i'm leaving taking a break from writing in this space of mine for a while. and i'm off to sydney this friday. so double bye to all.

p/s..peah, i owe u an entry rite? dont worry, will do that once i'm back on track. hugs for u.

happy birthday to syak!r..love u dear!

now, that seems to be far-fetched. somehow i've lost hope and start to realise there is impossibility in everything. hmmm, what can i say...Allah must have His very own reason for not granting my wish for that. no matter how much i hope to have one and enjoy the company, i couldnt. maybe the dream of 16-year-old-girl has been replaced with some reality for 22-year-old girl. this isnt depressing yet, saddened me a bit. especially at this point of time when i really need that to hold on to and aid my journey.hmmmm...

pls, nothing to do with lovey-dovey-thingy. no wild assumption is welcome here.

this time, it came with unannounced melancholy..missing ppl and tears flooding my cheek.. a bit of swinging mood but hasnt got to anyone's nerves..by evening i knew whats this i-am-feeling-lonely-and-have-no-one-to-turn-to-feeling all about..eheh, talking about XX chromosomes and its package..bless us;)

yeah, catched up with n!esa. aint going down the memory lane and reminisce all the sweet ol' time we had during IB years..but revealed some harsh reality. no human can withstand that,i bet. i cant, for sure. i offered nothing but prayers and ears to listen (ok, eyes to read and hands to type in our case=p)..hope she'll know how to 'heyy' me whenever she needs one. dont hesitate ok!

and that cousin of mine, had me a few laugh fits..with his newly-discovered words of wisdom about making ways to a long term relationship and such. eh, i wasnt not laughing at him but more like amused with the change..so not him..wonder what happen to mama's boy*lol*..ahhh, cheeky mode=p dont him dare to leave me alone in not-yet-married-hood!! hahaha...will catch up again..this time it'll be somewhere in pizza hut,he said as he refused my humble request for mamak stall..yahahaha, will make sure of that!!

him...

- when i was small, he's not even close to be my favourite man. with his stern-looking face, loud voice and strictly no-nonsense,have to say i'm afraid of him at that time.
- we lived very closed to each other and our house was more like second house of his family. he would come to our house after work and spent hours playing solitaire. then he went- 'buat air teh' or 'takde air teh?' Initially grumpy, i began to enjoy serving him. taking his request as a compliment for my lil service.sometimes x sempat mintak, dah siapkan awal2 =)
- during my teen'years, i had this fav green sandals. mase tuh 1st day balik rumah and dia dtg rumah.."haa agak dah mesti ade kat rumah" "tahu mane?" " selipar hijau kat bawah tuh". hmm, i would remember this...
- he's really a family man. my family ourselves relied on him so much. attended my petty requests- cuci gambar, belikan tiket, belikan prepaid card, u name it. he may grumbled a bit but never failed me=) also the only man in this big family who always came up with the idea of 'mandi air terjun' or 'pegi pantai'. ahh, all excited!
- so much into sports, soccer i would say. and the trophies in his house proved it.
- the first to call me 'doctor' when i started doing IB, way before my med school's life. no one else did.
- i always hopped in his car to go to the town. as we parted our way, he would call a few times, just to check on me..asking my whereabout and make sure i'm alrite...honestly even my abah didnt treat me this way..
- he's there during most of my siblings' registration days. seremban, kedah, johor,kl,penang, selangor. as for me, there were ser! puter! and banting. but not in KLIA..
- 1st rejab 1421, 5 days before my flight to melb. he returned to the Al-Mighty. his first heart attack. family was busy preparing for my kenduri doa selamat. turned into kenduri arwah *taking deep breath*. my last memory of him would be the night before, on our way back from kl. he on the praying mat looked longingly at his lil kids.
-remembered the day vividly. God knows how the family felt the loss. i shed no tears on my departure, had enough for 5 days before.
- abah, his bro-in laws was the closest person to him. just put it this way-whatever he bought for himself he paid for two, vice versa. a few times i saw abah's watery eyes after he left us for good. in fact i worried more about abah than ma at that time.

i know Allah loves him but i simply miss him. Al-fatihah to my Ayah Lah.

dinner IMS...nothing exciting happened with me stucked in the last table. more piccies, but not very soon...

over the phone..
- i yearned to reach out and hug my sis. this was my proper phone call after knowing she's pregnant..within a minute,she broke into tears coz of bad time she had with morning sickness and watsnot. quite speechless, i am. 'bile nak baliknye, nak mintak picit kpala kak nih..x tahan dah' felt like crying too. how we missed each other..

- i laughed with abah over his attempt to cook lunch. tapi cemana nih abah, boleh tertukar bawang putih dgn bawang merah =D

-gossipped with ma about everyone in the family. nyehnyehnyeh!

=( what happened to the song?? where's it gone? that 'never be replaced' sweet melody did some good to my soul for quite some time, but now i've lost it...*frown*

sedihnya dah hilang...

today, i'm supposed to go the malaysian carnival in melbourne. treat myself with the $10 food voucher*drooling* & played netball afterwards. but for the last 3 days, i dont feel like going. dont feel like socialising to be exact. wished to stay home & have some quite time for myself. so thats what exactly i did. lazed around on the bed, worked on the notes and good laugh with the housemates.

but these 2 stooges drove me crazy with their lagu2 raya..cekik jugak diorg nih, saje jeh nak seksa aku..arghhh!! kalu lagu happy2 xpelah jugak, nih sume yg leleh2 manela aku tahan..dahla puasa pun belum start lagi, mana boleh...last2 aku yg kena pakai headphone*tongue*

~*______abah, happy 56th birthday. semoga Allah merahmati hidup, dipanjangkan umur & dimurahkan rezeki. proud to be ur daughter & i love u so much_______*~

today marks the last day for abah in his educational career. he's officially retired now tho his birthday is actually on this coming saturday. congratulated & wished him well this morning. two things in my mind
- bestnye kalu ade kat rumah..nak makan nasi kerabu jugak!!
-hmm, lps nih nampak gaya abah dah tukar opis..dari bilik pengetua ke bangsal kat kebun..suke la tuh,heheheh..

went to watch charlies & the chocholate factory on wednesday. that lucky boy reminded me so much of syak!r...my darling nephew..argh, ingat rumah lagi :p

my last thought, Allah's plan works in mysterious ways. both learn the lessons and never too late to start new. alhamdulillah.

eheh, one in february, another one in april..puuhh, dua2 tuh girl:D

deep inside, i feel bad. but no matter what, i believe Allah knows best.

it is an unappreciated frenship if

- its so much of playing around with words & things said are taken for granted.

- excuses may not be lame, but doubtful enough..and there were holes in the explanation given.

- one person left the other person in uncertainty, with the latter trying to figure out what he/she has said/done wrong.sorry but this particular habit isnt helpful.

- one person tried to rationalise things by taking part of the blame & end up feeling guilty nonethelessly. fair enough but pls have some courtesy to tell the person what/which went wrong. no one bites.

- sorry may be the easiest thing to say but...what happened after having it so so many times?

- one person tried to save the frenship each time...accepted the mistakes and swallowed the bitterness, but i reckon human are never perfect, far from being angelic to do it for the rest of life.

happy birthday to ana & ba!ti... thanks for all the happiness u've infected to me;) may Allah bless*hugs*