sabar? heh, rasanya dah byk kali aku sabar..nih kira dah hilang sabar ...pantang aku bile org quit from the conversation mcm tuh jeh..n bile aku bengang, mmg aku akan buat sumthing drastik...aku menyesal pun menyesal la...nak kata emotional pun katalah.., huh!

trying times....n i've got another half of the year to bear with this feeling...from the 1st day in frankston, i struggled emotionally to adjust myself to the changes...wish that i could share how i felt with someone else...the lonng waiting for weekend to come so that i can go back to clayton, counting the days...the lonely nites that make me feel miserable & stop me from doing work...n i do hate myself for being grumpy nonsensely....ya Allah, pls pls make me strong ..

n ppl, i'm sorry for this stupid crappy entry:(

final CL...hehhe, not a big fan of soccer but i did watched l!verpool vs m!lan last nite..was 5am when i woke up..n it was 1-0...watched until half time.3-0. then terlelap, jaga balik dah 3-2..iskk, rugi2!! then tgk sampai abis masa.3-3..tertido, jaga balik tgh penalty kicks, draw 2-2...kalut2 nak solat subuh..tgk2 l!verpool dah menang...ahahahah..wonder how's my 2nd bro doing coz he's a big fan of l!verpool.did smsed him b4 earlier to wish him gud luck..later after the game, smsed my sis-in-law. rupanya seronok sgt sampai nak blanje mkn..ahhh, bestnye!

ingat agi dulu..penah join dia tgk bola..n he's wearing the team's merchandices from head to toes..siap ngan banner...konon2 get ready nak menang..alih2 kalah..ahaha, x berani nak gelak kuat2..gelak dlm hati jelah...sweet memory..

also when he's abroad, he wrote a letter to my late uncle who happened to support MU, nak riak sbb MU kalah...aih, bukannye nak bertanya kabar ke ape:p

lets see what stays in my limited-memory-space..
-peah, niesa n arnee were indeed the 3 stooges, from the early days lagi..so u could've guess how i lost my innocency as i joined them for IRP prog *sheepish smile* (ahahaha, jgn marahh!!)
-i think it was the 1st day of class....seorang hamba Allah pegi belakang klas n duduk atas meja, konon2 nak lepak kot...sekali 'prraaaakkk'..sume org toleh blakang, tgk meja tuh dah senget...LOL...aku mmg gelak x ingat!!
-evening comes, basketball! ahaha, no such things as going from room to room utk ajak org main as we would loudly make the announcement...errr considering the distance from my room to hani's, haagen's, n oni's...okeh, we did sometimes be decent enough to go & knock the door..but most of the time, jerit jeh!
-in the court..where most of the funniest & clumsiest things happened...once we had to use the shoes to get the ball off the board, thanks to peah for that( aku dah terduduk n gelak golek2)...my turn? i stumbled on the ball while running..sib baik x jatuh n patah gigi:D
-dinner was great, not so long queue..good talk(err gossip:) then off me,oni & zila for evening walk..more talk then:p
-peah was always the mastermind behind all the crazy ideas...coz she has this oh-dont-u-wanna-believe-this-innocent-face aura..n as usual, i excused myself from being part of it coz b4 anything, i giggled already...kalu nak join jugak, i'll make sure that i kept my mouth shut otherwise would spoil the plan!..hnss hnss
-another entertaining episodes were during class presentations..BM class was always hillarious..there's this particular group presentation n i was sitting next to Pn Azizah, laughing like hienna(err xdela mcm tuh skali :p)...ppl in other classes must've thot that we've gone crazy...
-yerp, i remembered 'mak'nenye di sini..begitulah', 'the wrong', ever-green quotes from ustaz sulor. munakahad classes managed to keep us awake with all the intra-class arranged marriages..LOL, gossip gossip!!
-niesa & i , plus some other ppl, doing charade from the famous movies & laughing at ourselves..crazy, we are!!..."anyone, anyone?? no one..." cepat teka cite ape tuh:p
-yup, room F210 was the med-3 port.. spent endless hour there ..rambble almost anything under the sun...from good lame jokes to heated discussion about sisters-in-the-family dilemma..so mind u, relationship isnt our sole issue of talk :p awa intentionally taped one of the session, full or laugh & charades..wonder does she still keep it??
-okeh, out of boredom while waiting for a tray food, me n hani enganged ourselves main 'peace'..hahahahha, kiddies!
- birthday bash: nikmun & ani well-drenched (separate celebrations)..i accidently watered hani's bed (opsss,geheheh!) peah ended up her time in the toilet from the egg's:p awa was well-powdered..hani & niesa tasted the saltiest orange drink ever..awa n me had our faces painted with choc icing(hahah, jerawat jerawat!)...
- imagine this..last class b4 lunch, hamba Allah nih selalu ngelat dari baca doa b4 start klas..skali hari tuh dia kena baca..know what he recited? "allahuma baariklana fima..' ya Allah,senak perut tahan gelak:p
- one of my fav pic-me, oni,aida,alin sitting on the corridor floor...good talk, wat else;)
-satu malam tuh, pegi bilik nuna..bodek2 dia utk buat air nescafe..then off i went to hani's ( i'm such a parasites!!)..bla bla bla we talked.."opsss, alamak air nescafe" aiyo, rupanya nuna dah penat carik aku...sejuk dah pun air tuh...ya ampunnn!!
-universal port utk berborak..ironing board. had my time there...oni, anne, med-3 clans, u name it:p
-yes, i'm scared to sleep alone..weekends come when my roomate's away, shar would be there for me..well, literally coz she's busy with study room & phone at nite:p nway didnt matter as long as i had the lights on & knew she'll be in the room sooner or later:p
-'ranjau sepanjang jalan' play? will need an another entry,hahahha...highlight of the 2 years..but my fav part would be-arnee & oni's scene as mami2 jarum, also the aditional scene of tok bomoh....err "makk, semek dah pandai ikat kain!!" LOL

now peah, we MUST talk once we had the chance...

*edited*
i attempted to write the nostalgic moments during my college years, as did by peah..but why oh why, i 've got this rotten memory,sigh..but i remember that i laugh a lot back then, its like vague images of hilarious faces .. i bet writing blog during those time was much easier and fun, that i have the jolly good ppl around me..to keep me talking (yes, i talked to many ppl back then) & entertained...n like i said earlier its all vague now, so when my dear fren is actually 'replaying' the moments of mine, i'm deeply touched...anyhow, i'll make another attempt later, i promise...i'm off to take a short break;)

sorry, this post might be a bit emo....

read peah's recent entry with teary eyes n wide smile...only God knows how much i miss them...hani-niesa-arnee-peah-rose-ain-nuna-syaf-ani-awa-nikmun-peini, each and everyone of them...the sisterhood, i'll never find it anywhere else...this overwhelming emotion, my hands are indeed trembling...
then...i dont give a damn about the opposite sex, my life revolved around me & my girlfrens...i did make the most out of the frenship...i shared the tears & laugh...i am truly myself & worry not about other's perception...i laugh a lot and i care a lot...study is the only thing that i need to worry about...
now, i'm stuck with my very own mistakes...i mind my own bussiness & become ignorant of other ppl...i've lost count of i-am-feeling-blues....i am grateful but at the same time, longing and missing...sigh...

a-sentence-entry? nothing more to say, that is...not that i'm occupied or lazy to think:)..................................................................... omg, i'm struggling with words again...yelp!!*sigh*

last saturday, mini bbq of 5 at r0yal b0tan!cal garden.. well, stuffed ourselves with not-even-half-of-the-prepared-'chicken wing percik'-n-sosej...ohh, n the coleslaw?? "hmmmm, sebijik aa rasa cam yg dekat C0le's tuh..terer korang!"hahahaha, cynical:p pastu bakar jeh lebih, makan bape ketul jeh sorang....baru mkn sekeping roti +sosej dah kenyang,rugi2!!...nway we had lotsa fun..mkn2 sambil borak2..then ade satu famili yg bbq kat sbelah tmpt ktrg...overheard this

"have u heard of this book 'a grumpy old man'? i think they should make it 'a grumpy young boy''

dad said to his son..i smiled & laugh quietly, how true it is:p nway we stayed till dark..laughed over our so-called summer hols plan...alahai, berangan no satu yer cik zar!n:p we'll see how things go eh;) on our way to the city after that..

ann:hehe, xpe..lps nih xdela bising kata tringin nak bbq dah...cukup dah skali
me: tuhla, byk tul beli...5 kg kan?
ann:haaa, 5 kg tuh ayam jeh, belum sosej lagi..
me:laa,ye ke.aku ingatkan dgn sosej skali. bistu sosej bape kg plak?
ann: x ingat..2 kilo kot...xde, ayam tuh tgh sale, murah jeh...5kg for $ 7..
me: huhhh korang nih..agaknye kalu ade ayam offer utk 10 kilo, 10 kilo jugakla korang beli...

haa, kan dah gelak cam nak pecah keta...ampehhnye! lama tul x bergelak ketawa camnih..pegi lygon st beli 'gelati' eskrem...yeay yeay, durian n roche..sedap! tp rasanya durian tuh kena catu sbb sket jeh dpt,pbbttt! then jln2 kat city..nitelife;) exhibition centre & crown...err window shopping skali la..also there's this dance game, selalu tgk dlm cite jepun or cina..nti tgk gambar eh;)

half-laugh.half-quiet.

i am to write about the girls' day out yesterday but....

flaws. way too many. some are unjustified, shame on me.'nobody's perfect', perfect! nevertheless, i hope & pray hard so that as years pass by, the flaws're gone or at least doing better.so that i'm pleasant enough to be part of ppl's life.

quiet.

Someone falls to pieces
Sleeping all alone
Someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence
She finally drifts away
Someone gets excited
In a chapel yard
Catches a bouquet
Another lays a dozen
White roses on a grave

Yeahhh...
And to be yourself is all that you can do
Heyyyy...
To be yourself is all that you can do

Someone finds salvation in everyone
Another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he breathes
Someone swears his true love
Until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united?
Empty or insane?

And to be yourself is all that you can do
Yeahhh...
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
Heyyyy...
Be yourself is all that you can do

Even when you've paid enough
Been put upon or been held up
Every single memory of the good or bad
Faces of love
Don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose
But to be yourself is all that you can do

Yeahhh...

To be yourself is all that you can do
Ohhhh...
To be yourself is all that you can do

Whoaaa...
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can--
Be yourself is all that you can--
Be yourself is all that you can do

*thanks.tried to keep these words in my mind.after all, i'm all that i have;)

...i keep myself busy,doing the never-gonna-finish stuff...cold is still there with the changing weather, hmmmm...blocked nose, lil bit of temperature & thank-God no headache this time, otherwise i got it bad...still, no drugs this time & not gonna get one either...coz i'll end up finishing the whole papan without getting any better..or errr maybe just for short relief...heheh, shuldnt call my mum in the next few days, otherwise i might be obliged to see a doc, syyhhh!! hahah, n the fact that i'm trying to drink as much water as possible to help with the cold, getting sick of going to the toilet, bbrrr....need to buy another bottle of honey, which i'm happy to take it;)

...not much highlight in my life nowadays. quiet.

a fren.one of the toughest time in life.'m doing no good. courage's gone.but i'll be praying from afar.be strong.

