Void

Never mind the title.

Last saturday, 4 of us reunited: Me, Zila, Zarin and Ann but we're missing on Teejay and Baiti. We did what we're best at in Melb: shopping till the shop closed. oh yes, we did! it was Ann's idea as she was the last to join the spree. In between the fitting room and paying the bills, we had good ol Nando's and fill each other in with the going of life. it feels ok to spill it out to non-condescending friends. At the end of the day, everyone went home in satisfaction over their purchase...i sure did! ehehe..for the fun of it..

Metro Pink

Analog Black Dial

We also bumped into someone searching for the ring..aawww, dont u lookk radiantly happy honey? (with ur shocking pink flip flop that will never ever match ur baju kurunggg) ;)and yeay, I'm now a member of MPH's readers circle..

Moving along to Tuesday nite.

FUN is definitely an understatement.

Farina, Peon, Liyana, Faatin (and her sister) is the most sporting bunch i'm glad to be with. We sure let ourselves loose and lived the room alive with the ultimate rempit-lagi-rock-kapak's songs. I wish Zila's there to join the craziness... good spread of food and yes, i agree Farina...that waiter is cute..ahah! and ohh, Fatin has proof of how much fun we had last night but i wouldn't dare to expose it to the public. it spells disaster,hahahha..but i'd like to have a look at it though..

It makes me feel better to see the familiar faces.

Friends from heaven.

Shout Out!

WElloooowwww people!

It wouldnt be fair to cram in my fab girls' day out in this short entry so i'll save it for nx time...but as for now

Tuesday.

Redbox, Sogo.

830pm.

See you tonight!

Wonderful Days..

*dancing dancing*

Yay! today's my first of 9 days of holiday. BLISS !

Started off with meeting up with my HERBALIFE partner, followed with mangosteen feast at the frontyard and i just finished cooking lunch...ohh yes, my first after 4 month (ehemmm, i sure cook one laa when i get married...this, speaking of single life;p) and tonight i'll be off to KL for a few days...

I texted my darling KAMI's to know whether they're free tomorrow (too bad, my SIL had replacement class,eheh) and i got a quick call from Ann saying she wished to meet me, and Zila texted me later for shopping spree at MV..voila, i'm super-duper-over-the-roof excited for this meet up tomorrow so i decided to include Syims. sounds like a plan!! *cheer*

I tentatively plan for karaoke on Tuesday night. Ok tak, girls? i know Syu's curious to know the date so i'm stating it here....the tagline would be " Come laaa....join the party!! Now, who's genius to guess which movie i cilok this dialogue...ehehehe;p hopefully we'd be able to execute this..Liyana, ur coming to this one right? or u wanna have a different lunch date to treat me? maybe on the day itself *winky*

Insya Allah for the next weekend, i'm half-sponsoring our family getaway to Camer0n H1ghland..

Ahhh, it feels totally great. finally, i feel like a carefree 20-something year old girl again..

*doing jumpstar*

p/s: i need some guidance of which bank that offers the best credit card package (and easy-quick registration?) anyone anyone?

Teeeny weeny...

If i am to be honest at this moment, i am thinking of quitting my job. Anyone disagree?

Hiks, i passed my exit assessment for medical rotation. it's been 4 months...25th is my favourite day;)

Actually, it's not so much about being extended that scares me cos medicine is an enriching and interesting field, but the thought of going to lunch work without my favourite frens is demotivating..personally, i think i've gained so much knowledge but procedure-wise, i am not that great...huhuhu

Umi's been a petite person with a big heart from the day i entered the chaotic department and took care of me while i went thru the i-am-not-for-this-job-i-wanna-quit period. God-sent angel, she's been to me. We do plan to live next to each other after this and drive our husband crazy with our antiques...haha, we had so much stupid jokes shared and that's one of them..

I got closer to Nadrah once we teamed up in Bendahara @ haunted ward with so many patients and so many deaths...hahaha, but it's really fun to have her as partner as she's the composed one and our target would always be the same everyday: go have lunch at 1pm sharp and finished our work by 5pm...lalalala..then of course we extend our colleague-ship to eating partner...favourite social activity after work..

