Welcome

Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segar sang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku di antara
Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekedar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung Kupertaruhkan

Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu

Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

This is not the song i was talking about but this song accompanied me as i could not sleep after assisting an appendicectomy last night.

Alhamdulillah, Ramadhan greets us again. I have fond affection towards this particular month as i gained ultimate strength and solitude from the up above when nothing else matters but HIM. Things were running deep low and i was losing my good sense, HE brought me closer to HIM. I was bestowed with a faith that Allah will never leave me alone whatever happened. HE calmed me down and taught me to accept fate.

I also have the fondest memories of 5 years back in Melb during this holy month especially with the dearest housemates and sporting GF's. I truly treasure our moments of cooking together (and sing-along in the kitchen). I highly appreciate our collective effort to imarah Ramadhan. It's been wonderful.

Let us all embrace Ramadhan with a hope that it'll bring us closer to our Al-Mighty and blessed with HIS guidance.

Insya Allah...

Off

I've been thinking of having the song here after few times of it tugging my heart but i then realised unwelcoming coincidence, decided againts it.

I'm with altered ego.

One day while tapping our fingers away at the nurse station as we wait for the lunch break, we came up with something exciting..

Looks like surgery has been giving us good time. Gallivanting, almost. Our next journey would be O&G. hell, they said. soo, in order to reward ourselves before submitting to endless stress in O&G, we'll apply for a leave before we end this rotation. Maybe end of Nov to go to Jakarta as she was once a student there. Having fun and shopping like mad with the other 2 partners in crime.

So that's plan Number 1.

Next: we were imagining ourselves to be very2 busy and tired during O&G rotation, no time to spend money. So as calculated, there'd be at least 4K to spend by the end of the rotation so we figured, we'll take the chance in Ortho rotation to fly to Gold Coast (unless anyone could suggest any better place to go? ) i know i've been to GC but a second trip wouldnt hurt i guess. I'll let u know if we found a better place to go. No, Europe has to wait till we could apply for a longer holiday( and richer) once we are MO's.

That's plan number 2 and 3.

We were giggling and feeling damn excited about it all along, one could've think we got delirious.

Ohh, tomorrow's family day for surgical department. when else would you be rubbing shoulders with your superiors in sporting mood?

But i'm gonna missed it, no thanks to oncall duty.

HUWA! aku nak masuk pertandingan makan buahhhh.....

Mixed..

huwaa!!

Farina, pls dont rub salt on my wound..jgnla cakap wedding tuh meriahhh cos lagiiii aku kecewa and nyesal sebab tak pergii

* mulut monconggg*

Okeh, date noted Peon...aku akan cuba sedaya upaya utk attend reception ko nti..worst come to worst, aku abscond from the hospital bleyy?? hihihi...

Today, i attended perioperative mortality audit for the hospital and it's a good post-mortem effort yet eye-rolling for some of the unrealistic remarks given by the non-practising medical professional. You should not go finding faults and pointing fingers to other people based on unwise hind-sight bias but dismissed other people's explanation. very funny! It takes a strong character to accept that life and death is beyond the doctor's power but the Almighty. But the moment would be

" I have something to say, whether we cut this man or not, he's going to die'

Indeed.

Actually, i'm meaning to write about something else. More exciting and look forward to but i guess that'll be for next time..

Faatin's finally shared our karaoke pics, thanks to Facebook. Mehran, i hope u dont go crying urself for missing tis one. ihiks! I'm contemplating of putting them up here..full of expression...fun!

Random..

Peon, aku mmg plan nak pergi wedding Ipek tp takde transport. Pastu plak bila zila offer nak ajak pergi sesama wif ina and sofia, aku still kat UIA for my sis's graduation so agak time constraint. would've been there having fun wif u girls, otherwise=(

But i couldnt believe my turn of luck. After work today, i went to Tesco to accompany a fren doing her groceries when i saw a familiar figure. It's the bride herself so i went "Ipekkkk" in the middle of the aisle...