...huarghhhh, selsema datang lagi dgn sakit dan gatal2 hidung. xnak ubat, nak tido...

i'm a-ok again, alhamdulillahh..oh well, the beauty of being woman(or human??)...the ups and downs..feeling blues about own's life...bla bla bla..

********************************************

few days ago...

"ma,n*r nih..."

"kenapa suara tuh? demam ke?"

"hehehe dakla...tgh tidur"

"haa dah tido, pukul brape tuh? kite baru nak magrib kat sini"

"err kul 9,hehehe.. bla bla bla..ma, happy mother's day!!"

"ohh hehe, thank u thank u. i love u"

"=) i love u too, miss u...huhuh, nak balik. cepatlaaa"

"hahahahha..."

good wishes under the quilt..7pm-6am, hows that???*angkat2 kening* ...guess it'll be mother's day-plus-birthday present, again...

***********************************************

"ko bile lagi...bla bla bla..jual mahal sgt kot"

*huh*" aku mcm biasa jeh rasanya..x sombong, x gatal"

"bla bla bla..tp jgnla memilih sgt"

sh*t...cant accept that..i mean wat sort of 'jual mahal' u r referring here? i now i dont have good history but pls, keep that accusation to urself at least...insya Allah, i know wat i'm doing & keep on praying for my future and obviously i dont need that kinda words from u or anyone else, again!

selamat berpijak di bumi yang nyata=)

...happy mother's day,ma. i wish i'm home*sigh...

...temporary, sigh...

been quite some time since i last wrote more-than-a-sentence entry....hmm, cant comment on that..i'm fine, thats a sure!

one thing leads to another and tadaaa, miracle happens....'ve been hearing lots about this since years ago..n rite now 'm pretty sure most of my frens if not all are experiencing the sweetest time in their life....looks like ppl are moving, fast! big liar to say this thing never bugs me...often if not always:) errr, i'm struggling for words so to keep it short~my prayers will always be with them, may all the happiness lasts...

... countdown, yesssss!! eheh, the only thing that keeps me going for now:((

..my body's not functioning very well lately, sigh...

how's thing?? pretty good;) guess i'll try to keep it this way till next month or so..cant afford to be cranky n off-mood, need to re-prioritise:p ...i see no point in pondering wistfully over the past, move on with life!...also, so much things to look forward, i'm all excited!! errr, am i making any sense here??
basketball +netball t+fusion class +weekend in evelyn st+occasional outings with frens+phone calls to my parents & sis=happy!
so now, where's my fish(es)??:p

hmm, m*nyet mane ntah yg pegi buat misscall pagi2 buta..nak kata silap no pun xkanla pukul 3 pagi...nak call balik pun xleh sbb xde no appear...odd! surely not my family coz dah kul 1pg kat mesia...blerghh, nak marah sungguh sbb kaco time tido!

eheh, not too bad...at least i scored a few despite the lacking & deteriorating skills, hmmmm:( ..., good news~the girls are planning to have it every weekend, so yeay yeay!! netball? also going well, tho it took a while to get used to higher-n-smaller net:p next in the list will be the fusion class, saturday noon..hahaha, best!

"love is sumthing that returns" ~ Sta!rways to Heaven~ * now stop rolling ur eyes:p.

basketball court, 830 tomorrow...hmm, boleh main ke lps dah bape lama x main nih:( rasa cam dah xde skill langsung..ok oww!

hmm, i've been addicted to watermelon since small & my bro even nick-named me coz of that...red & sweet, so irresistable!...sadly tho, my binge often left me feeling unwell, feverish, sore throat & watsnot..that was not until last year(?) when i 1st noticed.. n this time around it wasnt even half of wat i used to have ...so not happy:((

also, 've been feeling worn out & restless...even 8-10 hours of sleep doesnt do any good*sigh...worst part- its got nothing to do with my work a.k.a not a productive week for me*sigh....i'm off...

down the lane...

2001, during my college-year...had a voice message
" cik (my name)...today is my birthday, why u never call me?"sad small voice...huhuhu, how can i forget to call him on his big-5 day? not intentionally coz i remembered making a mental note earlier that morning but somehow it didnt stay long in my head..i was soo upset with myself & feeling guilty...called him right after that, but he refused to talk to me... was told by his mum that since early in the morning, he'd been saying he wanted to talk to me...n no one else ...but i just missed it:( anyhow, made up with him the next day, talked & entertained him=)

2004..summer hols
"hari nih, cik (my name) jgnla pegi mana2..dudukla rumah, main dgn syak!r.." and i've got to meet my fren in a few hours' time..alamakk, cemana nih"hmmmm, xpe2...kite pegi kedai...pastu cik (my name) keluar, syak!r mainla ngan sy@hman" tunjuk muka masam, ahhh sudah..."cik (my name) selalu keluar, tinggal syakir sorang2 xde kwn nak main..."huhuhu, he's right..i've been going out to meet my frens during my stay most of the days, the only time left to spent with him were early morning & at nite *guilty*feeling very bad about that, the best thing i could do was to treat him at the nearest groceries & gave tonnes of "wahhhh, terrernye" on his drawings in the sp!derman's notebook;)

i.r.r.e.s.i.s.t.a.b.l.e , rite?

was on the phone with my sis..

"...dia ade dua ekor kura2 kat rumah tuh...kecik jeh..pastu nak kasi mkn la..k sya kata dgr dia ckp 'eat..eat'..."
"hahahah, boleh pulak.."

isk, budak kecik sorang nih...dlm mls nak bckp, boleh plak dia suruh kura2 tuh makan..memilih eh:p

okeh, berangan nak ade pets jugakla..tp ape choice yg ade utk haiwan yg x menggigit? ikan ok x??

wayar seterika terbakar...baru lps iron baju...silap sediri sbb x tutup suis, main tarik jeh wayar tuh kononnye nak cabut..ade fire kuar from wayar, sib baik x sempat kena tangan...lama tergamam tgk api tuh, baru berani nak switch off the suis...hmmm, mamai & terkejut, x terkata ape...kalulah terkena electric shock sorang2 td...

of all the things that i'd wanna stay away, did i mention the twisted stories? ppl shuldnt go at full length telling this & this...when actually the opposite things are taking place...it doesnt make any sense....why not be honest..its either saying the meant things or not saying at all...simple!...t.r.u.s.t....

s.h.i.e.l.d.

how not to miss him??:(

hey u sin chan, talked germany with me yesterday, had me laughing out loud... cant understand a word that u said but still, lighted up my day=) ached to see u in person,hmm...


n this my other dearly-missed neph's...:((

AKU INI…ADALAH DIRIMU
CINTA INI…ADALAH CINTAMU
AKU INI…ADALAH DIRIMU
JIWA INI…ADALAH JIWAMU

RINDU INI ADALAH RINDUMU
DARAH INI ADALAH DARAHMU

REFF : TAK…ADA YANG LAIN..SELAIN DIRIMU
YANG SELALU KU PUJA…OUO…
KU…SEBUT NAMAMU
DISETIAP HEMBUSAN NAFASKU
KUSEBUT NAMAMU…
KUSEBUT NAMAMU...

DENGAN TANGANMU…AKU MENYENTUH
DENGAN KAKIMU…AKU BERJALAN
DENGAN MATAMU…KU MEMANDANG
DENGAN TELINGAMU…KU MENDENGAR
DENGAN LIDAHMU…AKU BICARA
DENGAN HATIMU…AKU MERASA
REFF…REFF…REFF…REFF

hmm, SATU...best kan lagu nih?

"si yam dgr lagu siam,HAHAHA!"

oh yess, thats my fav line in S3P3T*big grin*...enjoyed that scene, reminded me of home..us the girls...chinese series...dawn:p lucky now they are showing earlier or later than 7pm, gehehe!

got it from a fren after my fortnightly-doses of netball. really enjoyed watching it & i guess having good company just make it nicer;) not the lovey dover part that capture my heart but the family bits..mine u, 'm not referring to the *closed eyes* scenes...ppbbbhhtttt! but towards the end of the movie,sumthing happened thats soo not me:p reckon its the letter that she finnally read... anyhow, thumbs up to the film maker who just know how to make us the far-far-away kiddies to miss home badly:(( 'm gonna get one for myself, to add collections of the charades's lines :p

counting the days..friday, to be with teleng & co ;)

...hmm, do women really have the 6th instinct??...
p/s updated fotopages;)

*tassie autumn'05*

26th melb-hobart

7 of us..an hour flight to hobart, a van booked to get us to our accomodation, Hobart Apartment..stopped at petrol st to get some milk n bread..yeay, accomodation sgt2 best n cosy...practically starved but nothing to cook(opss, sorry korang!)..lepak2 dpn tv, 'S.W.A.T' & 'toy stories'...planned for tomorrow..oh yeah, electric blanket to keep me warm;)

27th hobart city-port arthur

end of daylight saving...funny incident happened when me & @nn wrongly turned our clock before sleeping.."aku tgk jam rasa nak terjun katil jeh",lol!! morning-brekkie, another round of S.W.A.T & chatted away..then off to the town...erk, easter hols hasnt end yet, so much like sleepy hollow:p after lunch, went to Hertz.."sorry, we've got the booking for one car"hadusss, buat lawak ke hape?? sib baik dpt gak sewa lagi satu keta..hmm, almost had an accident coz we dont know its a one-way route...okeh, back to the apartment utk solat then off to Port Arthur, convicted settlement..an hour or so drive...was a twilight tour, kinda creepy place..huhuhu, no one likes the pictures taken there.. 17 year old boy prisoned for 7 years after stealing 21 umbrellas,true! didnt go to the Dead of Isle & ghost tour tho(eheh, as if !!) .. on the way back, shopped groceries..."y@tt tuh dok depan mesti sbb takut",adoii pandailah korang ! prepared fried rice for tomorrow while enjoying our fave past time, u guess;)

28th hobart-mt wellington-cheesery-wooden(??) craft- Tahuna airwalk

around 9 am..chilling winding road to mt wellington"eheh, nih jln bapa2 kita yg drive nih"..nice view of hobart from here...cheesery with '2 cups and 7 girls'..i almost stayed in the car coz there's this 'frenly' dog waited to greet me outside the car, bluekkk!! skipped Huon silk coz we couldnt find the place..next stop was wooden craft, so expensive:(( on the way to Tahuna Airwalk, grabbed ice-cream, award-winning ones;) err, was it puteri gunung ledang or ladang???hehehhe...yup, similar to FRIM airwalk, made my way to the end..best2!! after solat n mkn, headed back to apartment...seafood treat,'ve only had kid's fish n chips..sleepy yet cooked nasi lemak for tomorrow..eheh, helped with sambal..opss, sambal masak lemak cili api????ya ampunn:p

29th hobart-UTAS-st clair lake-launceston

longest day...checked out from the place,huhuh!oh yeah, UTAS the long-awaited destination for someone in the group*wink2...traffic light incident was sooo hilarious!! "haaa, ko nih..mane bleh nak tolak2 takdir,tak baikk!" the campus was very close to the sea,beautiful! 3 hours of winding road to reach st clair lake..lovely sunset...switched to 'ali setan' mode again...eheh, who else with that kinda obsession???:p after solat n mkn, headed to launceston..got the chance to drive for a while(yelah, dirt road mane leh exceed 50km/h:p)...nite safari with baby 'roo, wallabies jumping across the road...never thot that this was gonna be an experience of its kind..driving in the dark, only 2 cars ..up the hill & the moon was very close to our sight.. the other car had the petrol's signal blinking...n ours skidded off the road while going down the hill U-turnly ..rite after that, '1 msg received', mum's instinct??..hmm, nothing bad happened,alhamdulillah..x terbayang kalu xde tebing kat ujung U-turn tuh: hehe, dinner at launceston was yummy!

