I wishh..

so this will be my first raya in Msia after 5 years abroad...

and my first raya since i started working...

but unfortunately, i am on call the night of raya=(

yup, when all my of family including the extended ones would gather at my home and have fun in our own way..i'll be stuck in the hospital with my favourite MO;p until at least 7am on eid itself...i tried not to think of how much i'll miss the moments..tgh berangan2 nak clerk patients ditemani lagu raya nih, chewaahh!

by the time i finish, i need to speed drive home early in the morning to catch Eid prayer and of course after that, succumb to the food feast..lalalala...hopefully, i'll save enough energy to stay awake throughout the day...

so i'm off from work for 3 day and voluntereed myself to be oncall again on day 4 of raya. reason being, there's my relative's wedding reception and i'm totally not in the mood to answer unnecessary question together with nasty smirk; up to the point i'm tempted to tell to their face, 'mind your own bussiness!' so that's the deal, on call while having fun with my fellow colleague.

that's about it for my first raya back in Msia i think...until 3rd weekend of next week..

before i'm off, i wanna wish all of u a happy and meaningful Eid celebration with ur loved ones...may we all be blessed with Allah and within His guidance..maaf zahir dan batin..


*************************************************

[deleted]

Haih!

So, i made a mental note to find tudung and sandal.

try yang ini, letak balik...try yg itu, rasa macam biasa je...

end up beli cd lagu raya..

hmm, rindu nak shopping dengan jayanya=(

Reminisce...

My first time of Ramadhan as a working lady...

The routine goes like this: i would be waken up by my mother for sahur (i know, bad daughter for not helping her out but i was too tired from daily job and driving) and quickly had my sahur before sleeping again. wake up in time to get ready for work and drives for about 40 mins to work. yeah, it's a bit of a distance but it's my parents wish to see me for berbuka and sahur...

work usually starts at 730-5pm. in between, i would walk to the kuarters during lunch break for zuhur and quick nap...most of the time, i'll be finishing by 4pm and ladida-ing while waiting to punch out. doing surgery during Ramadhan is a bless, friendly environment and much less workload; but not if i am in OT list like yesterday. it's 715pm and i was still doing the operation report.

after work, i would walk to the bazaar Ramadhan with my frens. Altho i dont have to buy anything but i still join the crowd cos i love the smell sight of food feast. heheh..once or twice, i just buy some of my favourite's to get over with my cravings...

i'd wait after 615pm before heading home to avoid pancaran matahari terik heavy traffic. I reach home in time for berbuka and after terawikh, i spend some time with more food my mum before hitting the sack...

I'm with my frens for berbuka when on call. we'd either: buy some food and eat together2, eating out at the nearest restaurant or doing Mc'D delivery..i gotta rush after that for rounds and pray hard to get some sleep while working throughout the night..

so, how's ur Ramadhan routines?

Titipan...

'haha sug. thanx for the kad raya! didnt expect it. sepraiss!tq!tq! oh thank god i cud still read ur handwriting. r u really a doc? haha. selamat berbuka....'

that's cute, hon!

TAGGY

I need to clear up my head.

By far this tag from Farina is the trickiest to do but for the fun of it, why not?

13 random things you love: (in no particular order)
1. my faith
2. my family
3. my frens
4. books
5. good food
6. SHOPPING
7. sports
8. travelling
9. HERBALIFE
10. Melbourne
11. Internet
12. shoes
13. bags


12 movies you like: (in no particular order)
1. Love actually
2. Harry Porter
3. Seniman Bujang Lapok
4. LOTR
7. AADC
8. Ali Setan (LOL!!)
9. Pendekar Bujang Lapok
10.
11.
12.


11 Band/Artists: (in no particular order)
1. Anuar Zain
2. Faizal Tahir
3. Kerispatih
4. Faizal Yusop
5. Johnny Depp
6. Takuya Kimura
7. Nicolas Putra
8. Jason Mraz
9. Usher
10.
11.


10 things about you physically and personality wise:
1. short-fused
2. (emotionally) transparent
3. **-24-36
4. appreciative
5. simple
6.determined
7. cepat merajuk
8.(not so) LPU?
9.
10.

9 songs for your wedding: (in no particular order)
Ohhh, i think i'll pass these to the future husband lah.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.


8 fav drinks/food: (in no particular order)
1. lasagna
2. air cendol
3. ayam masak pedas
4. ikan keli masak sambal
5. ikan patin masak lemak cili api
6. Krispy Kreme
7. Spaghetti
8. Laksa!!