I was soo glad for the coincidence. Perhaps, its the LOA cos i was thinking how to let her know that i couldnt make it to her other reception as i'll be on call this saturday. Anyway, back to our catch-up's, she was telling me how 'meriah' her wedding was wif my fellow SSPians' antiques. A glint of regret for not making it but i was glad to hear... I could almost imagine how cheery the reception as proven in the Facebook's pics...but He gave me a chance to meet the bride in person ;)

And ohh, i would've be broke if i am to work in Kl with my latest shopping habit...thank GOD, it's only been once a month for the shopping spree and here i am making an announcement

"Maka setelah diperkenankan Mohor raja- raja , saya dengan ini mengishtiharkan bahawa bulan September telah jatuh menjadi bulan berjimat cermat.."

Mari bersama-sama kita sensasikannya!

Quoted...

It's not enough to just imagine happiness. Like all dreams, one must then endeavor to experience it as well, knocking on doors, turning over stones, and otherwise giving your couch and your vision board a rest.

5 year's old...

I picked up my mobile..

Syahman: hellooo, nih abang nih...

Me: hellooooo abangg....ini cik nur

Syahman: awak datang rumah sini cepat cepat ye...cepatt cepattt...

Me: *chuckles* okayyy...

Syahman: saya suka cik nurrr..

Me: *stunned* eheh, saya suka awak jugaa..

Thank GOD i'm actually coming to KL this weekend for my sister's graduation and the usual retreat from work...so, there's a chance for me to attend Ifi's reception on saturday, only that i dont have transportation. i guess, i'll just see how it goes...

Now i know...

I did not realise until that evening.

I put down my white coat and bag and landed on my bed. I was alone in my studio (kuarters). I lied awake staring the ceiling and slowly i felt the tears. I sobbed in silence. the tv's on and i let the tears flowing down my cheek. no words to describe how i felt.

It's been a while. I could not let people know how vulnerable i felt. i internalised the pain, i swallowed everything. i shuddered at the thought of people reaching out for me. the pain does not worth anybody's time.

I've accepted my loss (and the choice to leave). It's only this pain i have to deal with.

I closed my eyes and put myself to sleep.

Mohon

Ya Allah,

Permudahkanlah urusanku, peringankanlah bebanku, perjelaskanlah tujuan hidup ku..

Ya Allah,
Tenangkanlah hatiku, kurniakanlah petunjuk, taufik dah hidayah kepadaku...limpahkanlah kasih sayang dan rahmatmu kepadaku...

Ya Allah,
Kurniakanlah kepadaku seorang yang dapat mengasihiku kerana Mu, yang dapat membimbingku ke jalan Mu dan permudahkanlah urusan kami...

Ya Allah,
Hanya kepada Mu aku memohon dan bergantung harap, hanya Engkau yang Maha Mengetahui segala apa yang terbaik buat diriku...perkenankanlah ya Allah..

Bare...

jangan dekat atau
jangan datang kepadaku lagi
aku semakin tersiksa
karena tak memilikimu

ku coba jalani hari
dengan mengganti dirimu
tapi hatiku selalu
berpihak lagi padamu

mengapa semua ini
terjadi kepadaku

reff:
Tuhan maafkan diri ini
Yang tak pernah bisa
Menjauh dari angan tentangnya

namun apalah daya ini
bila ternyata sesungguhnya
aku terlalu cinta dia

Flashback...

She looked at her watch. She took a glance at her phone. Smiling sadly, she knew she thought right.

It's almost time. Final call to board her journey back to Down Under. Her last moments in this foreign land with her dearest people was about to begin. She comforted herself and walked towards the departure hall. Phone switched off.

It was indeed, another empty promise.

***********************************************************

She stared long before the writing. She should've known better. She cursed herself silently for being silly.

She turned away, slowly making a small steps. the end seems further away. she quickened her pace and attempted to take control. she promised to never turn back.

She was stoppped by what she thought a reflection of light. She closed her eyes and covered her ears. She reminded herself of how hard it's been before, she's not willing for it to happen again. Sting of sadness hit her.

Once bitten, twice shy.

Hit...

I was flipping through the magazine, as the words' written

A TOUGH CHOICE
There will always be a time when you will be too sentimental to let go but too practical to hang on. It's a tough battle and i dont have the answer to the dilemma, but just take comfort that you're not the only one feeling that way!

aaahh, good to know;)

tomorrow i'm off to the family affair in Cameron H. Find me up there...

Void

Never mind the title.