30th cradle mt-marakoopa cave

departed around 10am, again 3 hours journey... more malay songs,yeay ;)went to the top of mt with shuttle bus..subhanallah, scenic view! then off to marakoopa cave...my 1st experience..all the limestones, wet& cold.."mas mas tolong mas, mas tolong mas"huhh, hampeh! also the glow worms..solat & bkelah...eheh, logs for heater:p went to seaport for an ice-cream.,grgrgr!!upload pics n watched halfway of 'drumline'...

31th cadbury-hobart airport

yeay2, long-awaited choc's trip:p packed our last mins lunch b4 that.."tahu x masa awal2 tahu korang nak dtg, takut2 gak ..ingat korang nih serius jeh, jenis baca buku & x byk ckp"..eheheh, ngak sama sekali kan?? btw that choc's smell, peningnye!! urgh, another panic experience while driving to airport...petrol station, where are thou!!while waiting for our flight, "salamanca market tuh dah kire xde issue,mmg sah2 kite xleh nak pegi..hhahaha" "org dok kalut2 takut x sempat , dia boleh lagi lepak2 nak amik gambo kat bridge..hadusss!"....everyone's enjoying this trip, no doubt...very special in its own way;)

yup, enjoyed most of our happy hour..the karaoke session(eventho we ran out of fave's for the 1st 3 days:p)...girl's talk;)...even the S.W.A.T session was memorable enough..not to mention my new acquaintances(yup, u ppl rocks!)..nvm, 'll keep most of the thot to myself or else this entry would have a very melancholic end...nway, newzie nx year?

p/s ..fotopages later eh?

quote of the day

~to the world u may mean one person, but to a person, u may mean the world~

given by a dear fren after our long-once-in-a-while-deep-talk

sspians, check this out!

http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/content.asp?y=2005&dt=0405&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Dalam_Negeri&pg=dn_01.htm

'm so proud of her....she came long way & proves herself right ...u go girl!

takziah buat farina sekeluarga atas kepulangan ayahnya ke Rahmatullah*alfatihah..moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat & ditempatkan di kalangan org2 yang beriman...dear, ur dad's in better place now... be strong & pray hard...'m here for u:)*hugs*

p/s.. a long-distance call from syu to let me know the news. touched.

sweet home...happy-happy! eheh, now we are of 6 ppl in a hse & the new 2 are just great.. sekepala & lets say tukang2 gelak utk lawak ktrg:p ya Allah, had too much laugh in a day, i ended with headache;) we cooked craved food...err not really 'we' coz now i always skip the cooking part,ngeheheh!! karaoked of the oldies & indons( eheh, sib baik x rak-rak-rummm katil tuh)..all the off-tuned & replay,duhh!'ve got new fav 'dialoques' , lil secrets in the hse!! such a wanna-be-actress-but-cant:p

the reality show? its not-so-clear-black-and-white-thingy, iskkkk! sitting 1m away from the monitor, standby with a pillow & hide behind other ppl's back....i'd say 've watched it:p again my eyes were on the pillow or elsewhere but the screen most of the time...still managed to catch some glimpses on the highlighted part...okeh2, xmoh ingat dah:p

so today, i'm off to tasmania...cadbury's & nature,yeayy!!take care ppl;)

surgical unit 3...ward round starts around 730(huwaa, cam budak skola jeh!) till an hour later.. more like doing wake-up call from ward to ward:P..lucky me so far, havent got drilled by the dr's with god-knows-what questions..new generation of medico's, i reckon;) but still struggling with the list of abbreviations used in the patients' report,eheh:p load of paperworks, otherwise nothing much happening in the ward...opss, got the chance to be in the theatre couple of times..obstructed small bowel that dilated a few times bigger, amazed! hmm, scrub's actually a procedures before we enter the green zone. so syu, is it the yellowish-yucky-colour-iodine solution for scrubbing that u are after??:p

two problem-based-learning (PBL) each week..patient's & paper's..presenting sub topic to the group based on the case given,the tricky part is actually to know wats important clinically among the longgg list of causes, symptoms etc...no point in remembering a particular rare syndrome/condition but stuffed up when listing the classical symptoms of heart attack..make sense rite? ehehe, the consultant tutors helps us a lot with that:)

patients' contact? up to us, but of course practise makes perfect...approach the nurse manager or dr's in charge, ask for any patient's with good clinical history, perform either histroy taking or examination...hmmm, will take years to actually master all the skills , n i'm still struggling to memorise all the significant findings n differential diagnosis for the presented problems, erkk!

enjoying my pathology & radiology's classes, cool tutors...supposed to be self-directed learning but being knowledge-insufficient, we need to starts from scratch =( looking on the bright side, its more practical coz got to put things into perspective with on going clinical experiences..appreciate how they teach us to remember key points for the illness, classify! eheh, pray hard that all the jargons stick in my mind for future use;)

okeh, easter break!!

...not the first time had this kinda question..were asked many times before, and i think ppl've got my honest say...i just dunno,let it be..not gonna think about it, better that way...ignorance is a bless...

stuffed up*sigh. thot that my bad rural experience last year would be the last,having to deal with racism watsnot ....somehow these ppl just dont know how to show some respect towards others, feeling superior over the other,huhuhuh... especially this week, particular person keep on pushing others to do thing her/his way...with the pbl thingy, accept any constructive critiques , but when someone starts talking too much & make it sounds as if others are doing crap...thats rude

again with the grup assignment for critical observation...with only 7 students in this hosp, 5 are in the same group=all excluding 2 of us..left with no choice but do it in a group of 2.. annoyed with the whole thing, as if we the international students are nothing but a bunch of idiots who know nothing more than what they know & hopeless in doing stuffs...bitter!! for this year, a lot of things i've sacrificed but these kinda attitudes just put me down..make me wonder how am i going to survive the rest of the year...i dont mind all the workload, fair enough..but when ppl started being nasty & selfish, hell with them...

i'm not a superwoman, never dreams of being one...i wish for someone to be there for me ...to listen to my words & cheer me up...to convince that i'm doing right & goin to be thru with the hardship.someone i can depend on & appreciate me no matter what....sorry, this last para is a bit out of topic:(

5 mins before i'm off to bed..obviously cant write much..later eh;)

quote of the day

"jgn ego sgt..terutama pd diri sendiri"

mixed feeling, honestly...even at this point, i cant say much about it :p..blergh, am i being paranoid ? maybe if this is to happen earlier, i feel happier & sure of what i'm gonna do next...hmmm, life is never easy aite? there'll always be sumthing that stop u ...

the stigma & 'typical' notation...somehow i'm not in favour of getting such remarks from ppl...i find it very intimidating & nasty...thats y i'd rather stay away...*sigh

well, should be posted later, not sooner..

Apa maknanya impian datang dan pergi

Membawa hati menyusuri kembali

Jalan-jalan sepi

Kau kah di situ

Yang menanti ku

Atau jelmaan titi kenangan yang bernama pengalaman
* : Siapakah diantara kita

Dengan rela menjadi pendusta

Siapakah dulu membina harapan

Dan siapa yang memusnahkan impian

Tanpa sebab dan alasan

Kau mainkan perasaan

Bagai taufan tiba-tiba datang dan menghilang
** : Kau bayang-bayang

Masa nan silam

Ada ketika terbawa-bawa oleh resah

Mimpi yang tak sudah

eheh, me & my mum's fav....it was the soundtrack of malay series samarinda with j!ns shamsudin & sar!mah in it...happy hour for both of us, it is..

things happened.. for some reason or another...all we need to do is change the angle for a fresh look(blergh, merepek ape nih??) well, sometimes i do hate being a girl..why? the emotional instability that drain much of me...then i'll wish for things not to happen in the 1st place..

err what, a cupid???...oh my god!!*bit my nail & run away*...

eheh, ikut hati nak pegi uk nx year..n travel europe..maybe end of the year after habis 4th year final exam..before enrolling into final year of MBBS..hmm, wanna go there badly now:( it wasnt really in my head till i read about a girl's trip to europe & she wasnt even studying there..hmm, kalu dia boleh aku pun sure boleh..well, as long as i save enough money for this 2 years..get in touch with the frens there & find good company to go along, everything should be ok;) nak pergi, nak pergi!! i'm not picky & have not preference over which countries that i wanna go before anywhere else, it should be easier..

there's a big BUT tho..permission from my parents, hardest part of all..huhuhuh!!

nur,
even though life is so unpredictable
let us just take a day at a time
exist in peace, do we are able
although there's always some mountain to climb

never give up , though hard it may be
once something's achieved, you'll actually see
really the effort has set you heart free

travel the world, do what you can
always remeber GOD has his plan, NEVER give up
let hope never worn
live life to the fullest, always believe
you're in good hand, eyes,
you will achieve, each that you wish for

now is the hour, you need to do
especially those things important to you
otherwise life will be so untrue
-ayah long saidi, 13902-

reading this again just made me feel contented & special=) so to know that there's always someone out there who cares & believes in me.. got this b4 i boarded the plane to down under =)

urghh, i need a ruler..i lost the old one:( cant do my work without .....n weird enough the hospital doesnt have any stationery shop(err, should it??)..eihh,geramnye!

