Perfect

Ski for Beginner

Falling snow

Till then..

eheh, we are going to have threesome trip tomorrow morning. Myself, Miss Gambit 1 & Miss Gambit 2 are going to Falls' Creek for some snow moments . More exciting, it's gonna be an overnight experience. wheee!!

abis beku lah aku macam nih.

so bye-bye ED modules & presentation, bye-bye HL, bye-bye everyone.

True

precious, sometimes i still have to let it flow away.

deep cut, i am never in the league.


may rainbow comes after the rain....

2 dates in a day?

25th August: touch down in KLIA in the morning, wheee! i was planning to attend HERBALIFE's STS with Amal(if all goes well, i suppose;)) during the day and catch the next flight to hometown later that night..and yesterday, Miss Farina made the great announcement about the upcoming Musical Theatre from 25h to 28th Aug. after some thought tapi tak bagitau ma lagi nih, i'm staying in KL until 26th morning for the sake of going to the theatre, and of coursela sambil2 bergembira-sukaria-gelak ketawa bersama teman2... it should be fun lah kan?? hahahah..

1st Sept: at first, it will only be SSP9599 Gathering but now i've added another event. well, there's Awa-Mozo's wedding rupanya on the same date...cun cun, dahla masa pun tak berapa clash...so i'm planning to terpacak at the wedding place around 12pm and stay around till 1pm then rush off to Jln Kolam Ayer for the meet-up-with-girlfriends-and-their-partners!! so seruan kepada bantingites yang lain, jomlaaa kita meriahkan majlis awa-mozo bersama2;) cukup2la tuh 5 tahun aku tak jumpa korang, hiks!

3 hours of Nando's..

Long time no spill?

last night's plan was impromptu but all of us really enjoyed the discussion, i believe. Nothing of medical life over the chicken, chips and salad. We started off with misconception revolving around Islam and Muslim. How the simple and beautiful way of life has been mislead by the believer themselves, i have no idea. Islam is very simple and syumul, and yet people made it difficult to embrace. It's nice to know the hikmah's rather than the made-up kena buat macam nih baru betul...Remind me when i reach home soon to look out for 'Fiqh Sunnah' in my dad's collection, i think i've seen it somewhere in the house if i'm not mistaken. His words are really simple 'nak tahu, kenala belajar...' Right!

next, our topic diverted to this .Yes, a very mind-boggling realisation about the politics in the home country!! I must THANK her highlights because it helped me to follow the discussion (eheh!)..also made me have the website in my favourites prior. as blunt as we were when we last met, our people resorted to 'nak buat macam mana, dah memang macam tuh' attitude because some hasn't have good comparison to made. sadist!

Must Read:"Mudahkan pendekatan Islam, jangan eksklusifkannya"

HIS words as the ultimate strength..

Barangsiapa yang bertakwa kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan lepaskan ia dari masalah hidup Dan diberikannya rezeki dari sumber yang tidak diduga. Dan barangsiapa yang bertawakkal kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan mencukupkan keperluannya. Sesungguhnya Allah melaksanakan urusan ( yang dikehendaki ) Nya. Sesungguhnya Allah telah mengadakan ketentuan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu.

(Al Taalaq, ayat 2-3)

Insya Allah, read this 3x after solat.

For happiness, for a new job, for health, for anything.

Little words from..

abandoned? intentionally.

do not wonder, i'm doing ok. not great, just ok.

i figured and decided on a lot of things lately. for me to keep, for you to do nothing.

ahh, till then.

Hihihihi

me:yeay yeay, lagi 4 minggu..nak balik..
ma: hahaha, hitung hari pulak? org tak hitungla baru rasa cepat..
me: ngeeeee..nak buat cemana..tak sabar..

1.Nasi kerabu-beli dekat pasar malam
2.Laksa-ma masak boleh, beli dekat pasar boleh, makan kat Laksa Shack pun boleh
3.Tembikai- WAJIB. nanti nak try buat watermelon shakes jugak.
4.Cendol-ikut hati nak makan yang dekat penang, last time 2003 kot. tak dpt situ, memana yg sedap pun ok.
5.Sambal ikan keli-ma masak
6.Asam pedas ikan patin-ma masak
7.Manggis-WAJIB dan WAJIB
8.Nasi lemak-ma masak
9.Mee goreng mamak-of course mamak yang kena masak
10.Yong taufu-pasar malam
11.Chicken chop-ajak abg ngah pegi mkn kat uptown mcm last time
12.KFC-abg yu belikan or pegi cari sendiri
13.Satay-abg yu belikan
14.Gulai tempoyak-ma masak
15.Pasembor-berangan pegi penang

nak makan sampai pengsan.

Be the one to yourself

There's a hero,
If you look inside your heart,
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are.
There's an answer,
If you reach into your soul,
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away


And then a hero comes along,
With the strength to carry on,
And you cast your fears aside,
And you know you can survive.
So when you feel like hope is gone,
Look inside you and be strong,
And you'll finally see the truth,
That a hero lies in you.

It's a long road,
When you face the world alone,
No one reaches out a hand,
For you to hold.
You can find love,
If you search within yourself,
And the emptiness you felt,
Will disappear.

And then a hero comes along,
With the strength to carry on,
And you cast your fears aside,
And you know you can survive.
So when you feel like hope is gone,
Look inside you and be strong,
And you'll finally see the truth,
That a hero lies in you.

(Ohhhhhh) Lord knows,
Dreams are hard to follow.
But don't let anyone tear them away (hey yeah).
Hold on,
There will be tomorrow.
In time you'll find the way.
REPEAT CHORUS
That a hero lies in
...you...

~Her0~

What say you?

Your Birthdate: December 30

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate. You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken. And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted. Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved. Your strength: Your flair Your weakness: If you think it, you say it Your power color: Scarlet red Your power symbol: Inverted triangle Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

When i nag

" take care of yourself. 12 hours shift is long, of course awak rasa very tired and worn out. that's why kena jaga health betul2.. try to eat your meals on time, then baru ada energy. nanti dah la penat dengan stress keje, pastu skip2 makan lagi cemana nak feel better? kalu awak tak jaga health sendiri, orang lain pun tak boleh jagakan.

have a good rest everyday. drink plenty of water. plenty. hopefully the headache will go away. hmm, dont push yourself too much. be nice to yourself. let others be, at the end of the day diri sendiri yg matters kan?

so, please take care"

sorry, jangan marah. tak berani nak 'cakap', so sy tulis jelah.

To all, let us..

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

[Chorus]

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love
~Greatest love~


take care.

stand strong.

be a treasure.

When image talks..

