*ShruG*

...this time,its all my fault. i regreted all the things i've said and feeling guilty? yes i am...hmm, both were having bad time and this selfish girl decided to make it worse*piap!piap* apology was accepted but i dunno whether the frenship will remain the same...*haaaa, this is my space and i'll say what i think,boooo!!*

...this good fren always put me at ease with his words...comfort me with his past stories and somehow manage to put up with my temperamental ,hohohoho!! his advice may be as simple as "solat byk2, doa byk2" but i know thats the best thing for my worries ;p with the finals coming, we'll be struggling hard with studies and life...in the near future, i should watch out my says, aite?? *yelah2 ;p*

p/s...gud luck for ur presentations etc

*...LearnT...*

---> sometimes u just hafta close ur eyes and do the things u've gotta do e.g HPKM project,hahahha...mmg dari dulu lagi aku bengang sebab kena buat project nih tp after all, it still worths 15 or 20 marks for the finals(see, itu pun aku x tahu:D)...not until yesterday we really sat down together and extract data from the questionnaires...well, it wasnt that bad as long as u go with the flow and meet the datelines...heh, still it didnt change my say ---> crap!!

---> city wasnt the place to be with ur training suits,hahahah... just wear the lusuh black t-shirt, blue trackie and slightly decent jumper for the registration and supposed-to-be netball practise. ingatkan after reg, terus pegi main tapi sebab janji melayu(with the malaysian chineses handling the registration booth ;p) hafta wait till 4. so in between tuh pegi melb centr@l to get some food *erk* then, since netball habis lambat decided to stay for dinner at the Arrow He!ght with the other interstate's..huwaaaa, betapa selambanya aku dengan t-shirt and trackie!!*lol*

---> stretching dulu before main2 ;p uhuk, bgn pagi td dgn sakit2 badan, just because i didnt warm up before playing. we started quite late yesterday so ingatkan xdela nak main teruk2...tapi still ached here and there now *padan muka sendri* b4 that, main basketball kejap, only to know that i couldnt play well now :((

---> ur face may tell ur past school,hahahha....smalam tgh q utk amik food, tetiba a girl approached me saying that i looked familiar n we might have met before*puzzled* my instinct said that she must be one of my fren's sister and guess what, true enough she's halid@ lil sis..lawak2!!that was after a few times she said that she 'know' me, so i chose to ask whether she's a sister to anyone..then i heard her mentioning SSP,tadaaa!! bile tanye camne dia pretty sure yg dia penah jumpe aku, dia kata muka aku identical to the SSP clans...hahaha! boleh pulak mcm tuh??? she'll be playing badminton n bile aku ckp aku main netball, another school-related remark was mentioned ;p

---> jokes were jokes*shrug* and avoid replying back if u know that u'r not at ur best... tired, sleepy, pressure etc..because u'll end up feeling sorry :( hhmm, reminded myself to be careful next time...promise!

---> sorry worth everything...n maybe a medium pizza to make up for that*grin*

*InvisiblE*

*Two ReD TulipS MakE My DaY*

...lying down in my bed around 9pm, thinking of whether to sleep or not when sy@f entered the room and passed the tulips..yerp, one from her and another from elly*Surge of euphoria* at last after one of the worst days in here, i've got the bed-time treat..without realising, i doozed off and woke up 9 hours after that feeling much better...there goes my lately-on-and-off-sleep ;p

...i knew this kinda feeling always come together with the holidays*shrug* losing the grip, true enough! dont know whats wrong with myself??dont how to help myself either??hmmmm, i should pity the working brain and never let any annoying thought came in my way again...couldnt afford it at this moment...

...spring is all around,lalalalalalalalalala...

*AwaY*

...sume benda rasa x kena..ade yang x terbuat...ade yg x tercakap...x tahu ape rasa dia...gile ahhh!!

