Self-treat at Sofia's

aku habiskan ini..lepas itu, aku tolong I habiskan dia punya pasta jugak..haaa, baru ternganga korang tgk aku makannn.. ini barula namanya aku makan dgn betul2..

sudahla, aku takleh tido nih..kenyang nak pengsan!

Who i want to meet the most (after the parents)?

Hello my darlings!
tunggu cik N balik ok!

Comforting thought...

Tomorrow morning, S will be here for a week or so. glad she's coming and hope everything turn out good for this one. and then basically

Sept: fasting month.
Oct: Aidilfitri celebration.
Nov: MED 4071 & VIA exam.
Dec: flying home

so, 3 months is nothing.

last but not least, thanks F for the hugs this morning.

Nothing to do with THAT wedding..

my cousin-cum-childhood-fren. she's getting married tonight. the reception will be tomorrow. everyone's home now. all my siblings. the whole BIG family are back in town. i cant imagine how our house accomodates. mesti kecohhh...

this is the 2nd wedding i missed since i came here. both are my closest cousins. well, something i have to pay for being away. i'm not complaining, but i will surely kill strangle A if he decided to get married without my presence. dont u dare!

to W and husband, Selamat Pengantin Baru. May Allah bless you and have an everlasting love. I will pray for your happiness, insya Allah.


ps/ rakan2 SSP & IB, Alfatihah utk nenek Z!la yg telah pulang ke rahmatullah. Innalillah...

Shivers down the spine

Tuhanku ampunkanlah segala dosaku
Tuhanku maafkanlah kejahilan hambaMu

Ku sering melanggar laranganMu
Dalam sedar ataupun tidak
Ku sering meninggalkan suruhanMu
Walau sedar aku milikMu

Bilakah diri ini kan kembali
Kepada fitrah sebenar
Pagi kuingat petang kualpa
Begitulah silih berganti

Oh Tuhanku kau pimpinlah diri ini
Yang mendamba cintaMu
Aku lemah aku jahil
Tanpa pimpinan dariMu

Kau pengasih Kau penyayang
Kepada hamba-hambaMu
Selangkah ku kepadaMu
Seribu langkah Kau padaku

Ku sering berjanji di hadapanMu
Ku sering jua memungkiri
Ku pernah menangis keranaMu
Kemudian ketawa semula

Kutakut kepadaMu
Ku mengharap jua padaMu
Mogakukan selamat dunia akhirat
Seperti Rasul dan sahabat..

was reminded after reading D's blog.

From the book..

I looked up into the sky. The violet had sunk into a pitchy dusk and birds sat higgled on the telephone wire that swept from the house opposite to the cave of mine. 'Life goes on" so many peopla has said that to me. Yes, life ------ well goes on but what if you dont want to? what if you want to arrest it, stop it, or even battle againts the currrent into a past you dont want to be past? "you'll get over it" that was another. but i didnt want to get over it. i didnt want to become used to the fact that he'd died. that was the last thing i wanted.
~After you'd gone~



ps/ Today i have a birthday invitation for kak S's kids. Its one of the interesting things i have or gather here, my circle of frens are no longer of 20's only. i make good frens with a lot more others, ppl who are here for post-grads...with family or alone. i like the fact that age difference between us are no longer there the minute we started to converse. anyway back to the invitation, me and Z (another Z) decided to wear baju kurung. our first time for this year here. rindu nak pakai baju kurung sebenarnye..

Out of the blue moon..

I was reading John M's General Practise and came across this

'physical growth is not painful, but emotional growth can hurt like hell'
Apley

how true. sometimes i'm scared that i may have grown up too much. and being who i am, it's like people can see right through me. they can see/say straight away how i'm doing, despite my effort to be usual.

The F's...

I miss my Family very much, it turns into pain. not even patience soothe me. its like when i really really want something, but i know i can never get it. it crushes me bits by bits. having to deal with the external pressure at the same time double up everything. one day, i crumbled. hard. that night, i really wish they will be in my dream, to ease up the heartache.

