Will i be?

I could be write about reasons why i thought of what i wrote in my previous entry..but i choose not to..maybe not now..maybe not ever..

i've become a crying baby clinging daughter to my mum since i started working so when they're (parents) leaving for 2 weeks to perform umrah very, very soon..

i dare not to imagine how's life gonna be.

tell me that i'm doing fine.

tell me that i'll be fine.

Speaking of coincidence and mumbo-jumbo...

I actually posted an entry a while ago but decided to get rid of it..something better left unwritten..it's nothing, anyway..

On a different note,

If i am to be honest at this moment, i am thinking of quitting my job. Anyone disagree?

Drops....

I found this here

I'm only grateful to have Allah.

That makes me believe in hikmah behind every struggle,

That sometimes redha is the only way out,

That it's only the matter of time before fate prevail itself,

That only me and HIM actually suffice.

Short break..

Even just for one night,

I'm going to KL this friday.

Yeay!

Emotion

As my aunt texted me a while ago

' Crying is a form of release so go ahead...'

I succumb to, silently.

Perks

#My 30-40 mins speed drive time to go back and fro work.. solitude and regain self.

#The MO whom i was once very anxious of is now my comfort in the ward.

#When i got to finish work by 530pm.

#When on call still allowed me some good sleep.

#When time flew fast and i forget.

#When i learnt something from each case.

#SMS and calls from the darlings.

# Pray hard to attend Zarin's wedding this coming May. I so wanna spend some time in town and do some shopping..well, kalu gaji dah masuk bolehla belanja kalian;)

Don't be afraid. You needn't slay the beast nor scale the entire mountain. That's not how it's done. You only need to move through today,..... Think of the distance you've already covered. Focus on your strengths. Let each new step remind you of your freedom. Let every breath you take remind you of your power. Seek out friends and guides; they're anxious to help. You're not alone. You're understood. This road has been walked before. Dance life's dance, just a few steps at a time, and in the wink of an eye you will wonder to yourself, "What beast, what mountain? Was I having a dream?"

~A Note~

I'm confused

Scene 1

Student nurse: doktor, doktor orang mane ye?

Me: aaa? Orang sini laa..

Student nurse: oohhhh ye ke?? cakap tak macam org kelantan pun...

Me: ohhh ek? (hoh! penat2 jeee aku cakap kelantan selama nih...)

Scene 2

After a few exchange of polite gestures everytime i attended his mum,

Visitor: rasa macam pernah jumpa doktor sebelum nih..?

Me: *blank* aaaa?? tak tahu...*shrug* (ahhh, sudahh..)

Visitor: haah...macam pernah nampak before nih..tp tak sure kat mana...tp yg pasti satu tempat la..kat UTP

Me: aaa? ( aku nih UTP pun tak pernah jejak =p) tak tahu *sengih blur*

i'm sure it was not a pick-up line but honestly, i could not recognise..so i simply continued attending to the next patient.

A Note

Happiness, dear......, is what greases the wheels of life. It's also what opens the floodgates, marshals the forces, commands the elements, raises the sun, aligns the stars, beats your heart, heals what hurts, turns the page, makes new friends, finds true love, calls the shots, waves the wand, connects the dots, feeds your mind, frees your soul, rocks the world, and pays compound interest.

Yeah, so easy to forget.

Wild on,
The Universe

Simple life

As promised, i'm here again.

What'd you like to know?

=)

Alhamdulillah, i'm coping well with my job. currently doing medical rotation, well-known for its' stressful workload and demanding commitment.

I have a lot of reason not to feel miserable though

-I am actually prepared for something worse than this, based on what i heard from others actually.

-Although i was jittery and foresaw bleak moments before starting, i remembered when i was about to do absailing and said to myself 'Just Do It!' before leaning back on the rope a few feets away from the ground.

-My break between graduation and work was well spent so i have no complaint of not having enough holiday and such. Family and friends, my treasured gifts.

- There were humble patients that soften my hearts and supportive easy-going colleagues that make the routine a bearable one.

-I do learn a lot to which i have to keep on doing.