This time, let the image speaks for HERBALIFE

Before

After

For those who are still contemplating, STOP ! Do something about it instead. skepticism and excuses would not bring us anywhere. If you want to experience the same difference in life, do it now. why wait?

I am not talking about weight management per say, i am talking about general wellbeing, energy and good quality of life. speaking from experience, that is.

the choice is yours. do it wise..

to all my wellness buddies, well done! stay positive and keep up the great effort ;)

Beyond words..

One of the days when i feel like conveying instead of saying..

Why Medical Students Should Have Their Own Blogs
Posted 10/06/2006

Nich0las Genes, MD, PhD

All across the country this fall, thousands of students are starting medical school or new clerkships. Some are kids fresh out of college, while others are embarking on a second career they've always dreamed about. Still, this diverse group shares some common features:

They're going to be isolated from the life they knew before; maybe they've moved to a new city, or maybe they won't get to call or see family and loved ones as often as they used to.

They are going to experience some powerful things, such as cutting into flesh, delivering a baby, breaking devastating news, or staying awake for ungodly periods of time.

In short, this is a group that should be communicating a lot with others -- stories, perceptions, rants -- at precisely the time when such communication is most difficult.

The solution? I think they all ought to get a blog.

You know -- a Web-log, an online diary. Now, I'm not talking about those vapid MySpace pages full of classroom gossip and party pictures (although medical school provides its share of that, too). But I think the students who sit down for 20 minutes every now and then to record their impressions of the wondrous, challenging experiences they're grappling with will be doing themselves a favor. Frustrated friends and family who haven't heard from their beleaguered med school castaway will take a measure of relief in seeing an updated blog entry, even if it's a gripe about exams written at 3 AM.

But perhaps even more important is that medical student blogs are useful for students themselves. It's therapeutic to record your feelings, to vent frustrations, and to register difficult experiences. This is the kind of activity that makes for a sensitive and caring doctor -- probably the kind of doctor that most beginning students expect to be but forget about somewhere along the line. Blogging can help students remember. It's also instructive because it allows us to chart our progress through the years. On those bleak days of surgery clerkship, it may be encouraging to look back and see how far you've come since the first squeamish posts about anatomy lab.

Finally, blogging can create opportunities and open up frontiers. Beyond the simple scenarios that have helped me -- such as getting the inside scoop on hospitals during residency interview season -- getting involved with the nascent medical blogosphere can help you sift through the Web's educational resources (such as a collection of clinical cases and archived school lectures). It also can inspire student activism or show you what life is like in foreign med schools. Blogging might even open up doors into research.

my words: i agree. we're human, then our profession. no matter what people expect us to be, we will always remains human. with feelings, with attachment.

we need to source out our days, good or bad. just, like others.

we feel, we hope, we rise. just, like others.

give us space to breath and express ourselves. just, like others.

Coach Whitey said..

'WHEN PEOPLE SAID YOU CAN'T DO IT, YOU FIGHT BACK. YOUR PROVE THEM WRONG!
PEOPLE LOVE A GUY PERSON WHO RISES FROM THE ASHES. REMEMBER THAT.'

~0ne Tree H1ll~

Subuh: satu peringatan untuk semua

Something colourful..

Learn to love the people who are with you at present.
Forget the people in the past and thank them for hurting you,
which led you to love the people you have right now.

When you love someone, you'll do crazy things you can't explain, you'll deny the truth and believe in lies.

When you love someone, you sacrifice,
give everything you've got and don't think twice.
You risk it all no matter what.

Everything in life is temporary because everything changes.

That is why it takes courage to love,
knowing it might end anytime...having faith will make it last.

Friends are not the one who laugh when you laugh,
and cry when you cry.
They are the ones who make you laugh and stop you from crying.

Love is the feeling we fall in and out of,
and every time we fall off,
we learn to hold on tighter...hoping that next time,
we may never have to let go.

They say when love knocks at your door, open it.
But do you know that sometimes love enters through the back door
and before you begin to notice it,
it's on it's way out.

Have you ever loved only to let it go?
Have you ever hated someone and loved him so?
Have you ever missed someone so bad it made you cry?
Have you ever seen someone left alone without knowing why?

True:

Lucky is the man who wins the first love of a woman
but luckier is the woman who wins the last love of a man.

Love is not the right word to say when you feel guilty
nor the right word to say when you like a person
but love really matters when
we share our thoughts, our minds, and our hearts...

Life has a way of changing things but not the joy that friendship brings,
for friendship is like the shining moon,
makes each night a brighter one.

Love is not for beauty or color of the skin,
but for a heart that is loyal within,
for beauty fades and the skin would grow old
but a heart that is loyal
will never turn cold.

If someone hurts you,
betrays you,
or breaks your heart, forgive them.
For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.


A love is easy to feel, so hard to explain;
so easy to get, so hard to let go;
so easy to spell, so hard to define...
and yet everyone is still taking the risk.
That's love!

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird,
And when we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in love
in mutual weirdness and call it
LOVE!

Never be afraid to fall in love. It may hurt a lot,
it may give you aches and pain,
but if you don't follow your heart;
in the end you will cry even more
for not giving love a chance.

Don't run ahead of God. Let Him direct your steps.
He has plans and He has His time.
God's clock is never one minute early nor one minute late.
It always strikes right on time.

If someone loves you, love them back not only because they love you,
but also because they are teaching you to love
and opening your heart and eyes
to things you have never seen or felt without them.

The past is meant to be used as a tool for the future.
Bad experiences indeed make you bitter
but the lessons learned should make you better.

On letting go:
it hurts to see someone you love happy with somebody else;
but wouldn't it hurt you more to see that person unhappy...
with you?

When you find arms that will hold you at your weakest,
eyes that will see you at your ugliest,
and a heart that will love you at your worst,
then you have found true love.

Someday, someone might come into your life and love you in a way you always wanted.
If your someday was yesterday… LEARN
If your someday is tomorrow… HOPE
If your someday is today… CHERISH.

miss Farina drop this off my mailbox some time ago, and i told her i might put it in here..just in case it get lost ;) as for me, i hold on to the highlighted one best.

Gone

so, i draft-ed my previous. reason being?

emotional.

heh tak suka.

Plain words

I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
And then they rip it all away

You told me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And I believed in you
I thought that you would set me free

(REFRAIN):
You should've just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for you
Still, I didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you, whoa

(CHORUS):
Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that it's no lie
I gave my all, still I just cry

Never again will I be fooled
To give my all when nothing's true
I won't be played again
But I will fall in love again

(REFRAIN)

(CHORUS)

I loved you so
Now you leave me in the cold
How could this be
I thought that you'd only love me

Into the night
I will pray that you're alright
You hurt me so
I just can't let you go

You took advantage of my willingness
To do anything for love
Now I'm the only one in pain
Will you please take it all away

Never thought being born a girl
How I can love you and be burned
And now I will build a wall
To never get torn again

~Because i'm a girl~

Hangat hangat..

