R.A.H.S.I.A H.A.T.I...to be continued, insya Allahh:=)

*Am I the only one??*

the story is almost a year...it drained more of my soul and tears than i ever thought..i think that i'm over with it but damn wrong..no one is to be blame,not even the situation..time will heal the wound but..??

i hope i can just forget everything ..i tried but i failed..i wish but i know it will never be that way..its the worst thing for any frenship but i'm hopeless in mending my own heart..neither i 'dare' to say any word nor look at your face again..i'm all but a good fren to u*sigh*

am i the only one who keeps my eyes away from u??

*24 hours ago..*

last nite watched TROY...dekat chaddy. eventho dpt seat x best sbb lambat sampe still aku enjoy!!!one of the bestest movie aku penah tgk..thumbs up!the storyline was way better n more realistic than VAN HELSING, duhh!!!! but i cant help shedding my tears off in the middle of the movie, huhuhuhu!! been so long since my heart was moved by a movie,hahahha!!! that was when h*ctor died and his dad begged for a*hilles to return the body*sniff* well, i really loathed b*ad pi*t in this movie,but cant help admiring his fighting skills...well, i go for e*ic bana this time!!

this morning, cancelled my 'spinning' plan coz my fren ajak main basketball..urghhh, this year x penah masuk court lagi sbb xde geng nak main..seriously, zaman kanak2 main basketball kat kolej dulu sgtla aku miss skang!! sports rec i went but sadly, not even enuff ppl tp play 3 on 3..ade 5 ppl jeh n the one ajak aku turun main pun x dtg sbb bgn lambat..ggrrr!!! agak pissed off tp xkan nak amuk2 plak :p so we ended up throwing the ball into the net over n over again...x sempat nak kuar peluh pun..finished with that, i waited for an hour before masuk taebox class...warghhh, regime plak kali nih!!the soreness after buat circuit yesterday really limited my movement.. tp tahan jeh aa and sambil2 tuh my mind was reconsidering my plan to attend another class tomorrow..was it the pain that made me think like that??heheh, ngelat la tuhh:p

balik tuh...siap2 nak pegi garage sale sbb nak beli tv baru..tv skang nih hampeh jeh sbb xleh nak psg vcd pun..so again i hafta move my legs (all-year-round pedestrian!) nak pegi umah akak tuh..tgh jln tuh dia called n offer nak amik..tp x sempat sampe kat jln tuh ktrg dah stop sbb penat..:p balik tuh dia antar, yeayy!! so umah skang nih dah ade 2 tv, maybe tv lama tuh jual kat 2nd hand shop..*grin* balik2 tuh baca msg farina psl n*on guy that made me grin wider...ngehngehngeh!! yeah, he's into sports (that fits in the 2nd things in the list) so....nahh, nothing is real of course!!

last minute plan bwk syaf pegi dinner kat makan place for her bday coz didnt have time(or was it forgot:p ) to throw any suprise celebration!!urghh, by the end of the endless walking, my legs ached so much that i wished i'm in bed at that time..heheh.nway mee rebusnya enak skali!! balik tuh i watched tv(its new in the house!!) a lil bit before off to bed..7pm-11pm (*dun worry about the solat,ppl:p*)..with the lights off :P n now i'm up again writing n reading(book?NO!!)

*keep on juggling!!*

heh, the borderline n averagae mark for the midsem paper was let known by the admin and yeah, it was way higher than last year. Well, shuld take it as an RINGING ALARM (annoying!!) for me to resume my study..hohoho!! this 2 weeks are really heaven with ONLY 2 classes for this week, n i have been procrastinating my plan to catch up with things..my one and only excuse is CPP reflective essay that i've been doing last week..at least it is also in the syllabus kan???*wink2* very well then, sem 1 exam is only 4 weeks away so FULL ON YATT!!