*Where'S My SleeP?*

...yup, i know this isnt sumthing usual for me. Couldnt sleep well for the past few days, n always woke up every hour or so throughout the nite..even if i hit the bed after midnite, still my eyes were wide open by 5.30am...n my effort to sleep again was of avail.

... tired n dizzy during the day but often the classes ended in the evening. Last nite, only fell asleep after talking to kak for a few minutes (hmm, wasted my credit but this lazy bum refused to go downstairs to get the phone ;p). Guess theres so much things happening around, that made me ponder... all the time. just pray that everything will be fine for everyone.

*HurmmM*

...duhh, worried sick about my closest frens. Bitter things happened, all i could do was sit there and listen..not really sure wat to do or say,coz they are the ones who go thru the pain..with me only watching from the side. Convince them that evrything happens for a reason?Tell them that they deserve someone much better than those selfish brats??*darn*

...Heh, the living culprits that only think of their own games, didnt know how to play safe and ignore the damage caused by them...in the end, do they really think they'll actually win the trophy?? what a foul*raised eyebrow*

..this is easier said than done, but i'm happy to say :what goes around comes around *

* AlerT or AlarM???*

...*hiding my face* ok oww, apsal bile tgk pics mase merdeka day n dinner IMS , trase cam tgk klon tembikai jeh??hehehe, lps nih xde dah alasan nak kasi kalu dikata chubby pun (ehem..;p)..nak kata makan byk, yg sampai gastrik2 tuh ape dia?? nak kata x exercise, almost everyday aku pegi sukat jalan petang2 (excusela 2 3 hari nih sbb tgh sakit)??nak kata camera trick, boleh jadik kann??hahahaha...

adoiiii,nih yg trase x nak balik mesia sbb x sanggup kena 'hint' ngan abang n cousin2. dahla telinga aku nih bukannye tebal mana ;p tapi yg lagi x best sbb aku rasa sakit2 nih lagi aku mkn byk, sebab konon2 nak energy ( n lapar jugak pun ;p)..x macam org lain..x lalu nak makan kalu sakit :p tapi knowing me, mmg xleh skip makan pun, sbb once dah kena gastrik mmg teruk...sampai demam2 and sakit kepala,ngehehe!!

okeh, lps nih aku nak impose rule:sesape nak snap gambo aku, sila berdiri sejarak 3 meter or more,lagi jauh lagi baik,muahahah!!

*NoT ComplaininG BuT...*

...this feverish & sore throat isn't doing any good to myself. I really can't afford to have it at the moment: 2 hours of netball tomorrow (hope enough ppl that turn up ;p), bbq for the girls on sunday (dun think i will make it tho coz its at noon*frown*), 3 assignment due for next week and more to come! plus i'm so way behind the revision for the final exam *suffocate*..p

...been thinking about my below-than-average-body-defense.i've had this problem since in the mara college , lied down sick almost every month..used to ignore the temperature and pretend that i'm fit for the day, just to end up with the fever more than 2 weeks. n everytime i went to see the doctors, nothing much they can do either (that explains y i dun wanna see them for this :D)

...this time, i walked in the rain a few times (yerp, melbourne's weather!), ignored the growling stomach, enjoyed late shower (8 pm??) and pushed myself over the limit ...yeah, when it comes to the self-care, i'm a bad girl!

...alrite2, promise to get myself a new umbrella...never let the gastric hit in...reach the bathroom before dawn and tuck myself in before 11 pm(err, can i make it 12?!) then i'll sound like a boarding-school girl..aiyo!

...anyway,what's this whingeing for??

* A NotE to A FreN*

dear, sorry to hear about ur abah..bet this is one of the hardest time in ur life. The ordeal n emotional torture came all of sudden... yes, i've never been in that kinda situation so i'm not justified to say that i understand the agony u r going thru....there are so many 'if only's and maybe's', making it harder for u and loved ones..
as much as i wish i can be there and hold u in my arms, i need u to know that i'm always here for u.. nothing much i can do (yes, i sucks in comforting others!), but i will listen...and keep on listening to u. Knowing u, i'm sure this will make u stronger in life..n ppl are out there to help u..in anything :=)
pray hard...for Allah knows the best and He surely listens to us. Don't lose any hope, will u? whatever it is, let him know that u love him so much..and so do others...may Allah bless u and ur family...