Cuba baca nih

and then, baca nih pulak

best kan best kan!! tak sabarrr...
*aksi joget lambak*

kawan-kawanku mmg roockkkkkk kapak!!!;)

okeh, seperti yang dirancang
jumaat- morning, join up merdeka parade..later at night bagan lalang's ikan bakar??

sabtu-gathering di SSPKL, kemudian either theater/karaoke/eye's on malaysia?

ahad-sightseeing around putrajaya...psstt, i heard in klang ada halal chinese food yang lazat..jom?? pastu if the night before tak pergi lagi eye's on malaysia then boleh pegi..
insya Allahhhhh, kan?

cik syu, anda mmg syiokk..thank u laaa, ek?

cik farina, ketiak kamu tidak berbau..cumanya kamu busy bercuti tika plan dibuat..tp semestinya, kamu in..

cik honey yayie, jom jom ikan bakarr...

kepada yang lain, eat your heart out!! hahahha...
*gelak kejam*

"ooiiii kawan-kawan, mari kita turun ke laut ""oiii kawan-kawann, mari kita bergembiraaaa"

What now?

I'm ok.

new bags made me feel better..

receiving THIS and THIS made me feel a lot better..

reading an email from my angel-sister made me feel much better..

so, yeah ppl. i'm ok.

NO..

I am not letting any weather gets to me.

I am not letting anyone, anyone gets to me.

I am not letting any feeling gets to me.

That said.

And the list goes on..

what if i wait till i cross out all these thing stuff before i start writing again?

• Module: International Perspective on Health -essay & discussion
• Module: Dermatology-case notes & MCQs
• Module: Optimal Drug Prescribing-online learning
• Book: Infectious Disease A Clinical Approach
• Book: Antibiotic guidelines
• Book: Practise test
• Book: AMCQ
• Exam: Clinical Knowledge Test.

So, till 050707 people. Cheer for me ;)

Legend of SSP9599

Poster ini sangat cantik, well done weeza!

Kampung girl ;)

it has always been a pleasure.


abah ada sawah padi, kebun buah-buahan dan kolam ikan. cukup lengkap utk projek lepas bersara dia..

kalau kecil2 dulu aku suka pegi kebun sebab boleh mandi sungai, sekarang aku looking forward untuk pegi kolam ikan pulak. nak memancingla kononnyee, padahal dah sah2 kolam tu penuh dengan ikan nak mancing apenye. kira kalau letak joran yang ada umpan tuh, mesti dapat punyelahh. sombong sangatla ikan tuh kalau tanak makan kan? heheh..

aku rasa experience memancing tuh sgt best. mane taknye, letak2 je dapat ikan. letak2 je dapat ikan. fuhh, puas hati!! (ngelat tak hengat..;p)

harituh, kosong rumah sebab semua org pegi kolam ikan. bawak bekal kalah orang nak pergi buat kerja.eheh. sebab 3 beradik berkumpul, terjadilah pertandingan siapa tangkap ikan paling best..

adik dengan ikan patin-nye
adik memang hebat! (sila kenalpasti nada jealous di situ ok!)..dia asal letak je kat kolam ikan patin mesti dapat..gebu2 pulak tuh..humpphhh *arms crossed*

kak dengan ikan patin-nya juga
kak pulak tak acilaaa, ada abg K utk tolong dia..syiok aaa macam tuh.pbbhttt!

aku? eheh eheh *tersipu2 malu* malulahh nak tunjuk..

alahaii tilapia-ku
arghhh, IKAN JAHATTTT!! nasib baik ko comel ikan, kalu tak dah lama aku buang balik dalam kolam ituu..

tak tertepis segala kutukan lepas tuh *rolled eyes*. aku rasakannn, ikan2 sakit hati tengok selipar aku ni..korang rasa?

tapi lepas tuh, semua orang bersuka ria dengan
ikan tilapia bakar

siap untuk dimakan

dan air kelapa muda

hiks, tertidur pulassss..

And such..

Maybe i should correct the misconception..

HERBALIFE is not for people with weight issues ONLY. it's more than that. HL scientific foundation of CELLULAR NUTRITION focus on being healthy, feeling healthy. In short, by supplying the cells with the proper balance of nutritions, the cells become more receptive, allowing them to efficiently absorb and process nutrients. Everybody needs healthy cells to function better, no rocket science about it.

Familiar with either of these?

?missed meals due to hectic lifestyle.

?end up feeling miserable and lack of energy after a 'yo-yo' diet.

?need extra energy due to long shifts.

?wanna reduce the risk of medical condition-lowering cholesterol, reducing blood pressure, maintaining sugar level.

?need a break from all-day heavy meals.

?wanna take the first step to healthy eating and enjoy longevity.

?need good hydration with enjoyable drink.

?eating junkies and maggi more often than rare cravings. i mean, for meals??

?care about their loved ones' health.

We can actually make a difference in our life, also others. All it takes is positive attitude ;)

**********************************
another favourite question thrown was about the possible side effects of HL. on personal note, i have not experienced any side effect for the past 5 months of using it. i could not think of any, really. on a global note, HL has been in the market for more than 20 YEARS (i know, it's only been recently introduced in m'sia thus the slight ignorance) with 50 MILLION CUSTOMERS and growing. so, that must means something right? it has its Medical and Scientifical Advisory Board to make sure everything within the standard. i dont think we could expect more than these for assurance.

and what about the 'yo-yo' diet or i'm-gonna-skip-meals-to-lose-weight method? doesnt it have more obvious side effects from lack of nutrition to lacking energy or binge-ing? OR what about feasting on all the high cholesterol-MSG-sugar meals? surely, it has all the side effects known to everyone. you polluted your blood vesseld with fat plaque, increasing your chance for all sort of trouble with diabetes and many more. OBESITY? it's nothing new worldwide.

Now, i enjoyed HL shakes every morning to rehydrate and energise myself. i carry teamix along to the hospital to quench my thirst and keep me going for the day. simple routine for a better life;)

Shout out to Miss Syu

Can we have weekend getaway?

now that we may have 3 activities at night. maybe we can do it this way..assuming Friday 31st u'd be tied up or something..

saturday: after the gath, should we booked ourselves theater?

sunday: start the day with sightseeing..then hunt for chinese food..off to Eyes on Malaysia (view malam lawa kan?)..wrap up with ikan bakar?

haha, i'm being so tamak, ;p

unless you have other suggestion, i'm dreaming for this one..

thank u!