clayton,tuesday??? made my way back after class on monday,Eva gave us a lift that evening..spending a not-too-bad-weekend in franston & i was feeling a bit down, the least i could do was to be h.o.m.e...and i was being persistent! the idea came up during monday lunch hour,"eh, collin russel xde kan esok? jom aa balik clayton..aku x tahan dah nih..nak balik jugak!!"
so here i am, cuddling my pc & enjoying my comfort space:p last nite's dinner was nasi bukhari..i got the rempah from a fren, so none of us really know how it should taste actually...aku pun x berani nak jadik chef..takat pegi dapur nak amik bau jeh :p

before meal
"haa makanla, tapi nasi nih macam rasa berbiji2 sket..x masak sket kot"
"hehehe, xdelaa..nasi bukhari mmg mcm tuh:D"..lol!
after meal
"hmm, berkerak2 la kat bawah nih.."
"hahahha, xperrr..nasi bukhari mmg mcm tuh"

i'm so happy-happy!!

h.i.b.e.r.n.a.t.e.

remember about yesterday? i undid it..clicked the cancel button this morning..why? i just felt sumthing isnt rite...full stop

hmm, would start on the exercise again, rasa sgt2 unfit n lemau dah skarang nih..thinking of doing yoga also...haha,never really tried this before..might need to ask around for the vcd...abisla terbelit2 badan aku lepas nih:p...

blerghh, this getting shorter and shorter..

yeay yeay, tv n internet in the house!!hehe, nap with the tv turned on:p hmmm, a bit dissapointed with the prepaid tho..a bit tembel,duhhhhh!! but of course it better than nothing...

i did sumthing i never thot would do tonite.at least after so long..hahhaha, kamikaze! but have a good feeling that it wont change anything...

hectic weekend..visited zar!n at monash medical centre. travel agent at chaddy.deep talk with fren.last episode of korean series All About Eve*grin dreamingly*.hunted for tv.new virtual's. everything but doing work,aiyohh!

gud sleep last nite... beds were occupied by the new-comers so tumpang syaf's..and as usual, skipped monday ward round,class started at 2pm..lalalalala...nak balik lagi nx week,nak balik lagi!!:p

genuine.wont change for someone else? a fren said so...hmm, am i??

just knew yesterday that one of the meddies who's gonna stay in the house this year actually our junior from ssp...*screaming in disbelief*arghh, couldnt be true!!hehehe, no no, its nothing personal but...errr,susah nak ckpla...anyway, havent had the chance to meet since they're away for transition camp..maybe 'll meet the 2 tomorrow..aiyo!

said that she knew both of us but sorry dear, i'm not that junior-frenly back then..too busy creating chaos and buat keje2 bertanduk ,geheheh..otherwise xdelah sampai kena ban from pegi bilik rekreasi blok A&B for 40 days,syhhhhh!! n of course i'm not part of the role-model thingy for the junior dorm ,better life awaited for me in SA1C together with the other seniors...hahaha, if only they knew wat we did*zipped my mouth* yup, will always cherished that crazy year,sweet 16=)

oh well, she'll be fine, just bear with me..lalalala

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY..to kacangbotol.blogspot..hehe, more than a year since i 1st write...time flies fast and i do keep most of my sacred experiences and thot(whingeing??) in this lil space..precious eh?? most but not all coz sumthing's better keep to self..anyhow as far!na said, it keeps u sane.yes,it does=) reckon its a way to reach my dedicated frens..who stay with me regardlessly..keeps the string of frenship attached;) my apology if by any chance my writting hurts...*have the urge to give academy-award speech but no,stop me!!:p

why kacangbotol? coz its my fav's ulam since i was small...hehe, crunchy and green:p untill now whenever i'm home, the sight of it just make me grin happily and all of sudden, excited to have my meal... add much joy to my food spree...hahaha, being kampung girl:p sumtimes i even put it my in laksa..*drooling

okeh ppl, more n more craps coming...so if u're looking for some academic-and-intelligent writing, kindly go to the top right and click the red button..tadaaa!

despite all, i'm back in clayton for the weekend,geheheh:p living without internet and tv over the weekend, no way! browsed thru some fotopages of fellow sspian, had me laughing out loud*big grin*..that photo of ya's nasi goreng..followed by her dad's comment amused me most;) anyhow, they are the ones who always keep me happy ..never fail to listen and entertain , tho i hardly understand some of the jokes,hehehe...errr, dun wanna sound soo soappy but have to say that i miss u ppl..i really do

time flies...end of weekend and another week in frankston...so not looking forward for tomorrow,will be missing my bed,study,pc n teleng :( ya Allah, pls pls make me stronger...

hehe, sorry ppl..cant get enough of writting..been my day of internet and eating...since not-so-early-morning, doing nothing but stuck in front of the computer and stuffed myself*sakit perut*...had sushi for brunch, courtesy of by $yaf,z!la and !zza...later went to sarawan coz adl! wanted to treat me for being his 'posmen karat' during the holiday..hahah, poor z!la i dragged her along..yelah, no more escorting if i'm going out with i-dont-know-whom-yet in the future :p ordered chicken beriyani..masya Allah, nak meletup perut byk sgt nasi..rasa nak pitam pun ade:p then walked to eff!e's place...'ve missed the company of ppl here, we talked over rojak buah..isk,sedap! then as promised she cooked mee goreng.. besnye besnye!!tapikan pedasnye adoilaaa...sampai keluar air mata:p being noodle-lover, tambah jugak eventhough dah 2 3 tisu aku amik..sorry yer cik perut, bukan x sengaja:p
then the net..till now=) no wonder i can do 3 entries in a day kan ? n nothing more pleasurable than being with ur frens who care ;)

..good collection of u$her's and B0yz 2 men's..thanks a lot sy!ma for doing this favour..such a nice thot from u,mate..love u loads ;) bad thing about me : never bother about the singer,title of the song nor the lyric..only the music ;) *jumping joyfully*

2nd week in franston..must said that i missed a lot of ppl..loneliness suffocated me that mobile phone becomes a good company at nite..'ve got 20 mins free call to other optus's,became a way of killing time..even called far!na after receiving one big shocking gossip...huhuhuhu, no way its gonna happen:p
me: tuhla ma..sunyi duduk sini..x tahu nak buat ape dah
ma:haa, bacalah quran ..dapat pahala lebih..(x ingat cakap ape lagi :p)
me: erk,hehehe..baca, nur baca..tapi alaa...
haa, kan dah =) aiyoh, miss my famili..dreamt of them a lot there..not a usual before this..n i've been away less than a month...agony of living a new life,maybe

simple or no cooking at all..lazy,yup! once cooked rice with lauk ikan bilis goreng, sardin n salad..good enough for my lunch,heheh..so the stock would last longer in the cupboard:D luckily my gastric juice behaves well though i only stuffed myself with cereal or nestum till noon...

learning experience? so far so good..still in the middle of getting around the hosp a.k.a kawad kaki...ya Allah, mmg kawad kaki hari2...the tutors were passionate about teaching us, well i guess..also helpful and approachable..simply love my group..not much pressure and nice ppl,cranky with jokes at times:p theoretically have to be at the hosp around 730 for ward round everyday..in between 've classes and PBL teaching..was picked on to do cardio examination to a lady,frail one...interesting yet demanding..would be good, at least i've got things to do till the year end...

r.a.c.i.s.m, not joking! twice ppl in a car shouted at us while we crossed the road n waiting for the bus..dunno wat they'r yelling though...loud enough, cam kena sergah dgn rudenye.. speechless n shocked, just ignored..but somehow had this uneasy feeling travelling around the town..ppl looked at us as if we were aliens or such..n yesterday witnessed a scene in the train..a couple was detained by police after hitting black girls...the couple swore and fought back verbally..scary la jugak sebab they were seating just a few seats away from us ..rupanya2 they'r part of this skinhead group in frankston, anti-asian, they just dont like foreigner..tahu psl nih pun bile sorang pakcik asian yg cerita kat ktrg psl experience dia kat franston jugak..advised us to be extra careful there and avoid unnecessary outing...so maybe kalu xde org nak give us ride back to clayton on friday, have to stay back:(( semalam pun after 3 hours' journey, baru sampai rumah...penatnye sgt

so, home sweet home for now!!btw..updated fotopages,yeah!

hmm, those tales-telling. enough for now. ran out of respect and trust..whatever

A whole new experience..couldnt make for the ward round at 8am as were still in Clayton..so I went to meet the interns n registra for surgical unit 3 later in the morning..suprised but glad, 2 interns that I’m attached to are muslim.. it never cross my mind that I’ll be working with another veiled lady in this place, subhanallah kan?…the day went quite smoothly..nothing much but getting around the hosp and brief intro with the tutors, trying to work things out basically..terasa cam praktis kawan kaki jeh pegi kesana sini..hehehe…

Superficially yes, we looked fine n dont have much to worry..furnished house with 2 big rooms for us..might save good amount of money in the end of the year..plus there’re only 7 of us so wont have to fight over patients n doctors..etc etc…everything might look perfect..but forget not the emotional torture,uncertainties, struggle…the l.o.n.e.l.i.n.e.s.s

We do have internet access in the student quarter. Not suffice with that, decided to buy prepaid package for the house. But somehow the installation cd broken apart,duhh:p have to wait till we get a new one..isk!

-monday-

maal hijrah@awal muharram? bile tuh, aku sendiri pun x tahu:( hmm, ignorantnye..maybe kalu kat mesia akan ade celebration and all, tapi kat sini kalu xde org ingatkan or bgtau mmg x tahu..teruknye aku

nak berubah? hmm, rasanya dah byk dah aku change tp xyah aa nak disclose kat sini..yg jadik lagi baik ade..yg jd lagi x baik pun byk jugak...but i prefer the new me;) last nite, told liyana that i'm now happy with my life..why? ntah..rasa cam happy or at least not much to worry..i think the best remedy is to learn to accept things are they are..n if i could turn back the time, i wouldnt change a thing...so no regret aite!

another jln2 carik mkn(or is it mkn2 carik jln:p) last nite..funny story happened when i opened the door, thinking of ili zarin n raihan to be at the front, eh eh apsal ade 5 org nih? panicked n blurred,i almost scream and ran away from them...hehehe,so there were nenn and the geng..oh well, diorg ingat dah kantoikan aku...blame my panic face n OMG-i'd-better-hide-myself action,hahahah..at Rich Maha, i had fish curry n mixed veggie, while the rest had chicken biryani..later all of us shared tosei(yums!)had this crazy idea of videoing our activities and send it to the tv station..ohh yeah, n by the time we finished our degree, we'll be just like 5 ballon monsters walking down the hospital aisle :p...

today, will be moving my stuff to franskton since there'll be 'temporary tenants' in this house....my clothes, books n other petty things...bebe pun bawak sekali ...sianla teleng kene tinggal tp nanti kalu balik clayton on the weekend bleh tido ngan dia:p so see u when i see u ppl!

ThE waY tO happinesS

Keep the heart free from hatE

Your mind from worrY

Live simply, expect little, give mucH

Fill your life with lovE

Scatter sunshine..forgot yourselF...