Am's been funny and wanky teaser, oklahh..helpful too *rolled eyes* one day he caught me taking my portion for lunch and went
"huh, makan banyak..badan sekeping je.."
and that's been an issue for him ever since..hahaha. we shared gossips and at times, i gotta bully him..ok, he bullied me as well :p

Kak suzie's my sifooo...i gotta say i was sooo scared of her in my earlier days until we got to know each other well and manage to work as a team. its heart-warming to hear her saying out loud that i was her favourite houseman...hahah, even if she loved to tease me for my Oz pronounciation, i still heart her for what she'd taught and nagged at me...again, gossip partner we are now..

See, it's not soo much of the workload but with whom we work with and shared our working life.

Now that's the end of medicine...it's time for surgery. Next.

Searching....

Tadaaaa, i feel refreshed.

Yeay, i've bought the tics to go to KL next Friday for quite some days. hopefully this time, i could spare some time to meet up with my girls. I know Redb0x would be a great idea for my high school fellow but that would need weekdays...and i'll make sure no more sore throat this time;)

On top of that, i'm dying to meet my Bantingites and Monash clan though i know there'll be busy in the hospital. it's gonna be happy moments to simply sit down and engaged in a long conversation with these precious people...how should i do it eh?

Me: Nur pergi jumaat malam..sabtu kaksya ada kelas ganti kan?

Kaksya: haah...

Me: ohh takpelah, Nur boleh keluar dgn kawan kawan..

Kaksya: ehhh, jangan janji lagi..

Me: hahahahha, macam manalahh Nur nak ada boyfren kalu ada sis-in-law yang terlalu suka kat i..

Kaksya: eeeee, perasannye..

Me: LOL

that was funny..

and alsooooooooooooo,

it would be even more exciting if one or two of my girls could take a leave on Monday or Tuesday to be my shopping partner...*battling eyelashes* i think i've made up my mind of which handphone to settle with...i hope the white one would look nice. also, good books good books.

come Friday, quick!

Incoherent

Last night i dreamt of Redb0x, so i texted miss F. hehehe, let's just hope it's a plan for the last week of this month...

Reality checked; i'm just another readily available bus stop that can be visited at one's own convenient. i feel so low and mad at myself, i made up my mind. i'm not coping up with the other flamboyant bus stops' and i dont like to be treated like one. it's confusing.

My fellow friends, i'm having VIVA assessment next week upon finishing medical rotation. please pray that i'll do well for this so that i could proceed to another rotation....aminnn

I'm grateful that wherever i go, i've been blessed with a bunch of great truest friends to rely on. from SSPians to Bantingites to Monash clan and now, HKB...there're these people who will laugh with me, thought of me and creates wonderful journey despites major obstacles along the way. Alhamdulillah..

Ahaa, i'm planning to buy a few good books to feed my mind. Any suggestion, friends?

I received endless wedding invitation from my thoughtful frens. i'm dying to attend all of them but time and distance doesnt permit =( whenever i looked at the pics of small reunion of my frens during the celebration, my heart sank. i would love to be in the crowd. sad=(

There goes...

I've been tagged by Niesa to write about 7 facts about me, so what about....

1. I LOVE my darling girlfrens very much.

2. I HATE sweet talker.

3. I LOVE watermelon.

4. I HATE on calls.

5. I LOVE playing team sports.

6. I HATE to be a favourite past time.

7. I LOVE Melbourne.

i guess that's all for now. I'm hiding here

Welcome to my world

I was lying on my bed waiting for the exhaustion to go away, as i flicked thru Variety and came across this...



Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

It's hard...

when there're things i could not write it down here...

It's really really hard...

My Darling...

We were waiting for my brother outside the mall, me leaning againts the handphone billboard

Me: abang, abang..cantik tak nih? (pointing to a beautiful model on the advert)

Him: tak cantik...cik nur cantik!!

Me & his mum: *bewildered*

Him: adik adik...tak cantik kan yang nih ( pointing to the advert again..) cik nur cantik kan?

No, i totally didnt see it coming but that was really2 sweet of him.hehe..

If that wasnt enough, hear this out...