Warmth

this is not a story of a medical student, but of a muslim girl.

monday morning in BHH

8am: arrived early. walk into the ward, saw the man on the waiting lounge, giving his back. past 60 year old i presumed. Holy Quran, he seemed to be reciting. maybe i should leave him alone.

830am: returned to the ward. he's still there as i walked past. need to page my registra, already late. stopped on my track, turned back and gave him salam. his eyes were wet. sat down next to him, it was his wife. she was in the theater for knee replacement. he looked anxious, wished could give him a comforting hug. we exchanged names, he had 2 bright and successful children. he said he's reading Ar-Rahman, asking help from up above for his wife. insya Allah, i said the same prayer to his beloved. i really wished i could help more than what i did. i hope everyone in this hospital would benefit from his deed. he's a good man. i wished him well and went to page my registra.

1230pm: he's still there. stopped on my way, he said his wife should be back to the ward soon quoting from the operater. alhamdulillah, the surgery was a success. his eyes were wet. he showed me the book he's reading. i brought him down to show the sacred space, should he wanna perform zuhur. he's grateful and i was pleased.i realised he's almost running to get back to the ward. aching feeling. he must be missing his wife very much. i believe the wife is a good person to deserve someone like him. i hope for both of them eternal happiness.

maybe living in this foreign land made me write this.

maybe witnessing the unconditional love made me write this.

maybe realising how blessed we are in different ways made me write this.

it's ok.

Anaesthesia

it happens in our life. maybe because we've been exposed to it a lot more than we should, we become so. our mind begin to rationalise things beyond our right as HIS abd'.we think we should accept it as part of the so-called modernisation when it's clearly, strictly forbidden by our own faith.

but it's not right. we should not. kita tak boleh menghalalkan yang haram. there's no such thing as grey area. way of dressing, extramarital intimacy..to name a few. what maybe starts small could end up with big regret. the image-muslim girl wearing much less than Islamic code of dressing. where's the stand my dear? dont let our eyes and mind be anaesthetised by what we see everyday, dont let the small voice gets the better of us.

it's not about being rigid but it's about knowing the boundaries.

i'm not passing judgement but i believe we really need to sit down and reflect. it's agonising scene to look at. i'm afraid beauty and brain are becoming our biggest tests from HIM. i have to say identity crisis is not an acceptable excuse. Allah gives us iman to solve the crisis. dont get trapped in this transient journey.

i am not trying to quantify faith. i have no intention to judge the book by its cover. i still believe in good heart but at the same time, we're making the non-Muslim confused. we may missed the simplest way of dakwah- reflecting faith in way of life.. dont u think so?

it's true, Allah is the MOST FORGIVING. insya Allah.

Pening pening

my ticket is on 25th August. The gathering will be the weekend after. i am left with 7 days to spend. not sure whether i should just stay in kl or make a return trip from kelantan. here's the deal

honestly, i would love to be around kl till the sept 1st, so that i can have ample time to do stuffs. also, i can save up time of travelling and money, instead of ulang alik sana sini. penat dan boring travel sorang2 nih. bahaya pun ada. tp most importantly i wanna catch up things like

-jumpa orang(hoh, buruknya bunyi translation..) maybe miss nisa, mrs alysha. Bantingites, OF COURSE!! *melompat2 keriangan* in short, sesiapa jelah yang kenal and dah lama x jumpa.

-makan ikan bakar (haaaaa, kepada yg berkenaan yg suka sgt tulis pasal gerai/trip makan ikan bakar nih, silalah ambil perhatian yerr;p)

-makan chinese food (aaaa nakkkk!!)

-Eyes on Malaysia (uhuk, betul tak nih nama benda alah tuh? haha)

-jalan-jalan tengok fashion ape kat malaysia. kalau rajin, boleh beli *ka-chingg ka-ching*

-nak tengok teater!! nak tengok teater!!

-psstt, sightseeing kat putrajaya?? *innocent eyes LOL*

tapi, aku nak good company to do all these stuff. nanti semua org busy dgn kerja, tak beshla. ok, at least for 4 days since 31st august hari jumaat kan? tapi still. uhuk. cemana nih? haihhhhhhh.

kalu balik kelantan dulu pun ok gak actually cos dapat tengok baby baru..ehemm, ini bukan newlywed tp yg dah ada 2 boys tuh..imagine kalu dpt boy lagi, cukup2 satu team basketball..aku boleh jd coach pom-pom girl ape.pbbhhtt!

alah, penatla travel pergi balik tapi. aiya maaaa, pening..

Shrug

Did we realised that life is fair?

often, we looked hard at the closed door forgetting to turn around. not really forgetting i suppose, but we took time really slowly since. anyway, what we may realised lying close or waiting to be cherished ;though would not be as great IF the door is still open, but it is as good as it can be. even if one person left and nobody comes in return, the rest of things has not changed. people who wait for you, things that makes you smile, strength inside you. almost everything. ok, i admit time does not heal the pain but it leave it numb. agree? so, it's ok. it's just. ok.

one after another, trying as it could be. maybe we should stop wondering what has our bad doings or horoscope go t to do with this, instead close our eyes and face it. if HE has been graceful to us with all the endless blessings, HE hold the right to test our faith in HIM to see how unconditional our love is. sometimes, we are too spoiled with greatness of life that we are just afraid to walk through the opposite path. what we need to do is actually remember HIM and HIS promises. only then, HE will lead the way for us.

sometimes, all we need to do is to wait a little longer. sometimes, all we got to hold on is belief.sometimes, all we learn to live is to appreciate.

my wonders of shopping brought me to this. when i realised that inside the bags were

items i have fallen in love and longed to have but couldnt afford when i first saw; but it was like waiting for me to be found the second time i picked with tremendous slashed out price,

items i didnt see it coming because it has been taking too much time to find the right one that my heart agrees before,

items that i searched high and low for the love towards others,

items that i has stop hoping to find cos the previous ones never looked nice on me and didnt satisfy my liking.

items that i spent because my heart just said so, with no reason but leave me feeling over the moon.

our life works that way too. patience and destiny tells.

What actually matters?