Think of otherS

Do as you would be done bY

New adventures..orientation week at Frankston hosp ..since x dapat nak contact Sandy utk dptkan kunci rumah during the weekend, so ahad malam still tidur kat clayton..gehehe, 11 anxiuos meddies in a house that nite..pagi isnin, had to q for the bathroom n all…were picked up by dalila’s fren at 8am and it took 45 mins to reach there..ingatkan bleh berulang ke Clayton utk week nih so xdelah bawak baju spare or food..berlenggang kangkung pegi sana..then baru dapat tahu yg Tuesday dah start nursing shift pukul 7am ..alamak alamak, cemana nih!!kena tukar plan la nih... there are 7 of us altogether..with me n zila as the dwarfs in the group..not to mention among the whole community of hosp..heheh:p talked to Sandy about my planned ‘holiday’ also..alhamdulillah, pray hard that everything’s ok till then..since our day finished around 4 pm and dal!la already went home, so had to go back by public ..duhh, almost 2 hours of journey…reached clayton by 7..ate dinner, rushed to pack our things and went back to frankston at 9pm(thanks again dal!la!)…never been to this uni’s accommodation before..dgr2 cite from zila jeh..well well, kinda spooky:p with a big tree at the front..2 mobile (the ones with wheels..BIG NO for us!) and 3 non-mobile springy hospital beds...decided to stay together in a room and the other room will be our study or sumthing heheh…hmm, felt a bit sad but somehow I’m sure everything will be just fine for us.
Woke up late the next day..rushed to the emergency room..hmm, xdelah crowded sgt sebab shift pagi and couldn’t do a lot..aku pun x beranilah nak pepandai pergi sana sini...mainly observed and talked to the patients..met a gentleman who’s married to his wife for 20 years and in the middle of preparing their trip to upnorth..gee, bestnye! He told me interesting story and gave me the tips on how to make sure that…
Later ikut dal!la balik clayton…talked to mum about my experience and had great laugh over it=) when I was about to doze off, adik msg me on the net..chatted with her for a while b4 I went to sleep..
wednesday, pegi MMC untuk simulated patient interview..aiyoyo, hentam sajalah..the comment: I was genuine in the approach but should ask more questions on certain stuff…aite aite! Later balik pegi frankston..joined bengkel utk new HMO’s from Asian..hmm, this was some kinda revision for me n somehow glad that we got the chance to participate..tho i stuffed up at the cardio station:p then the 3 boys who happened to be our next-door's helped us with the unwanted furniture..gentlemen as they were, and a lil bit nutsy,heheh..ade ke nak jadikan mobile beds tuh port utk buat barbeque, dah xde keje gamaknye budak2 nih:p watched PRIDE, japanese series to kill the time..n my hero's a hockey player this time(melting!)..he look abit skinny but charming still;)
thursday, nothing to do till noon..nursing shift again at surgical ward...yup, i didnt get to see or do a lot, bored again..waited for zila at the student quarters till 930pm..it was something, quiet n alone..duhh!! lucky there's tv n computer with net...
friday, lecture at the campus so home sweet home..glad to see everyone else there..zana came to me to say hello .."bagila address ko..nanti aku pegi..cakap jeh ko nak makan ape,aku leh masakkan" yeay yeay!!nih yang best nih*claps in joy* again chatted with adik.."ma kata baru nih pakai baju nih doh"aiyakk, malunye!!

on another note, been trying to upload pics in the fotopages but failed..hmm, buang masa jeh:p

so i went frankston hosp after all ..gee, i know it'll be hard time but when the thing gets tough, the tough gets going...today started at 830am..overwhelming information for the first day of transition*sigh..tomorrow kena pegi ikut nursing shift at the emergency room by 7am..aiyo!die die...

11 ppl in a house..can u imagine that? heheh, involved lotsa charade, karaoke n loud talk..so much fun we had together, wishing that it'll never end..so much of now-i-know-that-u-are-actually-like-this..even the rooms were allocated into bilik solat,bilik gala-time(mine!) n bilik private...but the best thing would be having someone else to cook for me..gehehe:p

safe journey and i braced myself till i left msia..bit tearful in SQ117*sigh*. the flight was ok and we reached melb an hour later coz of bad weather..macam naik roller coaster jeh:p met the other girls at the airport n took maxi(van-like taxi) home..wahh, the house was merrier with a lot of ppl n things,heheh..so another chapter in down under:p had great time with the girls b4 evryone parted away...slept over at my place..horror movies(oh well, my eyes wasnt looking at the monitor most of the time:D)..retail therapy(gehee, best2!!) and almost non-stop talking...

hmm, i didnt say that i'm upset, did i? n i wasnt the word 'funny' that i'm looking for actually..something else maybe...

she's the closest person to me.. though we rarely sit together n talked about my life,n she may not know most of my personal secrets..but i'm strongly attached to her....when i was 11, she was admitted to the hospital due to her heart 'symptoms' but nothing serious actually..only some monitoring procedures...upon knowing that, i clung to my auntie and wept..cried my heart out till a stranger came to us..i know she's not 'that' sick but i was really afraid...of losing her..hmm, i'm not always being good to her..if sumthing didnt go my way..that sulken,i-am-not-talking-to-anyone attitude, and giant mood-swing..big time!!it even happened 2 days before my flight to melb last year..hehehe,resolved with an sms:p thats y i always ask for forgiveness whenever i'm leaving..just to put away the guilty feeling,geheee:p but i think there's a huge improvement this time...kalu setakat setengah hari muka cetung tuh kire ok la kan??

that 2 years-old lil boy who still speaks german..the moment he saw me in his house, running with a smile to hug me...heheh, took care of him when he's 2 months...oh dear! eh sin chan, pandai ye awak..dgn kwn2 girls salam siap cium tgn lagi..tp dgn kwn2 boys boleh buat derk je, salam pun xmau;)

..ppl that i'll miss most... hmm, is parting a sweet sorrow?

..cut n paste..

IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don't really have to go looking for them.

We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty,light and promise.

Why waste time in this world looking for the bad,disappointing or annoying when we can look around us,and see the wondrous things before us?

I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST WHEN we see and praise the good and try our best to forget the bad. Nobody's perfect but we can find perfect ness in them to change the way we see them

some ppl would say that this is toooooooo ideall ...dont u think so?

1.laptop(tick)
2.cheque from MAR(tick)
3. pathology book..erk..(tick)
4.cd to be posted to liyana(hopefully today)
5.meeting a fren from uia(tick)
6.dentist appt(ermm, depends)
7.burn the cd's(hopefully by tomorrow)
8.....(cross)
...drained and havent fully recovered from the cold..n now the headache..had it almost all the time...nauseated...the small letters, moving things, lines, foul smell and any kind of smoke..hmmm!

...futsal.went to watch my bro..old boys' jenan vs macoba..wish i could be in this kinda env in the future, getting together in a fun n loud way =) erm, maybe not futsal but any other sports could do:p

... my return flight to melb? hopeless coz i'll be travelling alone all the way from kb to melb...never made a scene at the departure before..erm not sure though about this time:( would have stuck in KLIA for 6 hours but thanks to syu(muahss!) for allowing me...*miserable n grumpy*

fell sick twice in a month is a bit too much rite? last time, it was bacterial infection that caused me annoying sore throat..cant even swallow a thing..n now its common cold (hai mr virus,hello!)..complete package of fever+headache(esp bile sujud)+sore throat+cough+runny nose and a bonus of sexy voice...darn!!gasping breath...so i went to see the dr ( if only my mum didnt instruct me to do so:p )...same doctor..same routines...same illness and same medication(well, almost)..*sigh*
dr: mcm burung kakak tua*grin*
me: aaa??(clueless)
which later i knew that it means hoarseness..hampehh punye dr! i felt very pathetic with the list of things i have to avoid..

**********************************************************************************

while waiting for adik at her new school in KT, i saw this familar-but-not-so-familiar face walking to the hall..before anything, he came to me smilingly and greeted

teacher:macam kenal jeh nih..

me:heheh..* what else can i say:p n i cant even recall the name of this teacher

teacher: tapi kat mana yer?sekolah dulu?

me:saya dulu ser! puter! cikgu...

teacher:haa, betullah..mcm familiar jeh tapi x ingat kat mana..kamu kat mana skarang?buat ape?

me:erm, kat australia cikgu, amik medic, insya Allahh...

teacher:ohh, dulu kamu brass band ke? xpun main basketball?

me:hehehe..tak cikgu

teacher:kamu batch mane ek*then mention an unfamiliar name

me:eh takk..batch fatma naz!hah(wink..wink)cikgu dulu keluar tahun bila?*erk!

teacher: tahun 97.. then saya pegi sesma pastu dtg skola nih

me:ohh, saya tgh f3 masa tuh...

my mum came n they talked for a while..TRUE, i'm just a PLAIN student back in SSP so 'nope' to both famous questions of band or bball members,hehehe..after some thinking, i figured that he's En fauzi

hmm, this isnt the 1st time actually..happened last year in my cousin's school during the registration day..untill now, all i'm sure is that she's a band teacher and from kelantan , but i couldnt remember her name..she recognised me 1st and then came the question" awak nih dulu main band ke?"another one was pn zan!sah (warden!)..again,those 2 fav q's ...hehehe, no i'm not ;)

okeh, tomorrow i'll be meeting the MARA officer at the HQ to demand some convincing explanation about my cheque and if possible get it done by next week:( huh, telephone never works with these ppl kan?:p then only i'll do the laptop thingy ...pray hard that everything will be fine;) till then ppl..

so my dear l!yana turns 23 today.eheh, happy BIRTHDAY!! well,my wishes for ur happiness in life...n stay young eh;) thanks for everything..love u loads!!
us...shared the same dorm for 3 junior years but never really close back then..not untill we sat next to each other in f4..when everything began..n lasted till this moment....so take care n see u when i see u=)

eidul'adha..meaninguful coz i'm home =)heheh, xdelah biasa jeh raya kali nih..nama pun raya korban tapi bestnye sbb dpt dgr abah takbir..pastu lepak2 kat rumah melayan sedara mara sambil tgk tv..makan LAKSA n ketupat..hmm, kali nih bykla jugak mkn ketupat cicah gula melaka..dulu2, nak makan satu pun susah..xpun dah abis musim raya baru teringat yg ketupat x mkn lagi :D..the next day tuh barulah keluar rumah pegi sekolah rendah lama then balik kampung...lepak2 ngan makcik2 sambil bukak cite lama..time kecik2 dulu..hahahah!!
hurm, rasa feverish..cam nak demam lagi...sore throat sume ada..better off now

short stories..
tgh hari tadi...ma decided to go to kb n knowing that she's fasting, aku insisted nak follow(heh, alasan tak??:p)..memula ma kata x payah tp last2 dia kasilaa,heheh..aku pun dgn sronoknye pegi bersiap..turun tingkat atas sambil nyanyi sebaris lagu ciptaan sendiri "i'm going to follow my mumm..lalala"...on the way tuh baru ma bukak cite..dia dgr aku nyanyi tp tpaksa tahan gelak sbb tgh sembahyang..opsss,hehehehe!!

kisah org gile...
org gila:ehh, aku nak kawen ngan ko nih
pempuan:haaa, aku xlehla kawen ngan ko..sbb aku nak kawen ngan dia nih (sambil sesedap hati tunjuk kat jiran dia)
org gila: laa, ko mane boleh kawen ngan dia
pempuan:apsal plak x leh?
org gila:nanti selawat x habis...(time kahwin kan ade selawat mase pengantin sampai :p)

p/s..err boleh eh mcm tuh?

okehh, selamat hari raya aidiladha utk semua..esok jemput dtg rumah makan laksa,yeay yeay !!

