Thirty-th December

Another year.

Happy Birthday.

What's the 3 wishes prayers for this year (which would only take place in next year)?
1. Perform Umrah.
2. Graduate.
3.Meet a person that i will will truly treasure me, likewise.

While i still wanna write

1. i could never forget syu's antique at wedding fara, whereby she called my name and then buat aksi kuak lentang kecil-kecilan(i mean, dia kuak tgn dia sket2 jeh bukan yg full-on mcm org tgh betul2 berenang). depan2 meja beradap tuh jugak dia beraksi, eheh;) tahuuu, dia tak sabar nak bermandian di sungai bergembira bersama-sama.

wahai dugong sekalian, bukan tak jadi tp agak kesuntukan masa. i'd say december wasnt the best time cos most of us(not me;p) are tied up with works. mid jan, i'll be starting my rotation in HUSM already and will only be going to KL for wedding over the weekend. I'm thinking of organising it while i'm in JB kot, senang nak turun KL banyak kali. itu pun, aduhai kena bargain time with my beloved brother n sis-in-law. almaklumla, dapat yg caring-lagi-protective-pastu-suka-nak-adik-dia-spend-time-together. ini pun reputation dah corot sbb last time punye performance, eheh. tp jgn risau, insya Allah ada rezki kita ber-dugong yeh??

2.I dont seem to put on weight in msia, despite the amount of food i ate and how undisciplined i am. A space for an inch or two around the waistline when i put on my baju kurung last night and a size-smaller pants i bought the other day. i ate bigger portion and took up late dinner, if that's what u wanna ask next.

For what it's worth.

So what do we call for unspoken truth? the fact thats it's not a lie because one doesnt deny or tell the opposite, but at the same time it hasnt been let known.

Is it cowardful for not admitting, or playing safe as to avoid pain?

It is hoped that time will fade the truth away, kill what's inside and leave it to die. it is hoped that by then, the significance becomes non-existent. it is hoped that there will be no regret after doing what's the best for it, apart from telling the truth that is.

the end.

Words game

I take words at face value. whatever said to me, i believe. no matter how dodgy or delusional it sounds, i believe.

this, gets back to me. on a lighter note, i often had trouble with during psychiatric rotation cos i believe what the patient told me. once i talked to a gentleman who had systematised paranoid delusion but not once i doubted his story, until i read the files and be told by the doctor 'never believe what your patient said'. i bet, she referred to this unit only:)

ppl can easily bluffed me. on recent incident, my brother caught me misplacing the tickets simply by saying that the dates were wrong and i need to check them again. i searched high and low to no avail . little did i suspect that he was just playing a trick on me and i have actually misplaced the tickets and he found them elsewhere.

because i believed what ppl said, i always get into trouble. once i sulked with my mum because she forgot her words. eventhough i know that's possible to forget or maybe do it some other time, still i could not get over it and end up sending her sms to tell why i was like jeruk masam. it's not that i really want the promised gift, but because the words said to me, i hold to it. it's nothing i am proud of, it's the other way round.

i gave people trouble because of that too. i got pissed off when ppl didnt keep their words, oblivious to the potential of sweet-talk or simply say-to-make-it-sounds-nicer. i would go to an extent of saying what's in my head, little did i realised that some ppl are actually good at giving words away meaninglessly. i know one person who admitted to that. realising how much damage i've caused for being blunt, i learnt to keep in inside. feeling any bettter? you tell me.

now that i learnt not to believe, i still remember.

to be continued.

I don't need, i dont want

it started when i was young, a little kid. i used to get things my way. i spoiled myself by making sure that i got everything i wanted. being the youngest for a long time, i was pampered by the whole family as well. up until now, my brothers would story how spoilt i was back then and people need to attend to my wish or i wont settle. i cried, i sulked, i threw tantrum, i did everything to have my wish. there's nothing that could stop me from having them. i was still a good child, only a little hard on letting go my want's.

as grow older, i learnt to compromise a bit. as i would still wanna have it no matter what, i earned it by good grades. it didnt make me feel bad cos i believed i deserved them. when i started to have my own money, i fulfilled my wish by myself. i hardly asked but i will make sure i had them eventually. no matter what, i worked my way out to get them.

now, it gets back to me when my need's want's are no longer of money-can-buy. i could not save money for that, i could not throw tantrum or sulk for that. i could only cry. but still, it wont be mine. NO, actually i dont want it to be mine. i want to let go. but i dont know how. i could not for all this while, i did not know how to let go.

to be continued

' I hope the counting will stop soon'

That's so sweet of you, my friend.

well, not to say i'm used to it but i have learnt to live with it. even if not in i-know-the-blessing-in-disguise way, i am managing and i am ok with how i'm doing.

i never ask for this. N-E-V-E-R. GOD knows how much i did to make it not happen. sometimes i wonder, is this some kind of karma or punishment from up above? cos i always talked big about how it is possible and how much i hate ppl with that trait. SUCKS.

i faced it the hard way. the way some ppl said i shouldnt. nevermind the harsh truth, at least i know now what's meant-to-say and what's sweet-talk for future references...

to be continued.