7 things you always wear:
1. baju
2. seluar
3. tudung
4. sunnies
5. kasut
6.watch
7. bags



6 pet peeves: (in no particular order)
1. being scolded for any reason =(
2. sweet talker
3. taken for granted
4. sleepless night
5. hunger (kan, Mehran?hehe..)
6. hot weather


5 things you touch everyday: (in no particular order)
1. handphone
2. my face
3. pen
4. food
5. laptop


4 shows you watch: (in no particular order)
1. Takuya Kimura's
2. OTH
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Oprah's

3 celebrities:
1. P Ramlee
2. Oprah
3.


2 current wishes:
1. shopping spree in Melbourne with girlfriends
2. meeting life partner


1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. No 2 in aboved question


***************************************************
I'm feeling sleepy and dizzy. I've been working for more than 28 hours with only 3 hours sleep.

My tummy also hurts.

Nevermind

I guess i was plain wrong.

Forget what i wrote earlier.

Write...

1. I would be the one to wake the housemates up for sahur. we groggily went downstairs and feed ourselves, mine as simple as milk and dates. things started to be lively after school when we discussed of what to have for breaking fast across the rooms. we then had our gala time in the kitchen experimenting preparing the meals. we laughed, we sang, we gossiped over the paste and fry. more than twice we decided to order for pizza or walk our way to the nearest restaurant. terawikh was performed in jemaah afterwards i usually called the day off so that i could save energy to wake up early for some solitude time with HIM.

I missed those. I missed having the freedom of myself. I missed having the time for myself and Up Above. I missed doing things with my girlfrens.

2. I calculated my baju raya. I still have 1 unworn embroided green baju kurung which is a gift from my aunt last year. there's this peach kebaya i bought from sarawak and on top of that, i bought silk for baju kurung and retro pattern for another kebaya. ok, that's 4 already...and now i have another gift from another aunt, red to my liking. that'll be 5...hah! macam budak budak la pulakk banyaknyee *rolled eyes*

3.I thought i have eaten well enough but when i stepped on the weighing scale, i saw 50.9kg. *gasp* that was what i used to weigh when i was 12 years old, 15 years ago. that'll be 10kg loss from my usual weight..my brother kidded me as if i'm gonna *pooff* vanish cos he never saw me this erm, small?

4.We were having girls' talk in the oncall room when the question popped up "What's the thing that makes you happy?"

my answer was none other that SHOPPING, speaking of which i have been successful in avoiding this month. Fret not, i have already booked the flight ticket to be in KL next month..

5.My sister and SIL both agreed that i am his first crush. He publicly expressed his affection towards me. He thought of telling me first when he started fasting this year. He made his mum jealous for choosing me over her. He often picked his mum's phone and pretended to be messaging me. He hold my hand and hugged me tight.

Love you too, nephew!

Greeting...

For the past 5 years while i was in Melb, i receive at least a handful of kad raya from family and friends before every eid. I looked forward to peek through our mailbox whenever i reached home from class and it never failed to excite me as i saw my name in front of the envelope. i was very happy each time.sweet thought from afar but unfortunately, i wasnt creative enough for a handmade kad raya.

*blush*

So, now's my chance to return the deeds.

Leave me your home address and you can either post it in the commentbox or email me at chapz_y@yahoo.com.

This reaches out to each and everyone that arrives here.

Silent readers, or not.

So yes, including you.

Welcome

Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segar sang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku di antara
Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekedar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung Kupertaruhkan

Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu

Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

This is not the song i was talking about but this song accompanied me as i could not sleep after assisting an appendicectomy last night.

Alhamdulillah, Ramadhan greets us again. I have fond affection towards this particular month as i gained ultimate strength and solitude from the up above when nothing else matters but HIM. Things were running deep low and i was losing my good sense, HE brought me closer to HIM. I was bestowed with a faith that Allah will never leave me alone whatever happened. HE calmed me down and taught me to accept fate.

I also have the fondest memories of 5 years back in Melb during this holy month especially with the dearest housemates and sporting GF's. I truly treasure our moments of cooking together (and sing-along in the kitchen). I highly appreciate our collective effort to imarah Ramadhan. It's been wonderful.

Let us all embrace Ramadhan with a hope that it'll bring us closer to our Al-Mighty and blessed with HIS guidance.

Insya Allah...