No,

It's not that i did not cry out of despair for being bullied.

It's not that i never question myself why not other job, once.

It's not that i know most of the things and never feel hopeless.

It's not that i'm ignorant of the politics and hierarchy.

It's not that i always leave for home on time.

But i choose to ignore those things and take some time to feel happy with little things. Also, i choose to start a new day every day. Most importantly, i choose to fulfill my job Lillahita'ala and not for anyone else. I tried my best everyday and that suffices.

Doesnt life works that way?

We'll never get everything we want in life but it's our choice to dwell or to move forward. I had my share of earlier so i know how deep it will bring us down.

The only thing that keeps me on the ground is my faith in Allah as only He who will always be there for me and i have seen it happened before my eyes for so many times.

Alhamdulillah.

Sweet sorrow...

i also didnt see this coming but i decided to give tis space a rest..i could not point out to a single reason why, but i hope i would make it here again...

as i am flawed, i seek for forgiveness if i hurt anyone's feeling or ego thru my words...

i hope we could still keep in touch. i'll be an sms/phonecall/email away...

darling honey, pls keep me updated (and excited) about OTH...i owe u that one!

Kenapa aku diuji?
“Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan ; “Kami terlah beriman,” sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji orang-orang yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui orang-orang yg benar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui orang-orang yg dusta.” -Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3.

Kenapa aku tak dapat apa yang aku idam-idamkan?
“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.” -Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216.

Kenapa ujian seberat ini?
“Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya.” -Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286.

Kenapa rasa kecewa?
“Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah orang-orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang-orang yang beriman.” Surah Al-Imran ayat 139.

Bagaimana harus aku menghadapinya?
“Wahai orang-orang yg beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yg berkebajikan), dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih drpd kesabaran musuh (di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahan di daerah-daerah sempadan) seta bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah supaya kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan).” -Surah Al-Imran ayat 200.

“Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada org-org yg khusyuk.” -Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45.

Apa yg aku dapat dari semua ini?
“Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli drpd org-org Mukmin, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka..” -Surah At-Taubah ayat 111.

Kepada siapa aku berharap?
“Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain drpd-Nya. Hanya kepada-Nya aku bertawakkal.” Surah At-Taubah ayat 129.

Aku dah tak dapat bertahan lagi!
“…dan janganlah kamu berputus asa drpd rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa drpd rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir.” Surah Yusuf ayat 12.

;)

Yuhuuuuu!!

Firstly, my apology for the bad choice of words in the previous entry...

It's been good here. first day, dah kantoi dengan urusetia dalam lif...hahahah!

So i'll cya when i cya...don't miss me;)

Choice?

I woke up to THIS

Orang kita tak belajar daripada sejarah.

Inilah padahnya!


On a personal note, i got this

Take only what you need today -- discard the extra. It's better if you travel light.

Deep lah. okeh, will do!

Time's up!

Letter for the induction+BTN finally made its way....

13th till 31st- 2 weeks of induction @ Allson Klana, Seremban & 5 days of BTN @ they-have-not-decide-yet=p.

i was told that we wont get weekend off during the prog. ngok ngek betul! tapi harap2 cuti maulidur rasul dapatla escape for a while...hahahaha

the only thing i'm looking forward to would be time to spend with the girls...more bickerings and private jokes;)

miss hani_izhar, jom jumpe!

Heh!

Orang kita tak ubah macam Pak Kaduk.

Bersorak sebab ayam sabung menang tapi kampung tergadai.

EDITED: Read HERE

Expression

'Takpelah yatt..kita harap dapat mane yang terbaik...tapi kalu ko dapat KL sama mcm kitorang mmg best gila aaa..'

i gotta smile hearing that. i wish, i long and i'd love to, darlings. have lotsa reason to work my way there but only a wish for me to stay here and if it's not for that expressed hope, my preferences list in the form would've been different. perfectly honest, my life is different in both places. while i could have SIL jokingly complaint about the endless outing's and plans with frens from dawn to dusk if i'm in town, i am only a simple homely type of girl with no frens here. quite a contrast, hey? i prefer to not explain the reason why i didnt put it the other way round but rather believe, it's for the best. for now, at least;)

'Yatt, i rasa u need to learn to accept imperfection in other people..'