...i stopped watching Akadem! coz its so dissapointing..n zah!d wasnt in the episodes most of the time :p lagipun time tuh aku selalu busy nak prepare dinner so xde masa sgt nak mnghadap tv..so i just stick to 'sal!na' and DHAC ...hmm, xdelah best sgt rasanya tp alang2 tgh cuti kat mesia, tgk jelahh kan?kan?sambil2 cuci mata gitu ;)..
.juara lagu pun best,terkekek2 aku gelakkan sar!mah n naj!b..it was fun n honestly aku lega sbb m!sha x menang..coz that 'lagu hantu' xdelah hebat mana aku rasa..tapi apsal susah sgt anu@r zain tuh nak menang eh :p n lagu v!nce pun not bad,heheh...grup 'labah2'??hmm, jarang dgr tp cam best..ntah, x paham sgt ape kisahnye lagu tuh....
..the 3 sisters reunited again..this time the eldest were home for hari raya n the youngest dgn selambanye ponteng sekolah :D went out today to kb...have fun while shopping for adik..balik2 tuh dua org sibuk maingame, sorang lagi ngadap internet..
..aku tertipu!ingatkan dpt surat drpd M4RA utk kasi check pagi tadi, dah sonok melompat2 dlm umah, rupa2nya bile bukak dpt surat penyata..adoii, geramnye!!sakan ma gelakkan aku :D...

*SIGH*

Hmm, nothing to do with anyone but myself..i know promised myself not to worry too much but sometimes i couldnt think straight...okeh, first its the laptop loan..havent heard anything from MARA HQ..isnt practical for me to travel all the way to kl again just to ask for the application status...i knew its being approved but where's the cheque? went to MARA quarters in kb n was told that it's pending at financial dept..sigh..bureaucratic thing...
next, its the wedding..sigh, why do we need to meet other ppl's expectation..konon2 nak senangkan keje diorg utk dtgla...ituhla...inilahh...sigh...i know lagi senang kalu buat time cuti skola tp aku start cuti a week after that..hmm, mane nak pk psl study yg surely tonggang langgang next year..mane nak pk pasal application utk cuti awal...mana nak pk assesment utk sem tuh,sib baik exam most prob xde time tuh...x psl2 aku nak temper ngan sume org..sorry ma :(

...ACCOMPLISHED?...

hehe,things that i'd like to have/do in my life..(randomly listed :p)

1..Going places...arghh arghh, i need money for that..guess thats y there's one nite in our teenage-year, me n l!yana settled on this marriage plan to get RICH easily *big grin*but we're now grown up enough to know that its just another wishful dream...lol! nvm, i'll earn the money myself, go to Mecca as my 1st destination (hopefully together with my parents) and then tour the rest of the countries...$$$!
2...Holiday in the island...so serene...camping and enjoying the outdoor's with a bunch of great frens, thats wat i wanna do there ;) ..heh, anyone interested of coming along?? but mind u, being girl with lotsa dont's it wouldnt be as easy as it sound *sigh
3...Joining dance club (laugh if u may :p) reckon it would be very therapeutic for me,lalalala..nothing extraordinary about this one, just wanna keep fit in a fun way =)
4...Watching live games in the stadium ...hmm, another strange thing for a girl ..any sport would do but preferably basketball or badminton..only had this experience once last year..its footy and as expected, enjoyed it to bits..its the cheering crowd..the togetherness and the spirit...
5...The 3 classical criteria that i look for my 'Mr Future'..lol..a bit out of topic kan?heheh, not many ppl know about this, only the lucky ones ;)...well, its not the Mr Perfect-of-beauty+brain+money coz that fellow would be very busy attending to his admirers and admirees :p...clues? 1- its traditional..2-its a passion we'll share in common..3-its 'thoughtful' in a way..lol!!
6...If no.5 is achievable, this dream would be easier...an indoor court for me at home...yes, that way we wont have to waste our money on movies or dinner...plus it can also be a girls-only court..ohh, keep on dreaming y@tt!!

well well, i shouldnt stop dreaming, should i??

*LONELY DAY*

Huhuhu, my parents's away till tomorrow morning...have something to do in the north..wish i could tag along coz life at home wont be fun without 'em :=D all this while during this hols i spent great time with my mum...literally doing nothing but tailing her. the moment she's home from school around noon, i started to bug and follow her around the house sampaikan dia pun 'rimas'...ahahaha, sorryla ma, lepas nih dah balik melb mane bleh nak buat mcm tuh dah...cak aaa!!

the reason is that my lil sis's back from her hostel n i havent seen her since i went to kl ..she scored in her PMR n then got an offer to go to SBP in tganu..alhamdulillahh...

well well, a day without my mum will make me less energetic :(

WEDDING VS ENGANGEMENT

...heh, nothing to do with me..its my cousin's wedding masa awal2 cuti dulu..this time kenduri belah lelaki kat
!poh..i was from kl with my sisters..sampai umah diorg dah mlm...didnt do much that nite but talked to my close cousin bout her current situation n probs...ayoyo, never thot it would go that way...

...the day b4 kenduri i was totally busy helping out with the chores...heheh, nihla 1st time merasa buat keje2 berat utk kenduri..sebabnye back in my hometown, dah ramai makcik2 yg dtg tolong kat dapur tp this time since kenduri bukan kat kampung, ktrg sebagai relatives nihla yg kena buat sume keje..meriahla bile skali skala bjumpe..makcik2, sepupu sepapat sume dok skali buat keje...dahla sume tuh dekat2 sebaya jeh..lagilah syok bergosip sana sini..artis ituhla, AF inilahh,gelak2 dgn lawak memasing..heheh..start dgn kupas bawang pagi tuh..pastu rest kejap sambung bersihkan ayam..berpartner2 n berlumba2 nak siapkan keje awal :p pastu cepat2 follow al!f, the bride's younger bro pegi town...teman dia carik barang n survey2 digicam..talked about things in our family n his life.. balik2 tuh dah ptg...back to work at nite after tahlil..this time potong2 daging...hahahah..bramai2 kongsi cutting board buat keje sambil borak kat luar rumah..tp kali nih ktrg yg muda2 x byk ckp sgt, tumpang gelak jeh sbb hormatkan yg veteren2 nak berborak...best2!!

the day of kenduri..pagi2 lagi dah masuk dapur utk bersihkan daging..kali nih xdelah seteruk smalam time bersihkan ayam...pastu bile sume dah settle tinggal nak masuk dlm kawah jeh bahan2 tuh aku buatla keje2 ringan...susun2 barang..get ready nak hidangkan lauk pauk...n sambut my eldest bro from kl yg aku jumpe 1st time cuti nih.. sambil2 tuh all the girls(or young ladies) dah diarahkan pegi bersiap sbb ktrg jugakla nak kena menghidang or layan tetamu..hohoho...aku just pakai baju kurung raya yg x pakai harituh..jamuan buat kat khemah2 kat luar, started around 12..so me n the other girls helped with nasi n lauk pauk utk dihidangkan...ulang alik dari living room ke pintu depan..skali skala turun ke khemah nak carik bekas nasi yg kosong(trase cam pencurik jeh time tuh)...tiring yet fun coz time nihla nak kerja ramai2 ngan cousin2 n sedara2 yg lain..mane yg jarang bertegur, time nihla bertanya kabo memasing..well, around 4 pm org dah x ramai sgt n aku pun cam dah nak tergolek sbb penat..too tired sampaikan xleh nak tido...tgk makanan pun x nmpk menyelerakan lagi...malam tuh start kemas2 la plak...sedara2 ramai dah start balik esp yg from kl so ktrg yg tinggal nihla kena buat spring cleaning...sambil ratah2 lauk ayam,hahhaha...esok tuh dah bertolak balik klate...

...after 2 3 weeks, my sister's engangement...hehehe, kan dah kata kalu buat kat umah mmg xyah masuk dapur sgt..nti sesak jeh sbb dah ramai yg nolong..hahahha, aku bjaya curik tulang kali nih..tp xdelah sepenuhnya sbb the nite b4 majlis, aku stay up past 1am ngan c!ksu sebab nak siapkan decor kat living room..actually xde dlm plan but it turned out to be nice ;)...mlm tuh sume org dah tido, ktrg pening kepala cane nak gantungkan bunga2 tuh..akulah tukang ketuk paku..keletuk keletap!!...trase cam lil dwarfs yg wat keje at midnite plak :p

...esok tuh majlis bjalan lancar..personally aku suke baju kak..combination of blue-white..x sia2 ktrg pening2 kepala mase nak beli kain tuh,hahha..nak jadik crite tetiba dia insist aku 'temankan' dia masa majlis.....ahh sudah, keje gila namanye tuh!! aku nih mane bleh dok depan2 org ramai tanpa tersengih..adoi! hohoho, muka aku pun dia yg tolong make-upkan sket2..terbalik, patutnye aku yg tolong dia kan? well, it was a happy day for my family i guess ;)

...everthing went well..satisfied with both the ceremonies ;)

...MAKE IT A POINT TO...

1. become a better person, for herein and hereafter..yup,sometimes we can easily forget why we are created by Allah n our responsibility ..nahh, im not elligible to preach about this thing but maybe to remind each n everyone of us..the truth is we arent perfect but that couldnt be an excuse to all the wrong-doings.I think we dont have to be that 'open-minded' to accept whats obviously forbidden by our religion..another thing is when ibadah becomes regularity and we only do it out of routines...just so that when ppl ask'dah smayang?' kite leh jawab 'dahh...'well, it happened to me :( so insya Allah we try to be istiqamah but at the same time learn to appreciate the beauty of Islam n ajarannye =)

2.work smart for next year..full of challenges and uncertainties...to be in the new environment and ppl, i need to adjust myself quick...try to be more focus on the study and manage the stressful days well...hehe, i'm thinking of starting to do cross-stiching (heh, dont roll ur eyes..i'm not that bad in it :p) just to kill the time...also tempted to join the netball club at uni..but i wanna discuss wif eff!e whether she's still interested or not coz both of us will be very busy next year :p

3.take a good care of myself..hope wont easily catch common cold or any other preventable illness:p yesss yess, it means drink plenty of water, eat well n on time,also avoid the sun(erk, applicable for me ok:p)...or else i'll bore the doctor for seeing me every month or so..