-lotsa lov from melbourne-

*RewinD*

....heheh, went to the welcoming dinner two days ago, this time it was the 4th batch of IMS 2004..so none of them yg aku kenal mase kat kmb(eh, ade sorang dua junior ssp..tp kenal sorang jeh;p)..didnt really enjoy myself throughout the nite, maybe the excitement wasn't there anymore, hehehe..n around 10 pm, sheila vance tegur aku " u looks like u gonna fall asleep yatt"..aiyo, xkan obvious sgt kemengantukan aku?? ntah2 sebab tuh aku rasa xde mood jeh nak join the conversation..takat dengar n gelak jeh..pastu sape yg ajak amik gambar, aku join jeh sbb my camera dah rosak, huhuhuhu!!

...yesterday, 1st time aku pegi exam debrief without checking my result in the webct..hahahah, saje malas nak check ( ke aku cuak??)..tp rite after that aku cepat2 carik net...alhamdulillah.. but have to work harder, final exam is just 2 months away and unhappily bring back Guyton's from rural unopened...yerp, hope all those crappy assigment will be of use for the marks..*pray hard*

*2 YearS AgO*

...i was at the KLIA, with my beloved ones, waiting anxiously to board the plane to melbourne. It was only 8 days after Ayah Lah left us for real, the lost was still there and i worried for my parents..

...funny story in the flight..i dunno y but i fell asleep while having my dinner..the moment i opened my eyes, the half-eaten food had gone, and the two boys beside me laughed when i told them about my run-away-dinner ..isk2!

...well, another 3 more years to go!

*JusT AnotheR DaY*

...hari nih terjaga b4 kul 6, pejam mata balik pun still x tertido, maybe i had enough of it mase rural (yeah, tuck myself by 10pm;p) ..did my laundry after breakfast..then started on the self-directed learning pack of GH while waiting to go for brisk walk..isk2, hujan pulak tgh2 jln tuh..then balik umah kejap b4 pegi sports rec..our 1st netball practise utk MASC@ G@MES this spring break..as expected, not enough ppl for 2 teams, so just main 4 on 4( heheh, ingat basketball jeh ke leh main half court;p)

...balik rumah, melepek depan pc sambil go thru SDL pack..heheh, bile chat ngan cousin kat rumah, terexcited plak bile dia cite psl rumah tgh renovate(again?) n abg ng@h yg balik klate just to check on it...wah wah, ini for sure bukan sbb nak sambut aku balik raya nih(jeng jeng jeng!)...n padan muka aku jugak sbb jual mahal time dia dtg rumah cuti arituh, arghh x aci!

...nap about half an hour, then ade usrah..hmm, as usual enganged ourselves in the discussion..then we cooked instant nasi briyani(courtesy of pakcik berahim..tq!) with sambal ayam and sayur campur...stuffed myself...continue with the SDL pack n HPKM project...well, past my bedtime now(yerp, still in the rural-time zone). oh yeah, cant wait for the welcoming dinner tomorrow..pakai baju kurung jelah kan, senang nanti nak mkn byk2 ;p

*21 vs 12*

heheh....days that she feel so happy, n couldnt care less about the world.. her concern towards others, try to listen with all her heart and give out the sincerest advice..just like any big sister would do, protect the kiddos and take pride in herself...showing the positive outlook...together with the greatest things in mind. Who is that girl? the sweet 21...

the rest of day? the hormonal 12-year-old throwing tantrum..ignoring the others' feeling without the slightest guilt...this lil one obviously cant think straight and always lost in her world...in need of good mates to join her playing teddies and a big bro to hold her safely and assure her that she has got everything to offer...

will she change after turning 22 end of this yer??? :p

*Back In TowN*

the end of rural week...another week in Bendigo was better( ye ke?;p) ....already on the road early monday morning, together with the 3 others..session with ppl with disabilities was really engaging. Irony to see someone appeared to be normal physically, but actually suffered from rare congenital neurological degeneration..stopped him from pursuing his degree. Later went to pharmacy visit, another crappy visit coz didnt get much from it..heheh.