Off

I've been thinking of having the song here after few times of it tugging my heart but i then realised unwelcoming coincidence, decided againts it.

I'm with altered ego.

One day while tapping our fingers away at the nurse station as we wait for the lunch break, we came up with something exciting..

Looks like surgery has been giving us good time. Gallivanting, almost. Our next journey would be O&G. hell, they said. soo, in order to reward ourselves before submitting to endless stress in O&G, we'll apply for a leave before we end this rotation. Maybe end of Nov to go to Jakarta as she was once a student there. Having fun and shopping like mad with the other 2 partners in crime.

So that's plan Number 1.

Next: we were imagining ourselves to be very2 busy and tired during O&G rotation, no time to spend money. So as calculated, there'd be at least 4K to spend by the end of the rotation so we figured, we'll take the chance in Ortho rotation to fly to Gold Coast (unless anyone could suggest any better place to go? ) i know i've been to GC but a second trip wouldnt hurt i guess. I'll let u know if we found a better place to go. No, Europe has to wait till we could apply for a longer holiday( and richer) once we are MO's.

That's plan number 2 and 3.

We were giggling and feeling damn excited about it all along, one could've think we got delirious.

Ohh, tomorrow's family day for surgical department. when else would you be rubbing shoulders with your superiors in sporting mood?

But i'm gonna missed it, no thanks to oncall duty.

HUWA! aku nak masuk pertandingan makan buahhhh.....

Mixed..

huwaa!!

Farina, pls dont rub salt on my wound..jgnla cakap wedding tuh meriahhh cos lagiiii aku kecewa and nyesal sebab tak pergii

* mulut monconggg*

Okeh, date noted Peon...aku akan cuba sedaya upaya utk attend reception ko nti..worst come to worst, aku abscond from the hospital bleyy?? hihihi...

Today, i attended perioperative mortality audit for the hospital and it's a good post-mortem effort yet eye-rolling for some of the unrealistic remarks given by the non-practising medical professional. You should not go finding faults and pointing fingers to other people based on unwise hind-sight bias but dismissed other people's explanation. very funny! It takes a strong character to accept that life and death is beyond the doctor's power but the Almighty. But the moment would be

" I have something to say, whether we cut this man or not, he's going to die'

Indeed.

Actually, i'm meaning to write about something else. More exciting and look forward to but i guess that'll be for next time..

Faatin's finally shared our karaoke pics, thanks to Facebook. Mehran, i hope u dont go crying urself for missing tis one. ihiks! I'm contemplating of putting them up here..full of expression...fun!

Random..

Peon, aku mmg plan nak pergi wedding Ipek tp takde transport. Pastu plak bila zila offer nak ajak pergi sesama wif ina and sofia, aku still kat UIA for my sis's graduation so agak time constraint. would've been there having fun wif u girls, otherwise=(

But i couldnt believe my turn of luck. After work today, i went to Tesco to accompany a fren doing her groceries when i saw a familiar figure. It's the bride herself so i went "Ipekkkk" in the middle of the aisle...

I was soo glad for the coincidence. Perhaps, its the LOA cos i was thinking how to let her know that i couldnt make it to her other reception as i'll be on call this saturday. Anyway, back to our catch-up's, she was telling me how 'meriah' her wedding was wif my fellow SSPians' antiques. A glint of regret for not making it but i was glad to hear... I could almost imagine how cheery the reception as proven in the Facebook's pics...but He gave me a chance to meet the bride in person ;)

And ohh, i would've be broke if i am to work in Kl with my latest shopping habit...thank GOD, it's only been once a month for the shopping spree and here i am making an announcement

"Maka setelah diperkenankan Mohor raja- raja , saya dengan ini mengishtiharkan bahawa bulan September telah jatuh menjadi bulan berjimat cermat.."

Mari bersama-sama kita sensasikannya!

Quoted...

It's not enough to just imagine happiness. Like all dreams, one must then endeavor to experience it as well, knocking on doors, turning over stones, and otherwise giving your couch and your vision board a rest.

5 year's old...

I picked up my mobile..

Syahman: hellooo, nih abang nih...

Me: hellooooo abangg....ini cik nur

Syahman: awak datang rumah sini cepat cepat ye...cepatt cepattt...

Me: *chuckles* okayyy...

Syahman: saya suka cik nurrr..

Me: *stunned* eheh, saya suka awak jugaa..