okeh, the only trick that i'll do is sending my pc to wayne to get it repaired..huh, dah bape bulan drive D aku nih x leh nak function, habis bantut plan nak abiskan tgk meteor garden 2(urghh, almost a year since i got it from my fren:p)..ala, fair enoughla coz aku tinggalkan cd tuh kat mesia time winter last year..so hopefully bile dah xleh online tuh i've got extra time to flip thru the notes..opss, afraid that it will go the other way: me well-tugged in the bed by 9 pm!!!kakakka, that's what happened the last time i sent it to wayne and it really pissed my hosmet off bearing my super duper dreamland-mode:p kekeke, guess that i need direct light from the monitor to keep me awake!!duhh..

last nite was my recipes' spree..aiyo, its not like food-tasting thingyla but me copying the recipes from the cooking books.hahahha, borrowed from my other IMS coordinator aka lynette coz i'm out of idea for dinner..huhuhu, still i'm a coconut-milk-loser coz dare not to use it in my cooking(apart from laksa)..not giving way to fish curry last nite..:P

*ok oww*

aiseh, tadi cek balance duit kat commonwealth bank tinggal sket jeh, tuh pun x tolak lagi duit bill bulan nih...opsss, duit this month mmg mcm air jeh ngalir,tuhla padahnye kalu x reti nak bjimat,heheh. nih pun ade 2 3 events yg nak kena pakai duit jugak...silap2 mmg kena amik sket from back ups..*frown* tuh pun sib baik time urban 2 weeks nih aku x byk dok kat campus so xde aa kena lunch kat sana, eventho slalu aku bwk bekal jeh...drpd aku bazir duit beli sandwich 2 keping yg harganya lagi mahal drpd beli sebungkus roti, baikla aku prepare sendri..sedap, mudah, cepatt!!hahahhaha

heh, this month aku dah jadi member utk group exercise so aim nak attend as many classes as possible alang2 dah bayar lebih..tapi bykla pulak benda yg clash dgn time exercise..patutnye tgh free skang nih leh aa pegi try benda2 baru tp everytime aku plan nak pegi, bile check jadual balik rupanya ade klas time tuh..warghhh!! tapi aku dah pegi try buat 'circuit' and'hi lo/step'...best2!! mmgla step tuh memula confusing tp still aku sonok..circuit mmg x byk kuar peluh tp lps tuh 3 4 hari aku dok sakit2 badan.hahahha!! lps nih maybe try buat spinning laks...ala2 stationary cycling:p pastu ari sabtu arituh aku temankan sorang member pegi gym kat monash hosp..open 24 hours n cheaper fees than spors rec monash uni. merasalah aku buat treadmill etc:p insya Allah kalu nx yer clinical aku kat monash hosp nih nak reg aa kat situ..ngehngehngeh!!

haa, tgh hari nih aku kena pegi boxhill hosp wif my hosmet for buddy teaching visit..sambil2 dok type nih aku belek2 note utk wat cardiovascular n respiratory history taking n examination..aisehh, cuak gak nih!! maybe kena perform history taking plus examination on a patient there n present to the buddy aka final year meddies..mintak2la dia x fussy sgt..ala kak, saya budak baru belajar:p

*Lil ThoughT*

yesterday as usual ktrg ade usrah kat umah aku..naqibah aku ajak diskas psl hadis 40 n this time she chose to elaborate on hadis 19..its about "pertolongan dan penjagaan Allah"...hmm, a few things yg aku rasa best utk dishare

1. 'setiap yg berlaku adalah izin Allah'..sume org maklum kot psl benda nih..kirenye ape jeh yg berlaku kat kite semuanya atas kuasa Allah, quoted " even kalu seluruh dunia nih berkumpul pun nak menghancurkan kite xkan berjaya kalu Allah x izinkan"..