When that happened, i anticipated another F would come to rescue me offer a hand. Friends. but sadly, it didnt really. the frustration turned into anguish, and in no time felt betrayed. all this while, i have learnt to stand on my own, giving without expecting. but just for this one, i hope and hope failed me. to be honest, i never plan to burden ppl up with how and why i felt. i know not everyone's comfortable to listen and some just dont want to feel disturbed with whatever 've gotta tell. besides, how certain am i that i've been a good one to receive back? erm, this sounds bitter.

In the end, HE prove that i gives and receives from different person. i am back to stand on my own.

Drama in GP..

i love sitting with CS. she's really erm, 'cheeky' and straight-forward. full of facial expression too.

1. this lady. living in the dark for heart attack, no thanks to her chimney-smoking, overweight and high blood pressure. she refused to stop smoking and i think CS just ran out tricks to persuade her to change some of the lifestyle issue. last resort, CS asked about diabetes in her family and hit it! i thought she got 'scared' a bit and blurted

'i used to like u, C'

of course, jokingly. we (me and CS) just had to laugh.

2. i told CS that i need to find a patient for my chronic illness study. she thought this gentleman would be a good one, providing he talks to no end (???) and is one hell of a survivor. as she's about to get him from the waiting room , shoved me the list of past medical history, my eyes just went wide open and sub-consciously said

' this is too longg!!'


and CS, being who she is ..told the patient towards the end of the consultation

'you know..S(me) and i were talking about finding a patient for a case study and i thought you would be a good choice. but when she looked at your past history, she had a small fit..'

ngaaaaaa...malu!

3. later i was in MY's consulation room. A boy came with a swollen thumb. oh my, that was me 4 years ago. my first month in melb, had first handball experience with the other girls and someone got 'too excited' and rush towards me. swollen and throbbed, but i thought nothing's serious. put up with it for 3 weeks, even joined a netball tournament with it. meanwhile, i was so scared to let my mum knew cos i dont wanna get scolded for being so careless again (i had bad episode of fractured elbow back in 1995) and i dont want her to stop me from playing sports. somehow, a fren persuaded me to go and check with the doctor and Xray showed a fractured thumb. yes, after 3 weeks of ignoring the bulky thumb. nothing much can be done at that stage obviously, but i think it got back to almost normal now. erm, come to think of it...i've had very similar injury with my middle finger during basketball craze but again, i ignored and it painfully healed itself. as A said

'tulang ko nih macam sotong...'

hampehh!

As I pick myself up again...

Bertali arus dugaan tiba
Menakung sebak airmata
Namun tak pernah pun setitis
Gugur berderai di pipi

Tidak ditempah hidup sengsara
Suratan nasib yang melanda
Menongkah badai bergelora
Diredah bersendirian

Bagaikan camar pulang senja
Patah sayapnya tetap terbang jua
Sekadar secicip rezeki
Buat yang sedang rindu menanti

Segenggam tabah dipertahankan
Buat bekalan di perjalanan
Kau ubat luka yang berdarah
Kau balut hati yang calar

Telah tertulis suratan nasibmu
Derita buatmu ada hikmahnya
Terlukis senyum di bibir lesu
Tak siapa tahu hatimu

Biarpun keruh air di hulu
Mungkinkah jernih di muara
Biarpun jenuh hidup dipalu
Pasti bertemu tenangnya

Thanks P, for this reminder some time ago.

Shout out

Happy Birthday to my dearest Adik...eventhough you always made my blood go upstairs, i love you still. also despite our 7-years differences,do you know that you are pretty good at acting big sister??? hihihi. i love you, Adik!

i rarely talk/write about Adik here, maybe because i wasnt that close to her in my early days. she's more kamceng to Kak. we are only good at adegan gusti sparring =D in real life some people thought i'm the youngest. friends and distant relatives. no, i am not.

ps/ today in the religious center at campus, 2 ppl were in a middle of a talk. i looked at one of the girls and have a gut feeling that i may have met her in the past. 10% sure, so i chose to ignore. later after prayer, she approached me and asked the routine question.
'Budak SSP ke?'

