ASTAGFIRULLAH

absurd!!

lost my patience againts the infamous corruption and negative attitude of this country. i was never that mad, my hands trembled and voice raised. some ppl gotta learn a lesson.

in less than 10 days since i came back, i do not feel belonged to this place.

i am not proud of being a malaysian. shameful!

exasperated.

if you ever ask how's life in malaysia, nothing from me.

i am lodging a report to the authority. anyone keen to help?

The end

It feels too melancholic.

adli (2/12/2007 11:23:29 PM): tak sabar gak aa
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:23:41 PM): utk ape?
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:23:44 PM): BBQ tuh ke?
adli (2/12/2007 11:24:03 PM): ha ah
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:24:09 PM): or nak balik msia??
adli (2/12/2007 11:24:16 PM): sumer2 la
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:24:26 PM): hahaha
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:24:45 PM): aku cam xde perasaan sgt nak balik msia
adli (2/12/2007 11:25:29 PM): yer la tu
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:26:02 PM): ape tak percaya nyee
adli (2/12/2007 11:26:12 PM): drpd org yg balik every year.....
adli (2/12/2007 11:26:17 PM): hahaha
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:27:15 PM): mengata aku lah tuh
adli (2/12/2007 11:27:38 PM): hahahaha
adli (2/12/2007 11:28:15 PM): tau pon
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:28:14 PM): ini lain laa
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:28:16 PM): balik for good
yAtt (2/12/2007 11:28:39 PM): no more escapism

To each soul who has touched my heart for the past 5 years, here's my thanks..

My life was flashing before my eyes
A second later, I walked and realized
My heart had crashed and burned in shame
You pulled me from the flames
I took your hand and you helped me upon my feet
I confessed but you had forgiven me
There's courage in the truth you said
Our love will never end
You shield me from danger, you're my shelter
You are my hiding place

There's and Angel on my shoulder, here tonight
Making sure that I'm alright
When I'm falling fast, you rescue me, you love unconditionally
And when I'm clod and so alone
Back in your arms I feel at home
I pray that you will always be, A guardian Angel
Sent for me

My dream comes between us every now and then
I make mistakes, get in trouble, time and again
I ain't proud of who I am
When I'm down you understand
Blinded you can always seem to show the way
You're the light You're the reason I'm here today
If you cry, I cry, So dry your eyes

There's an Angle on my shoulder, here tonight
Making sure that I'm alright
When I'm falling fast, you rescue me, you love unconditionally
And when I'm cold and so alone
Back in your arms I feel at home
I pray that you will always be, A Guardian Angel
Sent for me

Syu (25/11/2007 10:48:15 PM): do u see urself still blogging bila kembali ke sini?
yAtt (25/11/2007 10:48:23 PM): u think?
Syu (25/11/2007 10:48:33 PM): dunno
Syu (25/11/2007 10:48:36 PM): curiousity
yAtt (25/11/2007 10:49:22 PM): i had similar question to myself
Syu (25/11/2007 10:50:03 PM): like myself, aku gak tertanya2 masa abes belajar dulu . bila dah keje takkan nak blog gak
Syu (25/11/2007 10:50:21 PM): but masih juga berblog hingga sekarang
yAtt (25/11/2007 10:50:35 PM): it would be great if i dont have to, but keepin in touch is my basic necessity...
yAtt (25/11/2007 10:51:01 PM): also i hv ideas to share, ppl like it or not
yAtt (25/11/2007 10:51:14 PM): so as for now i'd say yes


For the fondest memories and priceless friendships. Melbourne's home. Will always be missed.




It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

La la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Al la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is so full of
Ah la la la la la la life is so rough
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is our love
Ah la la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life it is...so... wonderful
It is so meaningful
It is so wonderful
It is meaningful
It is wonderful
It is meaningful
It goes full circle
Wonderful
Meaningful
Full circle
Wonderful

M0nash's ANCORA IMPARO-I'M STILL LEARNING!

WHILE WAITING...

I had fun during those 2 days. Bowling-pizza and Laserforce-Sawasdee.