2. 'setiap mehnah adalah utk manusia'... meaning sgale dugaan n cabaran adalah utk kebaikan manusia..cth sgale ape yg tgh belaku kat muslim skang nih mmgla sgt depressing, tp looking on the bright side, we also gain lots more.."kalu xde dugaan n ujian from Allah mcm mane kite nak kumpul pahala"..Allah x jadikan suatu benda tuh berlaku tanpa sebab..kan??byk lagi benda yg kite kena reflect balik..

hmmm,wallahu'alam....

*MucH AppreciateD*

yerp, something's been nagging at the back of my head and i can't it get over with..practically trapped between my good will to continue with the classes and lil disagreement with some of it. GIving it much thot for the past few days but it ended nowhere, so i decided to confide virtually wif my old-gud-fwen,...She listened to me and tried to rationalise things wif me, leaving me with good feeling about myself..maybe i'm a bit too much also, wishing everything to go smoothly without any flaws,but really i dunno wat shuld i do as of now..so many things need to be consider yet too lil that i can do ..but i definitely dun wanna do it for the sake of pleasing other ppl, the decision must be sincerely from my heart..

The next story was a bit diff as he's actually half-stranger to me..but i go on telling him 'bout my 'long-lost fren'. heh, being wise he reminded me of the bad consequences that might follow, but later on hafta agree wif my doings. as he said, its for the sake of everyone's happiness...

*bunch of thanks to both of u..God bless!*

*3 HappY ThingS*

1. phew, at last aku bejaya siapkan essay for my CPP critical incident. i wrote about my conversation with a couple, the husband just being diagnosed with bone cancer and his wife griefed so much at the thot of life after 'his death'..well, as a muslim we always believe in fate and destiny, plus Allah knows the best for us, but will they accept such explanation??*doubt* it happened during my 3rd visit n dealing with emotion-filled situation is actually much easier said than done. You may understand or at least tried to listen to their worry, but giving good response and cues were quite difficult at times, especially when u were also struggling with your own experience....*sigh* heh, that was the summary of my analysis and after staying up till 430am last nite(well, did slept couple of hours before that:p) it was submitted to CMHSE before my PCL class...yeay, a few more essay to go!

2. Alhamdulillah, just check my result for the midsem n i am happy with it..lepas target aku n ade improvement dr last yer..heheh. actually aku dah bukak grades tuh smalam tp x pasan pulak ade yg baru...so ptg tadi baru cek betul2. well, there's more to come for this year n praying for the best aight!*wink2*

3. heh, last minute aku join tgk cite van helsing kat chaddy..alang2 xyah naik public transport kan??heheh hmm, aku tahu cite nih pun sbb my cousin email kate nak tgk kat mesia but i wasnt actually planning to watch it..tapi dah ade org ajak tuh aku kire on jelah..my say:hugh jackman!!!!!hahahha, ok aa jugak cite tuh eventho aku rasa hero n heroin sgtla 'panjang umur'!!!bla bla bla..aku x reti nak komen psl movies tapi aku rasa berbaloi aa tgk...pastu diorg ajak beli tiket siap2 utk troy nx week :p

p/s....tadi dpt email psl rumusan khutbah kat masjid beddoe...read n reflect about the truth of muslim now and hafta admit, byk yg kena btg idung aku jugak...

*Urban WeeK*

heh,for this week and nx week, meddies are split into 2 groups, half go to the rural placements and another half stay here(me!)..doing more clinical stuff, which also mean less class:p but tonite i need to struggle a lil bit for my assignment~CPP critical learning incident analysis..due esok by 5 pm..almost done tapi byk nak kena edit kot...isk2, actually dah kering idea nih!!

