Till next time

is that it?
ok, try again..

i dont find pleasure in writing here anymore. i've kept too much to myself, there's nothing to tell here. sorry yeah, i find it really really hard to leave a print here now. i've too much pride in me to admit and i believe my sorrow isnt to be bared here.

thats why i rarely updates nowadays. i believe if i am to share, i'd like it to be my happiness. when i am contently smiling from the lingering joy..it can be as small as get-together with the girlfriends or sms from family... sadly though, the positive vibes are not as much. to admit that i'm afraid to be high is not an overstatement. for so many times, i fell down harder. i dont want to go thru the same thing again. i'd rather be little-lower-than neutral so that if i fall, it doesnt cause much pain.

in one of the classes, tutor taught
'the reason why someone stays in bad thing because of its predictability. for example, a wife would rather stay with her abusive husband because she can predicts what's gonna happen every night. she'll get hurt but she already knows that, so she doesnt have to worry about what's gonna happen.
the reason why someone leave good things because its too anxiety provoking. the person doesnt know when it will lasts, so he/she will end up leaving the job/person because he/she would rather lose it now than having to bear the uncertainties and waiting for it to end.'

an eye-opener for me. it makes sense. for someone like me, i find it easier to do the latter. when i was a kid, whenever i wanted something i would make sure i got it there and then. i told u i didnt have much patience. as i grew up, i learnt that if i cant have it through my wish, i could work my way out. sometimes it worked by good grades so that i could earned my rewards.

later, i learnt that the evil is hope. when there's no hope, i wouldnt anticipate as much. or in fact stop anticipating. so i learnt to give up hope. no grudges whatsoever, my sole intention was to eliminate hope. instead of me waiting, i chose to leave it there. i did that again with my parents last night.

on a lighter note, i am aiming to lose 5kg for my 3012. ok, lets add that to the wishlist.

erm, it feels good to write again.