The 1st time i tried on bowling was the 1st week in Melb during IMS programme and this was my second time, roughly 2 weeks before i leave Melb. nice coincidence, ek? Thank GOD i had good bunch of sporting crowd that evening, we shared joyful laugh and cheeky remarks the whole 4 hours (of bowling and a few more hours until past midnight at King's for pizza). Everyone's up for the games and it's been a really good catch up/reminiscion session even in the presence of most-welcomed adik adik;p moral of the stories: reputation can be deceiving, joking!!

I've always wanted to try paintball but at this arcade, it's called Laserforce so tak sakit laaa at least=D 5 RED's againts 7 GREEN's during 3 missions. 1st mission, everyone's being too careful not to get shot or seen but by the time for 3rd mission, wahhhh gila gempak! running around, doing kamikaze trick and berangan ala2 charlie's angel laaa konon...hahahahha! sangat sangat best, kudos to the sporting team and opponents. Everyone's up for the challenge and ambush. muka lepas games sangat berlemuihh, peluhhh! I wish we could do a re-match but i dont think we'll have time for that. lesson learnt: never ever revealed that ur' top in the team cos u'll be the next BIG target after that..mmg dengki laaa makhluk2 Allah ituuu, serang hendap tak kasi can langsung!! ggrrrr..

I'm getting help.

First is for PDA, lucky i've got Miss S to scout it around for me while i'm still here. For that reason, i decided to make do with my laptop and invest on the wishlist first.Nothing's wrong with the laptop actually, just my new colour preference. As for the soon-to-have gadget, it's mainly for next year's memory aid and HERBALIFE's database and planner.

Secondly, i am desperate for my mum to help me to pack things up. I've been idling too much thinking how i am going to do the chore without repeating it over and over again. I am more than happy, in fact enjoyed cleaning up the closet and throwing away unwanted stuff from the study table/room. To get everything sorted is easy but i WILL NOT, CAN NOT put things into the boxes or bags without feeling hopeless. The task's just too much to handle, what to put where..thing's like that. I should not wait until my mum's here next week to help me out, should i? I think i'm going to anyway, ngeeeee=D

Third and most crucial,

i need help to prioritise my shopping. It's been really2 tempting i have to put higher rules before paying up to avoid having bundles. But i'd say i'm overjoy with the final results, lotsa wishlist had been ticked off..wehoo! among them all, i gotta say this

identify me, best. Make me think of my basketball/netball clan a lot more.
Of music,


I feel like dancing to this music while doing my shopping.



I feel like grinning and galloping to the tunes.

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
And now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
I like peaceful melodys
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
I like one big family (2nd time: I like happy family)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more
Oh no more no more no more
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No I won't hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours, I'm yours


I feel like saying it out.

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new - yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...


I feel like in front of silat performance, ngaa!

ALLAH THE MOST GRACIOUS

For all we've been told, both in the faculty's grape vine and in the graduation robe's letter; Board of Examiner's (BOE) meeting would be held next monday thus our confirmation of graduation. It was not a pleasant anticipation definitely, with the flight tickets' booked for families and the graduation dinner already took place. We planned our (final) departure's arrangement half-heartedly knowing that it was still a 50-50 chance.

Rumours started to spread this week that BOE actually had had their meeting last monday but no one could confirm on that.

Today i decided to start cleaning up the mess in my room(thanks to the endless shopping trips, it was awesome!) at the same time sorting out stuff to bring back. Kak A buzzed me on YM and said that result's already being released in Web Enrolment System(WES). Perplexed and half-anticipated, my heart started to race and fingers' a bit cold. Alone at home as the other two were helping out with the exams, i braced myself and clicked on the website; maintaining communication with Kak A at the same time.

After being convinced that those letters weren't there yesterday and having someone else buzzing me on the same matter shortly after; then only i let myself sigh a big relief and gratitude.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

Mum was the first i called and my sister was the first i texted. They deserve to know first; then the few of you who received my little news afterwards via sms.

It still feel surreal to me because i've set my mind that monday's the day; i kept log-on to the website till late afraid that it might change (??!) or something.heheh.

Now i'm digesting the reality. the blessing from ALLAH.

It feels so abundant. I'll save my word of thanks to you all till the special day.

*beaming*

Moments

CLASS OF 2007 GRADUATION DINNER, NATIONAL GALLERY VICTORIA (NGV)

Wayne

HSA girls

Ngaaa..

