku dah start mkn, dia suruh bukak satu coklat ...mula2 masuk dlm mulut dia pastu tiba2 jeh pegi letak atas roti canai aku..aarghh, mulala tuh. siap gelak2 lagi..takpe, amik tisu dan letak coklat tuh kat tepi sambung mkn balik. 2nd time, dia usaha bukak sendiri psl aku taknak tolong dah. same thing again, dia masuk dlm mulut kejap pastu letak atas roti canai aku. then gelak2. saje la tuh nak kacau org. dah abis coklat kat tgn, dia jln pegi kaunter mamak buat muka kesian kat situ. bile papa dia pegi amik, dah berjaya pau satu coklat lagi from mamak. free pulak tu. macam biasala, dia bukak dia letak dlm mulut pastu tadaaaa, dah ade atas roti canai aku...heeeeee, suka sgt dgr aku membebel kot.

kisah 2
petang or malam. lepak2 sambil tunggu papa dia balik. once dgr bunyi keta or bile mama dia ckp papa dah balik, cepat2 dia lari cari belakang kerusi. nak nyorok. kekadang excited sgt sampai tak tahu nak nyorok mane. kejap sini kejap situ. tak cukup duduk belakang kerusi, amik kusyen nak cover muka. so terpaksala papa dia 'carik' dia..bila lama sket cari tak jumpa, mulala dgr tiny giggles, konon nak kasi hint. one time, penat jeh dia lari nyorok bawah kerusi siap dgn kusyen sume, rupanya mama dia tersilap. bukan papa balik tp nenek (bibik) pegi buang sampah. marah dia...hehe

kisah 3
skrang tgh suka pakai superheroes suits. batman la, spiderman la, power rangers la. kalu pakai as pyjama okla cos long sleeves tp tak. nak pakai pagi petang siang malam kalu boleh. mama dia cerita, ade skali tuh bile sampai rumah tgk dia duduk kat luar dekat dgn ampaian. bile tanye bibik "ohh, dia tunggu baju batmannya kering"..isk isk isk budak nih..

kisah 4
instead of menangis nak ngikut, dia tahan aku dari keluar. skarang ni selalu keluar ikut dapur sebab senang. so 1st attempt dia block jalan ke dapur, nasib baik muat2 tangan and kaki dia nak spread out kat pintu tuh. aku pun buat2la angkat dia. 2nd attempt pegi sandar kat pintu dapur buat muka kesian. aiseh. ini terpaksala bayar tol.tol kosong jeh:p nasib tak nangis, kalu tak silap2 aku bwk dia jalan sama.

kisah 5
aku decided to bribe with M&M for going out without him. suke la dia bile tgk kat cermin mulut dia berubah2 ikut kaler coklat tuh. skali tgh gelak2 tuh, dia capai dua2 tgn aku pastu tadah bawah mulut dia. ingatkan ape, skali rupanya dia nak throw up. aiseh, nasibla tak banyak and liquid jeh.. kalu tak, silap2 aku pun join sekali. bile cite, mama dia ckp " ape nih man, gune tangan cik n*r, gunela tangan sendri "...ntahnye:p

kisah 6
dah mmg tahap kritikal dia kena jumpa barber. aku pun sukela gelakkan dia psl nmpk mischiveous sgt dgn rambut ala2 curly tuh. mama dia cite bukan senang nak potong rambut dia, silap2 malu jeh org tgk psl dia punye nangis mak aihh..so this time aku kena take over in case dia nak ngelat. alih2 dia rilek jeh kat atas kerusi wak, tak nangis pun...paling2 pun buat muka bile rambut masuk mata or mulut. tapi yg tak tahan tgk memek muka dia tahan geli dan takut. sket punye lawak, rugi tak bwk digicam. dah tak tahan dgn rambut sendiri yer??

kisah 7
bile makan, carik tissue.. time makan satay arituh, makan sesuap lap tissue. makan lagi, tissue lagi.. abis tissue kat tgn dia jeh. aku pun sempat amik satu jeh:p bibik cite, kekadang tuh mkn biskut pun nak tissue. heeeee mengadala sgt...

kisah 8
despite his age, he still talks gibberish. kekadang tuh aku pulak naik fed-up bile org tanye2, so aku ckp kat dia " tak kisahla man, man takleh ckp betul2 pun cikn*r sayang man jugakkk". puas hati. eh, tapi takdela aku ckp depan2 org lain, cari nahas la tuh namanye...