2nd day of hospital visit( hmm, dont wanna sound negative but yes, it also failed...didnt get good response from the ppl there, and couldnt help looking at the watch most of the time..doing or actually observing most of the nursing-home chores,duhh!the only new thing that i learnt was that barley sugar helps to avoid feeling faint in the surgery ;=p) 3rd day of rural ambulance and case presentation..wahhh, the group was obviously so annoyed with our co-ordinator's attitude...they started to mock and laugh at her..well, what can i say as i do felt the same way, had to strain myself from giggling (poorly!)...nite, we held 'makan2' for the group..cooking for 20 ppl wasn't really my expertise, but did 'sambal ikan bilis' and 'sayur campur' Sy@f wif her kari ayam, sy!ma with her popia and juli@ with her skill b4 going to hosp...well, had heaps of fun, didnt know that these mat2 and minah2 salleh could eat nasi that much, hehehhe...

4th day of farm visit..pheww, so glad that no doggie came across my way...or else would make another run-away-from-that-animal :p...oh yes, aku penah kena kejar anjing kat sini...trase cam xde nyawa jeh time lari kat park tuh...sib baikla x kena gigit n ade org nak tolong halau anjing tuh..if not, mmg aku dah slamat panjat pokok(erk, sejak bile aku reti eh?;p) b4 that aku dah penah buat aksi lari from org mabuk..adeke gile pegi phewitt kat ktrg tgh2 jln mlm2 ..time tuh on the way nak balik umah from moriah st...aku punye cuak terusla pusing balik n pecut ke moriah..dah x ingat member kat sbelah yg terpisat2 tgk aku lari tinggalkan dia, ya ampun yer cik...kuang kuang kuang! senang cite reflex kaki aku sgt superb..tp this time kat rural aku dah x wat prangai tuh lg..:p

last day..pegi nursing home..met mrs davies to say gudbye and gave her some origami flowers..tersedih la jugak bile hugged dia...called abah to wish his birthday..isk2, sgt2 trase nak balik rumah nih, esp bile dgr suara ma kat tepi( jeles sbb aku xleh jln2 skali ngan diorg..hahahha) b4 balik, singgah market place..bought a capricorn t-shirt for myself..balik tuh enjoyed malay oldies dlm keta...reached home around 6pm

hmm, thumbs-up for the accomodation, most of the group and my companions here, but not so happy with the end-result and also the admin...well, it was up to a point that i started to question about me doing medic,bla bla bla...losing the grip???aiyo, never thought that the experience here could be this far *frown* well, maybe its just another symptom....

*Hoob@stanK - The Re@soN*

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I doAnd the reason is you

p/s...kuang kuang kuang

*Changes In Me*

...tired easily..hmm, dunno y but i couldn't stand long hours anymore..it drained my energy much quicker and it would ended up lying on the bed (or at least wished to)... nap at any time was unavoidable sumtimes...and of course it reflected my mood at that time..sorry!

...craves for food..ok oww, i guess that explained the extra-chubbiness!! hmm, i should blame 'rural' for this..it did me a nightmare last year(almost jumping off the scale) and i prayed hard that i wouldnt happen this time ;p you would understand it only if u hafta wait more than a year to shed it off (and still trying, hohohoh!)

...lower treshold for my sensitivity *shrug* i owe this apology to someone..i know its no good but couldn't help it..waiting for the time when u would really lose patience in me and put me off..i know u hate me saying this but sumtimes i do felt that my 'merepek' is justified.. just that i dunno how to make u understand..