Last saturday, 4 of us reunited: Me, Zila, Zarin and Ann but we're missing on Teejay and Baiti. We did what we're best at in Melb: shopping till the shop closed. oh yes, we did! it was Ann's idea as she was the last to join the spree. In between the fitting room and paying the bills, we had good ol Nando's and fill each other in with the going of life. it feels ok to spill it out to non-condescending friends. At the end of the day, everyone went home in satisfaction over their purchase...i sure did! ehehe..for the fun of it..

Metro Pink

Analog Black Dial

We also bumped into someone searching for the ring..aawww, dont u lookk radiantly happy honey? (with ur shocking pink flip flop that will never ever match ur baju kurunggg) ;)and yeay, I'm now a member of MPH's readers circle..

Moving along to Tuesday nite.

FUN is definitely an understatement.

Farina, Peon, Liyana, Faatin (and her sister) is the most sporting bunch i'm glad to be with. We sure let ourselves loose and lived the room alive with the ultimate rempit-lagi-rock-kapak's songs. I wish Zila's there to join the craziness... good spread of food and yes, i agree Farina...that waiter is cute..ahah! and ohh, Fatin has proof of how much fun we had last night but i wouldn't dare to expose it to the public. it spells disaster,hahahha..but i'd like to have a look at it though..

It makes me feel better to see the familiar faces.

Friends from heaven.

Shout Out!

WElloooowwww people!

It wouldnt be fair to cram in my fab girls' day out in this short entry so i'll save it for nx time...but as for now

Tuesday.

Redbox, Sogo.

830pm.

See you tonight!

Wonderful Days..

*dancing dancing*

Yay! today's my first of 9 days of holiday. BLISS !

Started off with meeting up with my HERBALIFE partner, followed with mangosteen feast at the frontyard and i just finished cooking lunch...ohh yes, my first after 4 month (ehemmm, i sure cook one laa when i get married...this, speaking of single life;p) and tonight i'll be off to KL for a few days...

I texted my darling KAMI's to know whether they're free tomorrow (too bad, my SIL had replacement class,eheh) and i got a quick call from Ann saying she wished to meet me, and Zila texted me later for shopping spree at MV..voila, i'm super-duper-over-the-roof excited for this meet up tomorrow so i decided to include Syims. sounds like a plan!! *cheer*

I tentatively plan for karaoke on Tuesday night. Ok tak, girls? i know Syu's curious to know the date so i'm stating it here....the tagline would be " Come laaa....join the party!! Now, who's genius to guess which movie i cilok this dialogue...ehehehe;p hopefully we'd be able to execute this..Liyana, ur coming to this one right? or u wanna have a different lunch date to treat me? maybe on the day itself *winky*

Insya Allah for the next weekend, i'm half-sponsoring our family getaway to Camer0n H1ghland..

Ahhh, it feels totally great. finally, i feel like a carefree 20-something year old girl again..

*doing jumpstar*

p/s: i need some guidance of which bank that offers the best credit card package (and easy-quick registration?) anyone anyone?

Teeeny weeny...

If i am to be honest at this moment, i am thinking of quitting my job. Anyone disagree?

Hiks, i passed my exit assessment for medical rotation. it's been 4 months...25th is my favourite day;)

Actually, it's not so much about being extended that scares me cos medicine is an enriching and interesting field, but the thought of going to lunch work without my favourite frens is demotivating..personally, i think i've gained so much knowledge but procedure-wise, i am not that great...huhuhu

Umi's been a petite person with a big heart from the day i entered the chaotic department and took care of me while i went thru the i-am-not-for-this-job-i-wanna-quit period. God-sent angel, she's been to me. We do plan to live next to each other after this and drive our husband crazy with our antiques...haha, we had so much stupid jokes shared and that's one of them..

I got closer to Nadrah once we teamed up in Bendahara @ haunted ward with so many patients and so many deaths...hahaha, but it's really fun to have her as partner as she's the composed one and our target would always be the same everyday: go have lunch at 1pm sharp and finished our work by 5pm...lalalala..then of course we extend our colleague-ship to eating partner...favourite social activity after work..