4.check and DELETE my emails everyday, or most of the day,hehehe..have the habit of selectively read the emails n leave the rest till later..

5.be nice to everyone,hahahah..those who know how bossy,hard-headed,mood-swing, sensitive and irrational i am, wish me luck eh?

ok2 enough with the 2-in-1 resolutions a.k.a birthday-in-new-year..it dont have to be more than 10 rite?heheh

THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT

...if i have this telepathic power to wander into someone else's mind and learn about that person,or at least understand better...

...if i'm not studying abroad and can always be in town, even not 24/7...

...if i'm gifted with a memory-wiper so that its easier to forget...

TWO DAYS BEFORE A NEW YEAR


p/s..faat!n n far!na not in the picture

...around midnite, received sms wishes...hmm, susahnye nak tido balik bile dah terjaga...keluar rumah around 10 to jln TAR..carik kain utk ma with kak n kak sha..then off to m1dv@lley to meet l1yana there...heh,i accidently bumped into her the day before at k1cc when she asked me to stay late for today ;)...

...went to the fastfood rest..feast on the meals and talked(or rather had to shout)..we've not seeing each other for more than a year so a lot of updates n stories..she gave me this cute lil V.I.P pillow =) continued bersembang kat top floor n later kat ground floor bench(lenguh berdiri)...hmm,macam2 cerita keluar...then pegi browse d1g1cam n i've decided to buy s0ny p43 for my big 22! the price was good n it came with a great external package..yabeyabedoo!! so so happy =) received a call from my bro at home...a gift of streamyx's ...another yabeyabedoo!!

...went to some shops to browse an buy some stuffs...then around 5, we went to the foodcourt for a drink...talking n laughing over the stories n jokes...untill around 530 i heard a familiar-but-it-couldnt-be-true voice wishing my birthday..i turned to my left n suprise suprise!! 1na was there with a bday cake..i laughed out loud coz i couldnt believe it....she asked me to find a lighter myself n when i came back, ez1een was there with her baju kurung..teased her about that :p then hud@ came n slipped an unwanted question from her mouth "eh, faat!n mane?" ayoyo, spoiler betulla..sume org bengkek ngan dia,hahaha

faat!n arrived n we started on the cake..isk, nak kena nyanyi dulu ke??hahahha...macam2 benda pelik berlaku masa nak amik gambo n potong kek but it was all fun ;) i know there'll be another person to join us but i dare not to dream that it's her..yup, far!na si gadis gula.. she gave me her 'gula percuma bulanan'..isnt it sweet? i mean SWEET?kekeke...rupanya makcik sorang tuh curik2 keluar opis semata2 nak dtg m!dvalley..kekekek... too bad l!yana had to leave earlier coz after that, we were enganged in serious talk..n cik gula itulah yg menjadi hostnye...hahahha...eventho ade afew things n jokes yg aku still x paham but i really enjoyed the evening..blastful!

...arrived home feeling so tired n euphoric...showed my newly-bought d!g!cam n later played with my nephew, syak!r...not to forget that kak sh@ actually prepared a choc cake for me that nite n i got back my l!verpool sweater from abg ngah ;)

...a very HAPPY day for me..n i hope the happiness will last for another year, aminn

*MY BEST DAY*

TRUE, couldnt feel happier than being with ur loved ones...blastful n blessed..story on the day will be up soon ;)

*quick note*
...sorry, internet kat rumah still under construction :p have to wait till next time (or when the mood strike:p) to sum up the BIG days of my cousin's wedding and sister's engangement ;) in a meantime, i'm in kl till next week...

*edited*

haah, i edited my entries coz somehow i felt kinda stupid after reading them again*shrug* at 1st i just wanna delete them but $yu said that i shuldnt..still i i'm confused with certain things...or maybe sick of my own thought..adoi, when will i get over with my LPU nih?? letihla macam nih...

okeh, ape nak cite dulu eh? my journey back home??..it was ok except for the dodgy food..this time i flew back wif S!A, indah khabar dari rupa :p nx time carik MA$ jelah...slept most of the time n didnt finished watching any movie..hahahhah!!lepak KL!A pun not bad jugak, even had my 2nd breakfast there coz food SIA kasi x cukup mengenyangkan..lalalalala...tapi yg paling best mase flight ke kb..jeng jeng jeng!!

haah, bile dah nak depart tuh, terpandang satu familiar face tgh letak beg..skali tgk x prasan..2 kali tgk, ek ehh tuh bukan haf1z hashim ke (national player, bukan senior kat m0nash tuh :p)dia duduk depan aku jeh..tapi kacak mmg x disangkal lagi aa..hohohoho...kan best kalu aku dpt seat kosong tepi dia tuh:p *dreaming* bile turun flight pun aku buat x kenal jeh..nway,masa pergi jumpe family..aku hint2la akak aku soh tgk dia kat blakang aku...adoi, sket lagi nak terkantoi..tapi rupa2nya mak aku n mak dia dah jumpe dah b4 tuh..sambil2 tunggu anak gitu!hahahha,kisah klasik!!

hmm, as expected dah balik klate mmg suasana raya dah habis...yer $yu, duit raya saya tahun ini berangka 0..huhuhuhuhu!! kuih2 raya tuh bykla lagi kat rumah tp x mkn sgt, aku serang food lain dulu..hahha..1st thing kat klate aku mkn laksa,yeay yeay!!satu lagi yg x besh is bile aku notice aku dah makin memendek dlm family..yup, shorter than my one n only lil sis all this while..tp this time cousin aku yg form 2 pun dah tinggi dari aku..huwaaa!!!!!!!! xper, think positive..inilah peluang nak awet muda..kuang kuang kuang!!

duduk rumah mmg xde ape sgt..internet pun br nak pasang balik, tp bagus jugak coz as quoted from my sister, kalu ade internet sure2 aku x layan/main2 ngan diorg..hahahha, keji aa!!mane ade..kalu kat rumah akan limitkanla masa ber'net':p nway spent most of my time ngan my sisters..n sy@hman the kiddo aka budak kena tinggal,hahahha!! havent really enjoyed a$tro much,frustrated coz xde repeats AF2..hohohoho. camne eh kalu xde terus sampai aku habis cuti??

kenduri uy! kat gopeng last weekend..yumss, stuffed myself with the food...n at the same time tahan sakit telinga dgr karaoke..ya Allah, seriously aku x sangka akan ada ..kalu tahu, dah lama aku ajak cik kat evelyn tuh balik awal n dtg kenduri ..leh join skali karaoke tuh..well, pe gune kite asik practise kalu x kasi org tgk kan???~lol~ tapi agak menakutkan sketla bile baru 2nd lagu dah hujan lebat..hahahha..dahla ade satu budak tuh request nak nyanyi lagu 'pul@ngkan'..mc tuh pegi sebut'pul@nglah' erkk, cam nak halau ktrg jeh pakcik???

my stay in kl till today was fun..haah, went out everyday to diff places with my sisters except pg td ikut $yu ke SSP-cyberj@ya beraya umah ustazah..xleh stay lama sb dah janji ngan kak nak teman dia carik kain kat jln t@r...best2!! penat toksah ckpla ...tuh psl sampai2 jeh rumah td aku 'pengsan' sampe kul 11 lebih..tuh pun sb dah bosan dgr diorg nih bebel suruh aku mandi n tukar baju, yelah2!!esok ade lagi plan for our 2 fave things...makan n movie..kat mane??hahahha...the most accesible place from our house yet aku rasa cam dah jadi 'pasar malam kl' jeh tempat tuh...ahh, lantakla janji sampai:p

*edited*

...a quick one, wait till i'm done wif my fotopages ;)...

*PromisE?*

...okeh cik y@tt, kite jgn sedih2 lagi eh?? takper, setiap ape yg berlaku tuh ade hikmahnya, sooner or later..tawakkal pada Allah, mintak Dia permudahkan semuanya..dberi kekuatan kepada kite n org2 lain yg memerlukan..dan dipelihara dari segala keburukan dan kejahatan...Allah sayang kite...

...dun worry, there're so many ppl out there who still care about us..either we realise it or not..appreciate their presence and be grateful..no matter how hopeless we feel rite now, remember that there's always somebody who are willing to share and show the way ;) dont dissapoint them and love them in return =)...

...rite now kite focus on the OSCE exam on the thursday, then ingat kite dah nak balik mesia isnin depan,heheh..nanti kat mesia mcm2 boleh buat..nak makan, nak dok ngan famili, nak hang out ngan kwn2, nak pegi kenduri kawen ..kite tinggalkan sume problem tuh kat sini ok?..pasal placement thn depan, kite jgn pk sgt..mmg out of our control..harapnye everything will be fine then :)

...jgn monyok2 dah..x mau mcm tuh lagi ok? nanti cane nak awet muda kalu asik masyam jeh..kena happy2 sokmo, senyum selalu..nanti baru org nak kawan..nih kalu tunjuk muka apam basi jeh, sape pun xnak tegur tau! say cheese =)

*Syawal 1425*

...slept like a log and woke up 45 mins late...rushed to get ourselves done by 8 am for solat aidilfitri...managed to arrive early at the campus centre and together recited the praises to the Allah...battling with the overwhelming emotions...once in a while i lost in my own deep thoughts and couldnt hold the welled eyes...*sigh* be strong...

...headed to Bedd0e Av..refrained myself from eating too much of lontong so that i can feast myself at the halls later ;)..called home, talked to my sisters and mum..exchanging wishes and asked for forgiveness..hmm, i'm the difficult one among the siblings :p later on called abah..upon my request, abah bertakbir on the phone for me..ya Allah, sayunye suara abah and sebaknya aku rasa...he cut the conversation short but i noticed his voice changed :(( then came the other girls...some were joyfully happy but some were bitterly sorrow...the robbed house, the unexpected change of plan and the uncertainty of the future...

...majlis raya at the halls was splendid it its own way with yummy food..but i myself wasnt really up to it..again i lost in my own world and tried very hard to joined the crowd...appreciated the concern showed by some and hoped no one misunderstood my unusual quiteness...one or two commented that i was so blur and looked like i held back something..only smiled back without a word...

...went to Mort0n around 2pm...they prepared my all-time fav dish, laksa...but i only had a bowl... we were lepaking in front of the tv when a familiar car came to the house ....unannounced guests and we hastily crawled to cover ourselves =) after an hour or so, i longed for home..i just wanna be in my room, listened to some nice raya songs and put myself to sleep...that will do for my raya evening this year :( woke up with the same feeling but at least i had my rest...

...a visit from L!l!an Av ppl, watched Al! Setan for my uncountable times =) well, seemed like everyone else was enjoying the day to the max *SIGH* now i can only pray so that Allah will make me stronger to face the next day...