Thank GOD i'm actually coming to KL this weekend for my sister's graduation and the usual retreat from work...so, there's a chance for me to attend Ifi's reception on saturday, only that i dont have transportation. i guess, i'll just see how it goes...

Now i know...

I did not realise until that evening.

I put down my white coat and bag and landed on my bed. I was alone in my studio (kuarters). I lied awake staring the ceiling and slowly i felt the tears. I sobbed in silence. the tv's on and i let the tears flowing down my cheek. no words to describe how i felt.

It's been a while. I could not let people know how vulnerable i felt. i internalised the pain, i swallowed everything. i shuddered at the thought of people reaching out for me. the pain does not worth anybody's time.

I've accepted my loss (and the choice to leave). It's only this pain i have to deal with.

I closed my eyes and put myself to sleep.

Mohon

Ya Allah,

Permudahkanlah urusanku, peringankanlah bebanku, perjelaskanlah tujuan hidup ku..

Ya Allah,
Tenangkanlah hatiku, kurniakanlah petunjuk, taufik dah hidayah kepadaku...limpahkanlah kasih sayang dan rahmatmu kepadaku...

Ya Allah,
Kurniakanlah kepadaku seorang yang dapat mengasihiku kerana Mu, yang dapat membimbingku ke jalan Mu dan permudahkanlah urusan kami...

Ya Allah,
Hanya kepada Mu aku memohon dan bergantung harap, hanya Engkau yang Maha Mengetahui segala apa yang terbaik buat diriku...perkenankanlah ya Allah..

Bare...

jangan dekat atau
jangan datang kepadaku lagi
aku semakin tersiksa
karena tak memilikimu

ku coba jalani hari
dengan mengganti dirimu
tapi hatiku selalu
berpihak lagi padamu

mengapa semua ini
terjadi kepadaku

reff:
Tuhan maafkan diri ini
Yang tak pernah bisa
Menjauh dari angan tentangnya

namun apalah daya ini
bila ternyata sesungguhnya
aku terlalu cinta dia

Flashback...

She looked at her watch. She took a glance at her phone. Smiling sadly, she knew she thought right.

It's almost time. Final call to board her journey back to Down Under. Her last moments in this foreign land with her dearest people was about to begin. She comforted herself and walked towards the departure hall. Phone switched off.

It was indeed, another empty promise.

***********************************************************

She stared long before the writing. She should've known better. She cursed herself silently for being silly.

She turned away, slowly making a small steps. the end seems further away. she quickened her pace and attempted to take control. she promised to never turn back.

She was stoppped by what she thought a reflection of light. She closed her eyes and covered her ears. She reminded herself of how hard it's been before, she's not willing for it to happen again. Sting of sadness hit her.

Once bitten, twice shy.

Hit...

I was flipping through the magazine, as the words' written

A TOUGH CHOICE
There will always be a time when you will be too sentimental to let go but too practical to hang on. It's a tough battle and i dont have the answer to the dilemma, but just take comfort that you're not the only one feeling that way!

aaahh, good to know;)

tomorrow i'm off to the family affair in Cameron H. Find me up there...

Void

Never mind the title.

Last saturday, 4 of us reunited: Me, Zila, Zarin and Ann but we're missing on Teejay and Baiti. We did what we're best at in Melb: shopping till the shop closed. oh yes, we did! it was Ann's idea as she was the last to join the spree. In between the fitting room and paying the bills, we had good ol Nando's and fill each other in with the going of life. it feels ok to spill it out to non-condescending friends. At the end of the day, everyone went home in satisfaction over their purchase...i sure did! ehehe..for the fun of it..

Metro Pink

Analog Black Dial

We also bumped into someone searching for the ring..aawww, dont u lookk radiantly happy honey? (with ur shocking pink flip flop that will never ever match ur baju kurunggg) ;)and yeay, I'm now a member of MPH's readers circle..

Moving along to Tuesday nite.

FUN is definitely an understatement.

Farina, Peon, Liyana, Faatin (and her sister) is the most sporting bunch i'm glad to be with. We sure let ourselves loose and lived the room alive with the ultimate rempit-lagi-rock-kapak's songs. I wish Zila's there to join the craziness... good spread of food and yes, i agree Farina...that waiter is cute..ahah! and ohh, Fatin has proof of how much fun we had last night but i wouldn't dare to expose it to the public. it spells disaster,hahahha..but i'd like to have a look at it though..

It makes me feel better to see the familiar faces.

Friends from heaven.