5 years ago, i got into argument heated discussion with the facilitator during BTN course. it started when he asked each of us to say the best thing or the happiest moment in your life, cant really remember the exact word. i mentioned when i got my SPM results. he questioned why. so i plainly said because i didnt expect to get that kind of result. wasnt it obvious?*eye rolling*

'inilah melayu. tak yakin pada diri sendri. suka letak target rendah2..tak berani nak aim tinggi ..yadayadayada'

no, i didnt let him.i barked out disagreed. it's not about not knowing how to aim high or didnt trust own's potential. FOR ME, it's about KNOWING the capability and yeah, what's wrong with being realistic? it's not that i, the very minute started to slow down on my effort or stop being positive. i prayed, i worked (ok, not the hardest but enough), i still committed like others. i worked to my own limit, i wasnt and am not used to the push myself for the sake of keeping up with others. i admired those who could, nonetheless but i didnt see it as a problem. i expected for results comparable to my effort, that was my point. i wasnt and not going to hope for something beyond my effort. so, yeah he didnt managed to convince me, even till now.

i just could not commit myself to study 24-7, thus my lacking of knowledge perhaps. but when i did, i take pleasure from it. i dont see it as an obligation but a way to amuse me, to show myself the wonders of ALLAH..to really try my best to understand (and hopefully, memorise) how does this certain part of the body works, or how to work things out when it screwed up. i paused to digest, i nodded in agreement of how theory correlates with practical, i just enjoyed my time there. that's why i dont function like what meddies often potrayed, hardworking and genius, aiming for honours. all i know, i want to enjoy my course and maybe, take my own time to perform.

What actually matters?

year and age. so, what? i mean, ok it's so-and-so year or age and then? i thought it's who. the person that the heart agreed. the thing about this gift of heart is that it doesnt know reason. when it feels, it feels. full stop. rummaging through why-s will just make a maze. heh, isnt it? time, also can be endless. did i thought wrong?

What actually matters?

reading story book is about anticipating what will happen next to the characters but our life? does it work the same? or we just do what we thought right and justly to ourselves and let it pass. ok, not really pass but yeah, whatever it means*shrug*. who knows, we will be able to reach the point of saying to ourselves, it's ok. it's ok. repeatedly. how it feels is something else but really, does it count as our strength? to be able to hold self up and continue walking the life. it became to us, that it's not about how it ends but how it goes. the bittersweet.

so?

Smiling Girl =)

i have no reason why i choose you

but i know

that you are the one for me

without saying

7 years are long years

i spent with the previous

so when i realised i have to find you

i know it will be hard and long

and it is

but patience always paid off

you prove me right this time

i will take care of you

and i do hope

you will do the same

for as long as you are

destined to be with be me

again, i have no good single reason

why you are the one

but i know my heart well enough

that explains the decision

without any slightest doubt

i am just glad

i found you as one of the sweetest things in 2007

10 REASONS WHY I STAY WITH HERBALIFE

1. Ample nutrition for daily intake- i dont have to worry about supplying myself with overly-expensive supplements and multivitamins. Some of the nutritions in HL are actually more than recommended requirement, goodness!

2. Worth for my time- busy bee cant afford to spend hours in the kitchen preparing meals or too tired after long day, but busy bee doesnt think junkies or unhealthy snackie is a good option either.

3. Endorsement by the expert- i believe the Medical and Scientific Advisory Board has been doing their job efficiently.

4. Yummylicious- my tastebuds crave for good food. 5 Flavours of shakes give me enough alternative to test my creativity. Also, i'm not depriving myself from my favourite meals and NO, nothing of skipping meals is allowed in here.

5. 3 in 1 combo- i pay for my daily nutritions, general health and skin complexion supplement in one price. How better can it be?

6. Good community- Miss A, the girl who introduced me to Herbalife became my good fren. We share stories and stuff. There's a few Miss-s and Mrs-s i am becoming closer too, by helping them out with their health and general wellness. Looking forward to a lot more.

7. POSITIVE VIBES- with the shed weight and inches, i realised it's more than just another woman's wonder. It's confidence, it's energy, it's self achievement.

8. Easy shopping- i dont have to spare my shopping time to go to the stores looking out for the products. Who says i have to go anywhere else to get them? door-to-door delivery, better than Ebay with guaranteed products=)

9. More to come- Herbalife is not only about shakes and teamix. Nourifusion is there for those with skin problems. Who knows, i'll be doing the before-and-after snapshot of Nourifusion next?!

10. Happy life- yes, i'm smiling!

Answers to the doubt

I have been in the hospital environment long enough to realise what a nasty long-life impact some food could do to your body and life. Once you are stuck with the irrecurable disease, everything changed and you would not wish more than to turn back the time and take a better control of what you eat or binge. It's nothing new that most of the illness are in fact, what we created in our body for a long time. so, why wait for it to come then only to change your mindset and eating habit when you can do it NOW? when you have better chance to make a big difference in your life by taking care of general wellness and able to live it to the fullest, insya Allah?

I am pleased that a few are actually have no problems with weight issue but decided to pursue with HERBALIFE, nonetheless. the 'eh, why she/he takes it when she/he is slim already?' is actually out of question. these people, and most of us lead a hectic life. be it a juggle between study and fun time, scrape in internship, honourable workaholic or family person. we are all busy. so if 5 mins of break to enjoy the NUTRITIONAL SHAKES could do justice to ur body and make u able to perform ur job better, why hesitate?

it's true, we accept how we are as granted by the up above. love ourselves as who we are BUT we need to improvise ourselves the same time. if shed some weight and inches boost up our confidence to lead a better life, if slim down makes us less 'revealing' in the clothes, if getting enough nutritions means doing justice to the blessing from HIM in the form of perfect body and able to function better..i see no objection to that.

I can understand where does some scepticism comes from. fair enough. undeniably, i had a moment of that too before i committed myself to the change. only by experiencing it myself, i am where i am in HERBALIFE. now i'm more than happy to 'share' HERBALIFE with people who NEED and WANT them. making differences in people's life is personal satisfaction. it's always a pleasure to care a bit more about other people, explaining what makes HERBALIFE and overseeing the positive changes in them. it's all good.

so, yeah. i hope these answer.

To the left to the left

heheh, while waiting for me here..

there's a link to a healthier me on the left-side. Herbalife's is up and running. and more to come.

Something to look forward

I have 2 tasks for this event

1. Find a blue top/dress *jumpy2*
2. Find a date. *straight face*

ukk uhh. whatever gonna happen to the 2nd task. shoot.

Dear beloved friends of SSP9599,

The 3 Ilmu 10th years Gathering has been confirmed. Although it is the 3 Ilmu's gathering, we the self appointed committees members have agreed to open it to all SSP9599 (tidak kisahlah anda keluar sekolah ketika tingkatan 3 atau masuk ke sekolah pada tingkatan 4) .. in other words "ALL ARE WELCOME" (baca : JEMPUT HADIR ye SEMUA). Below are the details :

Date: 1st Sept 2007 (Sabtu)
Please note that 31st August falls on a Friday, therefore that is a
long weekend, maka friends dari jauh dan dekat, really hope you
ladies can come down to kl time tu eh.