Wisdom. I was relieved to hear someone verbalised it out while i was contemplating. It's not that i havent heard of it but for some different reason, i choose to put up much higher expectation. That's the beauty of my frens. They corrected me and i love them for doing so. If it's not for those affirmation, maybe i'll just continue to ignore.

'Dalam hidup nih, kita ada banyak pilihan...'

I agree.. as simple as either we choose to drown ourselves in misery and claim to suffer from depression OR we could believe in blessings in disguise and continue on living...I tend to do both. I let myself loose when the pain is still raw. next, i very selectively express it out to a handful whom i do not expect solution but never fail to offer comfort. slowly, when i'm ready to give life another go, i pick myself up and usually nothing holds me down. it's always bittersweet, apparently.

'People change..'

Dont u think so? for that reason, we have no right to condemn another because it might gets back to us. on the same basis, we dont have to idolise because we might cringe in disbelief later. i've seen and suprised myself with a lot of examples on this matter and slowly trying to focus on the goodness in another more than anything else. it works for the peace of mind=D

'Nahh, that's law of attraction...!'

Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum melainkan kaum itu berusaha mengubahnya. usaha dulu sebelum bertawakal. based on this, i focus my thoughts, energy and time on the good things i want to happen in my life. i wanna start my effort from the mind not by action...ppl always said 'kata-kata itu kan doa..' so i guess our thoughts are also part of the prayers. even if it has not happen yet, we always feel good whenever we think of our wishes and dream in life rite? past experience and observation inevitably will make us feel a bit wary but don't hesitate to plan something good for ourselves. i believe that Allah Maha Mendengar & Maha Mengetahui. If what we try to attract do not happen, it's HIM who are making sure that we get the best in life. Insya Allahh..

No ?

hehehe.

I no longer watch sad movies/drama/documentary. i remembered the (first and) last time i watched Bersamamu@ TV3, i was in tears (tapi cover coverla tanak kasi org tgk=D). from then on, i decided to deliberately avoiding it by closing my eyes or turning my head whenever the preview's on air. not that i'm heartless or could not care less about those unfortunate ppl, it's just tooo heart-wrenching for me=( the same thing goes to P Ram!ee's as discussed with the girls @Perhentian. i did watched his legendary Ibu Mer+uaku but couldnt remember much because the last time was some time ago. now, i dont mind watching his Bujang Lapuk's and the likes over and over again but when it comes to drama air mata, next channel please..

hehehe.

I no longer watch horror movie, the last time was probably IT re-run a while back @ Evelyn. While in the past, i could be the one suggesting 2 hours worth of scary-creepy-eerie feeling, now i backed off voluntarily. No, i havent been in that situation real life (and please, GOD forbid!) but i have this high imagination afterwards that saw me refusing to go downstairs unaccompanied or restlessly checking out the bathroom. Now that i'm preparing myself to work day and night in the hospital, ada yang tak pergi check patient in the other building kang.hahaha. lagipun, ape bestnya tgk cerita hantu selain sakit tekak sebab byk menjerit dan sakit dada sebab dubdabdubdab?

hehehe.

I dont like Harian Me+ro for what's inside it. lotsa weird-negative-mind-blowing stories that nauseated me. seriously, i dont see any point for me to read all those.get exposed? get real!

hehehe.

I dont eat my fave part of the meal first because i love to finish off with my tastebud with something i enjoyed most. tp i cant do the same with ulam, nanti jadi kambing la pulak kalu munch it alone without rice.