Am's been funny and wanky teaser, oklahh..helpful too *rolled eyes* one day he caught me taking my portion for lunch and went
"huh, makan banyak..badan sekeping je.."
and that's been an issue for him ever since..hahaha. we shared gossips and at times, i gotta bully him..ok, he bullied me as well :p

Kak suzie's my sifooo...i gotta say i was sooo scared of her in my earlier days until we got to know each other well and manage to work as a team. its heart-warming to hear her saying out loud that i was her favourite houseman...hahah, even if she loved to tease me for my Oz pronounciation, i still heart her for what she'd taught and nagged at me...again, gossip partner we are now..

See, it's not soo much of the workload but with whom we work with and shared our working life.

Now that's the end of medicine...it's time for surgery. Next.

Searching....

Tadaaaa, i feel refreshed.

Yeay, i've bought the tics to go to KL next Friday for quite some days. hopefully this time, i could spare some time to meet up with my girls. I know Redb0x would be a great idea for my high school fellow but that would need weekdays...and i'll make sure no more sore throat this time;)

On top of that, i'm dying to meet my Bantingites and Monash clan though i know there'll be busy in the hospital. it's gonna be happy moments to simply sit down and engaged in a long conversation with these precious people...how should i do it eh?

Me: Nur pergi jumaat malam..sabtu kaksya ada kelas ganti kan?

Kaksya: haah...

Me: ohh takpelah, Nur boleh keluar dgn kawan kawan..

Kaksya: ehhh, jangan janji lagi..

Me: hahahahha, macam manalahh Nur nak ada boyfren kalu ada sis-in-law yang terlalu suka kat i..

Kaksya: eeeee, perasannye..

Me: LOL

that was funny..

and alsooooooooooooo,

it would be even more exciting if one or two of my girls could take a leave on Monday or Tuesday to be my shopping partner...*battling eyelashes* i think i've made up my mind of which handphone to settle with...i hope the white one would look nice. also, good books good books.

come Friday, quick!

Incoherent

Last night i dreamt of Redb0x, so i texted miss F. hehehe, let's just hope it's a plan for the last week of this month...

Reality checked; i'm just another readily available bus stop that can be visited at one's own convenient. i feel so low and mad at myself, i made up my mind. i'm not coping up with the other flamboyant bus stops' and i dont like to be treated like one. it's confusing.

My fellow friends, i'm having VIVA assessment next week upon finishing medical rotation. please pray that i'll do well for this so that i could proceed to another rotation....aminnn

I'm grateful that wherever i go, i've been blessed with a bunch of great truest friends to rely on. from SSPians to Bantingites to Monash clan and now, HKB...there're these people who will laugh with me, thought of me and creates wonderful journey despites major obstacles along the way. Alhamdulillah..

Ahaa, i'm planning to buy a few good books to feed my mind. Any suggestion, friends?

I received endless wedding invitation from my thoughtful frens. i'm dying to attend all of them but time and distance doesnt permit =( whenever i looked at the pics of small reunion of my frens during the celebration, my heart sank. i would love to be in the crowd. sad=(

There goes...

I've been tagged by Niesa to write about 7 facts about me, so what about....

1. I LOVE my darling girlfrens very much.

2. I HATE sweet talker.

3. I LOVE watermelon.

4. I HATE on calls.

5. I LOVE playing team sports.

6. I HATE to be a favourite past time.

7. I LOVE Melbourne.

i guess that's all for now. I'm hiding here

Welcome to my world

I was lying on my bed waiting for the exhaustion to go away, as i flicked thru Variety and came across this...



Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

It's hard...

when there're things i could not write it down here...

It's really really hard...

My Darling...

We were waiting for my brother outside the mall, me leaning againts the handphone billboard

Me: abang, abang..cantik tak nih? (pointing to a beautiful model on the advert)

Him: tak cantik...cik nur cantik!!

Me & his mum: *bewildered*

Him: adik adik...tak cantik kan yang nih ( pointing to the advert again..) cik nur cantik kan?

No, i totally didnt see it coming but that was really2 sweet of him.hehe..

If that wasnt enough, hear this out...

We were playing around in the room..lying on the small bed together with my sis in law when suddenly he turned to me and hugged

"saya love you...'

It caught me off guard...

his mum: APEEE?? abang tak pernah pun cakap kat mama macam tuh..mama je ckp kat abg ..ini first time abg pegi cakap kat cik nur *mocking a mad face*

teeeeheeee=D

And whenever we go shopping together, he would always pick a shoe for me to try and goes

"cantiknnyyeeeeeee...'