I have a taste of life lately.
If only i could write everything down here, it would be easy peasy. ppl will understand why the happy-go-lucky vibes are no longer here and everything sounds hollow. as dark as the background. but i can't, and i won't. there'll always be something i need to hold back and advised myself againts telling.
in the past, i ignored my feelings, i went againts my intuition because i didnt wanna do bad in the eyes of society. and you know what, too much of repression makes me suffer. it put me in a lot of agony and at the end of the day, my world becomes grey. colourless. i thought that was the worst trial i need to face, so i persevered. with bruises.
so, what makes me tipped over this time?
go on reading..
betrayal used to be something i used to heard or seen, but now its part of my histories. once is unbearable and twice is killling. what makes someone backstab? even worse, what makes someone backstab the person who has been giving their back all this while through the rough journey? as a human, i am disgusted. as an affected soul, i am in deep sorrow. there goes my sense of security. i will forever be living in paranoid and pain. oh GOD, ppl cant blame everything on takdir, can they? should you asked me why not let it go? no, i choose not to because these ppl has been and will always be in my life's picture. that cuts right deep.
i walk in hopelessness. it was so gloomy and i dont want ppl to see me that way. that explains the missing of this space and urs truly. i dont wanna drag other ppl into my misery. i dont wanna let ppl see how vulnerable i am. i makes me feel even weaker.to add icing to the cake, i was presented with minute dispute. resolved, with take home message-its nice to be easy and nonchalant, just be prepared for ppl who might use it for their advantages.
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With the above life events, to hear that my uncle had a heart attack didnt move me abit. everything's already numb.
'Haah,dah kalih..dah tak rasa ape. banyak sangat benda sedih jadik, dah tak terkejut.hmm.'
iman yg diuji.
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