;)

Cuti Cuti Malaysia

The island trip started from a small talk @ Evelyn while discussing about our get-together about 3 months ago. Who would've thought, it actually took place;)

Day 1:

6 girls met up at the airport originally from 4 different states. Did some catch up and gossip session while waiting and boarding the private flight F!refly. Touched down at KB airport; headed straight away to Kuala Besut Jetty. hehe, the election fiesta was quite a scene along the road. Arrived just in time and yes, it's the speed boat! totally unexpected. unlike Langkawi and Tioman who transported using ferry, the ride was exhilarating.. serious rasa cam polis marin with all the bumpy waves and sharp turns ..syiokkk! the student (ehem!) package entitled us for 2 snorkelling trip. We planned to change it to kayak but as the paddles weren't available, we rushed to change into our main air attire after hearty lunch. i was a bit wary of seasickness based on last time's experience @ Tioman but all went well with 3 different coral spots.horay, thanks to the swimming lesson i took 4 years ago i had the chance to jump into deep sea(with lifejacket of course, are u kidding!?) to look out for tortoise. new great experience! personally, i'd prefer corals at Tioman but the speed boat ride throughout the trip was just my thing...we didnt plan to stop at 5pm. big swimming pool was ours after that. i was so glad we came during off-peak season, so much for privacy;) after dinner, we dashed to the karaoke room and pity me, bad sore throat saw me holding the mic at a distance..but i so enjoy other girls' singing that came all the way from rock kapak to mellow tangkap leleh punye lagu.

Day 2:

Another snorkelling trip in the morning which we stopped by at Perhentian Kecil on our way back. Took our own sweet time to enjoy our lunch and after that, lazed by the beach. Enjoyed small chat, monopoly games, sing along. Mind you, conversation didnt revolved around nice and sweet words but rather pangkah memangkah each other. hahaha, thats our group dynamic! looked forward to Bi-Bi-Que at night but it wasnt as what we expected it to be. Pretty stuffed, still!

Day 3:

Up and about to go home. Upon seeing the sea and weather, we sensed something might not be right. true enough, the resort officer came and told us that we might need to enjoy their complimentary accomodation for a night with breakfast. strong wind, high rised water level, rowing fisherman boats looking for protection. totally not our ideal vacation picture but all agreed on the the blessings in disguise. we learnt a lot on that day about life offshore, hospitality, fairytale and drama conflict in life. in fact, i kinda enjoyed the mystery of that day. nway, who would say no to the next round (and sponsored) of karaoke that night. hihihi!

Day 4:

Everyone's anxious about the weather but it turned out to be our last day there. Saddened to leave the place and people, i must say. Special thanks to helpful En Najib, bubbly Waheeda, supercool Tam, accomodating Kak Rose, unpredictable Kak Anne and the rest of the Arwana Crew. u rocks! hehehe...urgh, i hate the journey back with ferry. i want my speed boat! When everyone's back on mainland, memories turned out to be a bit surreal but glad all were safe. The girls managed to do some shopping at KB before boarding their evening flight. In an attempt to speak local dialect for a cheaper price, she cracked me up..

..'mokcik, ade kaler HIJO tak?'

OMG, that was it. ROTFL!

Love Actually

On their way back from pre-school.

Syahman: papa kahwinn dengan mama...

Mama: haaa, yelah. papa kahwin dengan mama pastu dapat abang, adik umar dengan ibrahim. abang nak kahwin ke?

Syahman: nakkkk...

Mama: abang nak kahwin dengan siapa?

Syahman: dengan ciknur (that's me, everyone!)..

Awwwwww, sweet!

Acceptance

By now, i realised there's only one way out to the sorrow that is to accept the imperfection.

The pain is too deep to dig, thus i find it really2 hard to talk about it what's more to face it up.

I find it more comfortable to let the tears flow.

Thus i'm asking a big favour from each of u. cheer me up in any possible way.

I, on the other hand will continue writing on the happy side of my life.

Bleak

I was too devastated and furious. really want to scream it out, but succumb to silent cry when i was all by myself.

It was beyond common sense, then or now. at times i feel like giving it all up and live without.

How could people be so selfish & heartless?

At first i tried to contain the turmoil but when it became unbearable, i looked for comfort here and it's God's will, awaited an angel with soothing words.

I was also comforted by the thought that this life is only temporary. when i reminded myself that way, the pain became less significant.

Life is short, hence

16th to 20th: Sarawak

21st to 25th: KL ( wanna watch Buli & Dunia Baru The Movie, anyone?)

26th to 28th: Perhentian Island.