today i had only 2 practical, first aid which lasted for 3 hours(ZZzzzzZZZ!!) n later on venepuncture. this time we had tha chance to be the real blood picker-pickee aka amik darah colleagues..hohoho!! memula dgr demonstator explain on how to do it, masing2 cam belatuk la dok angguk, paham la tuh kononnye. then praktis kat dummy arms..well, its always easier seen than done. 1st trial kuar aa 'blood' tapi lps tuh x kuar2 dah..adoi!! then we paired up for the real thing..hehehe, lucky me coz aku dah penah buat injection kat sorang patient mase GP visit last year, but i do felt shaky...yolah ko nak buat kat tgn anak org wehhh!!:p dahla steps dia quite bykla jugak tp it was still ok..lagipun we did it under the supervision of the nurses so bile nak buat tuh mmg diorg akan ade kat sbelah...managed to draw some blood from my partner lagipun vein dia sgtla visible...but mine wasn't that obvious..pity her for having to do it on me..hmmm, dahla aku nih agak 'expressive' so time dia tgh cucuk tuh aku terseringai sakit...i felt guilty for that, coz dia pun dah mmg cuak2 pastu aku pulak pegi 'sengih sakit' which aku spatutnye x tunjuk sgt expression tuh kat depan dia..frankly mmg rasa stingy pun tapi aku suruh dia go on and turn my head away..mmg b4 nih for any injection i dare not to look at my own hand..

hah, dah abis buat kat partner aku tuh, tetiba rasa sonok plak, cam nak wat lagi skali:p tapikann....hmm, aku rasa guilty plak kat partner aku coz..aku x kasi dia kuar awal coz dia kata dia x nak buat,pastu bile dia buat aku ter'expressive' the pain...huhuhuhuhuh!!aiyo, rupenye dia mmg ade appointment tapi aku x tahu, if not i would have let her go n come back again. my intention of urging her to stay is so that she give it a try coz kalu x buat skang bile lagi kan????

i dun think she will read it but anyhow, just wanna let her know how sorry i am.....

*The Plain GUy*

heheh, i've been so into this movie since balik summer harituh. Actually it was the hero yg buat aku enjoy giler tgk cite nih...its a malay telemovie (kot!) yg ade dpt award for the msian books of record for "the most number of fofular artistes in the movie". Well, when my cousin 1st showed me this vcd, i wasn't really keen to watch it but out of boredom, i gave it a go..Alamakks, hero dia COOL gilerr...hahahhahah!! He kept me grinning all those time while watching the movie and i couldn't help liking him..opss, i mean his character:p lucky me, my cousin bermurah hati kasi vcd tuh bawak ke melb n yesterday for the ummpth times aku tgk lagi cite tuh wif my fren..hehe,it's really a nice treat for my roller-coaster mood.

Remarks from my fren : "he's just a plain guy but very nice..heheh, dia x mcm belakon pun kan?? Macam biasa jeh"

yurpp, totally agree with that!! coz he's not the damn-gorgeous-type-of-guy tapi ade something yg aku adore bout him. Yelah2, aku tahu ade yg rasa nak terbeliak mata dok baca mende2 nih tapi duliks aa!!hahahha, so to miss therapist, dah sampaikan salam lum??:p

*FirsT AFL ExperiencE*

yes2, finally aku berjaya pegi tengok footy kat stadium@telstra dome last night. Awesome and heaps of fun!! really enjoyed the night with my other frens yg dari dulu minat footy, unlike me yg x paham satu bende pun psl oz games nih.. yup, been wanting to experience this long time aku tapi xde org nak bwk pegi tgk bola mase kat mesia (or is it sumthing unusual to do back then?) so bile ade diorg nak pegi tgk, i just counted myself in eventho i've never watched any footy games before. Really, i went there with zero-knowledge bout it but thanks to kimi, ajla n bariah for putting up with my QA's session, heh!! I was cheering for St Kilda(for obvious reason that they are at the top of the list now) vs Brisbane Lions.. rupe2nye theme song for St Kilda sama ngan lagu cheer skola, ahahha!! Footy is very similar to rugby tapi lagi 'lepak', as in nak sepak ke, lari ke, gune tangan ke sume boleh. Score kalu masuk goal is 6 pts tapi kalu shoot masuk 'side-goal' dpt 1 pt.Pastu referee pun besh gak, coz they have to throw the ball in a certain way, i reckon to avoid any bias kot! Tuh yg nampak ref praktis jugak b4 game tuh stat. It was 30-mins for each quater n ktrg sempat tgk opening bile diorang 1st masuk, yes2!!