We were playing around in the room..lying on the small bed together with my sis in law when suddenly he turned to me and hugged

"saya love you...'

It caught me off guard...

his mum: APEEE?? abang tak pernah pun cakap kat mama macam tuh..mama je ckp kat abg ..ini first time abg pegi cakap kat cik nur *mocking a mad face*

teeeeheeee=D

And whenever we go shopping together, he would always pick a shoe for me to try and goes

"cantiknnyyeeeeeee...'

Thanks for letting me down.

I'm done.

Spectrum...

As i started to work through the night, it struck my heart to see parents of HIV patients sleeping on the floor beralaskan papers or small mat while taking care of their dying son. Their flesh and blood who might never try to re-pay their sacrifices all the while, let alone to become a good citizent. These people whom we detest and look at in disgust for what they've done to destroy their own life-and yet unconditional love never dies. These mother or father have my biggest respect.

And today,


An old man from the old folks house, having no children. struggling to take ablution and perform his prayers (shame on some of us who take this obligation for granted!), ate the hospital meal in hunger. It crushed my heart, this one. I wish i could do more than what i've done to help him. I wish real hard.

*cry*

Happiness

So?

I know it's gonna sound soooo funny if i say that i am enjoying me work at the moments..not exactly funny as in funny, but there's no better vocab i could think of to describe ( that reminds me to read more...)

to reflect back how much tears i poured and resentment i felt towards this job, it's a relief to everyone that i could be at this phase where there's no longer meek long-faced sad-looking girl but the bubbly and let's get-going one. one or two frens still teased me over how miserable i was in month 1 and two, expressing their suprise how much i've changed. hey, when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping gets going!

No lah..

It's not all rosy in this medical dept..i'm still one of the least knowledgeable and skillfull first-poster housemen..i still got weak-kneed whenever patient collapse or when lesson learnt the hard way but i've been able to move on past them...it haunted for fear of getting through mortality audit but what else could i do as i dwell?

Small things?

Like these one maybe..

-My team has been putting up this target every morning to work fast and aim to go home as the clock strikes five. it sounded a bit ambitious for some days, isn't it but that's what keep us going for the day? To have someone to rely on and work hand in hand makes a huge difference for this kind of job.

-To be acknowledged for a quick (and sometimes re-correct the) management of the patients..it totally sucks when i first started and nothing in my management includes drugs treatment but now, at least i've got a fair bit.

-Working in public hospital means doing hands-on experiences. It scared me shit but after a while, hey this could be fun! provided i got good supervision and back-up team..heheh

-Also working in Malaysia means text book cases. A LOT! while i could be struggling and regretting myself for not studying hard before, it's high time to revise and managing the cases themselves makes it a lot more easier to learn. what a life-long!

-I still slept from 8-6 at times (wake up only for isyak) but other than that, i've got a good bunch of colleague to hang out and enjoy good dinner prior.

I'm going to KL for a very very short escape. I'm on call on thursday, my flight's on friday noon..coming back on saturday night and on call again on sunday..i'm willing for this arrangement cos it's all up to me to do my little shopping find my little happiness.. so if u happen to be in shah alam on friday night, why not give me a buzz?

Things in my list so far

-find a comfy loafer as my legs' been aching eversince i started working..
-handphone as a gift to self? havent decide on which one yet.
-i need to find a replacement to my laptop as this one will be passed down to my sister. i still havent decide on which one either.

truly fickle-minded.

Looking forward to be in KL..

yeay!

Heart-melting!

One
Mama: abang, dalam keluarga kita ada siapa?
Him: papa, mama, abang, adik, ciknur...
Mama: heh, ciknur tuh bukan keluarga kita..dia keluarga kembangan kita...
Him: ciknur keluarga kita.
(he still disagree..)
Him: *sad face* mama, perut abang penuh dgn air..dah nak bocor nih..(eyes welled up. cue that he's about to cry)

Two
Him: mama, abang nak balik kampung. nak tidur dgn ciknur..

(did i tell you he's the one to open my car door after work and excitedly drag me to play with him during previous school holiday)

Three
He wanted to talk to me two days in a row. on the second day's phone call

Him: cik nur......datang sini, datang sini, datang sini, datang sini (repeatedly..)

prior to the phone call, his mother picked him up from kindergarten and he went..