John Murtagh-GP's textbook

Ian & John

Carol

Awww...

SAID VS VERDICT

Sometimes we let people talk too much into our mind and do not let ourselves venture a little bit more in life. We thought lower than what we actually are. I learnt my lesson, although not in hard way but significant enough to write this.

Said: When i got the offer to do IB in KMB, i freaked out because from what i've heard from my brother who did A-level a few years back in the same college; it's gonna be TOUGH. from his observation, i would not have much leisure time and all i need to do was study or be outside of my room. I got all teary and confused; it took my aunt to comfort me and suggested me to take it up first and see how it goes.

Verdict: In reality, yes it was tough to pass the exam and keep up with all the brainers when i was so used to take up study at my own pace but i saw past the curriculum hurdle during my 2 years over there. it was a hell lot of fun. I'm glad to be part of the Med3 clan with our great PD camping, girls' night talk, birthday practical tricks and endless presentations where everyone got hysterical over the jokes. I'm glad to be part of the theater team with a few productions, RSJ to be named as the highlight. I'm mostly glad to try out basketball and had my passion in this sports since. I'm glad with our charity activities during PDK that it became my first exposure with the special kids. I'm glad to be part of Block F clan when we got to be-friend with everyone and occupied the ironing area late at night with the close ones chatting away. So my brother was right to say that i probably would not be in my room as often as i was busy making my college life as memorable as it could be while at the same time maintaining my average grade. I would not wish to do my college year anywhere else but with my KMB clan and doing IB had been an enriching experience inside out.

Said: I was given the notion that reading medicine would mean the end of life. It's going to be a nerve-wrecking hurdle and by the end of it, i would pretty much be lost myself out of the pressure. My mum did not want me to go through that experience as what she had heard from other people, thus the different expectation about my future career earlier on. I was given the idea that it's going to be a regretful decision to embark in this profession and expected to bail out sooner or later. M0nash would be a tough choice because of its integrated system.


Verdict: I could not see myself doing anything other than medicine, I've found my passion here. I love my student life, it's enriching and balanced. I played netball/basketball every year, i kept in touch with my best buddies from high school/college in particular outside meddies, i represented International Advisory Commitee and travelled interstate or across the ocean over the holiday. I learnt more than anatomy and physiology fraction of medicine, i learnt about human body and myself. I loved both scientific and common sense of medicine. I improved a lot of life skills over little clinical incidents and observed the growing interest in understanding the concept and body system. I'm aware about my average knowledge but i'm more than happy to keep on learning about it. M0nash and medicine are the two best things in my life. I revived my strength during the 5 years journey too.

With these two experiences i had in life,

Said: i'm submitting myself to ridiculous working hours next year in M'sia and would get drown in massive pressure as an intern. There's no way i would avoid anxiety and depression as there's not much of support available there and i would probably be left on my own most of the time managing the ward. I would be treated like a dog and it's horrible. it's all even worst if i am to choose public hospital!

Verdict: If other people could go through this early phase, i would too. Like it or not, i need to become an intern before coming up as resident regardless where i'll be working. Malaysia is where my family and good friends are for me to maintain life outside medicine. I have the best help and support anyone could ever ask for-The ALMIGHTY. HE will be the one who help me to be in the best working team and supportive colleagues, HE will be the one who calm me and guide me through whenever i got a code(read: emergency), HE will be the one who make my 2nd attempt for IV successful. HE will be the one who let me come to term with my clinical abilities at present and stop from pushing myself too much. HE will be the one who lead my clinical reasoning. Public hospital would be a great chance to a continuum exposure in medicine. Practise makes perfect, that's what they said. Self-development is achievable to those who are willing to participate.

If i look like a smug or sound too good to be true, that's just me wanting to experience life before anyone else dictate it for me.

TRANSITION

This is it. THE change. destination and social position-wise.

While ppl may think that i'm exaggerating to express my anxiety over the thought of going/coming back to home country for good..i do not need to justify to anyone. i'm aware of certain protocols and attitude (or the lack of it) that i will be facing through in the near future, whether i like it or not. one thing for sure, i need to keep patience and tolerance at my best.