Time: 2.30 to 6.30 pm.

Payment: Rm50 per pax.

Location: Dewan Besar Sekolah Menengah Sains Seri Puteri, Jalan
Kolam Ayer (previously known as our beloved Sekolah Seri Puteri)

Theme: House colors.
Adalah datang dengan memakai warna rumah sukan anda,
hijau/biru/merah/ kuning, bukanlah datang memakai baju T-Shirt sukan!
But if u insist...suka hati lah labu! :-)

Please do spread the news around. If you are an SSPian from not from the SSP9599, kindly forward this news to any SSP9599 that you know as we would really like to get a really large number for this. If you are an SSP9599 and know any other of our friends that are not connected to the Internet, kindly pass this news to them. We, the self appointed committees are working hard extra hard to get this a successful event and would really love it if this news could go around to the others.

Power to the Internet and blog !!

Courtesy of Syu's & Farina's.

But i guess...it's ok

Silence, I spent it reading the book. The Wedd1ng by N1cholas Sparks.NIcely tucked under my blanket, one page after another. i was half-way through around 930pm the usual bedtime and woken up for-no-reason around 130 and decided to finish the book. one line synopsis: story of a man trying to save his 30 years of marriage. i urge everyone to read it. it's good, u'll laugh u'll smirk u'll reminisce u'll think deep. like this one here..

"It's funny but have you ever noticed the more special something is, the more people seem to take it for granted? It's like they think it wont ever change. Just like this house here. All it needed is a little attention, and it would never have ended up like this in the first place"

what about this one?

"Roses are tough. When they're young, they sort of sprout out like a tree, but you have to keep cutting them back so they form right. everytime they started blooming, I'd have to head out with my shears to prune them back into shape, and for a long time the garden seemsed as though it would never look right. And it hurts, too. Those thorns are sharp. I spent a lot of years with my hands bandaged up like a mummy."

so girls, smile. you know what ur worth for.

I've always hoped and wished to get collection of his book. While i fancy Dan Br0wn's for fictions, i view his arts as full of life. pricetags made me think thrice though, but i think i wanna start doing it now. know what, if any of u could help me with this books (second-hands is just fine..i dont mind) i will love u more tau. hehe..

and reason i despise chick-lit? i SO HATE to read woman potrayed as dumb and materialistic. even if the dumb realised her stupid and shallow mistakes later and sorta make up for it, i still hate. heh. oh also, its cliche like not-so-beautiful-girl-fall-in-love-with-hunky-guy-and-later-transformed-into-pretty-lass-and-get-the-jerk-going-after-her? thanks but no thanks, give the book to someone else.

Hey, I still care about you..

glad to have me back??

hah, perasannyeee=p

so, the messages
haniizhar: eyyy makcik, i've been meaning to ask u about ur whole elective experience in HUSM, esp the second part of it. asik tak sempat je kan?(yeahh, padahal we've been wonderfully communicating thru this space, hardly exhange greetings in YM,hehe) so yeah, buzz me and would like to catch up on things..maybe...maybe i'll drop the hillarious story with one the patient in JB..this one, i'm sure u'll hit get headache for laughing too much.it beats the video-clip story i tell u.

graduating bloggers: 5 years flew in no time and GOD knows how we managed to keep close and try our best to be there to each other ( or at least u've been there for me). i am definitely joyous and celebrative with ur great achievement, but deep inside i am sad and anxious. time is almost over. who knows what's life gonna be once u start wearing the title and to think that there'll be less and less writings for me to update/laugh about u, also possibly less comments and thoughts from u in here to keep me standing tall..my heart aches a bit. but well, i think we did a good job here, for this kinda frenship is rare.

arnee: okay, akan aku ingat pesan kau so that aku tak tgk cerita hantu melayu itu. ape ko ckp " jangan sekali2 tergerak hati.."? hoh, hati aku tak bergerak langsung tau sbb aku tahu, aku takkan berani keluar awal pagi or balik bila hari dah gelap kalu aku tgk cerita itu...tapikan tapikann...alaaaa, teringinn la jugak nak join org lain tengok..nak join je tp taknak tgk, cemana?

vascular team: i enjoyed my time with u guys. thanks. send my regards to the old man in bed 7, who loves to look out for my smile during ward round even in his groginess. tell him, dont miss me or my smile..whichever;) also to the theatre nurse, say thanks for being so fond of me. i love it.

mr anaesthetist: you are soooo DASHINGLY HANDSOME, my frens would go pengsan if they meet u. but its not that that secure the soft spot but ur initiative to befriend me, recognise and gesture me whenever we bump into each other in the corridor, entertaining my questions and help me to understand, looking out for me and smile mischiveously in the middle of chaotic surgery as if we share some funny secrets; the soft nudge on my last day in OT? aaawww, i'm flattered. hiks.i know the next time we see each other again, u will thumb's up to me. i will definitely smile back.u have the decency and warmth i am comfortable with. and hey, there's this miss anaesthetist i know would suit u best. she's very pretty u know. u'll make the best couple in the hosp, i'm sure. opss, that wedding band of yours..

bantingites: nuna showed me this funny vidoe clips of some production by misters' of Galway. ok, the moment i watched it i hillariously reminded of our acting era. that was something, kan? so yeah...to see them in action just bring back the old memories..of what's college life was all about. not so much of study to be fond of, but what we found in ourselves..to be on the stage again?? let me think twice. hah.

mr resident: sorry, i didnt mean to laugh at ur age graft and effort to make me understand that there's more to life than my study or future job and that i need to think of my personal issue as well. i knew u meant well, in fact i realised the importance of personal future but.... if only i could tell u the real reason behind my change of mind, the fact that i'm not sure something could happen more than once..thats all. u sounded and looked very sincere and concern, i'm moved. i'll be fine whichever way i end up being, i can assure u. i'm assuring myself at the same time. lucky you for marrying ur childhood flame sweetheart during your med-years though. i find it pretty sweet;)

farina: i have mixed feelings about ur situation. i'm smiling but at the same time i have concerns. but u always know i prioritise ur happiness, kan? so yeah, you go and seize the moments cos u will never know how long it will last..u have my back.

syu: no meaning to rub salt to the wound but whenever i thought about plans/places to do/go when liyana's visiting, my mind thought of u. glad i had the chance with u last year so keep on reminiscing that, will u?

as for myself, i'm no longer Miss Chop-chop. Will be known as Miss Germy for the next 6 weeks. now, need to get back to my hand-washing routine. ohh yeah, the gown and gloves and mask whatsnot.heh.