*Long Weekend*

yeay, we changed our plan last minute..only me and sy!ma headed back to melbourne and reached home safely..later that nite, called home and as usual, ma and abah would make me laugh out listening to their story(heh, z1la teased me saying that i changed my 'volume' when talking to my parents..cehh!)..everything was fine back home and ma teasingly saying that lucky i'm in oz, not somewhere further away (yeah, thats when i raised the issue of going back ;p)... slept early..
saturday was the reason why i wanna be in melb..netball frenly match-cum-try out for the Victori@-MASCA team..hehehhe, played as the shooter and need to paired up with someone else ( not with the usual z@rin)...the games were fun and i thought that i may not be fit anymore for GA position..nvm, anything will do ;p later that day, confirmed to be in the team to play for MASCA Games during spring break...together with a few others from Monash..well, much happier as z!la is also in the list..couldnt help laughing looking at her face when i told her about that..dun worry, we'll be fine..kekekekke!! also, remembered to ring far!na to congrats her for the grad's day..u go girl!! i heard wat u said and it tickled me ;p ...nite, went to bed much earlier after sms-ed my sis to say that i'll call her nx day..sorry yer!
sunday, woke up early to bake kek pisang for usrah..hahhah, we did a BIG mistake but lucky it didn't spoil the cake..:p went to the city for usrah and had big feast with kari ikan, kek batik, kek pisang and pinky agar2 that i requested from cik tun :p (burpss!) funny how we tried our best to fit in 4 ppl in the back seat to go to the msian hall for merdeka celebration...obviously we would be in trouble if caught up in the middle of the road..i was supposed to participate in the kuiz kemerdekaan but since we arrived late, the juniors had their go..no worries, i still enjoyed the 'revision' in the car and watched the team won the quiz...hehehhe then only we went to hunt for food, and i had rojak taufu and half or roti john...huhuhu, wished that i bought also laksa penang ;p well,its a bog day for z!la as she won dvd player for lucky draw..yak yak yeay..jomla karaoke!
reached home and feast on my oranges..need to confirm about our trip back to bendigo tomorrow morning..huh!

*...Bored and Tired...*

thats the only things that i could say about my 1st week of rural in Bend!go..yeah, 1st day was the worst ever...4 of us had to split up and shared the accomodation with the other boys(pathetic, isn't it?) well, lucky me as i could squeeze in another girl in my room and kept me accompanied...or else i would be sleeping alone with 2 chinese guys in the next room.. I bet it's no one's fault and we managed to sort it out the next day...now we have the unit for ourselves (its for cooking and telly!) another worst thing was the group assignment.. i dunno why but my group ended up with 3 members, instead of 4 ... to cut short, thats the 1st time i felt ' discriminated' and it bothered me so much..my 1st day was spoiled:=(
and the rest of the week wasn't really good either..surely it wasnt the same as my last year's experience in Corow@, and i bet it failed to meet my expectation either..2nd day of 9am-7pm of Aboriginal study ( lucky we had pizza for dinner), 3rd day of CAM talks and nursing home, 4th day of 1 1/2 hour journey to Broots for my GP visit ( heh, u cant help yawning when u woke up at 5 am rite? also when nothing actually triggered ur brain, listening to endless consultation??) and finally 5th day of another nursing home and aboriginal talk..
i dont mean to whinge but seems like all of us reached some sort of general consensus about our tutors..i felt that we weren't being treated like young adult, and they should be more sensible and practical in handling this project. How Would you expect 2 young kids (alrite, we were still kids:p) to travel at 5 am to the place was so unfamiliar and only had streches of farm on both sides of the road? thanks to the brainy guy who knew how to deal with it...syhhh!!LOL) enough of that i guess...as much as i dont learnt anything (or say just a lil bit :p), i knew i had to go back there early tomorrow morning for the 2nd week of rural..(*wish i could just pretend to be sick:p) after all, maybe i'm gonna need this experience if i was to be posted to somewhere in the Borneo..:p