..due to the request, photo's been taken out...i thot that this's supposed to be my space, my domain :(...

*The NitE oF Eid*

...rite now aku tgh dengar takbir kat media player...aku sbenarnye x cukup tabah nak dgr takbir tapi ape lagi yg ade utk menghidupkan malam raya...sooo soothing yet often left me in tears...aku miss nak dengar suara abah bertakbir kat surau :(( still i refused to go to the halls to celebrate the nite of Eid with takbir n main bunga api...ntahla, bukan aku x nak sbenarnye tp aku rasa x cukup kuat nak jumpe org lain and bergembira...aku x nak spoilkan mood org dgn muka aku yg sarat dgn beban...i'd prefer to stay home and make myself comfortable...tapi at least bile dah dpt dgr takbir aku x rasa terkilan sgt..

...demi nak ceriakan sedikit suasana di rumah, mlm tadi ktrg masak rendang (instant :p) and kuah kacang..sambil2 karaoke kat dapur =) then try buat ketupat gune riben yg sememangnya aku x penah reti :p 3 4 kali try x jadik jugak aku dah give up..its ok, there's always next time ;)...
...sekarang nih mmg byk benda dlm kepala aku..aku rasa dah cukup penat...

...to all, selamat hari raya, maafkan segala salah silap sepanjang kite kenal/kawan..cherish everything around us...take care and may Allah bless us ;)

*Please Remind Me...*

...to be GRATEFUL... though i may not have all my best ppl around, im still able to reach them in some way or another...they never fail to show their deepest concern and love... always be there for me..to shine the days and share the life

...to CHERISH everything that i have... hmm, its hard not to ponder over the past..days spent with the best buddies...savouring the togetherness and freedom...facing the hurdles hand-in-hand*sigh* well, again i never lose them...they still own the special spaces in my heart and will always be...

...that there's a BLESSING in disguise...for all the things that happened, insya Allah..pray hard that everything will be fine...in the midst of my not-so-happy-days, Allah granted back a friendship i almost lost not so long time ago...never thot that it'll turn out this way but i believe Allah knows the best...grow closer than before...put me at ease talking and listening to u mate ;)

...to ACCEPT ppl as what they are...maybe i shuld say it once and for all: my shrunken circle of frens doesnt imply any fighting and such :p its just that i prefer to be superficial for some reasons..the change is their choice and they have my utmost respect..but maybe i need some time to learn how to live with it...and pls dont associate my silence with hatred...

...to SMILE and put a SMILE on other' faces ;)

*Can i skip the RaYa?*

...*SIGH* now its not about the placement for nx year anymore as Allah has shed us on this thing, Alhamdulillah..

...the feeling is getting worse from day to day. its 2 days b4 Eid but i couldnt find any single reason to be happy...i'll be missing Ramadhan so much :(( suasana bile bgn awal pagi n kejutkan org lain dlm rumah utk bgn sahur..well, more to temankan aku makan kat bawah actuallynye:p suasana masak ramai2 utk berbuka..eventho this time mknn x semeriah dulu2 and jarang sgt try buat kuih, aku puas hati sbb x membazir and aku enjoy riuh rendah time kat dapur..mane nak potong bawang..mane nak pegang mic utk nyanyi =) suasana masa terawikh..either kat beddoe mosque or kat rumah..syahdu rasanya...bertemukah aku dgn Ramadhan next year??...

...of course aku miss my family n suasana kat rumah di msia..riuh rendah time nak berbuka and balik dari terawikh..persiapan nak beraya maybe xdela sehebat mana...biasa2 jeh tapi aku seronok dok rumah...at least suasana nak beraya tuh tetap ada n aku x rasa sunyi :((

...tapi yg paling aku sedih bile tringat environment here..rasanya sedih aku mase 1st time raya kat sini x seteruk thn nih..time tuh still lagi beramai2 buat persiapan raya...memasing berpakat buat keje sesama.. tapi this year sume tuh dah xde...hmmmm, dunno what went wrong and i never thot that things will turn out this way ...i dont blame anyone as ppl have their own right to choose..i never know how to put it into words but this morning, a fren referred it as a peer pressure, is he right?? but after 2 years, my circle of frens is shrinking here and i dont feel belonged anymore...ppl cant accept my quietness but i dont have any other choice...maybe that's one of the reason why i'm fated to move away next year...to getaway maybe?

...aku x nak raya datang..aku nak biar Ramadhan jeh sampai bila2..aku x suke raya this yer!

*alkisah almakmur almasin*


...as requested by syu, i posted the end-result of our 1st biskut raya..dont be deceived by the look :p heh, pengsan terus aku after siap buat kuih nih..letih eh??


hmm... sorang kawan baik hati ajak aku main basketball..well, bukanla main sgt pun just pegi shoot2 bola jeh....dia kesian kot tgk aku bergloomy jeh beberapa hari..tried to distract my mind ;) well, we had heaps of fun...after some time, we started our games..challenged each other to score 10 free shoots..apparently aku x penah kalah lagi ngan dia since last year....tapi kali nih after winning 3 games, aku give up(iyelah tuh!) sbb nak balik!! if not..everytime dia kalah, dia akan mintak another game..sampai ke mlm la aku x balik kalu mcm nih :p nway, thanks for ur thot..much appreciated ;)

Stay awaY*

...still about the placement..really need for istikharah..academic-wise, we are of advantages to go to fr@nkston ..we'll have better patient's contacts with only 7 of us as compared to 60++ in MMC..plus i heard some positive things about that teaching hosp..but we have to consider about our comfort zone...story would be diff if we haven't settled down here...only rumours heard about the accomodation there..battle about the transport back n forth..pls dont question about me getting a car coz i didnt get an approval from my loved ones, ok!

..then come the issues of social support..at most there'll be only one familiar person going there for each sem..the rest is all half-strangers...call it survival skills and new experiences..with the toppings of no halal butchers or dine-away's nearby..oh, did i mention about the high crime rates??

...as much as i need someone to talk to, i might sulk in the talk..wont be good at all coz i've been lashing ppl out for the past few days..mounting guilt but thats the price i have to pay for being the plain me..even the stranger got hit by me, wat can u say??

*Too mucH*

... for 2 days in a row..1st its my placement thingy the day b4 my VIA exam.. which is still pending coz we actually didnt any reply form the faculty yet*sigh*..forced myself to flip thru some of the notes though my mind actually wasnt there most of the time...

..then the exam..well, no comment i guess till i get the result...till then will only pray hard....with the unsettled thing, wasnt up to any celebration but received some sorry-to-hear-that's...my straight face spoke on its own...

..that nite, one of the girls' house was burgled *shock*..took practically all the valueables...some things that u would miss damn much coz of their sentimental values...grateful though that no souls was harmed...

..dumbfounded n drained...

*DoomeD*

...there's no way for me to go to fr@ankston next year..to spend my 1st year clinical there..with only 7 of us and i know nothing about that place :(( lets not talk about survival here coz its more than that...its about the preferences that I put on the sheet to be placed in MMC as its just 5 mins away from my house...its about being pedestrian all this while and it will take more than 2 hours by public or 45 mins if lucky enough to car pool...its about the likelihood of being the ONLY 2 muslims (ladies!) in that unfamiliar place and 've experienced the weird things before...its about letting go our inverstment in the house (my bed!) and on a trivial thot, getting decent halal food/butcher *SIGH*

...my nap turned out tob be a nightmare...woke up in disbelief as i heard the noise from my housemates about this thing..took me a while to compute things and before anything, the water welled in my eyes (call me slacker if u wish!)...emailed the person in charge with a sheer hope to get it amended..stunned in front of the computer looking at the lists...called my mum and i couldnt speak for a few secs...really hate it as i know she couldnt stand listening to my sobs cluelessly...lil bit relieved and later called w@yne just to let him know and maybe we might needed him to back up...talked to a!na and yes, she calmed me down and dismissed any wild thought :p well, we just hafta wait for the reply n its not gonna be in untill tomorrow, when im gonna sit for my VIA exam that worths 20% and so way behind the revision ..what do u expect, both years to be covered and i sucked in anatomy...well well, i really cant read a line now and pray hard that i could at least go thru some of the stuffs early morning tomorrow before 930am..

...to those who managed to make STUPID jokes about it, i dont thank u and be sorry for urself..the rest, im sorry in advance if i screw u..

..pray for us for tomorrow ;)...

*ConfidantS*

...heheh, after so long, finally had 2 decent conversations wif my far-away-and-greatly-missed frens in eire, @rnee and r0se...the thing with these fellas that i appreciate and somtimes amuse me is how they showed their interest in my life and share the excitement and concern....yes, we were bonded in some way and i would not trade it for anything...i guess it rooted from our 'happy hours' in room F *** 2 years back..the heated discussion, endless rambling about life and stuffs...lil insignificant confessions made after hours of provocation and torture~lol~those were the days that i damn missed here*sigh*...ohh, enough of being melancholic y@tt :p

.. chatted at different time with both of them, asked about their life(great ones!) and share the sisterly remarks (??!), then subconsciously (erk!) made me open up the story..which i dont see any point of telling it in the 1st place coz of its insignificancy and lack of sugar-and-spices..i cant remember how i started with @rnee but with r0se, she managed to hit the right button i guess..or maybe its the webbie that make my expression so visible,hahaha!!tried to make it sound as casual as possible but their expressions tickled me...knowing me, they could have imagine how the story goes,hahaha!!

...anyway, i thanked them for that (almost 2 hours :D).. @rnee was always the sifu and told me things that i wouldnt know otherwise...i think i managed to make her eyes rolled in disbelief many times over the things that i've done...but she said they aint funny as i put :p and r0se as sweet as she is tried to stop me from being pessimist :D oh dear, hope they'll forget this things soon and not probing me with those killer q's again*run*

...btw, b4 anyone started to shoot a wild guess, hold it there!...

*Best wisheS*

...esok start final exams..3 hours paper of year 2 stuffs..at the Caulf!eld Racecourse..from 230-530pm..n rite now im pretty glad that we dont have a long study leave, or else it'll be a pain to wait for the day to be over...but heck, im not done with the revision..ngeheheh!...

...may Allah bless all our effort and show us the right path...pls pray for us too ;)...

*Pissed ofF*

...yes i am!! huh, dunno whether im allowed to feel this way but at this moment, i really2 despised both of u..well, not a nice word to say..but hell i dont care..*boiling*..

...cheated by those actions..talks and everything..heh, poor stupid y@tt for that..lets see, what do u call the ppl who said this but did that..i dont give a damn about wat u wanna do in ur life, but pls be coherent..shouldnt tell me this things but you end up doing that things...hohoh, big time!..maybe i shouldnt interfere with all these things..maybe i shuld just bluntly said wats in my mind rite now..or maybe i shuld just close my senses and ignore the world..

...huh, what an emotional freak i am!! shoot!!