MY LITTLE WORLD

THANK YOU

lunch hour..sat down with them, enjoying my sushi. nothing much to talk, end up describing how it's gonna be for me next year, future working experience in home-country. i didnt mean to show how anxious or uncertain i was, but he looked straight to me and said firmly, confidently..

'JUST THINK OF IT THIS WAY. OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT. OTHER PEOPLE IS DOING IT. SO U CAN DO IT'

never received this kinda faith from anyone. i could only smile back and thanked him, whole-heartedly.

no lah babe, bukan si kacak yang baik hati itu. kalau dia yang cakap begitu, pastinya aku dah ambil borang untuk apply PR di sini dan ucap selamat tinggal m'sia. tapikan...dia buat aku tersenyum lagi hari ini. manis sungguh ingatannya itu.



siapa dia? selamat berteka teki..

My little loves

Ini Aqil
Ini Adik Um(ar)

Ini Sin-chan (Abg) Man-man


Ini Adik Um(ar)


Ini Sin-chan Man-man

Ini Sin-chan (Abg) Man-man

Ini Sin-chan (Abg) Man-man

Ini Aqil

Ini Adik Um(ar)

Ini Aqil

Ini Syakir

Ini Sin-chan (Abg) Man-man

eheh, ini naughty boy...

My Little Story

Some are gifted. some need to work hard. Me? I choose the smart way;)

so, yeah. i've always had weight issue. not the one with morbidly obese or anything, just that i hate the number on the weighing scale. i was happy with my body, full stop. if not for the number. the static number that who never seemed to budge no matter how much i exercise or how less i eat. that number has been staying with me eversince high school. f3 kot. eversince, i despise that number. i guess the first number makes the diff..ppl said i looked a little chubby normal, i know im not-that-bad but i just hate the number. that's all. oh and i have difficulties finding decent clothes, decent loose comfortable clothes.

i came to melb with that number. i almost give up with that number. to my biggest horror, it went up by 4 digit in my 2nd year here..i almost fainted. i'm sure my face was about to blow out by then. and to my dad's horror, my face started to have pimples. what's all these?? crazy lahh...kalau dah abah pun pointed out to the zits, must be something lah kan. memang tak bleh lupa.

ahh well, what to do. i got away with zits but not as easily with the weight though. in the end, home country helped me to get rid of the excess. back to square one. that static number. so, yeah. ran out of idea already. i started to avoid the scale. i know i lost some of the number last year but i dared not to jump on the scale for months, cos i dont wanna see that static number again. till i decided to try Herbal1fe (HL). for the record, i initially thought of my sister when i first read about it HERE but alang2 tuh, why not try it for myself. tp silapla cos i dont have my exact initial measurement, all i know i was 2kg less than the haunted number;) nevermind, i still went ahead. in the middle of it, i gave her THIS, just to share the satisfaction. just after one month of extensive HL(read: twice shakes daily+ regular teamix), i already felt the difference. still, i avoided the scale. but i took note of the inches, skin complexion, energy level and metabolism. well, just say everything's worth for the money. Tell ya, investment needs determination. so when i dare enough to hop on the scale again, i smiled with great satisfaction.

i'm sure i'm doing my body good favour with HL cos it suffers less and less migraine-cum-gastritis because the simplest-healthiest meal is just a blend away; have higher metabolism cos i seemed to be eating everything under the sun now, apart from once shakes daily and drinking teamix religiously (tips: if u feel guilty for sacrificing ur shakes because u have dinner invitation, fret not. replace it with teamix); enough soy protein for my complexion; running around the hospital for long hours energetically; yummylicious shakes; boost up my confidence and above all, got to wear all the decent clothes loosely and comfortably. yeay!

here i am, 7kg lighter than the static number. 5kg courtesy of HL. so, yeah. i couldn't write more than this.

Mine

Ape-ape jelah..

nak tahu ke?

tak suka weekend. weekend yg takde ape2 nak buat. ada, kemas bilik basuh baju keluar makan. tak suka pagi weekend, nanti sedih.

byk nak tulis tp tanak tulis sini. nanti sedih lagi.

hari khamis byk sgt gelak. tahan gelak dalam library. komen2 sgt kelakar. ke, aku yg merepek? aku tak tipu tau pasal kisah video klip tuh. ada satu cerita lagi kelakar masa dlm ward kat HSA, JB. tapi kena cerita depan mata, baru penuh expression. rugi hani, kita tak duduk dekat. kalu tak mesti aku dah cerita. mesti kita dah gelak golek2.

peah, rindu kau. nak ngadu kat kau. kesat air mata.

dah kata dah, tak suka weekend. nanti nangis.

takut nak call. taknak call lagi, taknak fikir lagi. biar dulu.

bilik dah renovate. atas meja merah ada groovychicks, spongebob dan ape lagi ntah. ada keepsack jugak. tampal kepingan kalendar utk cover pintu, tapi bila hampar sejadah jadi mengadap kartun pulak. macam mana?

baru realised, bukan kali pertama. org kata tak baik pahit, ye ke? hidup seadanya. macam mana boleh berulang? lepas ni, taknak dah. tak adil. tipu.

taknak balik msia. taknak teringat, taknak tengok, taknak ingat, taknak rasa, taknak pendam, taknak nangis malam-malam. taknak dah. taknak dah. sakit.

nangis lagi. nanti jadi macam kassim selamat. pedih mata.

jangan datang dekat. tak percaya. tipu.

jahat.

Not yet..almost, maybe

This is what happen after 4 weeks of 730-530 in the unit (minus an afternoon i let myself off everyweek)

-strangely remember the name & bed of patients by heart. also their faces, likely their problem too.

-get this special feeling whenever called by name honey or darling or sweetie or love. warmth...

-almost tempted to just find a place in the hospital and sleep after the long day, the thought of walking back to the bus stop and then home tires me already.

-ache-y thighs and legs from the brisk walk every morning and evening, for the sake of not missing the bus. pedestrian is a hard job.

-to be remembered by the theatre's nurse, whom i only introduced myself once.

-realised the big difference it made to have a totally-the-opposite-from-the-previous resident.gggrruuaayyytt!!

-to my shame, the fellow never failed to greet me everyday or every surgery. which it should be the other way round.

-i dont have anyone to feed, so my last nasi was 3 days ago...thank GOD there's halal nasi campur on campus, otherwise it would've been 5 days record. oh yes, i wasnt feeling well so forced myself to stop and buy a pack.

-9pm came down to 830pm. what i enjoy more is to wake up few times, say 12am, 3 am or 445am and could still go back to sleep till it strike 5am. heavenn..

-the easiest way to avoid guilt for not studying at night is Grey's. kehkehkehkeh...