If i want to give extra credits to my university for the course, it would be the Patient Safety Module and Back To Base experiences. both gave me great insight and to an extent, inspiration of what my working life's gonna be. during the patient safety days, we deal a lot with simulated critical situation when all the practical hints and skills were put into practise in a safe environment but enough adrenaline rush to kickstart our brain and teamwork performance. we had influx of reminders and recommendation about patient identification, drug handling, procedures and a few other human factor issues that mostly will help us go through next year. from time to time, we were fed with tricks and traps from the senior colleagues who have accumulated enough experience over the years.

Back To Base was all about consolidation of being a final year student and introduction to internship. summary on common stuff is highly appreciated- blood test, airway management, ECG, ABG, CXR, electrolytes and BSL management to name a few. great effort to see how far we've come since 5 years ago and how further ahead we've got in this profession. it's heart-warming to hear pearls of wisdom from those who made it to the top and assuring too. you can contradict me in this but there's more in life than monetary rewards and recognition. it's called passion and personal value; something not everyone share the same definition with each other. another note; while a lot expressed the concerns about how bad it's gonna be next year, being positive is always a good practise. don't get too messed up thinking what we're gonna do if we screwed up cause it's almost like we anticipate the bad event. it's ok to give ourselves some credits and work from there. It's not too much to say that after all the sweet concise summary & take home points from each speaker, i was actually looking forward to start working. thanks to M0nash for providing us with the priviledge of preparing ourselves to the next step in medicine during our last week of undergraduate instead of racing our heartbeat up with exams. well done!
In short, our life is in our hand. to make it meaningful or not.

Retrospectively,

I could not remember saying anything other than want to become a doctor when i was small, my mum said i was always the one who attended to my dad's blood and bruises. At the same time, i still lead the typical childhood like any other kampung girl would. I did not give much thought about the so-called ambition then, it was more like a courteous answer.

Even when i started my high school, i did not come firm about what i'll be doing in the future. I studied sensibly and spend more time in front of the TV and got noticed by wardens for being loud, hence sitting right at the front of the high table during formal dinner. The only good things i'd probably be doing was as the member of PBSM and PRS, otherwise i was just a little mischief in the school together with the rest. I did not believe in staying up late at night to study and i did not set any aim for SPM, i just wanted to do well. For all i knew, matriculation would be the next step in life and by then, i did not give any definitive answer to my future career. I was pretty devastated because my name wasn't shortlisted for the early intake of matriculation before SPM results was out.

I say my gratitude to HIM for my SPM results. Even then, i was still a bit clueless and ready to take up anything. I contemplated to take up the Telecom scholarship to do IT and at the same time applying for matriculation via UPU with UIA as the preference. I had JPA scholarship form un-filled in my holder at home up until now because my mum thought maybe i shuld just stay in the country as two of my brothers had completed their degree oversea and she wasn't ready for mine. I was called up twice for MARA interview but again i respected my mum's words. I did not have any problem with my mum's wish suprisingly, i was happy for anything at that point. It never crossed my mind to study abroad, to be honest with you.

The first turning point was my UPU result. I didn't get the expected answer regarding matriculation through the line, I was soo dumbfounded that i had to call the line so many times until i realised i need to wait till the end of the voice machine to hear '...oversea programme'. The next turning point was a day before the actual MARA interview (they shortlisted the candidates so i did not actually applied for this one too) when my eldest brother called up my mum and he said something about apples on the tree (I'd rather not go into details because i did not want to offend anyone). My mum gave a second thought and off we went to KL for the interview. As impromptu as it could be, i went into the interview room pretty much at the same state i was before SPM, easy for anything. One thing i could remember during the interview was that i did not know the name of Kelantan's sultan and how many districts they were in the state. urgh!

Alhamdulillah, i was offered to do International Baccalaureate(IB) in KMB and from then on decided medicine then is.

WHERE WILL I BE?

kalau pandai, which one's mine?

~UPDATED WITH PICTURES~

10th Nov: Graduation Road Trip (Fishing, Port Philip Bay + Cape Shank, Mornington) Fantastic road trip, from sunrise by the beach to Marinara Pasta at Sofia's. Over 1000+ pictures, full of moments and happiness. Perfect day!