(ok, rightttttt) 'Haah..hmm, SSP jugak ke?

' haah..nampak familiar tadi.'
So she's actually kak H, from Ruby (Batch 9498- just a year ahead of us) and doing Masters in Law here. apology for my short term memory, i had to ask for her name. we quickly change contact no as i need to rush off. maybe i could invite her to our place next time for some gala time.

From mum to daughter

-Nobody tells you what you can and can't do-
Decept!on Po!nt.

When i am suppose to study..

Disclaimer: this is a very disturbing entry. Most welcome to not read it.

i felt so demotivated and disturbed. with the study, with everything. i ran and hide under the quilt. i cried hard. i havent been in this state for a while. in between the sobs, i wished for my family. i missed home and i cried harder. i felt so hopeless and i cried harder. i couldnt sleep either because of the nap. i cried and cried but i dont feel any better. so here i am, eyes puffed up and venting.

i hate to say this: where are the ones who i have been there for all the good or bad, but fail to do the same? i dont bother around the superficial's, but what happened to the ones who claim real's. the angel side of me try to convince that they might want to give some time and space to cool myself down, but the evil side simply say that they are turning selfish and afraid to play the role. to be honest, i am more incline to believe the latter. i am that negative , no suprise! whatever the reason could be, i dont care anymore. go chicken out all you like . but dont get mad if i dont seem to offer the same as i used to do.

Lecture note?

sources: Z's note pad

This reminds me and L. we used to do this, especially during account class in 5I. hehehe, but we wrote so much more than this...

Ehemmm...

Y: haaaa teringat plak
S: ye
Y: errr nak mintak resepi mee kari laaa
Y: nak makan tp x berani nak buat
S: duh!
Y: tp tuh
Ybila2 free la
Y: bukan skarang pun takpe
S: nnt kami mskkn laa
S: sebbaik bagi tau awal
S: nak pi bli lauk2 japgi
Y: alamakkk ye kee *blush icon* (kononnnn, padahal dah terlompat2 suka)
S: siapkan mee je
S: kami masakkan kuah
Y: hihi

oleh itu, salah siapa kalau aku masih tak pandai masak???hehehe, orang kata rezeki jangan ditolakkk kan? kan? kan? ...

yeayyy yeayyy!!

Of The Plan and Book

I called up this morning and managed to talk to both of them. yesss, definitely she's as euphoric as i am upon hearing the plan. good relief!! ..hihihihih, its such a GREAT feeling to hear her sounds all happy and giggly this morning...after all the worry i've thrown to her earlier this year, she deserved to know that i am and will be doing ok over here. as for him, always full of plan and idea for me... i soooo cant waitt!!

I finished reading just now. i've been taking longer time than usual, so i decided to read the remaining half in a go and i managed. now, i'm a bit dizzy. but heck, here's

LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at each other's welcome,

and say, sit here.Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you.

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photoographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life
-Derek Walc0tt-
The Time Traveler's Wife

I know...

i should be writing something here. a bit abandoned..hmmm, there's so many things going on...but the BIGGEST one would be the change of plan. nyehnyehnyeh, i'm so happy and excited with the decision. why didnt i thought about this before?? i mean i got to have/do 3 extra things because of that. sweeeeetttttt.. wwweehoooo, i feel like dancing ! i am soo soo excitedddd!! laaaa di daaaa....

*dont tell anyone icon*

??

'ko tetibe jadi tersangat mature la...'

This is...

My essentials.. just grab these two and i'm ready for the outings

My life...at least for the next year and a half..i know ppl are saying that working life sucks, that's why i'm enjoying these very moments so much
what i believe in..can almost imagine myself in such mood;)

how i want to spend my time with...but there's so many other things to attend to=(