'Mana ciknur?'

ahhh, my darling 5 year old baby. here i come next weekend!

It's time..

to say

'whatever...just do it..'

sorry yeah, for the long hiatus. i've lost track who read and who doesn't anymore...one or two popped up after a long silence, i welcomed.heheh..

i guess (and really hope) i've reached the point of treshold and the journey after this would be bearable and smoother. finger-crossed. i know i was all low for the past 2 month but i'm not a quitter. at times, i do get moments of self-satisfaction and appreciation from others but i might've overlooked them.

there're a lot of humbling experiences that put me in silence for a while and reminded me of how grateful i should be.

but deep inside i know part of this turning point came from a casual talk i had with a senior colleague where i took his words as a challenge. i hope i'll win it and prove him wrong. oh, i know he meant well and wanted me to try a little harder.

ok, let's talk about something more fun. i've got my first pay 2 weeks ago worth of 2 months (and from the extra figure, i think they've miscalculated,hahaha ) and i seriously dont know how to spend the money here it's time to celebrate with the darlings...so u've got to wait till i'm in town for some lunch or dinner, ok? one or two will get the priviledge to pick one item and let me pay for it..who? mestilah secret;)

truth is,

-i wish to go to KL and splurge my money pamper myself. i wanna go shopping...i wanna go karaoke-ing, i wanna go movie-watching..i wanna do everything fun under the sun..

-i wish to buy myself something from the first pay but i'm not sure which one should come first. phone vs laptop vs watch..neither is necessity though. out of the thought that i shuld present myself wif something i hardly earned..blood and tears. on a crazy note, beli tiga2 boley?

-i wish to buy a stackful of good books and indulge in them, literally.

-i wish to have someone whom i could call at odd hours and sought comfort. better still, who would (instinctively) call me up and ensure me that i'll be ok..who are willing to go extra miles for me ( i know i'd do the same..)confession made, who will share the same feeling and brings out the best in me...

to those who've been answering my calls and replying my sms for the past 2 months, i heart you all!

Will i be?

I could be write about reasons why i thought of what i wrote in my previous entry..but i choose not to..maybe not now..maybe not ever..

i've become a crying baby clinging daughter to my mum since i started working so when they're (parents) leaving for 2 weeks to perform umrah very, very soon..

i dare not to imagine how's life gonna be.

tell me that i'm doing fine.

tell me that i'll be fine.

Speaking of coincidence and mumbo-jumbo...

I actually posted an entry a while ago but decided to get rid of it..something better left unwritten..it's nothing, anyway..

On a different note,

If i am to be honest at this moment, i am thinking of quitting my job. Anyone disagree?

Drops....

I found this here

I'm only grateful to have Allah.

That makes me believe in hikmah behind every struggle,

That sometimes redha is the only way out,

That it's only the matter of time before fate prevail itself,

That only me and HIM actually suffice.

Short break..

Even just for one night,

I'm going to KL this friday.

Yeay!

Emotion

As my aunt texted me a while ago

' Crying is a form of release so go ahead...'

I succumb to, silently.

Perks

#My 30-40 mins speed drive time to go back and fro work.. solitude and regain self.

#The MO whom i was once very anxious of is now my comfort in the ward.

#When i got to finish work by 530pm.

#When on call still allowed me some good sleep.

#When time flew fast and i forget.

#When i learnt something from each case.

#SMS and calls from the darlings.

# Pray hard to attend Zarin's wedding this coming May. I so wanna spend some time in town and do some shopping..well, kalu gaji dah masuk bolehla belanja kalian;)

Don't be afraid. You needn't slay the beast nor scale the entire mountain. That's not how it's done. You only need to move through today,..... Think of the distance you've already covered. Focus on your strengths. Let each new step remind you of your freedom. Let every breath you take remind you of your power. Seek out friends and guides; they're anxious to help. You're not alone. You're understood. This road has been walked before. Dance life's dance, just a few steps at a time, and in the wink of an eye you will wonder to yourself, "What beast, what mountain? Was I having a dream?"

~A Note~