Tulis yang happy jeh

hard to believe that the stay was a good one. managed to get everything done.

i watched C!nta, Happy Feet and De Javu. all were good movies.

i spent time with my family, hung out at shopping mall or simply lazed around at home. the two brothers are so entertaining.

i ate A LOT- chicken max, hot & spicy, cendol pulut, tomyam, hot plate, nyonya peranakan meals, nasi lemak, laksa johor, pizza hut(will never come again to this, yucks tak sedap!), home-made lasagna, masak lemak cili, sup ikan, chocolate cake and a few other, many thanks to my sis-in-law.she did a great job to improve my appetite. its a record to have both nasi lemak and laksa johor for a breakfast, and to finish up everything on the plate for the rest of the occasions. extra kilo's? of course, i must have gained...

i attended weddings-dalisha's and fara's. my sis-in-law kidded me about how i always go all the way for my friends and she would wanna sepit diorg if they dont do the same to my wedding. heheh, i simply replied that i dont care and dont really expect them to do the same since i did all these for myself, my satisfaction. i'm glad i made it to both. isk, menyesal tak makan masa kenduri fara. tgk gambar nampak macam sedapppp jeh.adui, menyesal menyesal.


i was treated with japanese food buffet, claimed to be advanced-birthday-present. courtesy of my bro and sis-in-law. I almost missed this for fara's wedding but managed.


i shopped for shoes, pants and a few other necessary stuffs. wish could do a few more with tops and bags. hmm, next time maybe.


i had girls' time with far!na and l!yana on 2 different occasions. it's been a great hang-outs, thanks for making out time for me. l!yana took a day off and far!na suprised me with tupa!-tupa! eat-out. hey kiss-proof girl, i seriously wonder whether u do have telepathy or not cos it really looked like so.


what else?

seemed like i went out almost everyday, by the end of it i had brotherly reminder for not being at home as much *half-guilty grin* well, i can assured you that now we're settling down in Shah A1am, there'll be no more less of this. huhuhu, i am so gonna miss the ok-lah-not-bad LRT that brought me to all these places.

before i stop, here's the ticked-off wishlist.

putih violet

pink-guin

H0me and Away

Back for a day. spent more than a week in Kedah, in my sister's comfort. going to KL for another week.

i have a lot to write, but need to sort my thoughts out. while i'm away.

Hello...

from home. hmm, must say it felt a bit surreal. 9 months of waiting and here i am. quoting F, 'the air is much sweeter at home'

one thing for sure, i'm missing my parents. its not easy to adapt to the absence. i felt for Harry P0rter who unlike me, hasnt see his folks since baby. must be really hard for him.

i was torn between the expectation to be the guardian angel in the house and my wish to go away for distraction.

heh, so i thought i've grown out of welled-up-eyes.

last day

first thing first. The result came out 2 days ago. Alhamdulillah, i did fine. thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. i guess, i'm officially on holiday (yeah right? so what's road trip, bridal shower, grad and shopping spree all about??? teeeheee). anyhow, i'm glad the exams' over and i think i've achieved my little target for the past 4 years.

next. how's life? i've moved into the other room. smaller but enough for everything, cant wait to have all the little-rabbit-princess-spongebob-penguin-grovy chick-and-all on the red table. teheeeee=D and yes, i DID the packing myself ( ok ok, with a little assistance from the housemates.. giving ideas of where to put things n stuff) after having everything stacked on the bag for a few days. urgh, it's not that i dont know how but if i wanna do it, i would like to do it ONLY once and neat. i hate to re-open the bag for some forgotten or newly bought things. so i must say this is the most at-ease going home trip, where i've got everything ready days before departure. hmm, maybe i'm just not the last-mins type of person. i've also changed my ticket to make it 2 days earlier. and yes, it's tonight!! hahahaha. i'm giving myself credit for not being fooled by the agent who was being some kinda i-cant-help-you-because-it's-your-fault. heh, i'm persistent if i want to.

finally. to reflect how's Melb 2006' been to me? hmmm, bits of everything. there's SO MUCH lesson i learnt, both medicine and life-wise. HAH, i dont need that smirks ok!! *hiding my smirk* very well, i used to feel that it is a year full of emotions and jerky journey. i grow up at the expense of tears and sweats. to look back, it's not that bad. i'm just changing my skin. everyone does that, at one stage of their life or another. it's all for a good cause.

don't miss me, Melb. i will come back. leaner, if not slimmer. teheeeee!!

You can find happiness in the darkness of time. Only if you remember to turn on the light
~Dumbled0re~

They said it will be my turn next year

To sit here, in this hall of graduation as one of the guests gave me this emotion. for a brief moment, i was carried away by the wishful thoughts. they are called the first batch, the pioneer of the new M0nash MBBS. Whatever they're called, i'm proud to say that i was there watching their momentous scroll-receiving. this was my first experience to be part of this ceremony, many thanks to those who offered tickets and eventually handed me one. i love the atmosphere, i love the smiles and i love the love showed by and to the loved ones.

at most, there's only one of the many who reads this. can you please let the rest of you know how proud i am of ur achievement and how much i will miss u ppl?? let's not feel sad for parting, but grateful for the meeting. yes, it should be that way.

i pray that my turn will come next year. to graduate.