kisah 9
dia suka invent benda2 baru out of crap. teropong yg dah terbahagi dua, dia jadikan ala2 telefon and at the same time boleh gune jugak utk tarik toy box. skali tuh, bile dia nak call bibik, cepat2 dia amik kusyen letak kat tengah2 box tuh...mula2 aku pun tak paham, skali baru tau by right, we are not suppose to see the other's face if we are talking over the phone. so that's why kusyen tuh ade utk jadik wall between dia and bibik.

kisah 10
nanti dia akan dapat adik very-very soon. kalau deliver before aku balik melb lagi best. nak tgk cemana dia interact dgn adik dia pulak. jangan dia buli adik dia sudahhhh...

haih, kan best kalu dpt bwk dia teman aku kat melb nti..

kl was so-and-so. tired of waiting for ppl and transport that next time of hols, i'll settle for home and family only. a person of no patience. plus i dont have the heart leaving my lil sayang behind anymore (and there'll be two of them very soon). on monday i came to realise that i've been thru 4 days without rice and my sis-in-law complained i'm not eating like i used to. but as long as i dont feel sick, i dont really care.
in a week or so, i'll be flying back to melb. find it hard to hold back my emotion this time. for the past 3 years, i rarely shed tears at departure but as year goes by, its getting harder not to. and i find life per say, very tough.

day one.

random thoughts

>>>'i came to teach basketballers and you became students, i came to teach boys and you became men..thank you for that'..finally after almost half a year i got to watch this movie. blame my lacking download skills. regardless, enjoyed it much. what can i say? sports is more that just sweat and hardwork. more than games and victories.more like operating under pressure. mindset and how you put it into play. accepting falls and learn to stand up again.

>>>my aunt once said ' we often give advice that we dont use'..simply true. there are lotsa occasions when we, in the process of being a good listener would try our very best to say goodies to the other company with a single hope that it will at least alleviate their emotions if not solve their probs. but what happen when the same thing happen to us, or almost the same thing? we often forget to use the same advice we once tell the other. we sort of neglect the words we once believe in. that's why we still need each other no matter how good we think of ourselves, no matter how strong we think we are to brave the turbulence. those ppl become the reminder. of what we've told them before.

>>> regardless of the disturbing writings previously, i shall not forget that whatever happen, i always have HIM to turn to. to seek guidance and solace. i shall not forget that there are a lot of ppl out there who love and care about me. always and i cant thank them enough. i shall not forget the hikmahs behind the so-called-fiasco and how much it grows me up.

ei submitted my assignment yesterday. alhamdulillah, did better this time. it took me almost twice the effort as i chose to change the topic when i'm almost done with the template. didnt regret it though coz it was easier to do the calculation and reasoning with the second article.

>>>ppl live by choice. either in everyday living or for one big major decision that will determine their future. sometimes, its not that they dont know what's best to do and expect out of certain situation. sometimes it's not that they have lost the sense of values; rights or wrongs, goods or bads. but most of the time, the pick is based on emotions, experiences and personal strength.

>>>i am not to justify why i choose to grieve. by that it means

i learn to live with tiny expectations.

i distant myself from meanings of companionship, trust, hope, self-worthiness.

i take all the blame as something to dwell over and hope it will put others at ease.

i accept the fact that i'm not gifted with an angel's heart and i actually hate to act like one.

>>>thanks very much Peon for ur concern and sincere thought. wish could spend some more time with you here. have a safe journey and keep the spirit high.

ape yg jadi baru2 nih gives big impact in my life. as said, damned for life. terus terang, aku dah hilang cara utk rasa happy. hati aku dah tak tenang, anytime aku boleh lost in my own thought. living in fear and insecurities, exactly how i felt. honestly aku rasa kalu tak kuat pegangan, aku boleh jadik gila bila ingat dan fikir psl benda ni. apa yg selama nih aku tak pernah terfikir mungkin terjadik. mungkin ye, mungkin tidak aku pun tak tahu. dan aku takut utk tahu. takut sgt2.. for me, nothing will be the same again. walaupun mungkin juga takde ape, tapi ape yg hilang tuh dah tak boleh dicari balik.
sebab benda nih, aku hilang self-esteem. vulnerable. sekejap aku rasa dah ok tapi tak lama. aku tak looking forward to mingle around and meet other ppl. aku rasa byk benda aku dah tak deserve utk dpt. rasa tak worthy.
tapi jangan risau, aku takkan susahkan korang dgn probs aku. sebab aku taknak simpati tuh jadi beban dan lama2 beban tuh mungkin akan buat org benci..takpe, selama nih apa2 jadi aku go thru sorang2...
sesapa yg aku pernah buat salah, minta maaf. sesapa yg aku penah susahkan, minta maaf. minta maaf sgt2...