Rolling on the floor laughing

tgh tgk2 video clip..saje nak usha yg nih, dlm kepala dah start fikir

' ohh, tgk tunggu awek dia kot..maybe nak ckp dia nak clash ke ape ...eh jap, apsal tajuk lagu nih macam dia yg nak blah tapi kenapa dia suruh awek dia pergi pulak??

alahaii sian muka awek dia..sedihnyaaa..eh, apsal awek dia je pergi masjid (trying to read the tulisan jawi)..apsal dia tunggu dlm keta je??

eh, apsal awek dia yg drive keta plak?? takkan dia x reti drive kot??

ape lagu nih...tajuk mcm dia yg nak pergi, tp suruh awek dia pergi la, bangun semula laa...

wowwww, dasyatnya awek dia nangis...mesti konon sayang gilelah nih..hahaha, ok2..pandai2 berlakon..aduii, kesiannye... (rasa sedih dlm pada tak faham)

eh, pantai? eh, gambar2 diorg?? nak buang dlm laut???

ohhhhhhhhhh, dia mati keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....patutlaaaa'

nak tahu video-clip lagu ape? nih dia..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRYPheSlaJ0

dengan ini, jelaslah bahawa aku masih LPU...

Past remains past

I'm being human again.who seem to overlook good in others, but wondering why things are different now, than what she/he got from me as trouble or sorrow approached in the past. when i have always been there, attending to the grimace. trying my best to make sure everything's ok, nevermind the time and difficult mood. put down my own issue to make sure she/he feel not alone.

only to realise that ppl do leave each other once they have found their happiness. ppl do forget each other.
truth in life, checked.

am i fair to say this is unfair?
i'm sure i'm asking too much.

same mistake doesnt happen twice. none of this will be told to the face.

it, erm...hurts though.

I am RICH..

with sisterhood...of the many.

she, of whom i wrote to with hands busy weeping off the tears only to feel comfort after clicking 'send' button. even time doesnt allow any reply sometimes, i've found my warmest hugs.

she, of the many finally found her love and got hitched. I felt overwhelmed with joy on her BIG days, both solemnisation and reception as beautiful as she was. whatever i pray for my blood-bonded sister, i pray for the same to her in her new life; cos only GOD knows how much she's done to make me of who i am now. she, of the many who stay with me while others come and go.


she, of the many who have totally diff outlook about life than me and never failed to return my msg attending to my low time. something not everyone could commit to, i must say.

TLC that goes beyond ocean and time differences. that allow me to cry hard in front of the monitor while talking to them..and pain is halved.

to hear or read their worries about exams pumped my adrenaline and put me in anxiety state. i could only wish to be before them to help with revision and changed from '..I' to '...we' in my prayers.

to know their victories and success, it feels like all the qualification and joy's are mine.

to realise creatures with XY chromosome have been a total B**T**D to them, i swear i wanna kick dick hard slap and punch hard.

to realise that i could be just another long-lost-junior-only-to-be-found-virtually, but honoured as the one and only reader of thought. priceless.

non-existent absence. they live around me. we grow up together.

with that, i'm officially announcing myself as the candidate for the 19 grumpy old woman with a driver-cum-gardener-cum-entertainer plan. guilty as charged.

Fraction of colours

Colour 1
Colour 2
Colour 3

Colour 4

Colour 5

Colour 6

Gush

I may not wish to disclose the content of email for personal preference but would like to excerpt this...

my final year may not be all about exams, but i've got at least 5 supervisors to impress to get good pre-intern assessment. and i knew i didnt the last time i did it in msia. in fact, i reached my breaking point while working hard to reach the high-sky expectation. toughest time of all when ur so close to finishing, only to realise ur so far away. again, tears and fear were the dreadful company. only that i've gone back to the basic, ALLAH the GREATEST. as my bro's saying, i shuld do my best before accepting any failure than not trying my best and fail. and my belief also said so, HE will grant me whatever i deserve. even if the worst happened to me, i will not let myself stop there. i've got so much personal satisfaction and worthiness that i need to work on in this field and i cant stop half way.

as i wrote some time ago. this gush of urge to share this came while i was hopping from meddie's to meddie's. feeling for their pain, feeling sorry for them that their meddies' years went that way. i have no intention to offend anyone, any place or any educational system but i know where does the feeling roots from. cos i've touched it once and it drowned me. the feeling of worst, nauseating. dragged me down to the level i've never imagined i would be or survived. but i did. even at the point of writing this imagining the feelings, nauseating. to know that i choose to brave through the feelings again next year and after, for the name of family and little comfort, nauseating.

i need to ackowledge how lucky, chosen i am to experience the opposite here. away from the so-called homeland.

here, i was told and reminded that i could not possibly know everything. the only difference i can make is to know where to find the knowledge and who to get the wisdom. its should not be tough, instead its gonna be fulfilling. its gonna make u a better person, change u for what ur worth.

here, i seldom feel the discrepancy. of BIG doctors and small doctors, as of laymen term. i observed and fascinated at the hands-in-hands achievement. i immersed myself in the non-existent border between the layers of hierarchy and realised i could only dream of the same after finishing this.

here, i may struggle with being minority. not the nicest feeling, fair enough. of turning into an introvert and chose to be the quiet almost invisible shadow in the crowd but i could feel contenment. of being able to push myself a little bit more each time and reward myself justly with shopping trip and restaurant visits.

here, i appreciate my student's life as much as i appreciate people. i envision my future daunting working load as a little contribution to others' life. of being able to care and be human. i pray and hope that regardless, my intention does not change over the years.

trust me, i would not be able to become little miss genius, i do not work for that. i just want to make differences in people's life.' insya Allah, the nawaitu.

trust me, i am as scared as those of u who are struggling with papers and examiners. if only i could let you know that last year, the graduation dinner's over only to be told that there would be board of examiners' meeting less than a week away from the grads day, to decide those who actually need to withold their scroll-receiving ceremony. based on 5 pieces of paper, written by diff person who may have set up diff expectation and diff measures to grade a student. nothing of exams or orals or OSCE. i've seen how much it took away the excitement from the faces i very much knew had tried their best. i'm hiding my anxiety, my fear and my lacking confidence that i've meet the expectation of the person in previous rotation. this, will haunt me till december. how does that feels to you?

i'm holding tightly to my bro's words above. i shuld do my best before accepting any failure than not trying my best and fail. that way, i would not have any regret. that way, i'm accepting any possibilities after giving my best. that way, i strengthen my belief to the up above. that way, i dont mind braving thru the chilling 630am and return home 12 hours after that. that way, i realised how much knowledge and whispering satisfaction i gain from being the final year's.

dont make it any harder to urself.