One thing that struck my mind is their age-ranges of spectators..wonder if in mesia akan ade makcik2 and budak2 yg x skolah lagi pegi tgk games kat stadium with their dad,even bringing thermos and some snacks..hehe, aku assume benda alah nih dah jadik cam family day-out and i think its a great thing!

THe match was really good eventho it was a bit lembab mula2 tuh..dua2 team kuat n after 3rd quarter St dah leading.. yeay, aku dah happy dah time tuh..tapi bile masuk last quarter Lions buck up to equal the score..n bile dah dekat habis Lions dah leading pulak..adoiii, time tuh rasa down gile n mcm x nak caya..tp bile masuk injury time, St Kilda shot another goal and won the game by a point.YYYEEAAYYY!!!happy gile time tuh sbb sume org cam dah lose hope aa..including pakcik yg kat depan seats ktrg with his 2 lil boys yg sungguh2 kasi 'instruction' kat player...best2!!! to sum up: GO there and EXPERIENCE it!!

*SavourinG the SmelL*

hah, here's the melb version of laksa klate(yumss!) :laksa yg beli from hongkong asian groceries +blenden onion,garlic,ginger+ikan+asam keping+santan(all those except laksa campak dlm satu periuk) n tadaaaaa, siap!!heh, as simple as that plus sambal, telur, bit of belacan plus segala sayur mayur yg sedap dimakan..owhh, i can eat more n more n even more if not thinking for my housemates!!thanks to ma for the tips and recipies*muahss*

nway diorang kate sedap eventho aku rasa kalu bwk diorang pegi mkn kat umah aku or at least kat kedai di klate nuhh jauh lagi better, tapi as of my 1st trial i'm burppp-ing enuff! well, next in the list shuld be nasi kerabu as requested by zila tapi even myself pun x penah tgk org buat nasi nih, duhh!! at least kalu laksa tuh aku slalu jeh jd tukang kacau kuah everytime ma masak, plus kecik2 dulu kena pegi mintak daun kesum utk wat laksa penang kat umah jiran..tapi bile aku slalu moncong sbb malu asik muke aku jeh yg kena g umah pak imam tuh, skang nih abah dah tanam daun tuh kat tepi umah, hehehhe! n teringat jugak time cuti summer arituh abah call umah time dia kat skola coz nak offer belikan aku laksa kat skola dia..dapatla makan dua2 laksa klate n penang dlm satu hari!!burppsss...

*Have You Ever Felt this Way? ..*

...you don't know whats wrong with u? Most of the time you are doing just fine, but out of blue moon u felt like a complete loser. Trivial things hit you very well and you end up pissing off yourself. Tried to hid the solemncy wearing a mask and faking-grin, somehow it wears off. Constant reminder of self-worthiness is critically in demand and seeking Allah's blessing is the only comforting thought.

...you tried to be nice to all ppl around you but the 'bitter' part often shows here and there. Guilty feeling is mounting yet the devil's urge is irresistible. You often trapped between always-do-good-to-other-people and your own self-ish! The only-but-impossible way is shutting yourself in a tiny cubicle out in a deserted island, or is 'quiet' mode applicable here??

..you are trying to be grateful for everything you owns, but deep inside you wish for more..n more. You know that its always the best for you granted by Allah, somehow you aren't satisfied enough (pathetic!). there are things that you wish has had happen to you tho you also doubt the consequences of it. Things that are beyond your control and helplessly feeling sorry for yourself.

..you finds the right words to say for someone else's problem without realising that you are stuck with the same problem. Manage to think wise and act coherently for others but not for the sake of urself. Acknowledge that grumpiness is the least enjoyed blog to read and tried to superficially glow some happiness...